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Steven

Nikki Sixx had to be certifiably insane. I was about ten seconds from busting a nut all over some fine Mexican tits when he decides to set off fucking fireworks because the bitch he was with didn't give good enough head. Whores started to run in every directing and I'm left with a raging boner and left on the cusp of orgasm.

I run too because what else can I do? I follow after Nikki laughing like a maniac. As soon as I'm outside I look for Izzy's car; I freeze when I see it. I can see him and Slash making out as clear as day! What the fuck? Was something secret going on with these two? Slash never talked about anything but how in love with Duff he was. Why the fuck was he kissing Izzy? And he was enjoying that shit until the screaming stampede of whores interrupted their moment!

Nikki and I throw ourselves into the car and Izzy slams on the gas and we race for the Rio Grande. Again we are harassed by border patrol. And again Nikki makes a jackass of himself. I might have to rethink hanging out with this guy. He was trouble, not to mentioned extremely troubled.

The second we get back on American soil Nikki is calling his dealer in LA. Three hours later we are sitting in his dealer's living room shooting up. This time the shit was fucking good.

"Fuck," Izzy slurs, "the meeting."

"Fuck...what time is it?" Slash asks.

"We have..." I stare at my watch trying to calculate but I'm too fucking high.

"45 minutes and traffic on the freeways," Nikki nods and takes a gulp of Jack. "I'd get going if I were you fuck nuts."

Izzy groans as he gets up, "Axl is so going to fucking kill me."

"Yep," Nikki nods seeming amused.

"I'm blaming it all on you," Izzy flips him off.

"I'd buy that," he shrugs. "So check up with me later if you live through today."

"We need coke," I say in a groggy voice, "Nikki you got any?"

"Did you really just ask me that? Who the fuck do you think you're asking? Of course I do,but the shit is gonna be worn off by the time you get there, even if you shoot it."

"Fuck it, we don't have time for that shit," he says searching for his keys. "We just have to pull it the fuck together."

"Axl is so going to kill you bro," Slash says as he drags himself to his feet.

"Yes Slash, thank you for reminding me. Steven would you care to tell me too?" Izzy's irritated, I can tell.

He doesn't say one word on the way to the studio. Every time we slow down in a traffic jam someone nods off. We were blitzed out of our fucking gourds. At least Duff expected us to return this way. Axl was going to tear Izzy's balls off. Izzy skipped out without saying a fucking word.

I guess until this day I didn't really grasp the logistics of addiction. When I first met Izzy he seemed cool. I didn't even know about the smack until we went to Seattle. But after living around him I can see it now. Izzy was hooked. If it came down to hurting Axl just to get high he would; with no second thoughts. The fix was more important than the need to spare Axl's feelings. He would go off,do as he wished, and come sweet talk Axl and everything would be water under the bridge. He must have been one hell of a sweet talker or he gave epic blow jobs; but Axl always forgave him. Maybe he loved him that much; or maybe he just knew what it was like. At one point Axl had been a junkie right along side of Izzy.

So we make it to the meeting. We're late. Not terribly late; fashionably late. We burst in and So many eyes fall on us. God who were all these fucking people?

"Sorry, car trouble,"Izzy mutters and takes a seat.

Axl glares at him through squinted eyes that boil with rage. Izzy refuses to meet his gaze.

Slash sits on one side of Duff and I take the other. Slash is so lucky he gets to hide behind his hair. These people can't see how trashed he is. Then someone starts to talk. He seems familiar but I just can't place him. He talks a long time and I have no clue what half of it is about. After about ten minutes I have to shift positions to keep myself from nodding.

Guess Izzy should have done that too. His eyes are shut, he has that melting face look all junkies get. His head is very slowly starting to droop. He gets elbowed in the ribs by Axl. He comes too looking alert for a moment. "Yeah, I agree."

Axl throws daggers his direction with his glare. "Nobody asked you to fucking agree to anything Izzy."

"Look," the familiar guy I can't place says, "maybe we should do this some other time. It appears as if I'm not saying anything worth listening to apparently."

"Sorry man," Izzy says running his hand over his face, "Late night, you know how it is."

"Yeah, I do know how it is," he nods, "so I hope you understand why it is I can't work with this band."

And fuck me if that guy didn't get up and walk right the fuck out. Duff sighs and grabs his head. Slash is lighting a cigarette in slow motion. And Axl and Izzy are frozen in a staring contest.

"Proud of yourself Izz?" Axl asks, "You just made Paul fucking Stanley of fucking Kiss walk out the fucking door because you're fucking smacked out and nodding off and shit! Why the fuck would you show up in this condition? You only get this way when you hand out with that motherfucker Nikki Sixx! And don't try to lie and say he didn't go down to Mexico with you because I know he did."

Izzy shrugs, "Sorry."

"Sorry?!" Axl shouts.

"Well I wouldn't have looked much better with my nose running and sweating and puking and shaking and all that shit now would I? I didn't mean to get this smacked out; it was just some really good shit," Izzy explains.

"Well I'm glad it was worth it for you Izzy! But what the fuck about the band? You know no one even wants to work with us because they think we're all junkies! I'm not the fucking junkie but I'm stuck with three of them! And Duff, fuck dude I don't know how you stand half the time. What the fuck is wrong with everyone? This is what we wanted. This is why we sucked cock and got fucked and raped repeatedly! Now that we're here and that shit is over you all just fall the fuck apart!I don't want to do this shit alone. I started this with four other guys right by me. Four guys who sacrificed just the same as I did. You think I enjoyed some perverted fuck making me watch Izzy suck off his friend? Think I enjoyed watching us have to get fucked? You think I didn't cry myself to sleep a thousand times? But we had a reason to do it, and this was it. I haven't let a fucking thing hold me back yet, not until now. Now there are three junkies and an alcoholic who are standing in the way of our dreams. I didn't take it up the ass so I could turn around and have it all blow up in the 11th fucking hour! Like I said, I didn't start this shit on my own,but if I have to go it alone, I fucking will."

"Fireball...darlin you know we all want this. It was a mistake, an accident," Izzy breathes deeply and slowly reaches for his cigarettes.

"All that matters to you anymore is that next fix Izz," Axl shakes his head still staring him down. "Everything else is second, even me."

Izzy lights his cigarette. "You're being a bit dramatic."

Axl looks down to his hands. "Izzy, I've accepted you since we were 14 fucking years old. I've condoned your actions. I've believed your excuses. I take your apologies. I forgive and I forgive because I love you so much. I've never loved anyone else. But I'm starting to learn just how true the expression 'love is blind' actually is. What is it you think people think when they first meet you? Oh, that guy is on drugs. I should see the same thing but all I see is the man I love. I might love you Izzy, but I'm no fool and you know it. Every one has a patience threshold. How long do you think it's going to be before all my patience with you is gone?"

Izzy can't say a fucking word. Fuck, what the fuck could he say to that? Axl stands. He looks down at Izzy. Izzy slowly looks up at him. In one swift motion Axl sucker punches him and storms from the room.

Once the daze wears off Izzy jumps up, "Axl wait!" And like that he's gone.

Duff just looks at me shaking his head.

Slash is now snoring, safely hidden behind those curls.