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The Constant & The Winter Soldier - Time Out


The car is making a strange clunking noise, and as it slows you pull into an open air car park at the side of the road.

The Winter Soldier looks at you as you turn the engine off.

“Well. That didn't sound good,” you say, trying to keep your voice neutral. This has never happened previously. Whenever you have been used as an exit point for the Winter Soldier the vehicles may have looked pre-worn but are always highly maintained and have never broken down before.

“I'll need to call in,” you say, reaching for the phone.

He stops you and looks around, so do you. It is a large car park. There are two other cars parked nearby. One car is surrounded by a family, mother and father trying to collect and put all the kids in the car. They look sunburnt; obviously tourists getting in all the sites before they head back to their normal lives.

The other car is old, deserted, and gives no clues as to the owners. A layer of dust indicates it may have been there a while. Abandoned.

There is also a van to one side selling some kind of hot food.

He looks back at you and you have noticed his shoulders have relaxed. There is no danger here.

He takes his hand away and you pick up the phone and climb out of the car. You know he is watching your every move. You stay within a close distance of the car so he can hear you calling in and asking for assistance.

After Felix has tried to get some details from you, he realises it's pointless to ask you what was wrong with the car. His long-suffering tone finally interrupts you.

“Well clunk clunk tells me a lot Freya.”

“Well that's the noise it was making at the front,” you say defensively.

You finish the call and lean back into the car. “Felix is sending another vehicle but it will take a little while as it's quite a way from us. Needless to say they're not too happy.” You would think that as this is to do with the Winter Soldier's safety they would have something closer.

It's no good getting the Winter Soldier to look at the engine and he doesn't even try. He is good with assassinations, bombs and electronics but a mere car repair wasn't called for in his job description and he wouldn't know where to start. Or so you had been told.

You are sure that the man buried deep in him would know what to do. James Barnes would know what to do.

The car park is on a ledge above a glorious view of the city below. It has obviously been designated a tourist spot and picnic benches have been placed here and there.

You get back into the car, but your plan is to get him out of it and over to the view.

“As it's going to be a bit of a wait, we may as well get out and stretch our legs. Act like normal people.”

He looks at you and again you can't tell what is going through his mind.

“Not a good idea,” he says, holding up his arm. The jacket he has on has no sleeve.

“Take the jacket off, I've got something in the back here.” You reach into the back and pull forward a red and black chequered shirt. You always have a change of clothes in case you are stopped with him in the car. You should have made him put them on the minute he met you.

Everything you do is to keep him safe.

“Put this on. With that and your gloves, no one should take any notice.”

He is still watching you and you can see him assessing the situation, but to your relief he removes his jacket and slips the shirt on instead. It's always a little tight over his left arm but it does the job. He tucks his gun into the small of his back and pulls the shirt down over it. Then you pull out an elastic band from your pocket and lean in close to touch him. He pulls away frowning.

“It's okay. You just need to put your hair up, you'll look more like you belong then.” You smile and hold the band up. He thinks for a moment but sees the logic in your suggestion; he reaches for the band and puts his hair into a ponytail.

You can't help it. He looks heart-stopping, so long as you don’t look at his eyes and you hope the smile doesn’t show on your face. How could this person be such a ruthless assassin? You are reminded of the person he was, the person you briefly met back at the field hospital all those years ago.

Before his eyes changed. Before he became the Winter Soldier.

“Come on. It will do you good!” You don’t wait for an answer. You climb out of the car and wait for him to join you. As he gets out and heads around the car you slowly walk over to see the view. When he approaches you are so very aware of him.

You realise he is looking at you; you turn towards him. In the background the family have finally gotten into their car and driven out of the car park. Other than the person in the food van you are alone.

So far he has let you make the decisions, and you wonder how long that will last.

“Beautiful isn't it,” you gesture to the view and he turns to look at it but doesn’t answer. You both stand there for a few moments drinking it in. The sun is warm on your face and you can hear birds singing and crickets making music. You wonder what is going through that mind of his. Whose eyes is he looking through.

You turn to look behind you and gesture over to the food van.

“Hungry?” you ask, turning back to look at him. At first you don’t think he hears you but then he turns around and looks at you, a slight frown on his face.

“You have food in the car?” he asks.

Not this time, no.

“No, but I have money and I can buy us something to eat.” You gesture to one of the benches near by.

“Sit down and I'll go and get us something.”

Again the Winter Soldier surveys everything around and in the car park. If there is a threat, he can't see it.

He walks to the bench and sits with his back to the view as he knows nothing can get up the slope behind him and from where he is sat he can see the whole car park.

You walk over to the van. There is a single guy inside. His apron announces his name is Ron of Ron’s Best Food Around. He looks about twelve. He puts down the magazine he is reading - or should you say looking at - you don't believe there are any words on display in it, other than maybe names and bust sizes.

He looks up. “Help you?”

You look at the menu taped to the side of the window and you order two hot dogs and two Cokes - Diet as you don’t want to whack the Asset out on sugar. You know he has not had such a thing as a fizzy drink for seventy years. You shouldn't even know what a Coke is but one day Maggie smuggled you one in and you have a taste for them now.

Whilst you wait you pretend you don’t know that the Winter Soldier is watching every move you make. You cannot believe your luck with the car breaking down. It creates a legitimate reason to delay him being returned to his masters. A legitimate reason to take the opportunity to remind him he is human and there is a whole world out here.

Ron passes you the food, straws, and napkins in a cardboard holder and you pay and thank him. He goes back to his magazine. To him you are just a couple taking in one of the many views around here. He won't even remember serving you by tonight.

You walk to the picnic table carrying the food, concentrating on not dropping anything. The Winter Soldier's eyes have followed you all the way, every step, everything you do. It always makes you so nervous when he does that.

You lay one of the hot dogs in front of him with the Diet Coke and a couple of napkins. He looks at it as if he has never seen one in his life.

He looks up, frowning.

“Its a hot dog. Trust me you'll like it.” You smile, sit down and take a bite out of yours.

He watches you eat and then making up his mind takes a bite out of his.

You watch him but don’t make it too obvious. Back at the base the food is of nutritional value only and he has eaten that way for seventy years. Sometimes the food is so bland it can make you gag.

At first you think he might spit it out but then you realise he is actually devouring it. Some of the onions fall out onto the napkin and he scoops them up and crams them back in, in less than a minute the hot dog has gone, you have never seen him eat so fast. It's like watching a starving animal. You should have bought more.

He picks up the Diet Coke and ignores the straw; instead he takes the top off and takes a gulp.

“No wait!” you go to stop him but you are too late. He has drunk a load down and the bubbles have gone up his nose and he is coughing, spilling some of the Coke onto the table. You go to help but he holds up his hand and coughs until he can breathe again. You continue to eat trying not to laugh. You can't help it.

He looks at you and your heart could melt at the look on his face. In some ways the Winter Soldier is so dangerous, but in other ways he is an innocent. You then realise he is not looking at you but at the remaining part of your hot dog.

“Would you like another one?”

He nods and you brush your hands off and go to buy two more. You come back with them and he eats all of the first and most of the second one - which was supposed to be yours.

All the while this has been going on, you have been watching the time closely. “I just need to check up on what is happening and I've left the phone in the car. Won't be a minute.” You get up but realise he is more focused on eating than on what you are doing. It amazes you and if you let it, it could also overwhelm you with pity.

You get back to the car and phone in again. You are supposed to give them an update every fifteen minutes and you are slightly late. You explain it away by saying the area you are in is a known black spot. Even with today's technology if the satellite isn't there you cannot use it.

You know it won't be long before the team arrives to collect their asset and, looking over at the Winter Soldier, you feel such an overwhelming sense of despair for how they treat him and the fact that he does not know who or what he is. You know escape is out of the question. You wouldn't even know where to begin.

You go back and sit with him. “They should be here any minute,” you say.

He nods. Having his hair up makes him look younger and vulnerable and you remember what he looked like with shorter hair. They won't let you cut his hair any shorter; they don’t give you a reason but you believe it is in case one day he recognises himself in a reflection.

You are both quiet for a moment and you see him turn to watch a large bird overhead, soaring on one of the thermals. What is he thinking?

You want to talk to him. This is the first time in a while you have been so totally alone with him but you don’t know what to say. You try out several topics in your mind but at the end of the day you know he probably wouldn't respond to any of them and also you don’t want him to have sensory overload. His masters are going to be pissed enough as it is without you adding more problems.

“I suppose we had better get back in the car,” you say - and then mutter: “don’t want them to think we are enjoying ourselves, God forbid.” You don’t think he hears, but he does.

Ten minutes later a large black SUV pulls into the car park. They have arrived. You know they have clocked the situation and that there appears to be no danger. You both get out of the car and you see Kostin and Lewis walking over to you. Atkins is fetching a tool box from the boot. You are just about to walk forward to meet them but just before you do the Winter Soldier catches your arm and leans in close.

He looks slightly worried and your senses jolt. Is there a problem?

You are startled by his question. “Those things we just ate. They weren't really dog were they?”

There is such an innocence in the question. You forget all the many small things he has forgotten, the knowledge and memories they have taken from him. The little things.

You shake your head.

“No they were pork,” you say quietly.

He looks at you. “Good...” he murmurs something else but you still hear it: “Because I like dogs and I wouldn't want to eat one...that wouldn't be right.”

For a moment you forget yourself and the shock shows on your face but he is no longer looking at you. He has turned away.

His team have reached you. They are not happy, and their abrupt manner is obvious. The Winter Soldier goes with Kostin and Lewis. Looking back over his shoulder though he sees Atkins talking to you.

“You're with me,” Daniel says to you. “Start the car so I can hear what the problem is.” You can tell from their attitude they are not wholly convinced the car really did break down. If it hasn't, then they know they have a problem with you. Although you have worked as an exit point before and have even been on mission once with them, you have never gained the same closeness you had with the Winter Soldier's previous team – that, you hope, may change in the future. Felix though is sure of you, otherwise you would never be allowed the tiny bit of freedom you have. The rest of the team need to make up their own minds.

For a moment you can see the Winter Soldier is tempted to stop and come back for you but you shake your head slightly and try to smile. You turn away as if you are unconcerned, but your heart is beating rapidly. Daniel by now has the hood up and trying to remain calm, you tell him the noise you heard and how the power was draining from the engine. It is a legitimate breakdown and Daniel agrees with you that there was nothing you could have done. He walks over and has a word with the others and then the SUV drives away and you are left with Daniel.

The hot sun gives you a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You hope Ron had cooked the pork properly. Maybe the hot dogs weren't such a good idea after all because you and the Winter Soldier are not used to rich food. You pray silently he will be all right.

*

Later, when you get back you hear that the Winter Soldier was sick on the way back to the base. They had had to stop the car and get him out. He was puking on the side of the road. You are expecting to be reprimanded for the food that you gave him but you soon realise he has not told them.

You were ready to apologise but deep down you were determined to have the Winter Soldier experience situations that have been withheld from him. That was the first time he had ever been out of contact with his handler's for so long, the first time he had eaten food that wasn't just a bland mass of vitamins. Letting him have a few minutes of quietness, letting him see the view across the embankment and listen to the song of the countryside was worth any dressing down you got. Just watching his face as he tasted the different flavours was worth the trouble you knew you would be in when you got back.

But he had covered for you. He has your back.

When you return to your quarters you think he is already asleep in bed. It is late and you have had a long day. You undress quietly and pad through to the shower. You don’t see him turn to watch you, relief on his face, the tenseness drains out of his whole body. He hadn't been sure they were bringing you back, and that he would ever see you again.

He waits for the bathroom door to close before he closes his eyes and falls asleep.