FicWad

Duff

I grew up the youngest of eight kids. I knew how to share, compromise, and maintain peace. When you have an Anxiety Disorder you tend to want to keep things as peaceful as possible. And so far I felt like the peace keeper with this band. I mean I try really hard to maintain a certain level of zen with everyone when they give me absolutely no reason to.

Axl threw me to the wolves at Avi. But I didn't even hold it against him. He made me fuck that chick by using my love for Curly Sue to do it. He fucked some fucked up girl and made Slash join in. The had rape charges pressed on them and to lay low until Nikki fixed it. And in that time Axl fucked my Curly Sue.

But I never got mad. I never threatened to beat his ass. I just accepted the shit and convinced myself it was all something that needed to be done. I knew Axl was right and he would get us here some day. Like i said, I'm the peace maker who compromises, even when it fucking hurts. I think I had been more than cool about this shit.

Then there's Izzy. I like to think Izzy would never touch my Curly Sue, but no one was more unpredictable than Izzy. I had yet to see not manage to surprise at least once a week. And it was Izzy who first stuck a needle in my precious baby boy's arm. And he did this shit behind my back. When i found out did I kick Izzy's ass? No. I peacefully compromised. I kept allowing Izzy to shoot him up until Slash had a habit.

Slash was finally clean when Nikki and Izzy decided to go down to TJ to score. I saw that feindish look in Slash's eyes. But I didn't argue. I let him go. And because of it we don't have a producer to produce Appetite.

Maybe part of me feels like a hypocrite if I do say anything. I mean let's face it. I'm an alcoholic. I drink so heavily that I have to do blow to come to enough to do press or shows. Who am I to say shit?

But there has to come a point in which All these guys need to get it. I may be a peace maker,but I'm not a fucking saint. One day the kettle is going to boil over. One day peace making was going to fly out the window.

After Axl and Izzy storm from the studio I look over at my smacked out baby boy. His head is hung and clear spit strings to his lap. Steven looks about the same only he has his head rested back.

I stand up and grab him by his arm and help him to his feet. "Come on, we have to wake you up," I mumble and lead him to the bathroom.

"Duffy," he mumbles, "I really didn't mean to get this high."

"I don't want to talk about it right now," I say as I sit him on a toilet. I'm so fucking mad at him. Mad at my damn self.

I pour some coke onto the side of my fist and stick it in his face. "Here, some of this will keep you from nodding out," I urge it at him.

He weakly cups my fist and puts his nose to the coke and snorts it.

"More," I say thrusting it at him again.

"You trying to kill me?" He asks.

I huff, "It has crossed my mind at least once today."

"Baby I'm sorry."

"Yeah, and Izzy's always telling Axl he's sorry too. Haven't you learned anything from them yet?"

Slash snorts the coke again. I lick off what remains. I look at him and wait for him to become more alert. He leans his head back and snorts a few times.

"Slash...you remembered when you said you never wanted us to be like Axl and Izzy? And i promised you we never would?"

Slash ust looks at me. He needed no further explination. He got it. Minus the constant fighting we were turning into them. The junkie and the non junkie.

"Please don't say that Duff," he shakes his head.

I bend down before him. "You see it, don't you?" I place my arms on his. "I love you Slash. I can love you forever. But I can't watch some one else die in my arms from that fucking shit. I can't lose you to that stuff. I can't watch you be like Izzy."

"I don't want to be like that either. I don't want to get sick like that ever again," he says softly.

"Then you've got to pull it the fuck together. You have to leave that shit alone."

"I know," he nods in shame, "It's just so fucking hard sometimes."

I smile, "What do you say we get out of LA for a while? I mean we got our advance money. We can go rent a beach house somewhere and getaway from things for awhile. I mean I really don't want to stick around for another Axl Izzy breakup, do you?"

"Not really. Izzy goes fucking off his rockers."

"Great, then we'll go pack some shit and we can leave today. I love you Curly Sue," I smile and lean in to give him a kiss."

"I love you too...and again...I'm really sorry about today."

"It's over. Just leave it."