FicWad

Izzy

I’m pretty fucking sure I’m losing my mind. Axl breaking up with me after I lost us to producer deal with Paul Stanley was perfectly understandable but it was sort of the straw that broke the camel’s back. Things had been so good between us in the weeks before that; I had seen Billy start to come around more often and less of Axl and that night we made love in the bathroom when Nikki threw us that party had really made me believe that maybe we were going to make it. I thought maybe getting a record deal would ease some of the tension between us and we could just be happy around each other again but I fucking blew it. I blew it big time by being so fucking stoned at that meeting with Paul Stanley that he more or less walked out on us! I’m such an asshole fuckup!

If Axl knew that when we were in Mexico earlier that day I’d spend about half an hour with my tongue down Slash’s throat both he and Duff would have taken my gun and straight out shot me. I can’t really explain what my thing is with Slash except to say that there are some things I really need from Axl sometimes that I don’t get; sweetness, understanding, friendship, patience, a feeling of security, acceptance despite the fact that I was a junkie, unconditional love even if it wasn’t romantic, and I get those things from Slash. Don’t get me wrong I have absolutely no desire to break him and Duff up or hurt either one of them but I think I’m half in love with the kid. He understands me, he doesn’t hassle me or call me a fucked up piece of shit, he listens to me, he doesn’t get angry at me, he’s nice to me, and he’s goddamn beautiful. To be honest when I kiss him I get totally lost in him. I want to strip his clothes off of him piece by piece and make love to him the way I used to make love to Axl. I’d die to have his dick in my mouth for five minutes, my mouth, my ass, my dick in his ass, even my hand down his pants. But I never even try and palm his crotch; I just run my hands over the soft, warm, skin on his back and chest and hold him and let myself pretend for a little while that he’s mine and that he loves me as much as he loves Duff.

I’m pissed that Axl fucked him; he should NEVER have done that or let anything like that happen that night. He knew he was supposed to protect the kid; it was his one fucking job. So what did he do? He protected the kid from everyone but himself. I could tell the day that we were in Mexico and Slash started freaking out when Nikki brought up Axl fucking Slash on the car ride down that Slash was way more freaked out about it than he ever let on; at least to me, Duff probably knows how much it really got to him though. Axl was the first person Slash had ever had to have sex with that he didn’t really want to and I’m sure it bothers him for a lot of reasons; first of all the fact that he didn’t want it, second the fact that Axl didn’t exactly force him he just pressured him into it, third the fact that Axl didn’t hurt him physically and lastly because he came from it and didn’t really want to because it made him feel like he betrayed Duff.

I’m also pissed because Axl did it knowing it was going to leave Slash confused and guilty and ashamed. He knew it was going to leave me feeling the same way and in that moment he really didn’t give a fuck I don’t think. He saw a shot at a record deal and a chance to get a piece of our pretty little guitar player that he knew I enjoyed spending time looking at and spending time with. He knew Slash was my closest friend next to him and I think he got some kind of sick thrill out of getting to fuck him and knowing that I had sort of wanted it and he had accused me of it but he was the one actually getting to do it. Why he does shit like that I will never in my life understand. Axl knows or he should know that I love him more than life itself so why he chooses to do things that he knows will hurt me is beyond me; but then I do it too. I fucked Erin twice and quite honestly the second time I raped her and I fucking enjoyed it. I liked hurting her because she had him at the moment and I didn’t. I hate that fucking cunt and I’d probably rape her again given the chance; it’s not like I regretted it.

I lay in bed and my thoughts drift back to Slash; he and Duff just got back from the beach in San Diego somewhere. Duff was pissed at him and me and Steven about the whole Paul Stanley thing but did he break up with Slash and call him a piece of shit junkie fuck- up? No! He took him to a resort in San Diego with little bamboo huts and hammocks for a week and spent the week making love to him and snuggling with him in a fucking hammock! He weaned him off heroin little by little and has him down to two doses a day; two fucking healthy doses if you ask me but only two doses. Slash doesn’t bitch and he lets Duff give him the shots so he can monitor his intake. Slash got Duff down to a half gallon of vodka a day instead of a whole one and he’s still working on it; those two have like disgustingly infinite patience and trust in the other. Why couldn’t Axl take me away to somewhere and work with me on gradually lowering my intake instead of telling me what a piece of shit I was and kicking my ass to the curb like a dog nobody wants? How come Duff and Slash have like this perfect, open, loving relationship and Axl and I have shit? How come instead of yelling and bullying Slash into things he wants Duff loves him and coaxes him into them? How come he’ll take him away to a fancy resort and make love to him and spend a week with him naked sleeping in a hammock gently weaning him off of smack and all I can get from Axl is punched in the face? I want what Duff and Izzy have. I want to be loved that way.

I can hear them through the wall making love; I can tell Duff is topping and that he’s slowly stretching Slash out; stroking his inner walls and toying with his prostate by the way he’s talking and Slash is just outright moaning. Slash moan’s and whimpers get louder and suddenly Duff’s voice goes silent and then Slash practically screams. My guess? Duff toyed with Slash’s prostate and then went down on him while he was doing it and Slash just came down his throat.

Duff starts talking again and I hear him groan and I know he just shoved his cock into Slash; I want to shove my cock into Slash. Duff groans quietly each time he enters the kid and I move my hand down to my own dick and start to stroke it; it’s already hard from listening to Slash cum. I bite my lip to silence my own moans of pleasure. When Slash starts to respond to Duff with his own quiet, pleasured sounds my dick twitches in my hand. I know his huge dick is hard again and he’ll cum again for Duff. The thought of the fact that Duff must be one hell of a lover makes me bite my fist to stifle the loud groan I want to let out. Fuck it, I know they said I can’t watch or join in but I want to see this soooo bad and I’m already naked and hard. I get up and walk out of my room and into theirs.

The light from the hallway shines across their sweat slicked bodies and the sight of Slash arching up towards Duff’s rhythmic thrusts leaves me so close to cumming but of course at that second Duff turns his head to see why the door is suddenly open and sees me jerking off and says “What the FUCK are you DOING Izzy?”

“Jerking off, don’t stop, make him cum, please, I’m so fucking close!” I slur, slowing down my own strokes so that I don’t cum too soon.

“Duffy,” Slash pants, writing under his lover and trying to get him to move and pay attention to him again “forget him, please Duffy, I’m almost there, make me cum again baby, let him watch or whatever the fuck he’s doing just don’t stop fucking me! Please Duff please!” he begs.

Duff looks at him and rolls his eyes, shakes his head and says “I guess it doesn’t bother me if it doesn’t bother you.” He leans down and captures Slash’s lips with his own and Slash opens his mouth letting him deepen the kiss. Slash groans and bucks his hips gently; encouraging Duff to start moving again. Duff does, slowly picking up the rhythm he had before I interrupted them. Slash whimpers and pleads with Duff who slows down to tease him to please stop with the playing around and let him cum.

“Only if you say please again baby boy,” Duff chuckles.

“Please Duffy, please baby, please let me cum, please, I need it so bad!”’ Slash begs. Duff picks up his speed and Slash lets out a high pitched whine and then groans and whimpers. I stroke myself harder and watch as Duff suddenly thrusts hard and purposefully into Slash’s prostate and Slash screams and arches up into Duff’s body. His huge dick pulsates hard and thick ropes of cum shoot out onto his chest and Duff’s stomach.

“Ohhh,” I groan as I watch this happen and I collapse back against the door frame as I get off too. I hear Duff groan loudly as he reaches his own breaking point; his hips stuttering out of control and his face burrowing into Slash’s neck. They are so fucking hot together. Then I hear Duff moan quietly “I love you my sweet Curly Sue.”

“I love you too Duffy,” Slash answers, one arm gripping Duff to him tighter and stroking his lover’s hair with his free hand.
That ruins my drunken afterglow. I don’t care about the two of them just having sex; what I really want is to watch them love each other. What I want more than anything is for someone to love me.

I walk out of the room and slam the door. I go into the bathroom and turn on the shower; I have no idea how long it’s been since I’ve touched a bottle of shampoo or a bar of soap. I scrub the hell out of myself; the water practically turns grey as I squeeze the water out of the washcloth I’m using I’m so filthy. No wonder Axl won’t have anything to do with me; I wouldn’t either if I was him and some filthy, smelly, drunk, junkie came after him.

When I’m convinced that I’m clean I get out of the shower and shave and brush my teeth and dig some mouthwash out of a drawer and use it. I splash aftershave on my face and hiss at the sting; I had quite the beard growing. I find my long neglected deodorant and put it on.

When I come out of my bathroom I see Duff and Slash going into theirs. Duff looks up at me and pushes his naked boyfriend behind him; ever protective of him , remembering all that he’s been through and conscious of my roving eyes. My eyes take in Duff’s naked body instead and I raise my eyebrows; those ripped abs and those veins in that long cock would keep my interest if I was Slash. It’s weird because I’ve seen Duff naked dozens of times but after watching him make love to Slash I see him in a whole new light. Slash takes in the expression on my face and wraps his arms around Duff’s waist from behind and pulls him back into his body. “You can look Izz but you can’t touch; you need to go find Axl or Tommy and get laid dude,” he laughs. “Good to see you all cleaned up though, you look better and God knows you have to smell better.”

I smirk and flip them both off and go in my room and close the door. I dig through my drawers and closet until I come up with a clean pair of underwear which might be briefs but they're black so therefore acceptable. I find one clean shirt; a white button up with red embroidery and ruffles, a gypsy blouse. Axl bought it for me in a thrift store. I throw it on and leave it unbuttoned and put on a pair of black jeans that I find in a drawer. I have one clean pair of socks so I put those on too along with some jewelry and my hat. I strip my bed and throw my sheets and some of my clothes in the washing machine before heading out to find Axl. When I show up at his house I’m in luck; Erin’s car is gone but the lights are on and so is the TV; Axl’s home.

I bang on the door and he unbolts it. It’s the only way to keep it shut since I shot off the doorknob. I don’t even give him a chance to say anything when he opens the door; I just grab him and press my lips to his. He resists of course but I don’t care; I know my Fireball and persistence will win out in the end. I grab one of his wrists and bring his hand down to my crotch so he can feel my hardness through my jeans and he stops struggling so much and squeezes a little. I know it’s safe to pull back to breathe now so I do and he growls “What the fuck are you doing? You can’t just show up here and shove your tongue down my fucking throat!”

“Well I just did didn’t I so apparently I can and you liked it too so shut up!” I hiss and use his long hair to pull his mouth back up to mine. He whimpers and growls and pulls my hair hard and then jerks me into the house and locks the door behind him. I throw him down on the couch and lay on top of him grinding into him and feeling how hard he is too. I laugh dryly and he bites my ear. That’s it; it’s on from that point. We have each other’s clothes ripped off in under 30 seconds and Axl’s sucking my fingers as I stroke his dick. I pull them out of his mouth and shove two into him quickly followed by the third. I see pain flash across his face followed by pleasure. He yells and arches upward though when my fingers find and dance over his prostate. “I can always make you want me Fireball, even when you claim to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you you stupid fucker; I love you I just can’t deal with watching you kill yourself anymore. God this is probably the first shower you’ve had in over a week! Ahh!” His bitching stops as I stroke his prostate again. I pull my fingers down and spit in my hand; slicking my dick up with it and push inside of him. It’s not that easy of course; sex with Axl never is. At the moment I can tell he’s in one of those moods where he’s only going to bottom for so long and sure enough about five minutes in he throws me off of him and bends me over the back of the couch and fucks me from behind using my hair for leverage at first and then pulling me down onto the floor and having me ride him. I love it when he does this. His hands caress my chest and my back and guide my hips up and down his shaft. “Fuck you’re beautiful my dark angel,” he sighs as he watches me slide up and down his rigid cock and stroke myself.

“So are you Fireball; part of why I love you,” I tell him and watch his face to see what happens when I say that. His eyes soften and they never leave mine from that point on.

“I love you too Izzy,” he says “but you gotta stop acting like a self -destructive, crazy mother fucker.” I keep my eyes locked on his and groan; feeling my orgasm starting to build inside of me. He sucks in his breath and guides my body up and down his cock; carefully aiming for my prostate and I feel myself tighten and he spasms slightly inside me. “Come on Izzy, cum for me and after a couple more thrusts I do; my cum spilling out over my hand and dripping down onto his stomach and I watch as he stares into my eyes as his own climax hits him. I feel liquid warmth inside of me as I watch his face light up as he cums. When he’s done he pulls me down onto his chest and holds me tight for a few seconds. “Why can’t you be like this all the time?” he asks.

“I don’t know, why can’t you be like this all the time? Why do you have to be so mean sometimes? I just wanna stay like this Billy; always, just like this. Happy, great sex, I want you in my arms Darlin; just like this, always. I love you and I just want you to love me back; all the time. Why can’t we just have that? Why does it have to be so complicated with fake girlfriends and whatever? Why can’t we be like Slash and Duff? Just simple; in love, happy, not trying to be somebody they aren’t, they’re so happy Axe like we used to be. We could be that way again if we just could act like ourselves. Now that all that sleeping our way to a deal shit is over we could learn to be happy again. I want to be like that again; like we talked about that night in the bathroom,” I tell him and sit up a little and look down into his eyes.

He looks up at me and sighs. “Izzy…we’ll never be that innocent again. I love you too; you’re my Dark Angel but I don’t think we’ll ever be Slash and Duff; they’re all sweetness and light. It’s like no matter what problems come up they just grow closer, like they totally fall into and lean on each other or something and we just drift away from each other; we push each other away. I don’t know why the fuck we do it except both of us are afraid of getting hurt by the other one. Duff and Slash; they haven’t been together that long, they’ve never hurt the other one the way we have. They’re starting to because they’re both hooked on shit and the lying is going to start so that they can try and hide the depth of their addictions but it hasn’t yet. I don’t know what’s going to happen to us Izz; Jeff. You know I’m always going to love you but I don’t know to get back there. I’m not saying I don’t want to but we’re going to leave to go on tour with The Cult soon and we should have Angie and Erin around for image you know?”

“Axl, I don’t want to hear about them. I came here to see you, to love you, because I needed your love back. Not to hear about image. Shut the hell up about image and the girls and get dressed and come home with me tonight; please? I need you right now; I’m so lonely for you right now and every night I hear the two lovebirds fucking. Tonight I busted into their room so I could watch and jack off and I realized they’re not fucking; they’re making love like we did all the time; like we did that day in the ocean; and in the bathroom at the party, and just now and …I needed you Fireball. I don’t know where it’s ever going either but I don’t care; we’re always going to be around each other and we’re always going to love each other; bitches or no bitches. So come home with me tonight? We can plan some shit for the tour, fuck some more, just love me a little, let me love you?” I ask him.

He sighs again and smirks at me. “Alright, let’s go. You’re buying cigarettes on the way over there. Erin’s gonna kick my ass or yours; whoever she gets to first.”

“Too fucking bad, Angie’s not so needy and I’m glad; I couldn’t put up with that shit. Come on,” I say standing up and offering him a hand off the floor. We throw our clothes back on and he grabs some clean ones and we split. I don’t know what the rest of the night will hold but I already feel better. I can’t deal with not fucking him for more than a week and god knows I need him to love me. I hate that fucking bitch he pretends to care about. Oh well; tonight he’s mine.