FicWad

Steven

All the guys in the band were like fucking brothers to me. I loved the shit out of them all even if I did always seem to be out of the fucking loop. It's cool, the chicks and dope more than compensates for their lacks of interest in me. To be perfectly honest, I was kind of glad to not be wrapped up in their shit. They think I just float by like some airhead or drunken bafoon all the time. They don't realize all the shit I actually catch. It's shit I'm not supposed to know about. I guess I respect their privacy enough to just never say shit about shit. But it's getting reeeeally fucking crazy around here.

Where the fuck does one even begin to try to explain this fucked up shit I was privy to? Fuck it, I'll just go in alphabetical order...

First up would be Angela Nicoletti, Izzy's pretend stripper girlfriend back in Hollywood. She knew about Axl and Izzy since before day one. She played cool about it. I don't know if it's because she was homeless or if she really liked Izzy. I guess he liked her enough to fuck her a few times, but he never invited her out on the road with us. That's probably just as well. See I overheard Vince and Tommy talking the other day, Angela has been fucking some guy from another band they were friends with for months. Well apparently Angela is marrying the guy. I'm not even sure if Izzy knows yet. Not that I think he will give two shits. He has far too many extraciricular activities that would cause shit. We will get to those in a bit. But for now I'm wondering if this will bother Izzy at all. He sort of has enough shit on his plate without me dropping this bomb on him. So I just stay quiet and play dumb. I don't know shit about shit.

Then we have Axl. You know...I feel fucking sorry for the guy. It's no grand mystery to me why he is such a raging and controlling asshole sometimes. Izzy sure as fuck kept him on his toes. They honestly loved one another, but at this point I think Axl has a little bit better idea of what love is. Sure, he has his fake girlfriend Erin, but it doesn't take much to see where his heart is. He would do anything to keep what he and Izzy have alive. Izzy does so much dope that it is scary. I watched him overdose that one time. I can only imagine how fucking scared Axl must be all the time. I understand why sometimes it's too much for him and he has to either throw his hands up or go the fuck off on someone. And Axl has no fucking clue of the shit going on behind his back. I wish like hell I didn't. Izzy has some obsessive need to constantly make Axl hurt or jealous. I think that's because Axl only shows he loves Izzy in extreme moments. I can't help but wonder how deeply that love runs. Will he still love him when he finds out Izzy fucked his fake girlfriend and Slash? Yeah, I'm not supposed to know that shit. You might wonder how I know. Well I heard him and Slash through the fucking walls while poor Duff was in Vegas and Axl had Erin in his room. Slash is my best friend and I know how he sounds when he's fucking. After catching them making out in Mexico it wasn't hard to figure out who was in the room with him. And Erin...I'll get to her in a minute. Axl's not stupid by any means. I think in his gut he knows something is off around here. Every night during the shows Axl is all over Slash. I know his intent is to piss Izzy off, but it's doing more than that. It hurts Duff and he has never done anything to deserve the fucked up shit Izzy and Slash are sneaking around and doing.

Duff. Man Duff is the fucking sweetest guy in the world and Slash is lucky as shit to have found someone who loves him that much. He's my best friend and I don't even hold him as highly as poor blind Duff. Duff goes along doing whatever is needed of him. He rarely complains about it and now people like Nikki are taking advantage of his niceness.I can see how much he fucking loves Slash. He tried to send Mandy back to LA but Nikki interceded and pulled all his trump cards. Nikki is using poor Duff like a pawn. He was pawning all of us except maybe me. But I'm sure I won't escape his evil claws in the end. But for now it's Duff who suffers from his shit the most. And now Duff has to watch Axl throw himself at Slash like a whore every night. Duff is none too happy about it either. I can see a rift coming between he and Slash. Part of it was Nikki's fault, part of it was Slash's. But the truth is, Duff is not a take charge enough guy for Slash's liking. I hate to label the dudes, but Slash is definitly the chick in the relationship. The problem is, Duff's not really manly either. But Izzy is and Slash wants Duff to be like that too. But Duff wasn't the take charge guy. Duff wasn't the gun toting dealer. Duff never came running to Slash's rescue. Izzy always got the job.

Now for that goddamn Erin Everly. She is first and foremost Nikki's confidant. She's still fucking him too. I overheard Tommy joking with Nikki about it. Erin has one agenda, herself. In her mind if she rubs elbows with enough of the right rockers she will one day cement herself as some celebrity. Her modeling career wasn't all that. She was too short to be a model. Nikki suggested she hooked up with Axl to help herself and to bail Axl and Izzy out of the prying media's eye. I'm not sure if Izzy is part of Nikki's master plan, but he was sure as fuck balls deep in it. I honestly think Izzy just fucks her to stick it to Axl. I don't think Izzy realizes yet that he's part of this big conspiracy. I heard Erin crying to Nikki one night about Axl hitting her. She's lucky he doesn't know what a whore she really is. Anyhow, Nikki told Erin to stop taking her birth control with a sinister laugh and placing a bet on who knocked her up first. And if you can fucking believe the shit Erin bet on it being Izzy. I have a feeling she's gonna make damn sure of it. Her and Nikki actually discussed her fucking periods and calculated her most fruitful nights! I could not make this shit up if I fucking tried man! This cunt is going to flip lives upside down. I should probably put a bug in their ear, but I just stay out of this crazy shit.

Izzy. When I first met Izzy he was just this larger than life fucking hero to us all. We all looked to Izzy for answers, even Axl, and Izzy always had them. Izzy had saved all of our asses at some point or another. We all put Izzy so highly that when he started to lose his shit we looked the other way. We saw things the way he did because we were so bonded to him. We trusted him completely. I have lost quite a bit of respect for Izzy. He played the victim when in fact he is the villian in a way. He was cheating on Axl with Erin and Slash. To his credit it didn't start until Axl fucked Slash. That shit broke something inside Izzy. He's never said a word about it, but that's when he decided to start doing Erin. Now it's Slash too. I kinda think they wanted to fuck from day one. And Izzy has no clue about Erin and Nikki's calculated agenda. If Erin gets knocked up, whether it be Axl's or Izzy's' shit is really going to hit the fucking fan. I'm not so sure that Izzy can make it through that shit.
Next up on the platter we have Mrs. Mandy McKagan. She was in with Nikki from the very beginning too. I remember seeing her briefly at Nikki's party. Nikki kept sending her out for more dope. See Mandy supplied Nikki with about 80 percent of his dope. Normally he just took her with him out on the road. But management had become aware of this and in order to try to save Nikki, they banished her from the Motley camp. Here lies Nikki's little personal delimma. Mandy was a groupie, right Naturally she would hook up with another band and managememnt would deal with her if paths crossed somewhere in the middle. They could simply banish her away again...but if she was someone's wife...well they couldn't get rid of her then. Nikki had secured his dope. You really had to give the guy props for calculated and plotted thinking. Nikki was a fucking genius!

Which brings me to satan himself. Nikki was beyond some burnt out rock star. He was beyond smacked out. In fact the guy looked like he was knocking at heavens door. Nikki lived in his smeared running stage makeup because the fucker looked dead without it. Nikki has become very jaded. He feels pimped and whored out by rock. He's tired. He's ready to cash out. Maybe he even knew he was running out of time. Maybe that was his cruel need to tie up loose ends. I guess if you look at it a certain way Nikki was doing us a big favor. He was. But he was doing some really fucked up shit to the guys in the process. They were all aware too except Izzy. Izzy had no fucking clue of the trap that was being laid in his path. And I'll bet that in the end it is Izzy who is hurt the most. It wouldn't surprise me if he fucking killed Nikki. Maybe that's all a part of Sixx's master plan anyhow. For now he had us right where he needed us. He had just the right leverage. He had carefully positioned his chess pieces on the board. Checkmate.

And last but certainly not least is my best friend Slash. We have always been tight. Even once he and Duff hooked up we still were. Lately we both are drifting into our seperate oblivions. We did spend time together shooting up while Duff was away. Slash really sucks at shooting up. He fucked his arm all up. He was used to Duff or Izzy doing it for him. He's been drinking like just as much as Duff while on heroin. It's making him moody to say the least. Slash used to be impossible to make mad, now it's not so difficult. He and Duff have been together almost two years now. The relationship had lost that new love glow. The innocence wore off almost the moment it started. Slash and Duff were not prepared for the world that came with Axl and Izzy. None of our lives were as complicated before coming into their lives. But we loved those guys. Without them we would all be nothing still. It was Axl and Izzy who sucked more dick and took it up the ass more than we ever could. They had paid more bills by fucking chicks than we would ever fucking comprehend. They were like really fucked up mentors and we adored them as such. We wanted to be just like them. Well Slash is reminding us all of Izzy more and more by the day. I keep waiting on him to get a fucking gun too. And Duff is in the same boat as Axl, the people they love are cheating on them. There is no justification. I can justify Erin, but not Slash. And now he is even enjoying his touchy feely moments on stage with Axl. It's like he's taunting Duff into a fight. Slash would probably be happy if Duff engaged Axl in a fight for his heart. But Axl don't want Slash any more than Slash wants Axl. They just like making their respective others to question that fact.

I seriously worry about one of us killing another some day. Eventually I know that all these dirty little secrets I know will be surfacing. And when the bottom falls out...we will be lucky if any of us fucking survive that crash.