Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Through The Eyes Of...

Cold Turkey

by MaryJaneSixx 0 reviews

Slash in withdrawal

Category: Guns n' Roses - Rating: R - Genres: Romance - Warnings: [V] [X] [R] - Published: 2017-06-24 - 3455 words


A whimper is all I can get out. I don’t know where I am; I can’t open my eyes, my head hurts too much and I’m too nauseated and I somehow know that if I do open my eyes the room is going to tilt and spin and I’m going to puke. But I can still feel and smell. I can tell I’m in a bed; not my bed in the loft it smells too clean for that and not the bed Duff and I had before…a hotel maybe? I can hear the TV droning on in the background and I can smell another familiar smell: Duff. Comfort, love, safety, happiness; that smell means all of those things. I reach my hand out and feel around for him and wince again when my head throbs and my stomach churns. Almost immediately I feel an arm wrapped around me and a hand strokes my hair back off of my clammy forehead. A soft kiss is placed on my face beside my eye. “Hey baby boy, you awake?” I hear Duff’s quiet voice asking.

“Where are we? I’m sick; I think I’m going to die. I need some smack Duff, I know you don’t want me to have any but I’ve never felt this bad in my life, please Duff? Help me? I’m sorry I was so mean to you earlier but please…” I beg and feel a tear run down my face. Oh fuck I feel like shit! I’m shaking and soaked with sweat so I’m cold where the air conditioning is blowing on me but I’m sweating like a pig and my nose is running and my stomach is burning and it HURTS right at the top of my belly just under my ribs and I curl up into as tight of a ball as I can.

“Sweetheart, I know you’re gonna hate me but no; I’m not giving you any more, you’re going cold turkey. You can’t handle yourself on it; I found you beaten up in the street with no wallet and no shoes and piss all over yourself; it could have been so much worse and you know it. So no more smack for you; I’m sorry to be the one to make you feel so bad right now but I love you too much to let you stay on it,” Duff tells me firmly and I know he will not be swayed.

I make a high pitched keening noise and start to sob out my misery but the urge to vomit comes on so fast I almost don’t make it into a sitting position. Duff, of course being my eternal saving grace has already anticipated that and plants a trash can in my lap just as I start to puke. I throw up the little that I’ve eaten since yesterday but continue to wretch until not even yellow bile is spewing out, I’m just drooling with every heave. Every spasm sends a burning pain through my stomach too; it hurts so bad and I wrap my arm around it and hunch up in a ball to keep it from hurting worse. Duff takes the trash can away and gently cleans off my face with some tissues and then a cool cloth. He wipes down my neck and chest and ears too and it does make me feel better but then I start sweating again while my teeth chatter. I’m so uncomfortable and in so much stomach pain that I curl up into Duff’s lap sort of and lay there shaking and whimpering.

“You want to lay in a hot bath? Would that help sweetness? Duff asks worriedly.

I nod at him and whisper; yeah, I think that would feel nice.” He strokes my hair for another second and then gets up to start the water. The sound of the water running and the way the bed dipped when Duff stood up was enough to throw my stomach into spasms again and I wrapped myself around the trashcan while Duff rubbed my back. When the spasms were over Duff got me up and moved into the bathroom where he ran a tub full of hot water and let me relieve my bladder on the toilet. He twisted my hair up into some sort of messy ponytail and then helped me lower shaky body into the steaming water. It feels so good on my skin. Thoughts of death leave me for a few minutes. I get settled back against the cold porcelain and let my body sink down into the hot water. Duff was right, it was better; for a little while. Once the water started to get cold Duff turned the shower on and washed my hair and then bundled me up in towels and dried me off. He put me back in boxers and t-shirt and laid me back down in the bed. Izzy and Axl came back with some soup and crackers and sandwiches and stuff and Izzy convinced me to eat some crackers and take some antacids to take some of the burn out of my stomach. It worked a little but it still hurt. But the shakes started again and I threw up the crackers and the water and the pain came back; pain in my joints, pain in my stomach, pain in my head, pain everywhere! I started sweating and shivering like crazy again and this time in addition to the valium Izzy gave me two of Duff’s left over percocets which within 20 minutes eased the cramp in my stomach immensely and knocked me out again.

This time when I woke up Duff only had one of the lamps on the far side of the room turned on and had his body wrapped around me. I stretched out of the little ball I had been curled up in and realized that Duff was having another nightmare and that’s what had woken me up. He was breathing hard and whimpering and talking to himself. I fought down the nausea that was threatning to overtake me and I reached out and pulled his upper body into my lap and held him close to my sweat soaked body and stroked his hair and shook him. “Duffy, Duffy, honey, wake up; please baby, wake up, I’m right here, nothing can hurt you, I’m holding you Duffy!” For the first time he opened his eyes and sat up and looked around with panicked eyes but he didn’t start hyperventilating; he let me put my arms around him and hold him lightly against my chest and he just breathed hard. “That’s it baby, shh, it’s ok, it was just a dream, I have them too. “You want to tell me what it was about?”

“Probably the same thing they are for you, some guys sticking their dick up my ass! I can’t get past it! It’s always there, always! I can’t make the dreams stop! They won’t go away, ever! They’re always there!

“Shhh Duffy, I soothe, I’m always here for you when you wake up. I love you. You’re going to be fine. I rub his arm softly and let him get up and walk around the room trying to settle himself down. I’m not sure how either one of us is going to last the next few days. I jump up to walk over and hug him from behind and I do for a second but I end up running to the bathroom and heaving until I’m puking up blood. Duff is worried to death and hovering over me like a mother and it’s nice. He puts me back in the bathtub and bathes me; stroking my forehead and my cheek the whole time. I love him so much for all he does for me. He’s my savior and I tell him that. “You’re mine too Curly Sue; you’re the reason I’m alive. You’re my everything.” He spends the next few days cleaning up vomit and helping me to the toilet and having housekeeping come and change the sweat soaked sheets when every couple of days. He held me when I cried because I was so unformfortable but he ne never once left me. Izzy and the others brought in food; they were dealing with Steven in the room next door.

I help Duff deal with his nightmares the best he can and his panic attacks; when I’m well enough to stand up I walk him up and down the block when he can breathe until he calms down. When I wake up frozen in terror from dreaming about things that were done to me he somehow seems to instinctively know now and wakes up with me and wraps himself around me and whispers words of love in my ear until I can unfreeze myself from the terrified ball I wake up frozen in. Some nights I sleep on the bathroom floor so I can stay close to the toilet and shit liquid out of one end and puke into a trashcan on my lap. Duff doesn’t leave me there in that disgusting state, he bathes me and lets me sit in the hot running shower as long as I need to. He does my laundry at the little laundry room in the hotel. He’s my lifeline and I’m getting sober for him as well as myself; he needs me too much for me to stay so doped up all the time. His nightmares and the panic attacks that come after them scare me and I wish I could make them go away for him but I don’t know how. All I do know is that he drinks more and more to deal with them and that I want to be able to do more to stop them and to comfort him when they happen. I haven’t been very good about it; mostly after the first few times I wait until he stops pacing around and sweating and sits back on the bed and then pull him into me and tell him to go back to sleep; that is if I can stay awake at all through the whole thing. Some days I come home in the middle of the day from wherever I’ve been with Izzy or Steven shooting up and I pass out immediately. Duff’s the only one of us really still working and Izzy’s still dealing but I lost my job at the newsstand for being on the phone too much to promote the band and Steven, well Steven never really worked much anyway except during the holiday season at a clock factory with me where we made these ugly holiday gift clocks with gold plaques on them for different company corporate gifts. But Duff still worked in the same restaurant. When he had to leave the hotel room Izzy or Axl would come over and stay with me.

But no matter what shift Duff worked he made sure I was taken care of during those 7 days of hell. I woke up once on the bathroom floor with a pillow under my head and a blanket covering me and Duff was sitting up over me, his head on his arms leaning against the toilet lid fast asleep. I wanted to stand and up and carry him to the bed but I was too weak; I didn’t even know if it was day or night because I couldn’t move to see out into the room. I reached over and shook him to wake him and tell him to go back to bed and instead of leaving me there on the floor with the pillow and blanket he had obviously put there for me he picked me up and carried back to one of the beds, wiped me down, changed my clothes, fed me a handful of valium and wrapped himself around me and stroked my hair and kissed my shoulders and and the back of my neck until I went back to sleep. I woke up about three hours later to him pacing the room and the sidewalk outside gasping for air in a full on panic attack. This time I was strong enough to pull myself out of bed and walk outside onto the sidewalk and put my arms around him gently and pull him back into bed. This time I fed him a handful of valium and he slept like a baby. Izzy was buying the valium off the street; trading heroin for it sometimes from the Cathouse girls and other wealthier clients. It was a shittier deal for him but it was what we needed; bot Steven and I. I never saw Steven during the whole week we ere in the hotel I just knew he was a couple of rooms down being watched over by Izzy and Axl who took turns in shifts. Duff never left me except to go to work.

Withdrawl is a horrible process; I sweated the whole time; I soaked through my clothing, several sets of sheets, my hair was constantly dripping even though my teeth were chattering. I shitted water constantly or puked; I threw up so much that by the end I was vomiting up blookd and Duff was about ready to pack me into the truck and take me to the hospital I but I convinced him it was just that my stomach lining was so irritated from vomiting; I wasn’t dying. My body temperature went up and down from a high fever to slightly below normal when my blood pressure dropped some. I had lots of nightmares too; I’d wake up frozen in a ball and trembling; images in my mind of Ax; or any of the three guys from Virgin riding me and tearing me open even though Axl hadn’t hurt me at all; even though Axl had been so careful with me and actually felt good and gotten me off. Poor Axl had guarded my modesty and protected me and made sure I could at least cum from what he did to me. I will be forever greatful for how he asked what I needed and wanted and made the performance for that freak that night look real enough that he went away satisfied; hell I went away satisfied. It wasn’t what I wanted and I was scared and embarrassed and ashamed but he gave me a hell of a good orgasm; he does know what he’s doing.

By the time I began to feel better Duff was exhausted. I was shaky but not vomiting or nauseated. I could hold food down. I was pale but I could hide my face well enough from behind my curls so that people couldn’t tell right way. I woke up that first morning of not being in total misery and not vomiting I quietly got dressed and brushed my teeth and went to the diner across the street and bought Duff a huge breakfast platter and myself a small order of pancakes; it was all I could stomach. When I brought the food back the smell woke him up as soon as I walked back into the door and he jumped up carefully examining my face and my eyes in all their bloodshot glory. Once I convinced him that I was ok and getting better and could eat I made him sit back up in the bed and grabbed the plates and the two plastic trays I had convinced them to give me and sat him down in bed and fed him breakfast in bed properly; even occasionally actually feeding him from my fork. He wolfed his food down and softly kissed my lips each time I fed him a forkful of food after he swallowed it. Then he insisted on feeding me my entire meal and sitting and making sure I ate without getting sick. He was totally adorable with the way he mothered me. Once we finished our entire meal he got into the shower with me and scrubbed my hair and told me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me for kicking the smack habit. At least I knew I went through the worst hell of my life as far as sickness for a good goddamn reason; I’d do anything to make him smile like that and tell me he was proud of me. I think my favorite things he said to me that morning was “I’m so proud of you; you were so sick and you were so strong and pulled through it. I love you more than anything. Your eyes have so much more sparkle in them now that the drugs are out of your system; those are the eyes I fell in love with. I’m sorry so much shit has happened to you in the past few months; I wish I could take it all away but I can’t. All I can do is be there for me when you need me and I’ll always be here for you Curly Sue.”

“I love you too Duffy” I whispered back,”more than you can imagine. Thank you for taking care of me this week; nobody’s taken care of me like that since I was a kid and I love you more than my life. We’re going to make it baby. We’re gonna make it big; one day it will all have been worth it, even the shit we have nightmares about.”

“Yeah, one day it will be; right now just playing and getting to hold you in my arms is enough. I could feel myself blush and he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. As the kiss grew deeper he pulled me into him and his hard on rubbed against my stomach and my own rapidly hardening dick. I groaned when his hand moved down and wrapped around me and started to stroke me firmly. I may have been sick as a dog for the past few days but now that I was feeling better I wanted him so fucking bad. “You feeling up to having some fun?” Duff panted in my ear as my hand stroked him back. “Mmm…baby you’re a cock tease.”

“I don’t have to be,” I mumbled as I moved my mouth down to kiss and suck at his neck. My teeth bit down into his skin and he cried out softly and I soothed the bites with small kisses and licks and then moved to suckle another place.

“ I want to fuck you so bad; turn around for me?” he begged. I did as he asked and he ground his dick against my ass. His fingers stroked my lips and I gladly opened my mouth to suck them like I was sucking his dick. He groaned as I swirled my tongue around his calloused fingers and finally pulled them out and used them to prep my ass and open me to him. I groaned out loud and bucked back against his hand as his fingers stroked my prostate and teased and circled and pressed on it.

“Duff!” I squeaked as he pressed hard on it and he gripped me to his chest with his other arm. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. Holy fuck I wanted him so bad!

“Duff if you don’t fuck me now I may actually have to shoot up to calm down; please baby. I want you inside of me…I pant and squirm around; and then he’s there, inside of me. He thrusts gently at first and I groan and push back against him harder each time he pushes in. His thrusts increase in speed and strength and within minutes I’m spilling myself all over the wall of the shower. Duff squeezes me tightly from behind and groans my name and I feel the warmth of his seed gush out inside of me. We both limply collapse against one another and the wall. “I love you baby boy,” he tells me and kisses my shoulder. “I love you too,” Duffy I sigh and bring his hand to my mouth and kiss his palm. We made it; or I made it off of smack but not without his help. We made it together.
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