FicWad

Axl

I can hear the theme song from Murder She Wrote playing in the background. I can feel someone holding me. Their chest rises and falls rhythmically. I draw my breath in. An all too familiar smell blasts my airways. It's Izzy. I don't even need to open my eyes to look. I know that the silky hair I'm using as a pillow will be blue black. So I just lie there a while longer and listen to the TV. I always knew he secretly liked this show.

"Morning Fireball," I hear him whisper. The telepathy between us is crazy. This bastard knew I was awake and I haven't moved a muscle; I haven't even flinched!

I sit up on the side of the bed and start searching the nightstand for a cigarette.

"Wanna talk about it?" I can hear Izzy dryly asking from behind me.

"Not really," I reply as I put a cigarette to my lips as my head pounds. I cup my hand around it and strike a lighter to the end. I take in a long drag and stand up.
"You never want to watch this show," I motion at the TV and exhale. "Are you already sucking up before I even get out of bed?"

He exhales from his own cigarette, "Nah, just channel flipping, saw it, thought maybe I could pick up some useful tips for disposing of bodies."

I smirk and head for the bathroom to piss. That's when I notice it. The TV isn't broken. The room isn't destroyed. I know Izzy hasn't been up all night returning a smashed room to it's former glory; this had to be Izzy's room because I see his guitar in a stand and there's drum sticks on the other night stand.

"What the fuck?" I absentmindedly utter as I wonder at what point I came to be in this room. I didn't remember.

Izzy drags from his cigarette and looks up at me from the TV. "Now you wanna talk about it?"

I feel weak and my legs shake. My head swims. Izzy's eyebrows crease in concern as he watches me. He quickly jumps up and grabs my waist as my eyes start to roll and my knees give out.

"You better sit down darlin," he says sitting me down on the end of the bed. He grabs a phone book and starts to fan me. I start to feel a bit better. "Your lips are white Fireball, just breathe. You're ok...it's just been a long time is all." He reaches over to the night stand and picks up a Hershey's Kiss. He unwraps it and places it to my lips, "Here darlin, it'll get that shit out of your system faster."

My eyes meet with his as I part my lips for the chocolate. His eyes look normal. They aren't smacked out. They're not coked out. They're not bloodshot. Is he actually sober?

"Why would you do that baby? You've been clean so long," he hangs his head. "Did you get the shit on your own or was it mine?" There seems to be so much shame in his voice.

"You dropped it," I answer.

Without looking at me Izzy retrieves another chocolate from the night stand and unwraps it. His eyes meet mine again. "Did you do it just to get back at me for busting down your door before you did something stupid?"

I shake my head no as I take the candy from his fingers. "I just wanted to fade away for a while.I wanted to feel detached from everything. From you. From Erin. From the constant fighting."

"Well now that you're back you aren't planning on fading right back out again are you?" He asks me looking into my eyes cautiously.

"Izz...did you fuck Erin last night?" I ask him while I have his eyes locked with mine.

"No darlin'," he answers and his eyes never once flutter from mine.

"Then why were you all up on her in the elevator?"

Izzy shrugs as he reaches for more candy, "Trying to intimidate her into leaving I guess."

"Izz," I sigh, "we've been over this a dozen times. The world can't know about us. They have to think we're fucking poon hounds like fucking Nikki Sixx. Erin plays along with that shit. I don't have to lie to her."

Izzy lowers his weight to his knees and stares at the floor in silence for a long while. Finally he draws in a deep breath and speaks softly. "I had to share you for so long. With every hooker and stripper we could shack up with just so we didn't sleep in the streets. Then with half the fucking music industry. You will never know how much pain I felt the first time I had so watch you suck cock for one of those fucking bastards. And every time I looked over and saw them fucking you I wanted to kill them. If they didn't have me held down fucking me too I probably would have. Darlin all I ever wanted to do was make music with the person I loved. I write those songs for you Axe, just like you write those beautiful love songs for me. Sugar everything about us...about GNR, is a lie. Sweet child isn't about Erin. Think About You isn't about Angela. We didn't write Don't Cry about some chick we both loved. Those songs are our hearts Axe...but we've marketed them as lies. We are selling ourselves as one big fucking lie. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be you and me together forever, just like we promised each other down by the river the night we first went all the way. Don't you remember that darlin? You asked me if I would love you even when you were being an asshole. Do you remember what I told you?"

I nod as I look at him. "You said you'd love me like I was the only asshole on earth."

A single tear rolls down his cheek as an unexpected smile comes to his beautiful lips. I guess he's surprised that I remember.

"I was 15 years old Axl...I meant that shit then and I still mean it now. I'm just sick of sharing you baby. I'm tired of constantly coming up with lies to feed the fans and the press. I'm tired of sneaking around and having to hide just to kiss you. I just want my Fireball back. The one who turns beet red when he sings to me. The one who loves to hold me in his arms and watch Murder She Wrote. I want back my best friend. There's never been anyone but you that I've let inside my head and heart. I don't want to change that. I want to just be with you and only you forever, just like we promised. We've paid enough dues for two lifetimes. When do we finally get forever huh?"He sniffles.

I look down, "Izzy....we were two stoned kids who gave zero thought past the ends of our own noses. We thought we'd come out to California and fucking strike gold or something. We were just stupid naive kids. But we got a fast dose of reality and we had to learn the hard way how to survive. But we had a dream Izz. We had a dream and we stuck by that motherfucker. Now it's right in front of us and all we have to do is grab it. Why do you want to throw it all away now?" I allow myself to look into his tear soaked sober eyes. Jeff's eyes.

"Because it's making me lose you darlin. Being in a band is great but if I have to chose between fame and you I choose you Fireball. I'll choose you every time."

I cup his chin. "Why can't you have both? That's what I want."

Izzy leans into me and kisses me softly. I'm just beginning to lose my fingers in his hair when my thoughts are broken off by a voice at the door.

"Well, I see you two made up," Erin huffs.

"You're still here?" Izzy sighs.

"Oh don't worry yourself Izzy, I just came to get my shit and to say goodbye. Steven let me in and told me there was no kinky shit going on. Obviously there's no room for the both of us in Axl's life," she says folding her arms across her chest and staring at Izzy.

Izzy looks to me and we have one of our telepathic conversations. He finally nods at me and rises to his feet. He starts for the door and pauses next to Erin. "There's room because Axl wants there to be," he tells her before he quietly slips from the room.

I look at Erin who looks at me. I don't have a clue what to say to her. Right now I wish she hadn't busted up the heart to heart Izzy and I were having. It felt like the clouds were clearing enough for us to finally talk to one another. Now the moment is lost because I know when I see him later he won't still be sober.