FicWad

Axl

Obviously we had to have a serious fucking band meeting. So we had it at the rehearsal space since the cops were no longer hot on our trail. And for once, wouldnt you know we all showed up around the same time? I was seated next to Izzy on the corner of his Marshall half stack. Duff and Slash sat in silence on the couch not looking at anyone, not even themselves. Steven was fucking off with his drumsticks.

Izzy looks to me and gives me a dreaded sigh deciding to end this uncomfortable silence in here. The air was so thick I couldn't fucking breathe. "Look, we all know what the fucking score is here, right?" He begins. "Every one of us has ate shit for this band. Weve done shit that's fucked up our heads, and hurt the people we love." He pauses with a long sigh and curious furrowed brows, "But why didnt we ever stop? We never considered giving up. And now finally here we are being offered record deals. It's that big break we've dreamed of, what we've bled for."

I quickly butt in finding my voice. "The real question is it worth it to all of us to keep persuing it?" I look at Izzy with pain in my eyes, "Was it worth all the times we had to watcheachother suck off strange guys while watching the love of your life get fucked by someone else?" Izzy's eyes flutter and look down. Then I look at Duff. "Was it worth the pain I caused you Duff? The horrible experience you had with those guys, me fucking the person who loves you more than anything?I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am Duff" Then my attention turns to Slash, "Was it worth the degredation? The remourse. Its you they want. You and you alone. If I could fucking change that shit I would. The real question here kid is...how far are you willing to go for this band?"

Izzy looks sincerely at Slash. " And no one would blame you if you say fuck this band. Axl and I have wanted to throw in the towel so many fucking times. It's ok to say no."

Slash sighs deeply and just stares at the floor. "This is all I ever fucking wanted to,” he says softly, “the only thing I know how to do. I can’t go back to being a nobody. Axl and Izzy, you guys have worked harder than any of us for this. It's your determination that got us this far. And Duff baby, I know this is what you want too, maybe not at the cost...but this is our dream guys. You think I can let you guys down like that?"

No one utters a fucking peep. Izzy just looks down in shame again. A tear rolls down Duff's cheek. And Steven nervously taps his drumsticks at his thighs. Not a one of us wanted the kid to do it. Why did it have to be him?

Slash looks to Izzy, "Izz, set up the deal."

Izzy nods without ever looking up. I see another tear fall down Duffs cheek and a small noise escapes him.

Slash turns to him and wipes them away, "Baby, I promised I wouldn’t do smack again...but" his words trail off as Izzy's eyes pop up at them.

Duff nods, "Baby I understand."

Izzy's eyes meet mine looking concerned that our prediction might be coming true.

"Just for those meetings," Slash adds.

Duff sighs with a nod and drawls from the Vodka bottle in his hand.

"Hey Kid," Izzy says looking at him with creased brows as he lights himself a cigarette, lets play this shit to our advantage."

"What do you mean? Slash shrugs. But I think I know what my dark angel might be thinking.

"Well what they want is you, right?"

Slash shrugs.

"Well no body says you have to be the 20 dollar hooker. Be the fucking 5000 dollar call girl," he exhales.

"I don’t follow," Slash states.

"Hookers don't work for free kid. Promises of record deals are like fucking green stamps. You've got all the cards kid. Make requests. Like a sit down dinner with the band; maybe some new instruments, some spending cash, backstage passes to kickass shows. They want you; they'll do it because of that."

I smile at Izzy. I loved the shit out of that motherfucker. He was a criminal genius.

Duff slugs from his bottle again with a nod, "Yeah, fuck em for fucking us."

I smile at Izzy, "Think we just found a new way to make rent. Everyone laughs. For once I had actually broken the tension in a room. Normally I was the cause of it.

And another matter of business is that cunt Vicki Hamilton," I say creating more tension. She don't give a fuck about us. She sold me and Slash for her own selfish reasons. I vote she's out."

"No arguement here," Slash huffs. "Besides I talked to Sixx. He knows this guy who's real straight edged and used to work for Electra. He's with some new company now. Nikki said he would put in a word for us."

"So it's unanimous?" Izzy drags from his cigarette, "Vicki can go fuck herself and the kid takes the homerun leading the team to victory?" Izzy looks tenderly at Slash, "You don't have to do it kid."

He looks at Izzy, "Izzy you have looked out for me since day one. Duff I love you so much. Stevie youre my bro man, and Axe...you and me have been through some shit. Yeah guys, I'm sure about this."

Again silence encompased us all.

"I'll tail you," Izzy says, "I'll make sure what happened to Duff never happens to you."

"We all will," I nod.

Duff

I couldn't believe I just sat there with my mouth shut saying nothing. Not one goddamn word to stop my Curly Sue. I couldn't let him do this shit.He was just an innocent kid who didn't know what he was doing. He was just so excited to be part of a band. I wipe another tear rolling from my eye as my eyes fall on Axl and Izzy sharing a very brief moment of tenderness.

My stomach turns when I think of him fucking Axl. But at the same time I'm glad he got Axl and not the treatement I did.I look at Axl and Izzy again. They had lived these things that Slash and I had before. Both of them had been raped. Both of them had fulfilled the sick pleasures to so many in the music business. But they made it through it.

I love Slash enough to make it through this hell with him, but I fucking hated it. It ate my soul. It had taken Axl and Izzy's soul. I didn't want my sweet Curly Sue to end up jaded. I didn't want his sweet personality to slowly disappear with every sick fuck he would have to turn himself out to for us. I didn't want him to do smack but I know why he would need to to get through that shit. After all this my Slash would start to fade away. He would become a walking ghost like Izzy, always killing the pain. Even Axl used to do smack to try to deal.

I didn't want to watch that light in his eyes fade, but it was already starting to happen. He couldn't even look at Axl. And Axl seemed truly and regrettably sorry for what happened with Virgin. But we had a shot now. A real fucking shot. And we all wanted it. Even Slash.

Izzy interrupts my thoughts and slaps my leg, "Come with me Duff," he tells me and I do follow.

We go outside the rehearsal space and he leans into the wall lighting a cigarette. "Believe me Duff, I know exactly how you feel right now. And please know that if you love him, you'll live with it. He loves you so much Duff. The two of you are like me and Axl used to be. But so much shit has happened to us. You see how fucked up we are...bu we're still here, still together. You and Slash can do it too. But Duff, I'm not asking you to. You think I want the kid to end up like me and Axe?"

"You want a record deal don't you?" I pull a bottle to my mouth.

"Yes, but I won't hurt you or the kid to do it," Izzy exhales. "You both say you agree but youre lying Duff. Slash isn't, but you are. If you don't want..."

"I agreed Izz," I cut him off. Just promise me you'll look after him."

Izzy smirks slightly, "Well I'm a junkie, a dealer, a thief, arsonist, burgular, an enforcer, fuck it, why not add pimp to my list of crininal activity, right?"

It was meant to be finny, but I couldnt laugh. "Just promise me you'll take care of him Izz. He's not street smart like you. He's just a kid." Another tear rolls from my eye.

Izzy places his hands on my shoulder and forces me to look into his eyes. "I'll protect him with my life Duff. I swear it."

I nod as more tears fall.

"Just breathe Duff, pretty soom this bad shit will be over and we'll be drinking champagne in fucking limos. Playing stadiums...hang in Duff. We're almost there."

"Promise me one more thing Izz," I look at him with pleading eyes, You wont let him turn into a junkie."

Izzy swallows hard. He looks at me and nods. But he doesn't promise.