FicWad

Izzy

Great, Duff and Izzy left to go find Axl and I’m stuck here with Steven. Don’t get me wrong I like the guy but he was so damn dumb. He was the nicest guy in the world but sometimes his total lack of intellect annoyed the living fuck out of me. I think it’s all the booze and drugs. I swear some people really do get stupider the more pot they smoke; some people just get stoned and then get over it and then there are those like Steven where it’s obvious brain cells are being killed off with every puff. I wish Slash or Duff had stayed here with me but I understand why they didn’t. It would piss Axl off even more if I was left alone with Slash since he’s convinced there’s something going on between us and Duff had to go with him as the peacemaker since Axl obviously wouldn’t listen to anything Slash had to say unless he was forced to and Duff’s a lot bigger than Axl so he can sit on him while Slash talks.

Honestly I’m grateful to the two of them for going to find Axl and talk to him but I also kind of feel like it makes me look like a pussy. I should be able to talk to my own boyfriend without my friends running interference but maybe it’s gotten past that point; I don’t think Axl would listen to anything I have to say right now. It’s like he thinks I’m not worth listening to at all anymore; like I’m some sort of liar in addition to being nothing but a piece of shit junkie. I can’t believe he called me that! Well, yeah actually I can it is Axl after all but man does that shit fucking hurt! Lately I swear he fucking gets off on hurting my feelings or some shit. I know he loves me or he wouldn’t get so angry about shit but he has a funny way of showing it.

The sex isn’t even any good right now; it’s like he’s only halfway there and doesn’t really want to do it all, I feel like he’s just humoring me and don’t ask me when the last time he topped was. That’s why I told Slash today to make sure he and Duff switched roles a lot; so it doesn’t feel stale and make one person feel like they always have to work the other over to turn them on. I miss the days that Axl couldn’t wait to get his dick in my ass. Sometimes we would even do it in public places to add to the thrill and see if we would get caught; places like the McDonald’s bathroom and the drive-in on the outskirts of Lafayette. He used to beg for it in the back of my old car. I miss those pretty lips whispering “Please Izzy, please let me have you,” in my ear.

Maybe it’s just the cycle of relationships; at first it’s new and exciting and then it goes up and down after that and then maybe you eventually drift apart? I hadn’t really thought of it that way until I was forced to be around Blondie and Curly Sue on a consistent basis; those two are over the fucking moon for each other and I’m so jealous. When Steven and I walked in tonight they were making out up against the kitchen counter and Slash had his hand down Duff’s pants and Duff looked like he was about to climb the fucking wall; but then if that pretty little thing had his hand down my pants I’d be about to jizz on the spot too. Duff is a lucky son of a bitch but at least he fucking appreciates that fact. I wish I could get Axl to moan like that just by putting my hand down his pants while we were making out but all I’d get right now is a sigh that said he was just resigned to it; shit I’d have to stand there and stroke him just to get him hard! My god I want things back to how they used to be; I just want my Fireball to want me again and stop breaking my heart!

I shake myself out of my thoughts; well as best I can as smacked out as I am. Steven looks over at me and holds out a pack of cigarettes. I gratefully take one and light it, curling up into a ball on the couch. Good fucking thing I love sleeping on this couch because it may be my bed for a while because I can’t bear the thought of going back to my empty apartment and sleeping there alone. “You alright Izzy?” Steven asks me eyeing my curled up form warily.

“I’m fine man, don’t worry about,” I answer and blow smoke up into the air.

“Are you mad that I dragged you out of your apartment and over here? You didn’t really look like you should be left alone,” Steven says.

“It’s fine Stevie, like I said, don’t worry about it. I probably shouldn’t have been left alone; I would have gotten even drunker and choked to death in my own puke.” I’m not sure if I’m joking or totally serious; my sense of humor tends to get morbid when I’m drunk and miserable.

“So what’s up with you and Axl anyway? You guys seemed so tight on the trip to Seattle,” Steven muses. This is how I know he’s stupid, he has no idea that we argued the whole time when we were alone and he was passed out drunk during that night that Axl had to go out and score for me.

“He’s tired of me being smacked all the time I guess,” I reply. "He doesn’t want me anymore, says I’m too far gone all the time. Fucked up thing is I wouldn’t be so fucking out of it all the time if he’d pay a little more attention to me. Being ignored all the fucking time hurts and I don’t feel like fucking hurting all time. It’s not a fucking excuse for doing smack, just an explanation; that and I can’t fucking deal with how sick I get if I try and stop. Guess that makes me an addict but I don’t really care. Honestly I don’t care about much of anything but getting the band off the ground and getting my relationship with Axl straight."

“How long have you guys been together?” Steven questions.

“Forever, since we were like 15 or something, just always,” I sigh.

“So how did you guys hook up? Did you talk about it first or did you just know?”

I laugh at this question quietly; did we talk about it. “No we didn’t talk about it; did you see Slash and Duff talk about it? No, they just knew, so did Axl and I. We left some stupid school dance one night and were walking home and stopped to smoke and we kissed, then we fucked that was it,” I tell him and stub my cigarette out in the ashtray next to me.

“Did you always like guys? Slash did, and chicks. Do you think he and Duff still fuck chicks?” Steven wonders out loud and then looks at me like I might know the answer, what does he think I am a fucking psychic? Although I guess I am the one who spends all fucking day with Slash right now by default of our schedules. Steven doesn’t know that we spend most of that time sleeping though.

“I think Duff and Slash are so busy fucking each other right now that chicks are the last thing on their minds. Slash said he loves Duff and I’m pretty sure Duff loves Slash so no, I don’t think they’re fucking chicks right now although they probably would if they thought about it long enough and given the opportunity; but I don’t think they’re actively pursuing it," I chuckle.

“Do you and Axl still fuck chicks?” the idiot asks me.

“Dude, you watched us both fuck those hippy chicks that gave us a ride to Portland, what do you think?” I snort.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Do you like it, letting a guy fuck you?”

“Uh yeah or I wouldn’t do it,” I answer.

“I just can’t imagine liking it; I used to let some of the club owners and bouncers fuck me so I could get into clubs when I was underage. It always fucking hurt though unless they gave me drugs first. They offered the same deal to Slash too but he would never go for it. I never understood why since even back then he knew he was bi.”

“Because he didn’t want it I’m guessing. Steven you shouldn’t ever do something like that if you don’t want to, did you really want into those clubs that badly? What were the two of you doing running the streets at that age anyway? Slash said he was staying over at his girlfriend’s house at 13; where the hell were your parents?” I ask.

“Divorced, that’s where they were. My parents were always shipping me back and forth between my mom’s and my grandma’s. Nobody really wanted me around all the time, I got on their nerves; I still do. Slash’s parents are all artsy and into their work; they love him like crazy but they pretty much let him do whatever he wanted. His mom was busy working with movie stars, she dated David Bowie did you know that? He walked in on them fucking once. His dad was a stoner and one of those starving artists. Slash lived with his grandma a lot too and when he was little he and his dad lived with his dad’s parents and he was an only child back then; he’s always been a spoiled grandma’s boy. Guess that’s why he didn’t need to prove himself by getting into clubs underage; he’s always had the whole world wrapped around his finger,” Steven muses.

“Yeah, he kind of strikes me that way, he gets by on his looks too; who could resist that pretty face?” I reply.

“Nobody can resist that face,” Steven laughs, “especially when he turns on the puppy-dog eyes. Women just fall at his feet when he gives them those eyes; panties just drop immediately. So what is it with you and Axl, why are you so in love with him?”

I just stare at him for a second and think about that. “Because he’s like the other half of me; you know what I mean? Where I’m quiet he’s the fighter, I make the music and he makes the words, and he’s so passionate about everything and that used to include me. It doesn’t really seem to anymore though. I’d do anything for him that I could; but I want to know that there’s a reason to do it. At the moment I don’t feel like putting myself through the hell of withdrawl for no fucking reason; I’m good being high, it’s Axl who wants me sober. He’s been breaking my heart for months; I’m not breaking myself anymore for someone who doesn’t give a shit. If he really loves me he needs to let me know; otherwise I’m done with hurting.” I growl. I mean that shit too, if Axl doesn’t open some part of his heart up to me I’m done; I can’t take feeling like this for much longer. I just want my love back.