FicWad

Duff

That fucker! All the fuck I can do is pace around our fucking room alone. Slash is passed out so I can't yell at him! I hated the women. They pawed at you like some piece of beef. They all wanted to fuck you just because you were somebody. I'd managed to avoid them so far but it wouldn't stay this way. Eventually we would have to fuck a few of them. I wasn't at all looking forward to it. We could all stand around and lie and say that it wasn't cheating, but goddamnit it was!

That little mother fucker. I could kill him!! I could put his nuts in a vice and brand his ass with a big D I'm so fucking mad at him. And I don't even get the satisfaction of yelling at him right now. He's fucking off in never never land and isn't going to hear a damn thing I say. All he would say, now or in the morning, would be sorry. Sorry sorry sorry. I'm so fed the fuck up with his empty sorrys.

I'm starting to notice with each passing day how much I have in common with Axl, and Slash with Izzy. We were becoming them. No matter how many times we said we never wanted that to happen, no matter how many times we promised each other, it was happening. We were turning into Axl and Izzy. Surely my Curly Sue can see that shit.

Pacing my room I want to smash the bottle of Vodka in my hand into the wall in anger. But this is blasphemy on the grandest of scales. I settle on the telephone instead. However it is nowhere near as pleasing as the sound of shattering glass.

I pace and I pace. I drink and I drink. I do line after line after line of blow. I can't stop worrying about Slash, even if the fucker did have me completely pissed off at him. I still felt the need to check on him and make sure he hadn't drownd in vomit or something.

I jerk my door open and storm into the hall for more ice just in time to see Izzy quietly creeping from Axl's room.

"Oh this is just perfect!" I raise my voice. "Slash almost dies because of you and you get laid! Fuck you Izzy!" I storm for him.

Izzy freezes with his hands up trying to radiate calmness on me. It wasn't going to fucking work this time. My blood is about 90 percent Vodka and fueled by cocaine.

"Duff he shot himself up when I took a piss," he calmly tries to explain.

I wrap my long fingers of my right hand around his fucking throat and back him into the wall. "And who's smack was it?! Who the fuck left it laying around?! Better still, who the fuck got him started on that shit?! How the fuck do you sleep at night?!!"

"Duff... you know why he got started on it..."

"Oh never mind, I know how you put your junkie ass to sleep at night! That where you heading now? to Axl to give up a little ass before you fill your veins with sleep!?"

"Duff, you know I'd never hurt the kid like that?"

My eyes narrow at him, "No Izz, I'm not too fucking sure of that shit anymore."

"It was an accident and it wasn't even my fucking fault. But that's cool man. I'm used to being Axl's dog he beats all the time, might as well be the whole bands since I'm just the fucking junkie! Right?!"

Izzy's attitude is off for some reason. Normally by now Izzy would have simply resorted to his gun to get me off him. But he wasn't doing that. I looked deeply into his eyes. He wasn't as high as he stayed most of the time. He was sober enough for me to see genuine emotion swirling about his eyes. I saw shame. I saw regret. I saw worry. I saw concern. Mostly I saw apprehension, but it wasn't for a fix.

"It's out of your hands now Duff. It's out of mine. It's too late, the shit has him now. I know its of no comfort at all...but I'm sorry Duff. I never meant for this to happen to him, or to you, or any of us. And just for the record man; I don't need your blame, I carry plenty of my own. You have no clue what I carry inside of me...no clue of the things I've seen and done. So...you know what Duff...do whatever makes you feel better. Kick my ass; I deserve it. Tell management it was my dope. Tell Axl about all this in the morning."

"Maybe I should tell him right now," I grown and shove Izzy's throat farther into the wall.

Izzy gulps and I see tears start to form in his eyes. "Now's not the best time for him to listen," he says his voice almost breaking once.

"Why? Did you do something to him too?" I ask.

He closes his eyes and a few tears drop from his lashes as he tries to shake his head no under my grasp.

"What is it? I ask starting to feel concern as I loosen my grip on Izzy's throat.

"Well...seems as if I'm the fairyfuckfather of smack. First the kid, then Stevie, even you...even..." His words trail off as his eyes lower with a sigh as more tears come to him.

"Izzy...what are you saying? I ask lost in his riddle of an answer.

"Axl," he gives a small shrug.

"Axl what?" I ask stepping away from him a step.

"Hes resting as soundly as Slash," he sniffles and wipes away a tear.

"YOU SHOT UP AXL TOO?!" I shout in shock.

I see the hurt in his eyes that I would even accuse him of such.

"You must think I'm this monster...I didn't give Axl shit. He did it on his own. I came to see him after the huge fight we had earlier about Erin. He kicked us both out. I gave him some time to cool off, when I went back to his room I found him on the bathroom floor. He smoked an entire fold. He's been clean almost two years. You think I want him started up on that shit again?"

"Well it would put an end to the cause of most of your fights," I smirk.

Again I get that hurt expression. It's off putting because Izzy usually only has two emotional settings, calm or crazed. "If you'll excuse me I was on my way to get my fireball some chocolate for when he wakes up. It helps metabolize the smack. If you feel the need to vent or blame anything else on the junkie you know where to find me."

And with that he left. I drive my fist into the wall and stare at the number on Slash's and my door.