Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Between your smiles & Regrets
I looked down at the man standing on his knees in front of me. His eyes begging for an answer from me. I couldn't breathe. It felt almost like my lungs were starting to tighten and my breathes were getting shorter. I took around the living room and there was everyones eyes concentrating on me, waiting for a response. I started to feel really light headed, looking back down at the man in front of me. He stood up in front of me and grabbed my face in his hands, forcing me to look him in the eyes. His eyes were darting back and forth from mine searching for an answer. I could sense the energy in the room go from extremely happy to extremely awkward. I saw Joe, Andy and Patrick sneak out the back door leaving Pete and I standing in the living room alone. Tears started to swell in my eyes and I couldn't take the hurt on his face anymore. I removed his hands from my face and ran up the stairs to our bedroom, throwing myself on the bed I let it all out. Sobs were racking my body and I couldn't stop the tears. I loved him with all my heart and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, I dreamt about it since the first couple of months we were together, and then all of a sudden he's asking me the question I've been longing for and I can't say 'yes'.
A few minutes later I pulled myself together long enough to get to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, I started the hot water in the jacuzzi tub. I needed this, time alone with myself and my thoughts to understand what just happened. Once the hot water was halfway up the tub, I turned it off and started to pour luke warm water and a little bit of bubble bath into the water as well. I pulled up my long dark hair into a messy bun and lit some candles around the bathroom to create a relaxing atmosphere. I turned off the water when it reached the desired temperature and then stripped of my clothes. I carefully turned off the lights in the bathroom and sunk into the water. I sighed, this was the most relaxed I had been in days. I started to close my eyes and drift off into la-la land when I heard the door to the bathroom creak open. Pete stuck his head inside and I opened my right eye to meet his gaze. When he realized that I was looking bath and in a calmer state of mind, he moved in the door a little bit more.
"You're letting all the steam out." I said in a barely audible voice, I then closed my eyes and sunk down into the water just a little bit more.
"Sorry." He said coming in, "Did you want some company?" He asked sitting on the side of the tub and then reaching around the back of mine and rubbing my shoulders. I melted into his touch. "Mmm." I said as he let go.
"Don't stop."
I moved back against the tub and turned my head to face him. I watched as his stripped of his shirt revealing his nice upper body covered in tattoos. He finished taking off his shirt and I closed my eyes again, pretending like I wasn't looking at him. He started to unzip his pants and take them off when I opened my eye again and eyed him up and down. It was so hard to pretend that I wasn't ready to go for a round or two. I closed my eyes again and sat up in the tub making enough room for him.
"No, move forward." He said simply. I did as I was being told to and moved forward. I felt him slip into the water behind me and wrap his arms around me and move his hands up and down my legs. He knew exactly what it was that he was doing and I knew it just as well too. I started to get a little bit more comfortable into his grasp.
"Why?" He asked quietly in my ear, his warm breath bouncing off my skin. I tensed up again and he could tell. "Why couldn't you say 'yes' to me earlier?"
I looked down into the water and started to have tears escape my eyes. I sighed and turned around face Pete. I looked him in the eye, and I found him again searching for some sort of sign, or may be it was a little hint of hope that he had wanted.
"I love you Pete, I just.." I trailed off. I didn't know what it was myself, how was I about to explain something like this to the person who I'd been with for over two years, and better yet, the person who I'd known since I was knee high to a grass hopper. My heart hurt, but what I was going through, Im sure was nothing compared to anything that he was experiencing earlier and right this minute. He sighed and shook his head, his dark hair falling into his eyes and he looked down.
"Is there someone else?" He said it so quietly I barely caught it the first time he said it.
"Excuse me?" I said, making sure what I had heard was right.
"Is there someone else?" He said looking me directly in the eyes. My mouth felt like it had hit the ground and I felt like I had just been slapped accross the face so hard that the imprint was so fresh and bright red. I was shocked. I couldn't believe what he said. I started to get out of the tub and I was being pulled back down by Pete. He pushed me back against the tub and pinned me against the side.
"The very least you could do, is give me my dignity back and let me know..", I looked into his eyes and I noticed that he was trying so hard not to cry, "at least let me know I am the only one in your life and I am the only one that you wake up thinking about every morning when the sun rises, and when you lay your head down at night, god, just let me know I am you're only one, and that I've been your only one and that the reason you haven't said yes is because you're not sure."
Tears started to roll down his cheeks and my heart got caught in my throat. I bit my bottom lip and looked at him straight into his eyes. I saw something there that I have never seen before, and that something was pure raw undying love. It was something I always knew he had inside of him, I just never saw it before, and quite frankly I wasn't scared anymore.
"Pete, I love you..." I started to say and trailed off.
"Yes or No." Pete sat back in the tub and crossed his arms accross his chest and looked like he was breaking in two, and the main reason was because of me.
I sighed and got out of the tub, finally free. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my hair quickly, and then wrapped one around my body. I looked back into the tub and Pete's mouth was a in a shocked state. He couldn't believe that I wouldn't give him a straight forward answer, but then again, I couldn't believe he was asking such a foolish, absurd question of the sorts. Pete watched me as I went and grabbed for the door handle on the door and started to leave. I looked down at him with hurt in my eyes. I started to walk out and turned around.
"The answer to your question, Mr. Wentz, is no." I slammed the door shut behind me and walked into the spare bedroom. I pulled the covers back and slipped into a pair of my sisters pajamas that she had left in the drawers when she moved out. I didn't want to be near him tonight, I didn't want to breathe, think, hear or see any part of him. I laid down in the bed and curled up to a pillow. I was so hurt and so offended, I just wanted everything to be okay but unfortunately, I knew that neither of us let our gaurds down easily. Both being stubborn and when provoked, most definately not the easiest people to get along with. This wasn't going to be an easy situation and most definately going to get messy.
The next thing I knew, the sun was shinning into the window and it was hotter then all get out in my room. I rolled over only to find a pink rose and a hand written note on the night stand. I sighed and rolled over, grabbing the note and opening it.
"Hey Kate," I smiled a little bit, that was my nickname.
"I saw that look of hurt on your face and crumbled. You complete me, because you are me. And I dont think I can deal with myself right now, I don't think, I know. I want you to know that you're my reason for breathing. My reason I get up in the morning and I want nothing more then to be able to call you my wife, but at the same time I am not sure if you want the same of me. I will give you time if you want, I would give you the world if you wanted, you'd just have to say the word. When I am gone I can't wait to be able to hold you, kiss you and tell you those three little words that make it all worth while. Right now, I am getting out of your way for three months. We're on tour in the States and Canada. I only hope that this is what will fix us, I only hope that this is what is going to make you and I etched in stone. I am sorry if it's not what you want. I want to scream your name ontop of rooftops but at the present time I feel that I've only let you down in more. You know my number, call me.
Never forget, I love you with all my heart.
Petepandaaaa."
I hadn't noticed until I saw a tear fall onto the paper that I was crying. The tears were streaming down my face like a waterfall. I couldn't believe that this was all he left. He left me behind and then went on tour for three months. I sat in the bed in complete and utter shock. I had always been a somewhat strong person but bit by bit Pete had somehow managed to pull those walls down and make me completely vunerable to him. I knew what he was doing and I wasn't going to be able to deal with him being away for three months. I needed some form of closure for this whole thing.
***********
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A few minutes later I pulled myself together long enough to get to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, I started the hot water in the jacuzzi tub. I needed this, time alone with myself and my thoughts to understand what just happened. Once the hot water was halfway up the tub, I turned it off and started to pour luke warm water and a little bit of bubble bath into the water as well. I pulled up my long dark hair into a messy bun and lit some candles around the bathroom to create a relaxing atmosphere. I turned off the water when it reached the desired temperature and then stripped of my clothes. I carefully turned off the lights in the bathroom and sunk into the water. I sighed, this was the most relaxed I had been in days. I started to close my eyes and drift off into la-la land when I heard the door to the bathroom creak open. Pete stuck his head inside and I opened my right eye to meet his gaze. When he realized that I was looking bath and in a calmer state of mind, he moved in the door a little bit more.
"You're letting all the steam out." I said in a barely audible voice, I then closed my eyes and sunk down into the water just a little bit more.
"Sorry." He said coming in, "Did you want some company?" He asked sitting on the side of the tub and then reaching around the back of mine and rubbing my shoulders. I melted into his touch. "Mmm." I said as he let go.
"Don't stop."
I moved back against the tub and turned my head to face him. I watched as his stripped of his shirt revealing his nice upper body covered in tattoos. He finished taking off his shirt and I closed my eyes again, pretending like I wasn't looking at him. He started to unzip his pants and take them off when I opened my eye again and eyed him up and down. It was so hard to pretend that I wasn't ready to go for a round or two. I closed my eyes again and sat up in the tub making enough room for him.
"No, move forward." He said simply. I did as I was being told to and moved forward. I felt him slip into the water behind me and wrap his arms around me and move his hands up and down my legs. He knew exactly what it was that he was doing and I knew it just as well too. I started to get a little bit more comfortable into his grasp.
"Why?" He asked quietly in my ear, his warm breath bouncing off my skin. I tensed up again and he could tell. "Why couldn't you say 'yes' to me earlier?"
I looked down into the water and started to have tears escape my eyes. I sighed and turned around face Pete. I looked him in the eye, and I found him again searching for some sort of sign, or may be it was a little hint of hope that he had wanted.
"I love you Pete, I just.." I trailed off. I didn't know what it was myself, how was I about to explain something like this to the person who I'd been with for over two years, and better yet, the person who I'd known since I was knee high to a grass hopper. My heart hurt, but what I was going through, Im sure was nothing compared to anything that he was experiencing earlier and right this minute. He sighed and shook his head, his dark hair falling into his eyes and he looked down.
"Is there someone else?" He said it so quietly I barely caught it the first time he said it.
"Excuse me?" I said, making sure what I had heard was right.
"Is there someone else?" He said looking me directly in the eyes. My mouth felt like it had hit the ground and I felt like I had just been slapped accross the face so hard that the imprint was so fresh and bright red. I was shocked. I couldn't believe what he said. I started to get out of the tub and I was being pulled back down by Pete. He pushed me back against the tub and pinned me against the side.
"The very least you could do, is give me my dignity back and let me know..", I looked into his eyes and I noticed that he was trying so hard not to cry, "at least let me know I am the only one in your life and I am the only one that you wake up thinking about every morning when the sun rises, and when you lay your head down at night, god, just let me know I am you're only one, and that I've been your only one and that the reason you haven't said yes is because you're not sure."
Tears started to roll down his cheeks and my heart got caught in my throat. I bit my bottom lip and looked at him straight into his eyes. I saw something there that I have never seen before, and that something was pure raw undying love. It was something I always knew he had inside of him, I just never saw it before, and quite frankly I wasn't scared anymore.
"Pete, I love you..." I started to say and trailed off.
"Yes or No." Pete sat back in the tub and crossed his arms accross his chest and looked like he was breaking in two, and the main reason was because of me.
I sighed and got out of the tub, finally free. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my hair quickly, and then wrapped one around my body. I looked back into the tub and Pete's mouth was a in a shocked state. He couldn't believe that I wouldn't give him a straight forward answer, but then again, I couldn't believe he was asking such a foolish, absurd question of the sorts. Pete watched me as I went and grabbed for the door handle on the door and started to leave. I looked down at him with hurt in my eyes. I started to walk out and turned around.
"The answer to your question, Mr. Wentz, is no." I slammed the door shut behind me and walked into the spare bedroom. I pulled the covers back and slipped into a pair of my sisters pajamas that she had left in the drawers when she moved out. I didn't want to be near him tonight, I didn't want to breathe, think, hear or see any part of him. I laid down in the bed and curled up to a pillow. I was so hurt and so offended, I just wanted everything to be okay but unfortunately, I knew that neither of us let our gaurds down easily. Both being stubborn and when provoked, most definately not the easiest people to get along with. This wasn't going to be an easy situation and most definately going to get messy.
The next thing I knew, the sun was shinning into the window and it was hotter then all get out in my room. I rolled over only to find a pink rose and a hand written note on the night stand. I sighed and rolled over, grabbing the note and opening it.
"Hey Kate," I smiled a little bit, that was my nickname.
"I saw that look of hurt on your face and crumbled. You complete me, because you are me. And I dont think I can deal with myself right now, I don't think, I know. I want you to know that you're my reason for breathing. My reason I get up in the morning and I want nothing more then to be able to call you my wife, but at the same time I am not sure if you want the same of me. I will give you time if you want, I would give you the world if you wanted, you'd just have to say the word. When I am gone I can't wait to be able to hold you, kiss you and tell you those three little words that make it all worth while. Right now, I am getting out of your way for three months. We're on tour in the States and Canada. I only hope that this is what will fix us, I only hope that this is what is going to make you and I etched in stone. I am sorry if it's not what you want. I want to scream your name ontop of rooftops but at the present time I feel that I've only let you down in more. You know my number, call me.
Never forget, I love you with all my heart.
Petepandaaaa."
I hadn't noticed until I saw a tear fall onto the paper that I was crying. The tears were streaming down my face like a waterfall. I couldn't believe that this was all he left. He left me behind and then went on tour for three months. I sat in the bed in complete and utter shock. I had always been a somewhat strong person but bit by bit Pete had somehow managed to pull those walls down and make me completely vunerable to him. I knew what he was doing and I wasn't going to be able to deal with him being away for three months. I needed some form of closure for this whole thing.
***********
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