Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Through The Eyes Of...
Duff
Back in LA things fell apart while we were gone. Axl had been staying nicely sedated and closed off to everyone. He spent his days alone in the studio laying vocals to what little music we had done. Truth of the matter is we should have all been in that studio, but it was sort of pointless without a producer. It was nothing more than a well recorded demo right now. it was good enough to be given in a club but it wasn't good enough to walk into a record store and buy it. We needed a fucking producer.
No one wanted to work with us. We were like fucking insane on crack with a mainline of adrenaline some days. Axl and Izzy, when they did speak were fighting. Izzy was always droopy eyed and obviously smacked out. Slash and I were drinking like fish like multiple bottles a day each. Our blow intake increased with every sip. Slash was chipping just to keep the withdrawals away. He allowed me to give him his shots twice a day without too much bitching. And Steven was struggling too. He had found the time to procure himself a rent voucher by the name of Adrianna Smith. Some sweet girl who didn't mind supplying for him as long as he acted like he loved her.
But what was compounding our problems the most was Izzy right now. He was falling apart without Axl. Not only was he doing way too much smack, he was drinking quite heavily and staying awake with coke. Izzy being depressed and having money in his pocket was hazardous. And we all know that drunk Izzy is a mean Izzy. It shortened his fuse and made him abandon all his coolness, not even the smack could keep up with his anger. Izzy was doing shit he never does, like getting into bar fights and slinging drugs in places he had no business being. Izzy blew through his part of the advance faster than any of us. He had bought only one guitar and a new amp, the rest went into his veins, up his nose, or down his throat. He was dropping weight, and lets face it, the guy didn't have it to drop. His skin was turning ghostly white with that rubbery transluscent junkie look.
Slash and I tried to spend as much time with him as possible but he would just disappear on us. If we were out he'd excuse himself to piss and never return. We wouldn't know if he was dead or alive until he would drag in at dawn, stumbling and slurring and pissed at the world. The house Geffen rented us was slowly being demolished by Izzy. He would sling chairs against walls. He would fire his fucking gun at the roof. He'd smash every bottle he emptied on whatever hard surface was the closest. You couldn't walk around the house barefoot without finding glass. And you could fucking forget trying to talk to Izzy about his problems. That was the fastest way to chase him off into isolation.
Nor did talking to Axl about Izzy do any good. Axl knew what was happening with Izzy, how could he not, but he never said one fucking word. If Izzy showed up at some place Axl was he would simply pull an Izzy and vanish. But come on, Izzy knew where the guy lived. And Izzy was may be three steps away from being a fucking stalker. One night Slash and I were going over to Axl's and Erin's place and saw Izzy lurking in the shadows across the street. He just stood and stared and chain smoked. One night he tried to go by and talk to Axl but he was so drunk Axl told him to leave. That set Izzy off. He shot off their fucking door knob and Erin called the cops. They didn't say they knew who did it, that wasn't their point. They just wanted Izzy to go home and sleep it off and come back sober. But Izzy just wouldn't fucking stop. The only way to get him to was to tell him cops were on the way.
Eventually Slash put in a call to Nikki on the road. He told him how bad off Izzy was, but lets face it, Nikki wasn't doing a hell of a lot better. He was functioning though. Izzy used to, but he was losing it. Nikki suggested that we just grab his ass up and haul him to a rehab he couldn't just walk out of. Great idea Nikki, Izzy carry's a gun and you would only pry it from his cold dead hands. He would shoot us all before he let us stick him in some fucking rehab.
CRASH BOOM THUD SMACK
Slash looks up at me as I'm giving him his nightly shot. "Sounds like Izz is home."
I just nod with a sigh as I concentrate on hitting Slash's vein. Is it wrong to say I'm getting good at this shit?
Then our door flies open and Izzy stands there teetering with a bottle of Nighttrain loosely dangling from his fingers.
"Shit Izz, don't you ever knock anymore?" I ask because I have a fucking needle in Slash's arm.
"Looks like the party's in here," he smirks and swills from the bottle. "So Slash, is that a pre or post sex shot? You must have laid it on Duff pretty good, that's a pretty healthy dose for someone who is supposedly only chipping."
I frown and start to push the plunger down on Slash. Izzy just stands there and watches with a very slightly cocked head.
"Thanks baby," Slash softly says as he leans in and gives me a kiss.
"Mmmmm," I can hear Izzy at the door, "God I bet that felt amazing," he smiles at me drunkenly. "Angela...yeah she kisses real sweet and all but it's just not the same as it is when you love someone, you know?" He swills and empties his bottle. He chunks it straight at our window and shatters both.
"Jesus fucking Christ Izzy!" I shout and look at all the glass everywhere.
"I'm sorry Duff," Izzy cordially says in this fake ass voice, "I thought the window was open."
"It is now man," Slash lightly chuckles shaking his head.
"It's like invasion of the body snatchers with you lately Izz!" I shout.
"Yeah and I think Nikki Sixx took him over," Slash adds.
Izzy just smirks, "I've got a long way to go before I can even compete in the same league as Sixx."
"No Izz, no you don't," I sigh as I start to rake the glass into a pile with one of my shirts which I will never be able to use again.
"So am I interrupting anything with you two?" He curiously asks.
"No, why?" Slash softly asks from the bed feeling all happy from his shot.
"Too bad, could have used the entertainment," he says and leans into the door frame looking a bit too hard at Slash.
"You can't watch us have sex Izzy, go to bed," I frown.
"Who says I just want to watch?" He coyly smiles at me.
I stop what I'm doing and just stare him down. He doesn't seem to be at all remorseful for his comment.
"Can't join in either Izz, sorry," Slash says curling into a happy little ball.
Izzy's eyes find mine as he nips at his bottom lip, "Mmmm, too bad." He shoves off the door, "Well goodnight then. I'll be in my room jacking off to your sex noises." Then he just disappears down the hall. All we hear is his door slamming.
Slash just looks at me and shrugs. I walk over to the bed and sit next to him.
"What's wrong?" he asks me as he gently traces his fingers down my bare spine.
"Maybe I'm giving you too much of that shit," I say still stewing over what Izzy had said about the dose size. I mean he would know more about it than Slash and I combined. "I don't want you to be like that baby," I motion to the door where Izzy had been.
"Like what?"
"Like trying to start a fucking orgy because you have abandoned all morale. That shit makes people just not give a fuck and I don't want that to happen with you. You see Axl and Izzy...baby I can't be like them and this is all starting too feel that kind of familiar."
Slash sits up and looks into my eyes. "Baby I promise you I could never not feel my love for you. I'm not Izzy and you sure as hell ain't Axl, ok?"
"Baby you don't see the things I see. Like just now with Izzy, you think that sex shit was a joke? He was completely serious Slash. If we played on his words at all there would be a three way going on in here right now. I don't want that shit. I don't want what we have complicated by fucking around all openly. It's bad enough we fuck a chick here and there. Maybe I'm jealous."
Slash looks at me strangely, "Jealous like Axl gets?"
I sigh and nod, "Yeah."
"Baby, I swear to god I would never let anything happen with Izzy. Not with either of us. I only want you," he kisses me softly again.
I nod but doubt fills my mind. I know heroin. With the right amount there was nothing people wouldn't find themselves doing. I was starting to doubt Izzy's intent. I didn't like the way he looked at Slash or at myself.
"We have to cut down the partying baby," I say, "before something bad happens. I know we can't stop all together, but we have to slow down, for us and for the band. Izzy's out of control, Axl's in Axl's world, and Stevie is staying completely wasted and nude sky diving into the pool at Adrianna's place. Somebody has to have their hands on the wheel driving before we crash and burn.
Slash looks down and only nods.
"Will you help me and let me help you?" I ask.
He nods again still not looking at me. "I'll do anything for you Duff, I love you."
"I love you baby boy...if I lost you..."
"Don't even talk like that baby," he whispers as his fingers trace my lips.
BANG
Our eyebrows barely raise at the sound of Izzy's gun going off. Us and the neighbors were pretty used to it by now. But this bang was followed by silence. No other shots were fired. No string of curses. No throwing shit around.
"You think that was target practice or do you think he shot himself?" Slash questions as his eyes look to the door.
BANG
Slash and I look at one another and nod, "Target practice," we say at the same time and die laughing.
"Pretty soon Izzy will be able to pick off flies from 300 yards," I chuckle.
"You know what they say, practice makes perfect."
Back in LA things fell apart while we were gone. Axl had been staying nicely sedated and closed off to everyone. He spent his days alone in the studio laying vocals to what little music we had done. Truth of the matter is we should have all been in that studio, but it was sort of pointless without a producer. It was nothing more than a well recorded demo right now. it was good enough to be given in a club but it wasn't good enough to walk into a record store and buy it. We needed a fucking producer.
No one wanted to work with us. We were like fucking insane on crack with a mainline of adrenaline some days. Axl and Izzy, when they did speak were fighting. Izzy was always droopy eyed and obviously smacked out. Slash and I were drinking like fish like multiple bottles a day each. Our blow intake increased with every sip. Slash was chipping just to keep the withdrawals away. He allowed me to give him his shots twice a day without too much bitching. And Steven was struggling too. He had found the time to procure himself a rent voucher by the name of Adrianna Smith. Some sweet girl who didn't mind supplying for him as long as he acted like he loved her.
But what was compounding our problems the most was Izzy right now. He was falling apart without Axl. Not only was he doing way too much smack, he was drinking quite heavily and staying awake with coke. Izzy being depressed and having money in his pocket was hazardous. And we all know that drunk Izzy is a mean Izzy. It shortened his fuse and made him abandon all his coolness, not even the smack could keep up with his anger. Izzy was doing shit he never does, like getting into bar fights and slinging drugs in places he had no business being. Izzy blew through his part of the advance faster than any of us. He had bought only one guitar and a new amp, the rest went into his veins, up his nose, or down his throat. He was dropping weight, and lets face it, the guy didn't have it to drop. His skin was turning ghostly white with that rubbery transluscent junkie look.
Slash and I tried to spend as much time with him as possible but he would just disappear on us. If we were out he'd excuse himself to piss and never return. We wouldn't know if he was dead or alive until he would drag in at dawn, stumbling and slurring and pissed at the world. The house Geffen rented us was slowly being demolished by Izzy. He would sling chairs against walls. He would fire his fucking gun at the roof. He'd smash every bottle he emptied on whatever hard surface was the closest. You couldn't walk around the house barefoot without finding glass. And you could fucking forget trying to talk to Izzy about his problems. That was the fastest way to chase him off into isolation.
Nor did talking to Axl about Izzy do any good. Axl knew what was happening with Izzy, how could he not, but he never said one fucking word. If Izzy showed up at some place Axl was he would simply pull an Izzy and vanish. But come on, Izzy knew where the guy lived. And Izzy was may be three steps away from being a fucking stalker. One night Slash and I were going over to Axl's and Erin's place and saw Izzy lurking in the shadows across the street. He just stood and stared and chain smoked. One night he tried to go by and talk to Axl but he was so drunk Axl told him to leave. That set Izzy off. He shot off their fucking door knob and Erin called the cops. They didn't say they knew who did it, that wasn't their point. They just wanted Izzy to go home and sleep it off and come back sober. But Izzy just wouldn't fucking stop. The only way to get him to was to tell him cops were on the way.
Eventually Slash put in a call to Nikki on the road. He told him how bad off Izzy was, but lets face it, Nikki wasn't doing a hell of a lot better. He was functioning though. Izzy used to, but he was losing it. Nikki suggested that we just grab his ass up and haul him to a rehab he couldn't just walk out of. Great idea Nikki, Izzy carry's a gun and you would only pry it from his cold dead hands. He would shoot us all before he let us stick him in some fucking rehab.
CRASH BOOM THUD SMACK
Slash looks up at me as I'm giving him his nightly shot. "Sounds like Izz is home."
I just nod with a sigh as I concentrate on hitting Slash's vein. Is it wrong to say I'm getting good at this shit?
Then our door flies open and Izzy stands there teetering with a bottle of Nighttrain loosely dangling from his fingers.
"Shit Izz, don't you ever knock anymore?" I ask because I have a fucking needle in Slash's arm.
"Looks like the party's in here," he smirks and swills from the bottle. "So Slash, is that a pre or post sex shot? You must have laid it on Duff pretty good, that's a pretty healthy dose for someone who is supposedly only chipping."
I frown and start to push the plunger down on Slash. Izzy just stands there and watches with a very slightly cocked head.
"Thanks baby," Slash softly says as he leans in and gives me a kiss.
"Mmmmm," I can hear Izzy at the door, "God I bet that felt amazing," he smiles at me drunkenly. "Angela...yeah she kisses real sweet and all but it's just not the same as it is when you love someone, you know?" He swills and empties his bottle. He chunks it straight at our window and shatters both.
"Jesus fucking Christ Izzy!" I shout and look at all the glass everywhere.
"I'm sorry Duff," Izzy cordially says in this fake ass voice, "I thought the window was open."
"It is now man," Slash lightly chuckles shaking his head.
"It's like invasion of the body snatchers with you lately Izz!" I shout.
"Yeah and I think Nikki Sixx took him over," Slash adds.
Izzy just smirks, "I've got a long way to go before I can even compete in the same league as Sixx."
"No Izz, no you don't," I sigh as I start to rake the glass into a pile with one of my shirts which I will never be able to use again.
"So am I interrupting anything with you two?" He curiously asks.
"No, why?" Slash softly asks from the bed feeling all happy from his shot.
"Too bad, could have used the entertainment," he says and leans into the door frame looking a bit too hard at Slash.
"You can't watch us have sex Izzy, go to bed," I frown.
"Who says I just want to watch?" He coyly smiles at me.
I stop what I'm doing and just stare him down. He doesn't seem to be at all remorseful for his comment.
"Can't join in either Izz, sorry," Slash says curling into a happy little ball.
Izzy's eyes find mine as he nips at his bottom lip, "Mmmm, too bad." He shoves off the door, "Well goodnight then. I'll be in my room jacking off to your sex noises." Then he just disappears down the hall. All we hear is his door slamming.
Slash just looks at me and shrugs. I walk over to the bed and sit next to him.
"What's wrong?" he asks me as he gently traces his fingers down my bare spine.
"Maybe I'm giving you too much of that shit," I say still stewing over what Izzy had said about the dose size. I mean he would know more about it than Slash and I combined. "I don't want you to be like that baby," I motion to the door where Izzy had been.
"Like what?"
"Like trying to start a fucking orgy because you have abandoned all morale. That shit makes people just not give a fuck and I don't want that to happen with you. You see Axl and Izzy...baby I can't be like them and this is all starting too feel that kind of familiar."
Slash sits up and looks into my eyes. "Baby I promise you I could never not feel my love for you. I'm not Izzy and you sure as hell ain't Axl, ok?"
"Baby you don't see the things I see. Like just now with Izzy, you think that sex shit was a joke? He was completely serious Slash. If we played on his words at all there would be a three way going on in here right now. I don't want that shit. I don't want what we have complicated by fucking around all openly. It's bad enough we fuck a chick here and there. Maybe I'm jealous."
Slash looks at me strangely, "Jealous like Axl gets?"
I sigh and nod, "Yeah."
"Baby, I swear to god I would never let anything happen with Izzy. Not with either of us. I only want you," he kisses me softly again.
I nod but doubt fills my mind. I know heroin. With the right amount there was nothing people wouldn't find themselves doing. I was starting to doubt Izzy's intent. I didn't like the way he looked at Slash or at myself.
"We have to cut down the partying baby," I say, "before something bad happens. I know we can't stop all together, but we have to slow down, for us and for the band. Izzy's out of control, Axl's in Axl's world, and Stevie is staying completely wasted and nude sky diving into the pool at Adrianna's place. Somebody has to have their hands on the wheel driving before we crash and burn.
Slash looks down and only nods.
"Will you help me and let me help you?" I ask.
He nods again still not looking at me. "I'll do anything for you Duff, I love you."
"I love you baby boy...if I lost you..."
"Don't even talk like that baby," he whispers as his fingers trace my lips.
BANG
Our eyebrows barely raise at the sound of Izzy's gun going off. Us and the neighbors were pretty used to it by now. But this bang was followed by silence. No other shots were fired. No string of curses. No throwing shit around.
"You think that was target practice or do you think he shot himself?" Slash questions as his eyes look to the door.
BANG
Slash and I look at one another and nod, "Target practice," we say at the same time and die laughing.
"Pretty soon Izzy will be able to pick off flies from 300 yards," I chuckle.
"You know what they say, practice makes perfect."
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