FicWad

Duff

It was a long and silent trip to Nikki Sixx's house in Van Nuys. The tension between Axl and Izzy was so thick you could cut it with a fucking knife. But Axl was right, Izzy didn't cause a scene or lose his cool. In fact he was eerily cool, especially for only getting two hits of smack a day. And to my surprise he wasn't fighting me on that. Maybe he was trying to tone it down to maybe win Axl back. But the poor guy can't even fucking look at him. But in Axl's defense, I can see he's hurting too. The difference between them was Axl's pain turned into this anger he unleashed whenever he felt like. The upside was that he released it. With Izzy he just held it in. It festered and he self medicated it. In truth, I'm more concerned with Izzy since he doesn't know how to vent and get it all out the way Axl does.

I've often wondered if venting would be good for Izzy. I had seen him venting on that club owner in Seattle. Man that was such a fucking shock! But Izzy is just so blasé about everything he does. He never gives himself much credit and just shrugs it off when we do. Izzy was sort of modest and not one to brag. Hell he wasn't much of one for telling you anything you didn't have to practically pry out of him. But in light of the recent Axl situation he was opening up a bit more to Slash and I. Warming up to us you might say.

And Axl. Axl dove head first into finding us a fucking manager. Obviously not a very easy feat. So in the meantime Axl became our un-official manager. But Axl was really putting in the work. He was also trying to land us our first real gig in LA as Guns N Roses that wasn't pay to play. It's like losing Izzy had made him just want to stay busy so he didn't have to think about him. I could see him struggling not the assess how high Izzy was. Fighting so so hard to pretend to no longer cared.

It was almost funny how completely like night and day Axl and Izzy were. Honestly I saw absolutely nothing they had in common except being from Indiana, a passion to be rock stars, and their love for one another. They had found a way to make something work for something like ten fucking years already. How is a fucking mystery. But then they both say things have changed between them. And I guess I can only surmise the reason behind that is Izzy's heroin addiction.

All that aside I'm eager to meet this Nikki Sixx. Sure I had heard all about him, read shit and stuff, but Slash made him seem pretty cool. And Steven didn't seem to disagree. They had met him when they were both like 15 when Nikki still played in London. Nikki Sixx was already someone of importance back then. Then he quit and started Motley Crue and fucking sky rocketed to success. I'm just thrilled to be going to an actual celebrity party. Now I too could say I had met someone who had made it. And Nikki was a bassist like me. But Nikki was the leader of his band. You didn't see many bass players who led the band. I was really looking forward to this shit.

I can hear Axl sighing next to me. He didn't want to come tonight because of Izzy. But like me, Axl wants to get his foot in any door he can. He knew meeting Nikki Sixx was an important step in the right direction. Izzy knew it too. Those two were the most determined pair I had ever seen, even at their worst. With them it was never 'If' we make it, it was 'When' we make it. And I knew they would, one fucking way or another. They had that determined mindset. And neither of them ever wanted to go back to Indiana. Axl was actually wanted by the fucking law there and Izzy found it to be too boring with too many corn fields and no clubs. Any place with that many cornfields couldn't have been very accepting of their relationship either.

“Holy shit are those fucking fans?” I hear Slash asking from the back seat and pointing over my shoulder to a mass of bodies outside of a cryptic iron gate.

“This has to be it,” I say pulling up to a speaker box. I roll down the window of Izzy's car and Slash leans out of the window and presses a code in. We all watch as the gate begins to slide open and a few security guys keep the fans back as we pull up into the driveway.

“Holy shit,” I hear Steven excitedly laugh as Nikki's mansion comes into view. “Can you imagine having a house like this?”

“Someday I'm going to have a house on the beach in Malibu,” Axl smiles. I glance in the rearview at Izzy and see the painful expression on his face. I'm guessing this was a dream they had both shared. I park the car and the five of us file out.

Every light in the house is on and music is blaring. I can see chicks dancing half naked through the windows. Some dude is puking off the front porch into the bushes. Slash steps up to the door and rings the bell. A few minutes later we are greeted by a towering figure with electrified black hair that hid his eyes. He was in nothing but leather pants. A fifth of Jack was clutched in his hand. A sideways smirk crawls over his lips. A chill shot through me and I didn't quite know what to make of it.

“Slash, you made it,” he says thrusting the Jack at Slash's chest. “Is this your band you told me about?” He asks letting his eyes quickly scan all of us standing there.

“Yeah, this is...”

“Let me guess,” Nikki cuts him off and looks at me. We are almost eye to eye. He grabs my hand and turns it over and glances at the callouses on my fingers, “This is your blondie bassist Duff huh?” He gives me a knowing smirk. I can only nod.

“Then of course we have Steven there,” he nods at Steven.

His eyes fall on Axl, “And this is the amazing redheaded singer of yours I assume?”

“Axl,” Axl says shyly and extends his hand out to Nikki. Nikki shakes it as his eyes fall on Izzy standing quietly in the back just staring at the floor.

“And you must be Izzy,” Nikki's smile shines on Izzy with a twinkle in his eye. Izzy just nods without ever even looking up at Nikki. He must be trying to hide his battle wounds.

“So come in and enjoy, There's coke every fucking where. Fridge has beer, Kitchen table has liquor. Hot tub out back for playing. Bedrooms with chicks for fucking...if you guys are into that...so make yourselves at home. There's a ton of foot holes to sink into if you catch my drift,” He winks at us meaning record company people and producers and musicians and shit.

We all slowly make our way further into Nikki's house. Steven starts off by grabbing a beer and a chicks ass at the same time. Slash and I make our way to the hard liquor. Axl meanders into the living room. But Izzy just lingers at the door. He looks like he wants to bolt. I guess even Nikki Sixx can sense that because he is soon wrapping an arm around his shoulder and saying something to him as he leads him away from the door and towards the stairs. Izzy just nods and seems to be listening attentively to whatever Nikki has to say. It makes me uneasy and curious. I have a feeling I should follow.

Axl

Nikki seemed nice enough. Not at all what I expected. The press made him seem like a lunatic junkie. Izzy seemed like more of a junkie than Nikki did. I walk in his living room and just see wall to wall people. I briefly scan them all and look for a conversation to jump into. Then I look near the window. I see a brunette and a red head. The red head is fucking beautiful. She shifts her hair to the other side and smiles at the girl she's talking to. My legs unwilling cross over to her.

“Hi,” I smile to her. Zoned in and locked on her. I've never had a chick have this kind of effect on me. In fact nothing ever had.

“Hi,” she shyly smiles and sips from her drink.

“I'm Axl.” I grin broadly at her, unable to fucking help myself.

“Erin,” she says extending her hand out to me. I take it in mine and circle my thumb across her wrist. God she was fucking beautiful. “Are you in the music business?” She asks making small talk as her friend wanders off.

“I'm a singer,” I nod.

“What's your band called?” she attentively asks me.

“Guns N' Roses.” I say.

“Thats a cool name but I'm sorry, I've never heard your band before.”

“We haven't played much in LA yet...well not as Guns N Roses. We've all been in bands though; Hollywood Rose most recently.”

“Oh yeah, I've heard of Hollywood Rose,” she nods with that beautiful smile. It in turn makes me smile.

“What about you? You in the business?” I ask her.

“My dad was. I model.”

“Who's your dad?” I curiously ask

“Don Everly.” She smiles.

“As in the fucking Everly Brothers?” I ask excitedly.

She shyly nods, “Yeah.”

And for the first time in ten fucking years my mind isn't obsessing on Izzy. I'm not thinking about where he is, if he's watching me talk to this beautiful chick, or what he's doing himself. I'm not thinking about his habit or our breakup. Not thinking about how awkward it is being around him. He had simply vanished from my mind in the presence of Erin. I can't tell you how fucking relieving that shit felt. Nor can I explain why that makes me feel so fucking guilty at the same time.

Duff

“Did you see where Nikki took Izzy?” I ask taking a drink of Vodka as Slash pours himself another shot of Jack. I'm having a strange feeling about it. Something just didn't sit right with me. Nikki had never met Izzy before in his life. Why had he singled him out and taken an immediate interest in him? It was fucking odd and off putting to me.

“Upstairs, why?” Slash shrugs as he sits the bottle of Jack back down on the table.

“Well don't you find that...odd?” I ask.

“Why?” Slash shrugs and downs his shot.

“Is Nikki straight?” I ask curiously. Surely Nikki Sixx wasn't trying to fuck Izzy.

“As an arrow,” Slash nods, “Can't even get it up in the presence of another dude.”

“Then that just leaves one reason,” I mumble to myself.

“What?” Slash asks.

“Nikki's a heroin addict, right?” I ask. Slash nods and I can see him getting where I'm headed with this. “Did you tell him Izzy is too?”

“I don't know...maybe, might have come up at some point...I'm not sure really. Why? You think he's getting Izz high?” Slash asks looking towards the stairs in wonder.

“Well why else would he disappear with him like they were best fucking friends,” I sigh. Shit.

Nikki

I watch this Izzy guy sit in my closet floor and shoot up a speedball I mixed him up. I'm like a mad fucking scientist when it comes to combining different drugs. Slash had mentioned to me before that Izzy was a heroin dealer and addict. He had also mentioned that he and the red headed singer dated. Well upon first inspection at my door I could sense the tension in the air. And I knew that look on Izzy's face. He was on heroin, but it wasn't enough to be satisfied. I could see how uncomfortable he was written all over his face. So I invited him up to my room for a cocktail. It's not like I have that many people I can shoot dope with.

“So do you always sulk like this or is there a reason?” I boldly ask. No one could ever accuse me of being subtle.

He looks at me for a split second then his eyes flutter away, “I'm not sulking.”

I huff with a smirk, “Oh yes you are,” I assure.

He eventually just shrugs, “Personal shit.”

“Must be personal and red-headed huh? Couldn't help but notice the busted lip.” I lift an eyebrow.

Izzy just looks at me crazy like. One, why am I asking? Two, where do I come off in asking? And three, why the fuck do I care?

I smirk again. “You'll figure out one day that singers are a breed all their own. Fucking premadonna Princesses. Don't believe that, I can introduce you to my spoiled ass singer.”

Izzy stares down at my carpet as a wave of drugs hits him. He slightly shakes his head. “Axl's not like that.”

“Give him time,” I assure him, “Especially when you guys make it. Slash tells me you guys really have something. He wants me to hear you play a gig...that is if you fuckers can ever book a gig. I'm guessing you're at that pay to play stage huh?”

Izzy nods.

“The key is to go out and get people to come to watch you play. You live close to the strip, right?”

Again he nods.

“We used to also. We would throw these wild ass parties after the clubs closed and our place became the place to go for the the after party. It didn't take long before everyone was knowing who we were. So start getting yourselves out there.”

Izzy's eyebrows furrow at me, “You're not how the press makes you sound,” he softly says as he licks the blood from his arm.

I give a low devious chuckle, “Yeah I am, I'm just not that loaded yet.” I then change the subject, not that me isn't a great subject. “So you swing both ways right?”

He uncomfortably nods at me.

“Good, we can find some slut to suck you off. Maybe then you won't look so fucking tense.”

He looks uninterested.

“Or,” I smile, “Maybe like me, you'd just prefer more dope.”

And finally I get a small little smile of approval out of him.