FicWad

Duff

That night we just lie there and slept in the throws of our respective smack, valium, and booze. The TV cast us in different hues and was barely audible. I did not even dream. I slept peacefully because I knew exactly where I was and who I was with. I was with my Curly Sue and I was safe from all the bullshit outside our door. In here there was no fucking Nikki Sixx turning our lives upside down. There was no Mandy. There wasn't even Axl or Izzy and their bullshit problems. I slept more peacefully that I should have given all that was going on.

Of course the peace doesn't last. It can't. But this morning I put full fucking blame on goddamn Kurt Loder from MTV for that. It was his voice that initially caused me to stir.

"...bassist Duff McKagan, of the band Guns N' Roses, was recently wed in a quickie Vegas ceremony. The newlyweds were then seen at local places frequented by young celebrities. The happy couple are seen..."

Then I am startled fully awake by the very distinctive sound of shattering glass. I jump to, sitting straight to in the bed. I can see the TV sparking and making electrical zaps and hissing noises. Slash has hurled a bottle of Jack through the screen and is standing before it screaming obsenities at it. Orange embers start to spark up inside of the mangled TV. Its going to catch on fire as soon as it hits that whiskey.

"Slash?" I croak, my first word of the day raspy and hanging in my throat.

"It's fucking everywhere! The whole world can see you having a good fucking time with your new whore wife! And you look fucking happy as shit with her hanging all over you!" He shouts at me and points at the demolished TV.

"But...it's TV...they're supposed to make us look happy and shit. What the fuck are they going to say, 'and here's rocks first arranged marriage?'." I feebly try to explain. My anxiety kicks in and starts to worry about the TV that is quickly blazing up.

"But the whole fucking world sees it and believes it! They think you fucking love that cunt wife of yours! They'll never know you only married her because you were too spineless to tell people to fuck off!" He screams at me.

And my world comes crashing down around me. My Curly sue thought I was fucking spineless? Moments ago everything in my world could not have been more right. Now everything is upside down and I feel like I fell down the rabbit hole in Alice In Wonderland. All of the sudden Slash is the red queen screaming off with his head and shit. And I blame Kurt fucking Loder.

"It's gonna be like this every goddamn day!!" He continues to emphatically yell at me. I reach for my bottle of vodka by the bed. Slash quickly grabs it and sends it hurling across the room. I can only watch as it smashes into the wall and runs down it. "You fucking think this shit will end here?! Next it will be 'Duff McKagan and new wife shopping for fucking baby beds!'."

"I think you're being a little dramatic with the fucking baby beds...and did you have to smash my fucking vodka?" I calmly ask and reach for a cigarette.

Slash jerks those away from me too. "How the fuck could you let them talk you into this bullshit?!"

I sigh with a shrug, "You know me, I'm spineless, right?" Tears stung in my eyes but I refused to let them fall.

Slash calmly sighs and runs his hand over his face. "Fuck Duffy, I'm sorry for that. I shouldn't have called you that...I was there, I know how shit went down...its just...I saw you with her on TV all smiling and shit...I...I lost it...Baby, I'm sorry."

I sit on the edge of the bed and start getting dressed.

"Where are you going, baby don't go. I said I was sorry." Slash quickly sits next to me with his arms around me.

"No, It's ok baby boy, there's just something I need to go do." I stand up and leave the room and Slash looking at me with a worried expression. "It's cool, don't worry. I'll be right back...promise, ok?"

Slash just reluctantly shrugs and stares down at the floor looking so defeated. I can tell he feels bad for what he said. He probably is just needing his wake up shot. I would give it to him just as soon as I came back.

I go to the room where my wife is. I knock and she answers looking happy to see me. She invites me in and before I can even turn around is wrapping her arms around me. I take her wrists and peel her off me. I back her an arms distance away from me and her smile quickly turns to a frown.

"Look...you have to get the fuck out of here. Your being here is too much for Slash and I'm not going to hurt him anymore than I already have. I'll talk to management. I'll get them to buy you a house somewhere and I'll send you money every month."

Now I thought this was a pretty sweet deal that she would gladly jump all over. It was a fucking win win situation for her. She should have jumped at it. Boy was I wrong.

"I can't. Part of my deal with Nikki was so I could be around. Where would he score with me gone?" She shrugs.

"As if I give a fuck! I want you to go." I point to the door.

"Well Nikki is paying me a grand a month to stay, plus buying his shit from me. He spends almost an additional grand a day on that. So in all, I make like 31 to 32 thousand a month just by staying. Can you match that? I really don't think you can. And when you go out on the road with the Crue I have to be there...with or without you I wouldn't miss that shit."

"I'll give you 50 grand to disappear until that fucking tour starts. When it does, you travel with Nikki. You want to get laid, you fuck Nikki. I don't want to see you any fucking where unless there's a TV camera. I do have the ability to call this whole fucking thing off. I could file for an anullment."

"Um...actually you can't. You signed a piece of paper that prevents you from it. We have to stay married for 7 months...that rules out an anullment, they are only good for the first six months. You are free to file for divorce in seven months but I get half of everything."

Never in my life have I ever wanted to break a woman's fucking jaw...

"But...I will take that 50 grand and go pick us out a nice little place somewhere in the valley. That'll give your boyfriend a few months to get used to the idea of having me around."

I knew that was one thing that was not going to happen. Yeah Kurt Loder...fucking thanks a lot.

I return to Slash's room to find him pacing and grabbing at his spirals. His eyes look up at me briefly. They seem to be full of frantic hysteria. I can't help but notice the way his hands shook. Well he's the one who smashed all the liquor, again, gracious compliment to Kurt Loder.

I know there is nothing I need to say in this moment. Instead I pick up a spoon from a room service cart and walk over to the night stand. I pull the heroin out of my front pocket and I start prepping my baby's fix. He practically salivates as he watches my every move in anticipation.

"Sit down baby," I motion to the bed beside me. He quickly does holding his arm out to me. Just as I had imagined, it looked like hammered horse shit. It looked like he had been using nails for fucking needles. "Jesus baby," I draw in a hiss as my fingers lightly grace his arm.

"I...its not really as bad as it looks," he stutter as his eyes float away.

When I slide the needle into him he winces in pain. I quickly look up at him.

"Its ok, don't stop," he whispers never before looking so needy.

I can't resist the urge of kissing him softly before I start to inject him. I know that as soon as I do he would leave me without ever moving from that spot. He would slip into this void of comfort and I would be left here alone to drink away the shattered pieces.

I push down on the plunger and watch my lovers eyes slowly go blank and hollow. I'm glad I kissed him goodbye. Because he's gone and I'm left alone. He lays back on the bed and rides his waves of euphoria. I bend over him and kiss his unresponsive lips. He mumbles something but never looks at me.

I sigh and sit up on the bed in deep thought. My eyes land on the spoon and baggie of heroin. I look down at the needle in my hand. I just want to be with my Curly Sue. I want to follow him to wherever it is he has gone.I only know one way to do that.

I prep myself a fix. As the needle enters my vein I hear Slash softly telling me no. I smile down at him. "I just want to be with you baby. I don't want to be alone right now. When you get high you leave this place and go to some alternate reality. And I never get to come. This time...I'm coming too."

He just nods and runs his hand down my back. Soon I'm in his arms. I've found him and everything is right with the world