Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Through The Eyes Of...
Duff
I stand playing my fucking bass in front of a fuckton of people. I'm concentrating very hard on playing. Trying to strut around the stage looking shirtless and cool. I should be fucking riding that high that you only get from looking out there at thousands of face looking back at you, jamming to your shit, even if they don’t know it. I should be grinning from fucking ear to ear, right? I would normally be but fucking Axl keeps going over to Slash and draping his arm around his shoulders. I can see him brush his fucking dick across Slash’s ass. And Slash just leans back into him and plays his fucking heart out. It doesn't seem to bother him one bit either. He had been weird around Axl since they fucked but shit seem pretty fucking cozy now. Like they were so used to doing that. I can’t help but be pissed. Do I even have that right? My goddamn wife is standing at the side of the stage after all. Maybe Slash is doing this shit to piss me off, to get back at me for the pain he felt over Mandy. I don’t know what the fuck he’s thinking, but He’s not too concerned with how he’s making me fucking feel.
I glance at Izzy beside me. He just stares at his guitar mostly. Every now and then his eyebrows raise up as he sees them together. Then with a sullen look his gaze adverts right back down to his guitar. I can tell he's not too impressed with their stage performance either. The smack keeps him from going off. And he and Axl seemed to not be on the outs lately. They had been happy. Why was Axl doing that? Had Izzy pissed him off again?
When the show was over we all bowed and waved goodnight. Naturally Axl draped all over Slash. I didn’t even smile at our fans I was too busy watching the two of them wIth a disgusted look plastered to my face. We began making our way backstage to meet the fans who had backstage passes. Mandy greets me with a big smile and wraps a towel around my neck.
“Great show baby. You did great.” Her smile is radiant but I could give a fuck. She might be my wife by law, but seriously, I couldn’t fucking stand her. And her trying to be miss trophy wife pissed me the fuck off. Though I am grateful for the towel.
I say nothing to her for a moment as I watch the other guy’s head backstage. “Look, I’ve gotta go, you should go back to the hotel…or go fetch Nikki’s drugs or suck his dick or whatever it is you normally7 do.”
“You know we are supposed to be seen together for the media you know,” she folds her arms across her chest.
“Not now. I got shit to do,” I sigh.
She just smirks and turns on her heel and leaves flipping me off. I quickly catch up to the guys. I grab Slash's arm just as soon as the others are ahead of us. I push him back into the wall. Behind his curls his eyes are slanted and dilated. He's so fucking trashed. More trashed than he should be considering I only gave him two fixes a day. Somehow he had found a way to. Maybe he got it from Nikki or Mandy. My bets are placed on fucking Izzy.
"What was that?" I ask looking to him seriously.
"What the..fuck are you talking about? He asks. His lips move in funny ways. Sometime he has to swallow and draw in breaths before he can even finish a damn sentence.
"I'm talking about your little performances with Axl on stage," I say doing my best to keep my voice down. “You think I like seeing him all over you?”
He rolls his eyes. "Really? It's just...for show. You know that. Gets the crowd pumped." He’s so high he has trouble getting his words out, as if his mouth don’t want to work right.
"Then why the fuck doesn't he do that shit to me...or better yet Izzy, his own goddamn boyfriend? How about I hang all over Izzy when I play? It's just for fucking show right?" My blood is starting to boil.
Slash tries to move away, "We have fans...waiting to meet us."
I push him back into the wall. "Fuck the fans, I think this is a bit more fucking important!" My eyes stare at him intently, but he can’t even fucking look me in the eye. “Is there something going on I don’t know about? Between you and Axl?”
He giggles softly with his intoxications. “Oh yeah, that’s it Duff.”
“It sure seems it. You used to cringe if he sat too close to you. Now you have no problem with him brushing his dick across your ass? Now you just lean right in like you’re saying ‘Ooooh baby, take me’! When did that shit happen? Huh?!”
"Man...fuck off," Slash slurs and just leans into the wall shaking his head.
I take a step back feeling broken and hurt. Fuck off? Did he really just tell me that shit. Fuck off? Am I suddenly that goddamn unimportant? I don’t deserve an explanation of why now he suddenly doesn’t mind Axl touching him? How. The. Fuck. Does. That. Happen? Did I step into some alter reality of my own? Am I that fucking drunk?
“How the fuck can you say that to me?” I ask tears choking at my words. But they faze Slash none. Not one goddamn sympathetic look. Not one sign or remorse. In fact, when I look at him I see nothing. It’s all hollow. He is void of any emotion. He reminds me so much of Izzy it makes my stomach turn. I don’t want to look into my baby’s eyes and see nothing. I used to see so much enthusiasm, curiosity, love, and innocence. But right now there is just this blank nothingness.
"Fuck this shit..." Slash shakes his head. "I'm out of here," he turns to leave and this time I'm too stunned to stop him. He turns and walks in the opposite direction he should. He’s leaving the stadium. I know I probably should follow him. The frame of mind he’s in will only get him into trouble.
I stand there for a moment as tears work up in my eyes. What the fuck was happening? Suddenly a wave of heat flushes me. Slowly I feel pressure building in my chest. I feel the air being pushed out of me. I gasp but no air comes in. I gasp again like a fish out of water. Still no air. I steady myself with both hands on the wall. Breathe Duff. I inhale deeply, but nothing reaches my goddamn lungs. Moments later my chest aches like my heart is pounding so hard it’s going to explode. Fuck, did I do too much coke? It isn’t long before my fingertips start to tingle. My lips decide to join in and contract into what I’m sure is an odd shape. Fucking A, I’m having a goddamn panic attack. Vodka. I need vodka.
You don’t have time for this. I have to find Slash. I have to keep him out of trouble and keep him from getting arrested. He wasn’t as inconspicuous as Izzy. Slash did things like zoning off in mid sentence.He would fall asleep in his fucking food. Slash was a sloppy and very much advertised junkie. I had to try to fucking find him, panic attack or no.
I stand playing my fucking bass in front of a fuckton of people. I'm concentrating very hard on playing. Trying to strut around the stage looking shirtless and cool. I should be fucking riding that high that you only get from looking out there at thousands of face looking back at you, jamming to your shit, even if they don’t know it. I should be grinning from fucking ear to ear, right? I would normally be but fucking Axl keeps going over to Slash and draping his arm around his shoulders. I can see him brush his fucking dick across Slash’s ass. And Slash just leans back into him and plays his fucking heart out. It doesn't seem to bother him one bit either. He had been weird around Axl since they fucked but shit seem pretty fucking cozy now. Like they were so used to doing that. I can’t help but be pissed. Do I even have that right? My goddamn wife is standing at the side of the stage after all. Maybe Slash is doing this shit to piss me off, to get back at me for the pain he felt over Mandy. I don’t know what the fuck he’s thinking, but He’s not too concerned with how he’s making me fucking feel.
I glance at Izzy beside me. He just stares at his guitar mostly. Every now and then his eyebrows raise up as he sees them together. Then with a sullen look his gaze adverts right back down to his guitar. I can tell he's not too impressed with their stage performance either. The smack keeps him from going off. And he and Axl seemed to not be on the outs lately. They had been happy. Why was Axl doing that? Had Izzy pissed him off again?
When the show was over we all bowed and waved goodnight. Naturally Axl draped all over Slash. I didn’t even smile at our fans I was too busy watching the two of them wIth a disgusted look plastered to my face. We began making our way backstage to meet the fans who had backstage passes. Mandy greets me with a big smile and wraps a towel around my neck.
“Great show baby. You did great.” Her smile is radiant but I could give a fuck. She might be my wife by law, but seriously, I couldn’t fucking stand her. And her trying to be miss trophy wife pissed me the fuck off. Though I am grateful for the towel.
I say nothing to her for a moment as I watch the other guy’s head backstage. “Look, I’ve gotta go, you should go back to the hotel…or go fetch Nikki’s drugs or suck his dick or whatever it is you normally7 do.”
“You know we are supposed to be seen together for the media you know,” she folds her arms across her chest.
“Not now. I got shit to do,” I sigh.
She just smirks and turns on her heel and leaves flipping me off. I quickly catch up to the guys. I grab Slash's arm just as soon as the others are ahead of us. I push him back into the wall. Behind his curls his eyes are slanted and dilated. He's so fucking trashed. More trashed than he should be considering I only gave him two fixes a day. Somehow he had found a way to. Maybe he got it from Nikki or Mandy. My bets are placed on fucking Izzy.
"What was that?" I ask looking to him seriously.
"What the..fuck are you talking about? He asks. His lips move in funny ways. Sometime he has to swallow and draw in breaths before he can even finish a damn sentence.
"I'm talking about your little performances with Axl on stage," I say doing my best to keep my voice down. “You think I like seeing him all over you?”
He rolls his eyes. "Really? It's just...for show. You know that. Gets the crowd pumped." He’s so high he has trouble getting his words out, as if his mouth don’t want to work right.
"Then why the fuck doesn't he do that shit to me...or better yet Izzy, his own goddamn boyfriend? How about I hang all over Izzy when I play? It's just for fucking show right?" My blood is starting to boil.
Slash tries to move away, "We have fans...waiting to meet us."
I push him back into the wall. "Fuck the fans, I think this is a bit more fucking important!" My eyes stare at him intently, but he can’t even fucking look me in the eye. “Is there something going on I don’t know about? Between you and Axl?”
He giggles softly with his intoxications. “Oh yeah, that’s it Duff.”
“It sure seems it. You used to cringe if he sat too close to you. Now you have no problem with him brushing his dick across your ass? Now you just lean right in like you’re saying ‘Ooooh baby, take me’! When did that shit happen? Huh?!”
"Man...fuck off," Slash slurs and just leans into the wall shaking his head.
I take a step back feeling broken and hurt. Fuck off? Did he really just tell me that shit. Fuck off? Am I suddenly that goddamn unimportant? I don’t deserve an explanation of why now he suddenly doesn’t mind Axl touching him? How. The. Fuck. Does. That. Happen? Did I step into some alter reality of my own? Am I that fucking drunk?
“How the fuck can you say that to me?” I ask tears choking at my words. But they faze Slash none. Not one goddamn sympathetic look. Not one sign or remorse. In fact, when I look at him I see nothing. It’s all hollow. He is void of any emotion. He reminds me so much of Izzy it makes my stomach turn. I don’t want to look into my baby’s eyes and see nothing. I used to see so much enthusiasm, curiosity, love, and innocence. But right now there is just this blank nothingness.
"Fuck this shit..." Slash shakes his head. "I'm out of here," he turns to leave and this time I'm too stunned to stop him. He turns and walks in the opposite direction he should. He’s leaving the stadium. I know I probably should follow him. The frame of mind he’s in will only get him into trouble.
I stand there for a moment as tears work up in my eyes. What the fuck was happening? Suddenly a wave of heat flushes me. Slowly I feel pressure building in my chest. I feel the air being pushed out of me. I gasp but no air comes in. I gasp again like a fish out of water. Still no air. I steady myself with both hands on the wall. Breathe Duff. I inhale deeply, but nothing reaches my goddamn lungs. Moments later my chest aches like my heart is pounding so hard it’s going to explode. Fuck, did I do too much coke? It isn’t long before my fingertips start to tingle. My lips decide to join in and contract into what I’m sure is an odd shape. Fucking A, I’m having a goddamn panic attack. Vodka. I need vodka.
You don’t have time for this. I have to find Slash. I have to keep him out of trouble and keep him from getting arrested. He wasn’t as inconspicuous as Izzy. Slash did things like zoning off in mid sentence.He would fall asleep in his fucking food. Slash was a sloppy and very much advertised junkie. I had to try to fucking find him, panic attack or no.
Sign up to rate and review this story