Categories > Cartoons > Futurama
Funky Mascot
0 reviewsThe Harlem Globetrotters are challenging Earth to another grudge match.
0Unrated
Futurama Presents
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Funky Mascot
At the Staples Center in Los Angeles there was a Basketball game playing. The New New York Knicks vs The Boston Celtics. There in the audience sat Bender, Hermes, and Zoidberg. Bender sat back and was sipping a beer. "Isn't this cool how I was able to hock these free tickets to this Basketball Game? And this free beer!" asked Bender. "Why did you drag us along when we could be doing some work back at Planet Express?" asked Hermes. "Oh, c'mon stick around! You haven't even seen the Halftime show yet!" said Bender. "I don't even know what team I am rooting for." said Zoidberg. The Boston Celtics score a basket fans for the team cheered which had Bender infurated. "KILL THE BUM! KILL THE BUM! THROW HIM OUT ON HIS SORRY WORTHLESS ASS!" shouted Bender at the Basketball Players. "Must you always yell at the other team everytime they score?" asked Hermes. "Hey, I'm hoping to start a fight with a fan of the rival team for fun! Guess you can say I'm going to start a Basket Brawl! HA HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" laughed Bender. "You have bar fight mentality, mon!" said Hermes then he went on. "Remind me to never go to another sports game with you again."
Sal was sitting in the upper row and shouts, "GO TEAMSES! GO TEAMSES! GO GO TEAMSES!" Bender glared at Sal, "Do you even know what team you're cheering for?" "I followed you guyses here, and nooooo....." said Sal as he hung his head. "He's just as confused as I am." said Zoidberg. The Halftime Show was about to start and the cheerleaders take their positions. Much to their shock, they see Fry's ex-girlfriend Michelle as a cheerleader. "Sweet Voodoo of Peru! Isn't that Fry's ex-girlfriend!" exclaimed Hermes. "Why so it is! Dating Pauly Shore sure has done her a lot of good!" said Bender. Michelle leads the cheerleaders into a dance and the audience just sits and stares with no reaction. "Go New New York Knicks! Get it on for kicks! Beat those Celtics on their.... " sang Michelle. The audience still had no reaction. "What the hell is wrong with you people! Where is your team spirit!?" demanded Michelle. Kiff comes down from the audience. "You're not doing it right. I will show you how it's done." said Kiff.
Kiff then took Michelle pom poms and did a cheer of his own, "POM! POM! POW! POM! POM! WOW! POM! POM! IN THE BASKET! GO NEW NEW YORK KNICKS GO!" The audience burst into cheers. MIchelle was astonded. "Guess some people have it and some don't." laughed Kiff. Zapp Branigan came and dragged Kiff of the stadium. "How dare you embarrass me like that! Don't ever do anything that can tarnish the DOOP reputation!" yelled Zapp to Kiff. "Can you blame a guy for having a little fun!" said Kiff as he moaned. "DAMMIT he ruined my routine!" said Michelle. Out of nowhere lasers began to shoot the ceiling of the Staples Center. The cheerleaders, Michelle, and the Boston Celtics and the New New York Knicks all ran away. A spaceship came down and it was the Harlem Globetrotters with Ethan Bubblegum Tate in the lead.
"We came back to Earth for another grudge match! So I suggest somebody from the audience makes a team worthy of our challange!" said Ethan Bubblegum Tate to the frightened crowd. "We'll do it! We'll beat your ass this time with a team you'll never forget you Funky Son of a Bitch!" shouted Bender. "The challenge has been accepted, you Bender got about a week to put together a team and train them so we can beat their funny bones! Friday! At 10pm! At the Earthican Airlines Center in Dallas Texas! BE there! Oh, and don't forget to have a mascot, too!" The Harlem Globetrotters go back in their spaceship and head to New New York. "Why did you do that for, mon!" said Hermes. "I want to beat those Globetrotters and I am always up for a competition! And if you recall, the Harlem Globetrotters wouldn't let me be on their team, so I want to show them what they're missing! " said Bender. "Will we have to make up a team?" asked Zoidberg. "Look like we'll have to, but I know some misfit Limboers from my old Olympic Limboing Team." said Hermes. "I know some bad ass robots from the east side!" said Bender. "Good lets go back to New New York and get our team together!" said Hermes.
"Ethan said we'll need a mascot!" said Zoidberg. "I know we'll use that one rabbit for a mascot! That one we saw that hops by Planet Express every spring." said Hermes. "All right! We're gonna bone those bastard Globetrotters into next Tuesday!" vowed Bender. "Hope they won't bone us first". said Zoidberg.
*
Back in New New York, Hermes was mad at Bender. "See what you got us into Bender! Ever since you challanged those Globetrotters now we have to make a team!" said Hermes. "Don't incriminate me for this! It was the Globetrotters fault!" Bender said in his defense. Bender and Hermes were now getting their basketball team together. Hermes got four members from the Olympic Limboing Team he used to know. Alphonse, Algernon, Brawley and Braxton were their names. They were all tall, had dreadlocks and afros and they were dressed in basketball uniforms. As good as they were with Limboing, they didn't have a clue about basketball. "Okay mon, do any of you know the basic fundamentals about basketball?" asked Hermes. "Do you run?" asked Alphonse. "How exactly do you put the ball in the basket?" asked Alergnon. "I think you're supposed to walk up to the basket." asked Brawley. "Think that's about right, mon. That's is how you do it? Isn't it?" asked Braxton. "We have a game in a week you all need extensive training! (groans in disgust) This is going to be harder and more impossible than I thought!" said Hermes. Bender broke down the door and showed Hermes who he had for their team. Roberto and The Robot Mafia. "Team is going to need a name! We'll name our team the 176ers!" said Bender.
Their 176ers team was getting to know each other. "I am going to make those Globetrotter shitheads regret ever rejecting me from their team!" said Bender. "Sacred Slinkies of Helsinki! They're going to be on the team?" asked Hermes when he saw the Robot Mafia and Roberto. "We're here to whip them into shape and set them straight!" said Bender. "With a team like this, we don't stand a chance against Ethan Bubblegum and cronies!" worried Hermes. "I'm good at putting bodies in a basket." said Donbot. "Can we whack the other team if we win?" asked Joey Mousepad. "Gonna stab that ball!" screamed Roberto. "I take the ball before you man! With my CLAMPS!" shouted Clamps. "Been preparing for this moment! Just watched some basketball coach movies. So far, I saw Hoosiers and The Basketball Diaries!" announced Bender. Hermes said, "Think that other one had some controversy." "Enough of the blibberty babble! (blows whistle) LETS PLAY ALREADY!" cheered Bender.
Zoidberg walks in and Michelle was with him. "Michelle has something she wants to say to you!" said Zoidberg. "What does the human broad want?" asked Bender resentfully. "You guys need a cheerleader for your team. So can I be it? You guys are the only people I know." asked Michelle. Bender and Hermes let her be a cheerleader. "Fine with me! We could use some eye candy anyway!" said Bender as he hands Michelle a paper. "A paper"? Asked Michelle. "Its the Planet Express fight song for our team! Memorize it". Bender said. Hermes leads Zoidberg outside on the lawn of the Planet Express building. "I can take a hint, you don't want me to be a part of this....." said Zoidberg. "You are a part of it. Just in a really small capacity to avoid further embarrassment." said Hermes. "Okay. Since you guys are coaching, maybe I can coach Michelle on her cheerleading." said Zoidberg. "Not an option it will be a long cold day in hell before we ever let you be a coach of anything." said Hermes as he was insulting Zoidberg. The rabbit that comes around in the spring was hopping on the lawn. Hermes gives Zoidberg the rabbit who is about to eat it. "NO! Do not eat it! We need it for our team's mascot." said Hermes. "Can Do!" said Zoidberg. "You are to watch over this mascot no matter what!" said Hermes. Michelle comes out, "Saw you picked a mascot. He's so cute! We should call him Fluffy Bunny!" "FLUFFY BUNNY! LOVE IT!" said Zoidberg. "Now pay close attention, Zoid-nerd! We need you to watch over Fluffy Bunny for a week so Bender and Hermes can train their 176ers team for the game against the Globetrotters. "FLUFFY BUNNY! But why?" asked Zoidberg. "Because the Globetrotters can try to kidnap it. So we need you go take care of it until the big game! Got it?" asked Michelle. "FLUFFY BUNNY!" shouted Zoidberg. "You just said that!" said Hermes impatiently, then he gives Zoidberg a warning. "And do not fail! Or let that rabbit out of your sight!" Bender tells Michelle, "Zoidberg is a screw up in case you didn't know." Hermes says, "Don't be surprised if he lets that mascot out of his sight, Michelle". "Think I already know that". said Michelle
Zoidberg stares at the rabbit. "Once again, I'm alone holding the bag. What else is new? Just one thing, though? What exactly do rabbits eat? Geez, before I came to Earth, I should've studied animals more." Scruffy walks by. "Scruffy, I'm babysitting this rabbit and I haven't a clue what it eats. What should I do?" asked Zoidberg for help. "Alls I know is it likes vegetables. Give 'em those. Other than that, you're on your own. Second!" said Scruffy as he walked by. "Some help he was. Come on, Fluffy Bunny! You need some veggies and I least I know how to find those!" said Zoidberg as he had taken Fluffy Bunny to get some food for him.
*
Alphonse, Algernon, Brawley, Braxton, Donbot, Joey Mousepad, Clamps, and Roberto were all lined up to get coached by Bender and Hermes. "We are going to get you 176ers into shape for Friday's game. All you need to do it train and give it your best, mon!" said Hermes who was going to be a 'Good Cop' coach to the team. Bender says, "Don't listen to him! You're all a bunch of worthless, pathetic maggots!" said Bender who decided to be the 'Bad Cop' coach to the team. "Bender, stop! We need to encourage them not bully them!" said Hermes. "The key to motivation is abuse of all kinds! All right you fat, overweight obese, bloated flabby lazy ass punks, listen up! In my book, you're going to be losers!" shouted Bender at them. Bender continued on, "Do you have what it takes? Do you all have the guts?" yelled Bender. Alphonse, Alergnon, Brawley, and Braxton just stared, the Robot Mafia and Roberto since they were used to trash talk, they didn't mind at all. Bender went on, "Do you have the spirit? Do you have soul?" Clamps began to sing. "What do you think! I would do at this moment! When you're standing before me! With Tears In Your Eyes!" Bender smacked them all in the face. "No showing off! And that isn't soul! THIS IS SOUL!" Bender said as he turned on an MP3 Player and the song Rock Your Baby by George McCrae plays as Bender was dancing to the song. "What kind of coaching is this, mon?" asked Hermes about Bender's coaching techniques. Michelle was in the sidelines laughing at their antics.
Hermes turned off the MP3 Player, "Enough of this! We're going into space to train." said Hermes. "In space no one can hear you lose!" joked Bender. Hermes rolled his eyes hopelessly. Bender and Hermes went inside the Planet Express Ship along with Michelle and their ragtag team. They fly to a barren planet beside Mars with an abandoned sports stadium inside and do their training there. Two days went on. Michelle was cheering and singing the fight song. "Planet Express, Bender is great! Win Win Baby Win!" The 176ers Alphonse, Algernon, Brawley, Braxton, Donbot, Joey Mousepad, and Clamps all began their training. Miike Snow's My Trigger plays throughout. Zoidberg was back on Earth bonding with Fluffy Bunny. For the next two days, Hermes was teaching the team simple basketball techniques. Like lay ups, crossover dribbles, between the legs, and wraparounds. Then Bender would come out of nowhere and distract them by balancing plates on sticks and they would all scream. At times Roberto would stab the ball and Clamps would squeeze the ball and Bender would get new balls for them that had super glue on them. Hermes was now teaching them more moves like touch pass and lance pass. Bender would sneak up behind them and throw dynamite sticks at them and when it exploded the team wasn't injured but horribly shocked. On the third day, Hermes was showing them more moves such as the finger roll, tear drop and the double clutch. Bender came out of nowhere and chased them all with a steamroller then later shoot them with cow udders while saying, "GOT MILK?" The 176ers team was getting better and better at their basketball moves. Bender uses a ball launcher usually used for baseballs and launches Basketballs at their team. And you'rrrrrrreeeeeeeeee ouuuuuuttttttttaaaaaaa heeeeerrrrrrreeeeeeee!" yelled Bender to their team. "We're playing basketball, not blernsball". said Michelle. Hermes and Michelle were both indignant about the way Bender was trying to hinder their team.
*
The week was almost over and impending basketball game was coming closer. Zoidberg was on the couch with Fluffy Bunny watching Jeopardy with Morbo as the host. He hears a knock on the door. "Come on Fluffy Bunny, let's see who it is! Hopefully some company. As much as I like having Planet Express to myself......" Zoidberg answers it and it was Ethan Bubblegum Tate, Sweet Clyde, Goose, and Curly Joe was at the door. "What can I do for you black fellas today?" asked Zoidberg. "Heard you got a mascot! Hand it over!" demanded Ethan. "NO! I will never! I am not supposed to let this thing get away! I'm under strict orders you know!" said Zoidberg. "We're gonna beat your sorry ass at the game on Friday! To win even more to ensure us good luck, we're stealing your mascot!" said Sweet Clyde. "Time honored tradition!" said Goose!
"Since you refused, we're going to beat you senseless. With extreme prejudice!" said Ethan Bubblegun Tate. The Globetrotters picked up Zoidberg by his lab coat. Zoidberg screams in protest. The Globetrotters take Zoidberg to a park and beat him until he was bruised. Sweet Clyde takes Fluffy Bunny away from him. "Bring him back! I made a promise to my friends!" said Zoidberg. "You'll see him again! After we beat you shit ass at the game!" said Goose as him, Ethan Bubblegum Tate, Sweet Clyde, and Curly Joe all leave Zoidberg subdued and downtrodden after his beating. Zoidberg was coughing. "I let everyone down. I don't know what to do"! said Zoidberg sadly as he burst into tears.
Two days before the big game, The Planet Express ship is coming back to Earth. Alphonse, Algernon, Brawley and Braxton along with Roberto and the Robot Mafia have finally learned all the moves they needed to know about basketball. "We left our mascot Fluffy Bunny in the care of Dr. Zoidberg. Was that a good thing?" asked Michelle. "Why did you give them that lame ass name?" asked Bender. "Doesn't matter mon. At least our team the 176ers know all the basketball moves so we can combat those Globetrotters." said Hermes. "Actually, we did like your coaching but......" began Alphonse. "We liked Bender's coaching techniques better." said Algernon. "He was tough, abusive and we liked that!" said Brawley. "Yes, if we weren't for him, mon. We never would've learned those moves!" said Braxton. Donbot said, "Now we have what it takes to whack those Globetrotters off the field!" "Yes Bender is a great coach! We didn't need to be coddled by you, Hermes!" said Joey Mousepad. "Shut up Baby, I know it!" said Bender. "I can train the Bad News Bears if I could!" "Say we stab the team to death when we beat them!" said Roberto. "Or give 'em the CLAMPS!" shouted Clamps.
Planet Express ship had landed on Earth. Bender, Hermes, Michelle, and their team didn't know what kind of disaster that was ahead of them that they were going to see. In the park where everyone was approaching, they see Zoidberg beaten and bruised. "What the HELL is this! Knew you weren't good enough to guard our mascot!" said Bender. "Sweet Tablespoons of Cancun! Where is Fluffy Bunny?" shouted Hermes at Zoidberg. "He got rabbit-napped! It was....a.....(cough) tradition they told me." began Zoidberg. "Who told you? Charles Barkley? Kobe Bryant? Scotty Pippin maybe?" yelled Bender. "The Globetrotters! They rabbit-napped.......Fluffy......" Zoidberg couldn't finish. "That explains everything mon! You know, Zoidberg. I always tell people to cover their shame. That's not the case for you because you're full of SHAME!" Hermes said angerly. "The big game is in Texas tomorrow and we're giving you a deadline!" said Bender. "Deadline?" Zoidberg said frightenedly. "You got 48 hours, pal!" warned Bender. "48 Hours? Until what?" asked Zoidberg. Michelle walks up to Zoidberg, "To bring back Fluffy Bunny dumbass! If you don't, they will be hell to pay!" Michelle starts doing cheerleader kicks on Zoidberg. "Remember, 48 Hours!" said Bender. "48 HOURS!" yelled Bender as he pointed at Zoidberg. Then Alphonse, Alergnon, Brawley, Braxton, Robot Mafia and Roberto were dribbling their basketballs on Zoidberg. "Hope you got the message!" said Brawley as they all walk back to Planet Express for more training.
*
Zoidberg was walking away from the park and he was tired from the beatings. Zoidberg sat on a park bench and Zapp Branigan joined him. "Dr. Zoidberg. What's been eating you my vile lobster?" asked Zapp as he noticed Zoidberg had bruises, kick marks, and cuts all over him. "Why, you look like you have the attitude of a washed up supermodel hopped up on botox. Tell old Zapp all about it." continued Zapp. "I was watching a mascot for the big basketball game. Then the rival team came over and took the mascot and beat me and left me to rot." said Zoidberg. "Hmmmm, sounds like you got a shitload of a pickle you got yourself in here." said Zapp. "I am aware of that big game that's supposed to be in two days. Between the Harlem Globetrotters plus some team Bender and that Hermes conjured up if I'm not mistaken." said Zapp again. "How do you know about that?" asked Zoidberg who was shocked at Zapp's knowledge of the impending basketball game. "Word gets around fast. Think I know of something you can do." said Zapp. "Name it! I'll listen to anything at this point!" said Zoidberg. "Go to the Pet Cemetary part of Orbiting Meadows, and try to find a rabbit carcass and pass it off for the mascot. That way you will save the day"! said Zapp. "Hooray! Zoidberg gets to save the day!" said Zoidberg cheerfully. "There's no way those Harlem Globetrotters will give it back to you!" said Zapp. "How will everyone know it's alive?" asked Zoidberg. "People who come to the basketball game won't even notice. Not even Marv Albert will! And it's always good to replace something missing with something that's dead. Plan to do that to Kiff someday!" said Zapp as he walked away.
"Now I know what I must do! It's a far far better thing for a Decopodian to do!" said Zoidberg. Taking Zapp's advice, Zoidberg took a flying taxi to Orbiting Meadows armed with a shovel. After the taxi dropped him off, Zoidberg was looking for the pet cemetary section and he passes by Philip J. Fry Jr's grave. "Say, wasn't that Fry's nephew uncle brother?" Zoidberg asked himself, but he didn't have time to speculate. Zoidberg didn't want to miss the 48 Hour deadline. He finally reached the pet cemetary and found a grave of a rabbit and began digging. "Hope this plan of Zapp's works!" cried Zoidberg nervously. Zoidberg was done digging and he got a carcass of a rabbit from the grave. "You better be worth this!" said Zoidberg to the rabbit carcass.
*
Friday had finally arrived. It was the night of the big basketball game that was being held at Earthican Airlines Center in Dallas Texas. A band was playing the Planet Express Fight song. Zoidberg who had the rabbit carcass ready and Michelle were there. Ethan Bubblegum Tate had Fluffy Bunny in a cage hidden away somewhere where nobody can see. "You ain't getting him back!" said Ethan. "He'll be OUR mascot when we get done with you!" said Curly Joe. "You and your team is gonna lose! So get ready!" said Sweet Clyde. "Yeah, well I got Fluffy Bunny back!" said Zoidberg. "That's the best you can come up with?" laughed Goose. "The big game is about to begin. Did you get back Fluffy Bunny? Like you said you would?" asked Michelle with a glare in her eyes. "You betcha I did!" said Zoidberg. "Where is it?" asked Michelle. "Right here in the pocket of my jacket" said Zoidberg reaching for the rabbit carcass he had in his jacket then he pulls it out and shows Michelle who panicked in horror. "That's not our mascot! That's a carcass!" yelled Michelle then she said, "You ruined the game!" "I came through this time! And this really is Fluffy Bunny!" said Zoidberg trying to convince Michelle. "It is not! Get that stinky thing away!" Michelle ordered as she held her nose. "This mascot will bring the 176ers team to victory! It will give us good luck, and it has a removable head!" said Zoidberg when he pulled the head off of the rabbit carcass and Michelle screamed and ran around in a circle. "AAAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! BENDER AND HERMES HAVE SAID YOU WERE A SCREW UP AND THIS PROVES IT!" screamed Michelle. She continued to run around in a circle screaming until Bender came and hit her on the head.
"That was getting annoying!" said Bender. "Think she's never seen a rabbit with a removable head before!" said Zoidberg. The 176ers Alphonse, Algernon, Brawley, Braxton, Robot Mafia, and Roberto were entering the stadium along with Hermes. "You didn't get the rabbit back, didn't you!" said Bender. "I tried to pass off a carcass for it! Didn't think anyone would care!" said Zoidberg. "Since you lost the mascot mon, you're going to play in our team!" said Hermes. "But.....but......but....." "That's right, Zoidbutt! You're now a 176er, and you better not lose, in fact you're now under pressure to WIN!!" said Bender. "I don't know how to play...." began Zoidberg. Bender then shoves him into the stadium and yells, "Take your position!"
"Like Missionary Position?" asked Zoidberg innocently. Bender kicks Zoidberg into the middle of the stadium where both teams were standing. Zoidberg felt intimidated when he sees that the teams were taller than them. "Cool how this game is in Dallas, huh? I'm going to rig a oil field after this is over!" said Bender to Hermes who were sitting in the sidelines. "This'll teach that incompetant crab the consequences of messing up". said Hermes. Michelle was waking up after being knocked out. The rabbit carcasses head was laying on her body. It was the first thing Michelle saw when she was coming to. The rabbit carcass made a squeaking sound at her face. Michelle jumped up and screamed as the game was about to begin. "Your 176ers team is really in trouble now that you joined Zoidberg!" said Ethan Bubblegum Tate. Zoidberg gulped in fear.
*
Tensions were rising high for the unfortunate Zoidberg as he was suddenly thrust into the basketball game. "Who's going to help me with this? I don't know the first thing about basketball!" said Zoidberg. Float by Switchfoot was playing throughout. Then a garbage can shaped robot with a gun barrell sticking out came to Zoidberg's defense and talked in a robotic voice. It was a Delik from Doctor Who. "I will guide you through this game!" said the Delik robot. "Hey you look like that one robot from Doctor Who" said Zoidberg. "So I am! Do everything I tell you!" said the Delik robot. "This is a good lesson we're teaching Zoidberg, mon". boasted Hermes. "Got that right! Fail our orders we make you pay!" said Bender. The couch was Mills Lane's head in a jar as he came to start off the game. "All right. I want a good clean game and not hitting below the belt! Let's Get It On!" said Mills Lane. The both teams the Globetrotters and 176ers team took their positions. Zoidberg went with the 176ers team who got the first shot. Alphonse lets Zoidberg handle the ball. "Let them give you the ball" said the Delik robot. "You need experience so you dribble a bit!" called out Alphonse. Zoidberg was running and dribbling the basketball only to get cornered by Ethan and Sweet Clyde. "You're pathetic!" said Ethan. "What makes you think you can get past us!" said Sweet Clyde. Zoidberg stammered as he tried to throw the ball to Algernon, Brawley and Braxton were all waving their hands for Zoidberg to throw them the ball. Roberto screamed. " Pass me the ball or I'll stab you!" "We will whack you if you don't pass us the ball!" warned Donbot. "What are you waiting for? Pass them the ball!" ordered the Delik robot to Zoidberg. When Zoidberg passed the ball, Clamps got it and dribbled for a while until Goose takes the ball away and does a slam dunk. "NO!!!!" yelled Zoidberg like a drama queen.
In the sidelines Bender says, "Zoidbutt better not get any endorsements for Hanes Underwear or Nike after this!" "Doubt he will mon! Look who badly he's playing!" reassured Hermes. "He needs a Delik Robot to help him!" laughed Bender. A bump was heard under Hermes's chair. Hermes looks and it was Fluffy Bunny in the cage. Hermes sets it free. "I found Fluffy Bunny, mon!" he cheered. Fluffy Bunny ran away and went to Michelle. "Hmmmm, mascots are a waste of time. Another lesson to be learned." said Bender. "Try to chase the Globetrotters to get the ball back!" said the Delik robot to Zoidberg. "On it!" said Zoidberg now he was getting into the flow of the game. Alphonse, Brawley, Donbot, Algernon, Joey Mousepad, Braxton, Clamps, and Roberto were all chasing Curly Joe who was doing some basketball moves to confuse them. Once the ball falls out of Curly Joe's hand, Donbot grabs it. "Have them pass it to you!" said the Delik Robot to Zoidberg. "Over here, I'm open!" screamed Zoidberg. Donbot throws the ball to Zoidberg and he runs to the basket. Zoidberg tries to shoot and he barely makes it. Then Alphonse steps in and does the slam dunk move Hermes shows him. "That's my former Limobing teammate!" said Hermes when he sees Alphonse score a basket for their team. The crowd goes wild! As does Bender, "Score one for 176ers, baby! Globetrotters can bite my shiny metal ass! Hooray for everyone on our team except Zoidberg! "Great job!" complemented the Delik Robot, "Always good to have a teammate score when you can't!"
*
Later on, the basketball game had the Globetrotters in the lead. They were 21-19. The whole game Zoidberg did not shoot one basket and instead let the other 176ers teammates shoot the baskets. The 176ers needed one more basket and they win the game. "This is it! Bottom of the finals, Zoidberg! You only made your teammates score, now this time, you need to think for yourself don't be needy and score one for the team!" said the Delik Robot. "In the audience, a redneck disses the 176ers. "Your team is gonna lose! The 176ers suck! Globetrotters forever! It's been a tragedy since that lobster showed up! These guys play like shit!" yelled the redneck and Bender and Hermes. "Your Globetrotters are the ones who suck! Got something to say to me, freak! Come down here and say it, punk!" screamed Bender at the redneck. "Bender stop mon! It's not worth it to beat up heckling fans!" said Hermes. "I've been wanting a brawl! Come on and take me on, you lowdown inbred hillibilly hick! Let's see who is the one who plays like shit really is!" yelled Bender and him and the redneck got into a fight. Bender wins by mercilessly beating the redneck until his face was bleeding. "You have no idea how many days and hours of repression and oppression I have put this team through to make them who they are today!" screamed Bender in the redneck's face as he was still punching him who was now knocked unconscious.
Back at the basketball game, Alphonse, Brawley, Braxton, Algernon, were doing all the basketball moves Bender and Hermes taught them while dribbling the ball and they plan to pass it to Zoidberg. Donbot, Joey Mousepad, Clamps, and Roberto tried to block Ethan's, Sweet Clydes, Curly Joe's, and Gooses's path but got knocked down. Now they were chasing Zoidberg. "Don't let them get to you!" said the Delik Robot. "This is our game now!" said Ethan. "It's going to be easy to take down this lobster." said Sweet Clyde. "Better give up and surrender!" said Curly Joe. "And admit we're better than you, foo!" said Goose. "It's up to you Zoidberg!" said the Delik Robot. "Guess it is. Here I come!" screamed Zoidberg as he runs to the basketball and jumps over Donbot, Joey Mousepad, Clamps and Roberto who were still knocked down on the floor. Zoidberg jumps in slo mo and Hermes, Michelle, Bender who just beat up another heckling fan and everyone in the audience was watching Zoidberg as he finally made a slam dunk basket into the hoop and scores and wins! Bender's and Hermes's team were the victors and the audience cheers and erupts into madness! The final score was now 24-21! The 176ers have won the game! Bender, Hermes, The Delik Robot and Zoidberg congratulated their team. "Thanks for much for helping us win!" said Alphonse. "Hope we see each other again someday!" said Braxton. "All that hard work and training payed off!" said Brawley! Then Donbot, Roberto, Joey Mousepad, Clamps Algernon and Brawley all pour Slurm on Hermes and Zoidberg. Bender ran off to beat up some fans of the Globetrotters. "You did it! Zoidberg! You won us the game!" cheered the Delik Robot.
"We may have been defeated, but we will be back! Come on, gang! Let's regroup and retreat!" Ordered Ethan Bubblegum Tate to Sweet Clyde, Curly Joe and Goose as they all go inside their spaceship in disgrace and vowed revenge. "That's right you better run! Got my revenge for never including me on your worthless ass team!" screamed Bender to the Globetrotters! The Delik Robot opened and the top hit Zoidberg over the head and out came Zapp Branigan. "It was me, Zapp Branigan the whole time!" revealed Zapp. "For it was I who lead this team to......" suddenly out of nowhere, a ball launcher was used to shoot basketballs at Zapp making him fall over. Michelle came to him. "You okay? Some thanks you got, huh?" said Michelle. "I'll be fine, been through a lot worse. Would you like to go on a date sometime?" asked Zapp. "Sure! Someone else can join us too!" said Michelle as she was showing Fluffy Bunny to Zapp. "What a cute little rabbit you got here! Maybe I will make him enlist!" said Zapp. Michelle, Zapp, and Fluffy Bunny all walked out of the stadium laughing hand in hand. "Maybe we didn't need the mascot after all!" said Hermes. "Who shot all those basketballs at Zapp?" asked Hermes to himself. Zoidberg The 176ers Alphonse, Brawley, Braxton, Algernon were all jumping around ecstatic and hysterically that they won the game. Donbot, Joey Mousepad, Clamps, and Roberto left the stadium. "Let's forget this basketball game ever happened!" said Donbot. "Now we can go back to whacking people!" said Joey Mousepad. "These clamps should never hold a basketball again!" said Clamps. Roberto goes ballistic fake stabbing the air.
Up on the balcony thinking Zapp was out to steal his thunder, Bender had the ball launcher he used earlier to train the 176ers. Bender uses the ball launcher again to hit Hermes, Algernon, Alphonse, Brawley and Braxton. Then eventually the whole audience who screamed and ran away in panic. "If anyone is going to be remembered for helping this team win it's going to be me! Bender! HIT THE SHOWERS CHUMPS!" laughed Bender.
The next day in the basketball game in Dallas was in the New New York Times on the front page. It read, "IN DALLAS TEXAS, EARTH TEAM THE 176ERS FINALLY BEATS GLOBETROTTERS 24-21." It showed Hermes, Zoidberg, Alphonse, Brawley, Algernon, Braxton, Robot Mafia, and Roberto on the cover with Bender in the middle punching Zapp in the stomach.
The End
The Preceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production!
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Funky Mascot
At the Staples Center in Los Angeles there was a Basketball game playing. The New New York Knicks vs The Boston Celtics. There in the audience sat Bender, Hermes, and Zoidberg. Bender sat back and was sipping a beer. "Isn't this cool how I was able to hock these free tickets to this Basketball Game? And this free beer!" asked Bender. "Why did you drag us along when we could be doing some work back at Planet Express?" asked Hermes. "Oh, c'mon stick around! You haven't even seen the Halftime show yet!" said Bender. "I don't even know what team I am rooting for." said Zoidberg. The Boston Celtics score a basket fans for the team cheered which had Bender infurated. "KILL THE BUM! KILL THE BUM! THROW HIM OUT ON HIS SORRY WORTHLESS ASS!" shouted Bender at the Basketball Players. "Must you always yell at the other team everytime they score?" asked Hermes. "Hey, I'm hoping to start a fight with a fan of the rival team for fun! Guess you can say I'm going to start a Basket Brawl! HA HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" laughed Bender. "You have bar fight mentality, mon!" said Hermes then he went on. "Remind me to never go to another sports game with you again."
Sal was sitting in the upper row and shouts, "GO TEAMSES! GO TEAMSES! GO GO TEAMSES!" Bender glared at Sal, "Do you even know what team you're cheering for?" "I followed you guyses here, and nooooo....." said Sal as he hung his head. "He's just as confused as I am." said Zoidberg. The Halftime Show was about to start and the cheerleaders take their positions. Much to their shock, they see Fry's ex-girlfriend Michelle as a cheerleader. "Sweet Voodoo of Peru! Isn't that Fry's ex-girlfriend!" exclaimed Hermes. "Why so it is! Dating Pauly Shore sure has done her a lot of good!" said Bender. Michelle leads the cheerleaders into a dance and the audience just sits and stares with no reaction. "Go New New York Knicks! Get it on for kicks! Beat those Celtics on their.... " sang Michelle. The audience still had no reaction. "What the hell is wrong with you people! Where is your team spirit!?" demanded Michelle. Kiff comes down from the audience. "You're not doing it right. I will show you how it's done." said Kiff.
Kiff then took Michelle pom poms and did a cheer of his own, "POM! POM! POW! POM! POM! WOW! POM! POM! IN THE BASKET! GO NEW NEW YORK KNICKS GO!" The audience burst into cheers. MIchelle was astonded. "Guess some people have it and some don't." laughed Kiff. Zapp Branigan came and dragged Kiff of the stadium. "How dare you embarrass me like that! Don't ever do anything that can tarnish the DOOP reputation!" yelled Zapp to Kiff. "Can you blame a guy for having a little fun!" said Kiff as he moaned. "DAMMIT he ruined my routine!" said Michelle. Out of nowhere lasers began to shoot the ceiling of the Staples Center. The cheerleaders, Michelle, and the Boston Celtics and the New New York Knicks all ran away. A spaceship came down and it was the Harlem Globetrotters with Ethan Bubblegum Tate in the lead.
"We came back to Earth for another grudge match! So I suggest somebody from the audience makes a team worthy of our challange!" said Ethan Bubblegum Tate to the frightened crowd. "We'll do it! We'll beat your ass this time with a team you'll never forget you Funky Son of a Bitch!" shouted Bender. "The challenge has been accepted, you Bender got about a week to put together a team and train them so we can beat their funny bones! Friday! At 10pm! At the Earthican Airlines Center in Dallas Texas! BE there! Oh, and don't forget to have a mascot, too!" The Harlem Globetrotters go back in their spaceship and head to New New York. "Why did you do that for, mon!" said Hermes. "I want to beat those Globetrotters and I am always up for a competition! And if you recall, the Harlem Globetrotters wouldn't let me be on their team, so I want to show them what they're missing! " said Bender. "Will we have to make up a team?" asked Zoidberg. "Look like we'll have to, but I know some misfit Limboers from my old Olympic Limboing Team." said Hermes. "I know some bad ass robots from the east side!" said Bender. "Good lets go back to New New York and get our team together!" said Hermes.
"Ethan said we'll need a mascot!" said Zoidberg. "I know we'll use that one rabbit for a mascot! That one we saw that hops by Planet Express every spring." said Hermes. "All right! We're gonna bone those bastard Globetrotters into next Tuesday!" vowed Bender. "Hope they won't bone us first". said Zoidberg.
*
Back in New New York, Hermes was mad at Bender. "See what you got us into Bender! Ever since you challanged those Globetrotters now we have to make a team!" said Hermes. "Don't incriminate me for this! It was the Globetrotters fault!" Bender said in his defense. Bender and Hermes were now getting their basketball team together. Hermes got four members from the Olympic Limboing Team he used to know. Alphonse, Algernon, Brawley and Braxton were their names. They were all tall, had dreadlocks and afros and they were dressed in basketball uniforms. As good as they were with Limboing, they didn't have a clue about basketball. "Okay mon, do any of you know the basic fundamentals about basketball?" asked Hermes. "Do you run?" asked Alphonse. "How exactly do you put the ball in the basket?" asked Alergnon. "I think you're supposed to walk up to the basket." asked Brawley. "Think that's about right, mon. That's is how you do it? Isn't it?" asked Braxton. "We have a game in a week you all need extensive training! (groans in disgust) This is going to be harder and more impossible than I thought!" said Hermes. Bender broke down the door and showed Hermes who he had for their team. Roberto and The Robot Mafia. "Team is going to need a name! We'll name our team the 176ers!" said Bender.
Their 176ers team was getting to know each other. "I am going to make those Globetrotter shitheads regret ever rejecting me from their team!" said Bender. "Sacred Slinkies of Helsinki! They're going to be on the team?" asked Hermes when he saw the Robot Mafia and Roberto. "We're here to whip them into shape and set them straight!" said Bender. "With a team like this, we don't stand a chance against Ethan Bubblegum and cronies!" worried Hermes. "I'm good at putting bodies in a basket." said Donbot. "Can we whack the other team if we win?" asked Joey Mousepad. "Gonna stab that ball!" screamed Roberto. "I take the ball before you man! With my CLAMPS!" shouted Clamps. "Been preparing for this moment! Just watched some basketball coach movies. So far, I saw Hoosiers and The Basketball Diaries!" announced Bender. Hermes said, "Think that other one had some controversy." "Enough of the blibberty babble! (blows whistle) LETS PLAY ALREADY!" cheered Bender.
Zoidberg walks in and Michelle was with him. "Michelle has something she wants to say to you!" said Zoidberg. "What does the human broad want?" asked Bender resentfully. "You guys need a cheerleader for your team. So can I be it? You guys are the only people I know." asked Michelle. Bender and Hermes let her be a cheerleader. "Fine with me! We could use some eye candy anyway!" said Bender as he hands Michelle a paper. "A paper"? Asked Michelle. "Its the Planet Express fight song for our team! Memorize it". Bender said. Hermes leads Zoidberg outside on the lawn of the Planet Express building. "I can take a hint, you don't want me to be a part of this....." said Zoidberg. "You are a part of it. Just in a really small capacity to avoid further embarrassment." said Hermes. "Okay. Since you guys are coaching, maybe I can coach Michelle on her cheerleading." said Zoidberg. "Not an option it will be a long cold day in hell before we ever let you be a coach of anything." said Hermes as he was insulting Zoidberg. The rabbit that comes around in the spring was hopping on the lawn. Hermes gives Zoidberg the rabbit who is about to eat it. "NO! Do not eat it! We need it for our team's mascot." said Hermes. "Can Do!" said Zoidberg. "You are to watch over this mascot no matter what!" said Hermes. Michelle comes out, "Saw you picked a mascot. He's so cute! We should call him Fluffy Bunny!" "FLUFFY BUNNY! LOVE IT!" said Zoidberg. "Now pay close attention, Zoid-nerd! We need you to watch over Fluffy Bunny for a week so Bender and Hermes can train their 176ers team for the game against the Globetrotters. "FLUFFY BUNNY! But why?" asked Zoidberg. "Because the Globetrotters can try to kidnap it. So we need you go take care of it until the big game! Got it?" asked Michelle. "FLUFFY BUNNY!" shouted Zoidberg. "You just said that!" said Hermes impatiently, then he gives Zoidberg a warning. "And do not fail! Or let that rabbit out of your sight!" Bender tells Michelle, "Zoidberg is a screw up in case you didn't know." Hermes says, "Don't be surprised if he lets that mascot out of his sight, Michelle". "Think I already know that". said Michelle
Zoidberg stares at the rabbit. "Once again, I'm alone holding the bag. What else is new? Just one thing, though? What exactly do rabbits eat? Geez, before I came to Earth, I should've studied animals more." Scruffy walks by. "Scruffy, I'm babysitting this rabbit and I haven't a clue what it eats. What should I do?" asked Zoidberg for help. "Alls I know is it likes vegetables. Give 'em those. Other than that, you're on your own. Second!" said Scruffy as he walked by. "Some help he was. Come on, Fluffy Bunny! You need some veggies and I least I know how to find those!" said Zoidberg as he had taken Fluffy Bunny to get some food for him.
*
Alphonse, Algernon, Brawley, Braxton, Donbot, Joey Mousepad, Clamps, and Roberto were all lined up to get coached by Bender and Hermes. "We are going to get you 176ers into shape for Friday's game. All you need to do it train and give it your best, mon!" said Hermes who was going to be a 'Good Cop' coach to the team. Bender says, "Don't listen to him! You're all a bunch of worthless, pathetic maggots!" said Bender who decided to be the 'Bad Cop' coach to the team. "Bender, stop! We need to encourage them not bully them!" said Hermes. "The key to motivation is abuse of all kinds! All right you fat, overweight obese, bloated flabby lazy ass punks, listen up! In my book, you're going to be losers!" shouted Bender at them. Bender continued on, "Do you have what it takes? Do you all have the guts?" yelled Bender. Alphonse, Alergnon, Brawley, and Braxton just stared, the Robot Mafia and Roberto since they were used to trash talk, they didn't mind at all. Bender went on, "Do you have the spirit? Do you have soul?" Clamps began to sing. "What do you think! I would do at this moment! When you're standing before me! With Tears In Your Eyes!" Bender smacked them all in the face. "No showing off! And that isn't soul! THIS IS SOUL!" Bender said as he turned on an MP3 Player and the song Rock Your Baby by George McCrae plays as Bender was dancing to the song. "What kind of coaching is this, mon?" asked Hermes about Bender's coaching techniques. Michelle was in the sidelines laughing at their antics.
Hermes turned off the MP3 Player, "Enough of this! We're going into space to train." said Hermes. "In space no one can hear you lose!" joked Bender. Hermes rolled his eyes hopelessly. Bender and Hermes went inside the Planet Express Ship along with Michelle and their ragtag team. They fly to a barren planet beside Mars with an abandoned sports stadium inside and do their training there. Two days went on. Michelle was cheering and singing the fight song. "Planet Express, Bender is great! Win Win Baby Win!" The 176ers Alphonse, Algernon, Brawley, Braxton, Donbot, Joey Mousepad, and Clamps all began their training. Miike Snow's My Trigger plays throughout. Zoidberg was back on Earth bonding with Fluffy Bunny. For the next two days, Hermes was teaching the team simple basketball techniques. Like lay ups, crossover dribbles, between the legs, and wraparounds. Then Bender would come out of nowhere and distract them by balancing plates on sticks and they would all scream. At times Roberto would stab the ball and Clamps would squeeze the ball and Bender would get new balls for them that had super glue on them. Hermes was now teaching them more moves like touch pass and lance pass. Bender would sneak up behind them and throw dynamite sticks at them and when it exploded the team wasn't injured but horribly shocked. On the third day, Hermes was showing them more moves such as the finger roll, tear drop and the double clutch. Bender came out of nowhere and chased them all with a steamroller then later shoot them with cow udders while saying, "GOT MILK?" The 176ers team was getting better and better at their basketball moves. Bender uses a ball launcher usually used for baseballs and launches Basketballs at their team. And you'rrrrrrreeeeeeeeee ouuuuuuttttttttaaaaaaa heeeeerrrrrrreeeeeeee!" yelled Bender to their team. "We're playing basketball, not blernsball". said Michelle. Hermes and Michelle were both indignant about the way Bender was trying to hinder their team.
*
The week was almost over and impending basketball game was coming closer. Zoidberg was on the couch with Fluffy Bunny watching Jeopardy with Morbo as the host. He hears a knock on the door. "Come on Fluffy Bunny, let's see who it is! Hopefully some company. As much as I like having Planet Express to myself......" Zoidberg answers it and it was Ethan Bubblegum Tate, Sweet Clyde, Goose, and Curly Joe was at the door. "What can I do for you black fellas today?" asked Zoidberg. "Heard you got a mascot! Hand it over!" demanded Ethan. "NO! I will never! I am not supposed to let this thing get away! I'm under strict orders you know!" said Zoidberg. "We're gonna beat your sorry ass at the game on Friday! To win even more to ensure us good luck, we're stealing your mascot!" said Sweet Clyde. "Time honored tradition!" said Goose!
"Since you refused, we're going to beat you senseless. With extreme prejudice!" said Ethan Bubblegun Tate. The Globetrotters picked up Zoidberg by his lab coat. Zoidberg screams in protest. The Globetrotters take Zoidberg to a park and beat him until he was bruised. Sweet Clyde takes Fluffy Bunny away from him. "Bring him back! I made a promise to my friends!" said Zoidberg. "You'll see him again! After we beat you shit ass at the game!" said Goose as him, Ethan Bubblegum Tate, Sweet Clyde, and Curly Joe all leave Zoidberg subdued and downtrodden after his beating. Zoidberg was coughing. "I let everyone down. I don't know what to do"! said Zoidberg sadly as he burst into tears.
Two days before the big game, The Planet Express ship is coming back to Earth. Alphonse, Algernon, Brawley and Braxton along with Roberto and the Robot Mafia have finally learned all the moves they needed to know about basketball. "We left our mascot Fluffy Bunny in the care of Dr. Zoidberg. Was that a good thing?" asked Michelle. "Why did you give them that lame ass name?" asked Bender. "Doesn't matter mon. At least our team the 176ers know all the basketball moves so we can combat those Globetrotters." said Hermes. "Actually, we did like your coaching but......" began Alphonse. "We liked Bender's coaching techniques better." said Algernon. "He was tough, abusive and we liked that!" said Brawley. "Yes, if we weren't for him, mon. We never would've learned those moves!" said Braxton. Donbot said, "Now we have what it takes to whack those Globetrotters off the field!" "Yes Bender is a great coach! We didn't need to be coddled by you, Hermes!" said Joey Mousepad. "Shut up Baby, I know it!" said Bender. "I can train the Bad News Bears if I could!" "Say we stab the team to death when we beat them!" said Roberto. "Or give 'em the CLAMPS!" shouted Clamps.
Planet Express ship had landed on Earth. Bender, Hermes, Michelle, and their team didn't know what kind of disaster that was ahead of them that they were going to see. In the park where everyone was approaching, they see Zoidberg beaten and bruised. "What the HELL is this! Knew you weren't good enough to guard our mascot!" said Bender. "Sweet Tablespoons of Cancun! Where is Fluffy Bunny?" shouted Hermes at Zoidberg. "He got rabbit-napped! It was....a.....(cough) tradition they told me." began Zoidberg. "Who told you? Charles Barkley? Kobe Bryant? Scotty Pippin maybe?" yelled Bender. "The Globetrotters! They rabbit-napped.......Fluffy......" Zoidberg couldn't finish. "That explains everything mon! You know, Zoidberg. I always tell people to cover their shame. That's not the case for you because you're full of SHAME!" Hermes said angerly. "The big game is in Texas tomorrow and we're giving you a deadline!" said Bender. "Deadline?" Zoidberg said frightenedly. "You got 48 hours, pal!" warned Bender. "48 Hours? Until what?" asked Zoidberg. Michelle walks up to Zoidberg, "To bring back Fluffy Bunny dumbass! If you don't, they will be hell to pay!" Michelle starts doing cheerleader kicks on Zoidberg. "Remember, 48 Hours!" said Bender. "48 HOURS!" yelled Bender as he pointed at Zoidberg. Then Alphonse, Alergnon, Brawley, Braxton, Robot Mafia and Roberto were dribbling their basketballs on Zoidberg. "Hope you got the message!" said Brawley as they all walk back to Planet Express for more training.
*
Zoidberg was walking away from the park and he was tired from the beatings. Zoidberg sat on a park bench and Zapp Branigan joined him. "Dr. Zoidberg. What's been eating you my vile lobster?" asked Zapp as he noticed Zoidberg had bruises, kick marks, and cuts all over him. "Why, you look like you have the attitude of a washed up supermodel hopped up on botox. Tell old Zapp all about it." continued Zapp. "I was watching a mascot for the big basketball game. Then the rival team came over and took the mascot and beat me and left me to rot." said Zoidberg. "Hmmmm, sounds like you got a shitload of a pickle you got yourself in here." said Zapp. "I am aware of that big game that's supposed to be in two days. Between the Harlem Globetrotters plus some team Bender and that Hermes conjured up if I'm not mistaken." said Zapp again. "How do you know about that?" asked Zoidberg who was shocked at Zapp's knowledge of the impending basketball game. "Word gets around fast. Think I know of something you can do." said Zapp. "Name it! I'll listen to anything at this point!" said Zoidberg. "Go to the Pet Cemetary part of Orbiting Meadows, and try to find a rabbit carcass and pass it off for the mascot. That way you will save the day"! said Zapp. "Hooray! Zoidberg gets to save the day!" said Zoidberg cheerfully. "There's no way those Harlem Globetrotters will give it back to you!" said Zapp. "How will everyone know it's alive?" asked Zoidberg. "People who come to the basketball game won't even notice. Not even Marv Albert will! And it's always good to replace something missing with something that's dead. Plan to do that to Kiff someday!" said Zapp as he walked away.
"Now I know what I must do! It's a far far better thing for a Decopodian to do!" said Zoidberg. Taking Zapp's advice, Zoidberg took a flying taxi to Orbiting Meadows armed with a shovel. After the taxi dropped him off, Zoidberg was looking for the pet cemetary section and he passes by Philip J. Fry Jr's grave. "Say, wasn't that Fry's nephew uncle brother?" Zoidberg asked himself, but he didn't have time to speculate. Zoidberg didn't want to miss the 48 Hour deadline. He finally reached the pet cemetary and found a grave of a rabbit and began digging. "Hope this plan of Zapp's works!" cried Zoidberg nervously. Zoidberg was done digging and he got a carcass of a rabbit from the grave. "You better be worth this!" said Zoidberg to the rabbit carcass.
*
Friday had finally arrived. It was the night of the big basketball game that was being held at Earthican Airlines Center in Dallas Texas. A band was playing the Planet Express Fight song. Zoidberg who had the rabbit carcass ready and Michelle were there. Ethan Bubblegum Tate had Fluffy Bunny in a cage hidden away somewhere where nobody can see. "You ain't getting him back!" said Ethan. "He'll be OUR mascot when we get done with you!" said Curly Joe. "You and your team is gonna lose! So get ready!" said Sweet Clyde. "Yeah, well I got Fluffy Bunny back!" said Zoidberg. "That's the best you can come up with?" laughed Goose. "The big game is about to begin. Did you get back Fluffy Bunny? Like you said you would?" asked Michelle with a glare in her eyes. "You betcha I did!" said Zoidberg. "Where is it?" asked Michelle. "Right here in the pocket of my jacket" said Zoidberg reaching for the rabbit carcass he had in his jacket then he pulls it out and shows Michelle who panicked in horror. "That's not our mascot! That's a carcass!" yelled Michelle then she said, "You ruined the game!" "I came through this time! And this really is Fluffy Bunny!" said Zoidberg trying to convince Michelle. "It is not! Get that stinky thing away!" Michelle ordered as she held her nose. "This mascot will bring the 176ers team to victory! It will give us good luck, and it has a removable head!" said Zoidberg when he pulled the head off of the rabbit carcass and Michelle screamed and ran around in a circle. "AAAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! BENDER AND HERMES HAVE SAID YOU WERE A SCREW UP AND THIS PROVES IT!" screamed Michelle. She continued to run around in a circle screaming until Bender came and hit her on the head.
"That was getting annoying!" said Bender. "Think she's never seen a rabbit with a removable head before!" said Zoidberg. The 176ers Alphonse, Algernon, Brawley, Braxton, Robot Mafia, and Roberto were entering the stadium along with Hermes. "You didn't get the rabbit back, didn't you!" said Bender. "I tried to pass off a carcass for it! Didn't think anyone would care!" said Zoidberg. "Since you lost the mascot mon, you're going to play in our team!" said Hermes. "But.....but......but....." "That's right, Zoidbutt! You're now a 176er, and you better not lose, in fact you're now under pressure to WIN!!" said Bender. "I don't know how to play...." began Zoidberg. Bender then shoves him into the stadium and yells, "Take your position!"
"Like Missionary Position?" asked Zoidberg innocently. Bender kicks Zoidberg into the middle of the stadium where both teams were standing. Zoidberg felt intimidated when he sees that the teams were taller than them. "Cool how this game is in Dallas, huh? I'm going to rig a oil field after this is over!" said Bender to Hermes who were sitting in the sidelines. "This'll teach that incompetant crab the consequences of messing up". said Hermes. Michelle was waking up after being knocked out. The rabbit carcasses head was laying on her body. It was the first thing Michelle saw when she was coming to. The rabbit carcass made a squeaking sound at her face. Michelle jumped up and screamed as the game was about to begin. "Your 176ers team is really in trouble now that you joined Zoidberg!" said Ethan Bubblegum Tate. Zoidberg gulped in fear.
*
Tensions were rising high for the unfortunate Zoidberg as he was suddenly thrust into the basketball game. "Who's going to help me with this? I don't know the first thing about basketball!" said Zoidberg. Float by Switchfoot was playing throughout. Then a garbage can shaped robot with a gun barrell sticking out came to Zoidberg's defense and talked in a robotic voice. It was a Delik from Doctor Who. "I will guide you through this game!" said the Delik robot. "Hey you look like that one robot from Doctor Who" said Zoidberg. "So I am! Do everything I tell you!" said the Delik robot. "This is a good lesson we're teaching Zoidberg, mon". boasted Hermes. "Got that right! Fail our orders we make you pay!" said Bender. The couch was Mills Lane's head in a jar as he came to start off the game. "All right. I want a good clean game and not hitting below the belt! Let's Get It On!" said Mills Lane. The both teams the Globetrotters and 176ers team took their positions. Zoidberg went with the 176ers team who got the first shot. Alphonse lets Zoidberg handle the ball. "Let them give you the ball" said the Delik robot. "You need experience so you dribble a bit!" called out Alphonse. Zoidberg was running and dribbling the basketball only to get cornered by Ethan and Sweet Clyde. "You're pathetic!" said Ethan. "What makes you think you can get past us!" said Sweet Clyde. Zoidberg stammered as he tried to throw the ball to Algernon, Brawley and Braxton were all waving their hands for Zoidberg to throw them the ball. Roberto screamed. " Pass me the ball or I'll stab you!" "We will whack you if you don't pass us the ball!" warned Donbot. "What are you waiting for? Pass them the ball!" ordered the Delik robot to Zoidberg. When Zoidberg passed the ball, Clamps got it and dribbled for a while until Goose takes the ball away and does a slam dunk. "NO!!!!" yelled Zoidberg like a drama queen.
In the sidelines Bender says, "Zoidbutt better not get any endorsements for Hanes Underwear or Nike after this!" "Doubt he will mon! Look who badly he's playing!" reassured Hermes. "He needs a Delik Robot to help him!" laughed Bender. A bump was heard under Hermes's chair. Hermes looks and it was Fluffy Bunny in the cage. Hermes sets it free. "I found Fluffy Bunny, mon!" he cheered. Fluffy Bunny ran away and went to Michelle. "Hmmmm, mascots are a waste of time. Another lesson to be learned." said Bender. "Try to chase the Globetrotters to get the ball back!" said the Delik robot to Zoidberg. "On it!" said Zoidberg now he was getting into the flow of the game. Alphonse, Brawley, Donbot, Algernon, Joey Mousepad, Braxton, Clamps, and Roberto were all chasing Curly Joe who was doing some basketball moves to confuse them. Once the ball falls out of Curly Joe's hand, Donbot grabs it. "Have them pass it to you!" said the Delik Robot to Zoidberg. "Over here, I'm open!" screamed Zoidberg. Donbot throws the ball to Zoidberg and he runs to the basket. Zoidberg tries to shoot and he barely makes it. Then Alphonse steps in and does the slam dunk move Hermes shows him. "That's my former Limobing teammate!" said Hermes when he sees Alphonse score a basket for their team. The crowd goes wild! As does Bender, "Score one for 176ers, baby! Globetrotters can bite my shiny metal ass! Hooray for everyone on our team except Zoidberg! "Great job!" complemented the Delik Robot, "Always good to have a teammate score when you can't!"
*
Later on, the basketball game had the Globetrotters in the lead. They were 21-19. The whole game Zoidberg did not shoot one basket and instead let the other 176ers teammates shoot the baskets. The 176ers needed one more basket and they win the game. "This is it! Bottom of the finals, Zoidberg! You only made your teammates score, now this time, you need to think for yourself don't be needy and score one for the team!" said the Delik Robot. "In the audience, a redneck disses the 176ers. "Your team is gonna lose! The 176ers suck! Globetrotters forever! It's been a tragedy since that lobster showed up! These guys play like shit!" yelled the redneck and Bender and Hermes. "Your Globetrotters are the ones who suck! Got something to say to me, freak! Come down here and say it, punk!" screamed Bender at the redneck. "Bender stop mon! It's not worth it to beat up heckling fans!" said Hermes. "I've been wanting a brawl! Come on and take me on, you lowdown inbred hillibilly hick! Let's see who is the one who plays like shit really is!" yelled Bender and him and the redneck got into a fight. Bender wins by mercilessly beating the redneck until his face was bleeding. "You have no idea how many days and hours of repression and oppression I have put this team through to make them who they are today!" screamed Bender in the redneck's face as he was still punching him who was now knocked unconscious.
Back at the basketball game, Alphonse, Brawley, Braxton, Algernon, were doing all the basketball moves Bender and Hermes taught them while dribbling the ball and they plan to pass it to Zoidberg. Donbot, Joey Mousepad, Clamps, and Roberto tried to block Ethan's, Sweet Clydes, Curly Joe's, and Gooses's path but got knocked down. Now they were chasing Zoidberg. "Don't let them get to you!" said the Delik Robot. "This is our game now!" said Ethan. "It's going to be easy to take down this lobster." said Sweet Clyde. "Better give up and surrender!" said Curly Joe. "And admit we're better than you, foo!" said Goose. "It's up to you Zoidberg!" said the Delik Robot. "Guess it is. Here I come!" screamed Zoidberg as he runs to the basketball and jumps over Donbot, Joey Mousepad, Clamps and Roberto who were still knocked down on the floor. Zoidberg jumps in slo mo and Hermes, Michelle, Bender who just beat up another heckling fan and everyone in the audience was watching Zoidberg as he finally made a slam dunk basket into the hoop and scores and wins! Bender's and Hermes's team were the victors and the audience cheers and erupts into madness! The final score was now 24-21! The 176ers have won the game! Bender, Hermes, The Delik Robot and Zoidberg congratulated their team. "Thanks for much for helping us win!" said Alphonse. "Hope we see each other again someday!" said Braxton. "All that hard work and training payed off!" said Brawley! Then Donbot, Roberto, Joey Mousepad, Clamps Algernon and Brawley all pour Slurm on Hermes and Zoidberg. Bender ran off to beat up some fans of the Globetrotters. "You did it! Zoidberg! You won us the game!" cheered the Delik Robot.
"We may have been defeated, but we will be back! Come on, gang! Let's regroup and retreat!" Ordered Ethan Bubblegum Tate to Sweet Clyde, Curly Joe and Goose as they all go inside their spaceship in disgrace and vowed revenge. "That's right you better run! Got my revenge for never including me on your worthless ass team!" screamed Bender to the Globetrotters! The Delik Robot opened and the top hit Zoidberg over the head and out came Zapp Branigan. "It was me, Zapp Branigan the whole time!" revealed Zapp. "For it was I who lead this team to......" suddenly out of nowhere, a ball launcher was used to shoot basketballs at Zapp making him fall over. Michelle came to him. "You okay? Some thanks you got, huh?" said Michelle. "I'll be fine, been through a lot worse. Would you like to go on a date sometime?" asked Zapp. "Sure! Someone else can join us too!" said Michelle as she was showing Fluffy Bunny to Zapp. "What a cute little rabbit you got here! Maybe I will make him enlist!" said Zapp. Michelle, Zapp, and Fluffy Bunny all walked out of the stadium laughing hand in hand. "Maybe we didn't need the mascot after all!" said Hermes. "Who shot all those basketballs at Zapp?" asked Hermes to himself. Zoidberg The 176ers Alphonse, Brawley, Braxton, Algernon were all jumping around ecstatic and hysterically that they won the game. Donbot, Joey Mousepad, Clamps, and Roberto left the stadium. "Let's forget this basketball game ever happened!" said Donbot. "Now we can go back to whacking people!" said Joey Mousepad. "These clamps should never hold a basketball again!" said Clamps. Roberto goes ballistic fake stabbing the air.
Up on the balcony thinking Zapp was out to steal his thunder, Bender had the ball launcher he used earlier to train the 176ers. Bender uses the ball launcher again to hit Hermes, Algernon, Alphonse, Brawley and Braxton. Then eventually the whole audience who screamed and ran away in panic. "If anyone is going to be remembered for helping this team win it's going to be me! Bender! HIT THE SHOWERS CHUMPS!" laughed Bender.
The next day in the basketball game in Dallas was in the New New York Times on the front page. It read, "IN DALLAS TEXAS, EARTH TEAM THE 176ERS FINALLY BEATS GLOBETROTTERS 24-21." It showed Hermes, Zoidberg, Alphonse, Brawley, Algernon, Braxton, Robot Mafia, and Roberto on the cover with Bender in the middle punching Zapp in the stomach.
The End
The Preceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production!
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