Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Through The Eyes Of...
Izzy
Axl runs me a hot bath and sits down in the water behind me so he can hold me. I feel like hell, these suboxone strips don’t give you a constant high, it comes and it goes and it feels weird. I feel wired, like my brain is racing along at 90 miles an hour and I can’t stop it. My skin is crawling, I’m paranoid, I’m a little nauseated, really on fucking edge and ready to kill somebody. The only thing saving me is my Fireball’s arms around me. I want to shoot up or shoot myself but he’s holding me and kissing my face and telling me to calm down and breathe deep and it’ll be alright. He promises me that if I’ll really try he’ll back me. So I will because I want him to love the way he used to; I need that back. I need him.
“Axl it feels like there’s bugs under my skin, it’s awful and my heart’s racing and so is my brain and I’m scared Ax, I’m really, really scared of I have no idea what and I just want to scream and scream and scream until I can’t scream anymore. I’m so afraid I’m so afraid! His arms tighten around me and he holds on tight.
“You want to scream? I’ll go grab you a pillow or I’ll put you in the back of a limo and drive you can scream all you want; which is it?” he asks.
“Pillow, now please!” I beg almost in a total state of panic. Duff and Slash’s room is next door so any weird noise they hear isn’t going to phase them. Axl brings the pillow back to the bathroom and I take it and hold it over my face hard and scream and scream and scream until I can’t breathe then I do the whole thing again until I just can’t anymore. Then I just start sobbing. What is this the emotional mother fucking freak show? Axl pulls me out of the tub and dries me off and pulls a really soft blanket out of the closet and wraps me in it and rubs up and down my arms kissing the side of my neck and nuzzling into my hair telling me I was going to be ok. I was so restless he took me down to the hotel gym and let me box it off.
I stopped in and told the others about the gym; they looked about ready to climb the walls too. I showered off after the boxing and then I grabbed Axl. “I need to fuck your brains out and then I need about 8 valium to sleep after I let you fuck my brains out, work for you?
“Works for me!” he says enthusiastically. This stuff may make me feel like shit in some ways but in others It’s like I’m on Viagra! I fuck the hell out of Axl all over that room, on the bed, the couch, the balcony, the dresser, the little table meant for eating, in the shower, virtually everywhere. Then he gets his revenge and does me over the balcony rail, in the small pool beneath, upside down in an arm chair, that part is great.
Everything still fucking hurts though but my Billy is sweet and gives me little massages where’re he knows it hurts and little kisses at the back of my neck when he knows I’m getting really stressed.
He holds my hair back if I throw up He tells me how proud of me he is to see my real eyes through all of this; not what he calls my smacked out pools of emptiness, how proud he is I’m trying so hard but it hurts soooo badly. People have no clue, none. But it’s all worth it every day to feel his heart reconnect to mine. I love him more than I could ever explain to anyone. I loved him when he was the crazy red-haired kid everyone in school avoided but who sang in the church choir. I loved him when he told teachers to fuck off. I loved him when he snuck in my window at night bloody and beaten and broken. I loved him when he climbed in my window torn and bleeding and so ashamed he couldn’t even look up. I loved him when he both had our heads shoved down into some record excecutive asshole’s lap with their dicks in our mouths trying to suppress our gag reflexes. I loved him when I watched him shoved down onto a conference table beside me and fucked by some stranger or other. I loved him when he let it happen to Duff, I had a hard time loving him through the fact that he took the kid against his will and that he let other people do that to do Duff, that’s one’s a hard fact to stomach bigtime but in the end it didn’t change how my heart felt.
The other two are not doing so well for a change; probably because they both feel like shit and are crany as well. They fight all the time; yelling and throwing things into the walls. Slash comes into our room all the time sobbing because Duff is so mean to him. If my fireball is around we sit and talk to him and try to make him understand that Duff’s going through the same hell as the rest of us. Sometimes Axl or I will go talk to Duff who is inevitably crying too. When Axl leaves I always hold Slash, kiss him, stroke his hair, I never feel any guilt over what I do with Slash; It’s weird, I can’t. It’s like he hurt the kid and I’m making up for it or something. I can’t explain it. I feel like Fireball broke something in him and that he broke something in Duff too when he let those guys from Avi take him away and I’m cleaning up his mess. Finally though something has to be done so Ax and I decide that the next time one of them shows up at our door we’re sitting them down and talking to them.
That takes about two hours. Axl and I drag Slash next door and ask Duff what the hell they’re fighting about it. Basically they’re both snappy and calling each other names and just acting like assholes. Axl and I talk to them and cajole them and finally I just admit to myself that this isn’t going to work. This whole getting sober on the road shit isn’t going to work for them. It might be working ok for me but not for them. They aren’t supporting one another for this to work because they both feel so sock. This is going to have to be a one at a time thing and I tell them so. They look at each other and Slash says “two hits a day?”
“Fine, a fifth of vodka a day?”
“Fine,” Slash answers and they both run for their respective vices.
“Come on I can’t watch, I’ll want it too.” So he and I make our way back to our room alone.
“ I’m really proud of you,” he says. I’ve missed my dark angel for so long, it’s nice to see you again”
“Oh, I’m no angel honey, I tell him.
“Me either, let me remind you why they call me fireball” he whi[swers and shoves his cinnamon flavored tongue into my mouth before we ever readoor. My buttons go flying off my shirt and he’s got me lowered onto the bed and both of our pants are off before I know it’s even happened. His mouth is on my cock and his fingers slicked with lotion stroking me and ’m rolling my hips to meet his. His smile above me is beautiful and I’m running my hands through his long red locks. “I want you fireball, I want you sooo bad. Ever since I’ve stopped shooting up I; wanted to fuck you like this all time time. It’s like my sex drive has gone into overdrive and I can feel you so much more too, it’s like all my nerves are in high gear,”Oh, Oh god Ax I groan as his fingers curl hard and then dance lightly over my prostate. He smiles down into my eyes and repeats the motion and I smell corn silk and hot Kansas summer air and hear John Mellencamp on the radio as I cum so hard I can barely hang onto consciousness! I look down and watch his eyes lock onto mine as white liquid fills his mouth and oozes out at the corners where he couldn’t swallow it all. He licks his lips and then rears up above me spitting some of my own cum onto his fingers and pushes them back into me slicking me up good.
He gasps out loud when he slides in “Jeff! Shit! Jeff you feel soo good; you’re always so tight after I make you cum like that. I wrap my arms and legs around him as he moves in me and stroke some of his red hair back out of his face.
Axl…Billy…I call out curling my hips into his mmmmm….I moan like an obscene whore. I cum again only about two minutes later feeling Axl let go right after I do. He buries his face in my shoulder and tells me he loves me. I tell him the same; how our love is timeless, because it’s true, our hearts are one forever. They may expode or wither away withtouthte theother but they are one. And that’s all that matters;
Axl runs me a hot bath and sits down in the water behind me so he can hold me. I feel like hell, these suboxone strips don’t give you a constant high, it comes and it goes and it feels weird. I feel wired, like my brain is racing along at 90 miles an hour and I can’t stop it. My skin is crawling, I’m paranoid, I’m a little nauseated, really on fucking edge and ready to kill somebody. The only thing saving me is my Fireball’s arms around me. I want to shoot up or shoot myself but he’s holding me and kissing my face and telling me to calm down and breathe deep and it’ll be alright. He promises me that if I’ll really try he’ll back me. So I will because I want him to love the way he used to; I need that back. I need him.
“Axl it feels like there’s bugs under my skin, it’s awful and my heart’s racing and so is my brain and I’m scared Ax, I’m really, really scared of I have no idea what and I just want to scream and scream and scream until I can’t scream anymore. I’m so afraid I’m so afraid! His arms tighten around me and he holds on tight.
“You want to scream? I’ll go grab you a pillow or I’ll put you in the back of a limo and drive you can scream all you want; which is it?” he asks.
“Pillow, now please!” I beg almost in a total state of panic. Duff and Slash’s room is next door so any weird noise they hear isn’t going to phase them. Axl brings the pillow back to the bathroom and I take it and hold it over my face hard and scream and scream and scream until I can’t breathe then I do the whole thing again until I just can’t anymore. Then I just start sobbing. What is this the emotional mother fucking freak show? Axl pulls me out of the tub and dries me off and pulls a really soft blanket out of the closet and wraps me in it and rubs up and down my arms kissing the side of my neck and nuzzling into my hair telling me I was going to be ok. I was so restless he took me down to the hotel gym and let me box it off.
I stopped in and told the others about the gym; they looked about ready to climb the walls too. I showered off after the boxing and then I grabbed Axl. “I need to fuck your brains out and then I need about 8 valium to sleep after I let you fuck my brains out, work for you?
“Works for me!” he says enthusiastically. This stuff may make me feel like shit in some ways but in others It’s like I’m on Viagra! I fuck the hell out of Axl all over that room, on the bed, the couch, the balcony, the dresser, the little table meant for eating, in the shower, virtually everywhere. Then he gets his revenge and does me over the balcony rail, in the small pool beneath, upside down in an arm chair, that part is great.
Everything still fucking hurts though but my Billy is sweet and gives me little massages where’re he knows it hurts and little kisses at the back of my neck when he knows I’m getting really stressed.
He holds my hair back if I throw up He tells me how proud of me he is to see my real eyes through all of this; not what he calls my smacked out pools of emptiness, how proud he is I’m trying so hard but it hurts soooo badly. People have no clue, none. But it’s all worth it every day to feel his heart reconnect to mine. I love him more than I could ever explain to anyone. I loved him when he was the crazy red-haired kid everyone in school avoided but who sang in the church choir. I loved him when he told teachers to fuck off. I loved him when he snuck in my window at night bloody and beaten and broken. I loved him when he climbed in my window torn and bleeding and so ashamed he couldn’t even look up. I loved him when he both had our heads shoved down into some record excecutive asshole’s lap with their dicks in our mouths trying to suppress our gag reflexes. I loved him when I watched him shoved down onto a conference table beside me and fucked by some stranger or other. I loved him when he let it happen to Duff, I had a hard time loving him through the fact that he took the kid against his will and that he let other people do that to do Duff, that’s one’s a hard fact to stomach bigtime but in the end it didn’t change how my heart felt.
The other two are not doing so well for a change; probably because they both feel like shit and are crany as well. They fight all the time; yelling and throwing things into the walls. Slash comes into our room all the time sobbing because Duff is so mean to him. If my fireball is around we sit and talk to him and try to make him understand that Duff’s going through the same hell as the rest of us. Sometimes Axl or I will go talk to Duff who is inevitably crying too. When Axl leaves I always hold Slash, kiss him, stroke his hair, I never feel any guilt over what I do with Slash; It’s weird, I can’t. It’s like he hurt the kid and I’m making up for it or something. I can’t explain it. I feel like Fireball broke something in him and that he broke something in Duff too when he let those guys from Avi take him away and I’m cleaning up his mess. Finally though something has to be done so Ax and I decide that the next time one of them shows up at our door we’re sitting them down and talking to them.
That takes about two hours. Axl and I drag Slash next door and ask Duff what the hell they’re fighting about it. Basically they’re both snappy and calling each other names and just acting like assholes. Axl and I talk to them and cajole them and finally I just admit to myself that this isn’t going to work. This whole getting sober on the road shit isn’t going to work for them. It might be working ok for me but not for them. They aren’t supporting one another for this to work because they both feel so sock. This is going to have to be a one at a time thing and I tell them so. They look at each other and Slash says “two hits a day?”
“Fine, a fifth of vodka a day?”
“Fine,” Slash answers and they both run for their respective vices.
“Come on I can’t watch, I’ll want it too.” So he and I make our way back to our room alone.
“ I’m really proud of you,” he says. I’ve missed my dark angel for so long, it’s nice to see you again”
“Oh, I’m no angel honey, I tell him.
“Me either, let me remind you why they call me fireball” he whi[swers and shoves his cinnamon flavored tongue into my mouth before we ever readoor. My buttons go flying off my shirt and he’s got me lowered onto the bed and both of our pants are off before I know it’s even happened. His mouth is on my cock and his fingers slicked with lotion stroking me and ’m rolling my hips to meet his. His smile above me is beautiful and I’m running my hands through his long red locks. “I want you fireball, I want you sooo bad. Ever since I’ve stopped shooting up I; wanted to fuck you like this all time time. It’s like my sex drive has gone into overdrive and I can feel you so much more too, it’s like all my nerves are in high gear,”Oh, Oh god Ax I groan as his fingers curl hard and then dance lightly over my prostate. He smiles down into my eyes and repeats the motion and I smell corn silk and hot Kansas summer air and hear John Mellencamp on the radio as I cum so hard I can barely hang onto consciousness! I look down and watch his eyes lock onto mine as white liquid fills his mouth and oozes out at the corners where he couldn’t swallow it all. He licks his lips and then rears up above me spitting some of my own cum onto his fingers and pushes them back into me slicking me up good.
He gasps out loud when he slides in “Jeff! Shit! Jeff you feel soo good; you’re always so tight after I make you cum like that. I wrap my arms and legs around him as he moves in me and stroke some of his red hair back out of his face.
Axl…Billy…I call out curling my hips into his mmmmm….I moan like an obscene whore. I cum again only about two minutes later feeling Axl let go right after I do. He buries his face in my shoulder and tells me he loves me. I tell him the same; how our love is timeless, because it’s true, our hearts are one forever. They may expode or wither away withtouthte theother but they are one. And that’s all that matters;
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