FicWad

Axl

Erin had to go. She was just causing too much of a headache. The cunt was fucking Nikki…like all along. I’s love to strangle her and beat the shit out of him. But that would be no good for Guns. I get it, I have to play Nikki’s little game for a while. The bastard was fucking us just the same as A&R guys and executives had been for years, he just wasn’t using his dick to do it. The son of a bitch was smart, I’ll give him that. And he made very valid points, but I still fucking hate him and wish him a slow painful death.

When I get back to the hotel I plan to seek out my dark angel and wrap my mouth around his cock. He’s been lonesome with Erin around I’m sure. I have to make up for lost time and reassure him how much I love him. That’s always been a major issue with Izzy, he has to feel the love. Saying it is all well and good, but Izzy has to see it. I guess lately, I haven’t shown him enough. But I will.

When I step out of the elevator I see my dark angel ahead in the hallway close to my room. One hand is braced on the wall. The other is cradled around his midsection. He’s hunched over. Fuck. He’s goddamn dope sick. But as I get closer I can see blood on his hand.

“Izz? Darlin, you ok?”

When he turns to look at me my jaw drops. His nose is dripping blood. I think his mouth is too. His eye is turning blue and is all swollen. Somebody had beat him up. I quickly spring into action and wrap my arms around him. He gasps and I assume I’ve hurt him. I quickly let go.

“Baby do I need to call an ambulance? Are you ok? What can I do?”

“Kill me,” he faintly gasps.

“Come on, let’s get you to a room and I’ll call a doctor,” I say grabbing him this time by his pants. I raise his arm and he moans in discomfort as I wrap it around my neck.

“No doctor,” he moans as we start to moan.

“What happen? Who did this to you?” I ask.

I can hear him start to whimper. Jesus Christ. What happened? Izzy doesn’t cry like a little bitch when he takes a beating. Do you really think he dealt drugs in the streets all these years without getting the fuck beat out of him a few times? But this feels different. For one he’s crying. And two, Izzy’s not a dope dealer anymore. I do my best to hold Izzy up and fish the key card from my pocket and unlock the door.

I get him inside and to the bed. I get him halfway down before he screams, “No! Standing is better,” he says hovering over the nightstand.

“Please tell me what happened,” I say as I rush to the bathroom for towels and a first aid kit. When I come back into the room I can see his back jumping with the motion of silent crying. I lay everything on the bed except a wet rag. I put one hand on his back. “I need you to look at me baby,” I say. For some reason he breaks down even more. I lift his chin in my hand. His eyes flutter and try not to look at me as tears stream down his face and leave clean trails through the blood. “Tell me right now Izzy, who did this to you?”

His eyes flood with even more tears that saturate and drip from his lashes. He barely speaks a name. “Duff.”

“Duff?” I ask as I wipe the blood from his chin. “What the fuck did he do this for?” I ask rather shocked. Duff would be the last guy in the band I ever figured would hit Izzy.

“I deserved it…deserve even worse.” And the dam breaks open once more.

“Why? Darlin what did you do?” I ask wiping away more blood and tears. He cries even harder and winces every time his sides move. “Come on, this would be a lot easier if you sit.”

“I fucking can’t…think a rib got busted,” he shakes his head. “Listen…you gotta give me a fix darlin. I can’t do it. And I can’t look at you and answer you sober.”

“Well let me at least get the fucking blood off Izz,” I say and can feel my stomach tie in knots. I feared the words that would soon come out as an explanation to all this.

So I take my time in washing away the blood. Once it’s gone a gash on his cheek and a split lip is obvious. Do I even want to know why Duff would do this? What on Earth could ever set Duff off like that? What the fuck did Izzy do to him? So after I clean him up and medicate and cover his cheek I raise his shirt. His entire side is bruised. The point of the fucked up rib is fucking black. I put some ice in a rag and he holds it to his side while I prep him a fix.

“Can you breathe ok?” I ask.

“Nothing’s punctured, but no…fucking hurts…please hurry darlin,” his labored breaths and unbridled emotions come through in his words. I’ve never seen him this bad off since the two weeks I broke up with him.

I go over to him and shove his sleeve as high as I can. I wrap my own belt around his arm as he firmly grips he night stand for support. I find a vein and go to stick it in his vein, but the needle is so fucking dull I have to jab it in him. He draws in a breath and waits for the relief. And it sweeps him like leaves tumbling across the ground.

I sit on the bed and draw my knees to my chest, resting my arms on top. I wait for answers. Izzy manages to stand up pretty straight, but never releases his side.

“Axe…” he finally says. His head drops shaking slightly. “Darlin, I fucked up real bad.”

“What do you mean?” I ask and swallow a lump in my throat.

Izzy takes a few deep breaths. I know that tears won’t come to him right now while the heroin is working. “I did something really stupid. I…”

“Wh…?” I ask but before I can the answer hits me. “Holy shit! You fucked Slash?!”

Izzy’s head droops even lower as I see him nod yes.

My stomach churns. My blood speeds up in my veins. My heart completely stops and ceases to be. My eyes fall off of Izzy and to the floor as my whole world comes crumbling down around me.


What the fuck was I to say? I mean…I fucked Slash first. I know that upset Izzy, even if he never said it did. Nobody knows that motherfucker better than I do. But this ache in my chest where my heart used to be…it wants to fuck up what parts of his face Duff missed. The circumstances weren’t the same as when I fucked Slash. I did it because I fucking had to, we had to. But Izzy fucking wanted to, and apparently Slash too. Fuck me, it had to have happened when Duff was in Vegas and Erin was here. Great, now I can fucking justify Izzy’s reasoning, he wasn’t feeling loved by me, Duff was fucking getting married…two broken souls merged in their own sorrow. Fuck why do I have to understand? I really want to beat the shit out of Izzy and Slash…and Duff too for hurting Izzy. But fuck…I get it. In Izzy’s shoes I would have most certainly have done the same shit, right? Would I? Jesus Christ, Erin’s fucking Nikki and Izzy is fucking Slash. Do all my significant and insignificant others have to cheat on me? The only thing that could possibly be worse was both of them to be fucking one another. Now that would be some fucked up shit. God my chest hurts. I can’t believe he did this to me. But fuck…I haven’t exactly been Mr. Virtuous. I fuck Erin. I mean come on, that’s cheating. Trust me, it bothers Izzy. He is the jealous type…so am I. We accepted fucking around with chicks a long time ago though. We figured out the only way to live was to shack up with ‘girlfriends’ with their own places. They clothed us, fed us, bought us keyboards and guitars and shit. We did what we had to do. Same thing with all the sorry fucks who peddled our asses out for our talent. We did what we had to do. Even with Erin, even in light of knowing she’s fucking that rat fuck Sixx, I’m doing what I fucking have to for this band. Duff did what he had to do. I’m sure it did devastate Slash. And I’m sure Izzy has vengeance in the back of his mind along with longing for me. I know Izzy loves me above everyone and everything. He always has and he always will. Our blood flows through one another’s veins. Every significant moment in our lives is united. We know every single thing about one another…granted I didn’t know the little sneak had fucked Slash. Though I could tell something was off with Izzy…It was just hard to give him much attention with Erin and cameras around. God I was stupid to keep her here so long. But then, I may not have found out about goddamn Nikki fucking her and his sick plan involving us without her showing up. My thoughts are swirling out of fucking control, yet I just sit and stare into blankness.

“Aren’t you gonna hit me or fucking scream at me?” Izzy finally sighs.

I look up at him. “Is Duff satisfied?”

“What?” Izzy shrugs. He seems shocked that I’m not a raving lunatic about all of this. Truthfully, so am I.

“Is Duff satisfied with kicking your ass? Or is he gonna come at you every chance he gets? Is he gonna quit the goddamn band now? Take Slash with him?”

Again Izzy shrugs, “He said it was squashed after he kicked my fucking ass.”

“Well you know you deserved it, right?” I say as my eyes move away from him again. It hurts so much. I never imagined Izzy could do something so fucked up to me.

“Yeah,” he whispers, “That’s why I didn’t pull my gun.”

“Fuck Izz,” I sigh and shake my head. I really really really want to fucking punch him right now. I want to wrap my hands around his throat and squeeze until his eyes pop out of their sockets. Unfortunately I know that none of that can change a damn thing. What is done is done and can’t ever be undone.

“Darlin…I know it’s fucking stupid and cliché, but all the fuck I know to say is I’m sorry. You didn’t see that kid when Duff left. He was so fucking hurt. When I looked at him all the fuck I could think about was the way I felt the first time I was forced to watch you get fucked by some fat fuck in a Gucci suit. I knew how he felt…and it didn’t make the whole Erin situation feel any better.” He sighs. “I warned him Axl…I warned him that if he stayed...I just wanted to comfort him and to be comforted myself…Fuck…I feel like such a piece of fucking shit now. I never wanted to hurt you or Duff.” I know by the pleading look in his smacked out eyes that he’s being completely honest with me.

“I somehow doubt either one of you were thinking about us. If you were you might have been able to keep your dicks in your pants,” I’m really doing my best to not lose my shit right now. But if I could get in a verbal cheap shot, well so be it.

“Axl…I’m so fucking sorry. I understand if you fucking punch me and never fucking speak to me again. I deserve to fucking lose the only thing that matters. I’ve done so much fucked up shit…Karma’s finally catching up. But then, I am just a piece of shit junkie.” Fucking leave it to Izzy to somehow use my own words against me to make himself look better. It’s the poor pitiful Izzy routine. We have this shit well scripted after 15 fucking years.

I say nothing as I quickly get off the bed and rush up in front of him. His eyes flutter and he braces for impact. I’ll always be his prisoner. I could never love anyone else but him. But I do like to keep the fucker guessing. You have no clue how easily Izzy gets bored. That’s why we fight like we do, because Izzy just can’t deal with routine or normal. He needs the adrenaline rushes and the spice in life. And me, I always end up giving the bastard exactly what he wants. So I lean in and gently brush my lips across his busted lip. Then I kiss the cut on his cheek. “What makes you think I could ever live without you?” A tear rolls down my cheek.

Izzy winces and raises his hand to brush the tear away with his thumb. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry I hurt you. Please don’t cry.”

“I love you, you cheating asshole,” I say as another tear tries to fall, but Izzy wipes it away before it can.

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispers and I think I actually see tears trying to work up in his eyes. I know he doesn’t like to cause me pain, not that that ever stops him from doing it.

“No, you don’t,” I faintly smile and very carefully pull him to me for another gentle kiss to his busted lip. He submits, but seems a bit leery still.

“You’re waiting for me to go to sleep, aren’t you?” He raises an eyebrow at me. “You’re gonna beat me senseless then, right?”

“What kind of demon do you think I am Isbell?” I huff, “I’ll at least wait until you fucking heal up.”

Izzy slightly laughs and draws in a breath in pain. It must be bad if the heroin hadn’t numbed it. “You sure you’re ok?” I ask.

He nods, “I’ll live…might piss blood…but I’ll live.”

“So did you enjoy yourself?” I ask point blank.

Izzy sighs, “Come on don’t ask me that.”

“Oh no no, you asked me after I fucked him so fucking spill,” I demand.

“You already know what it’s like to fuck him…so it’s a stupid question and I’m not answering,” he replies in his cool Izzy way.

“Chicken shit,” I smirk.

“No…just ashamed,” he says softly and looks down. And I knew he was.

When you spend this long with someone you start to know them better than you even know yourself. I imagine Izzy probably did try to talk Slash out of shit, but I also know he didn’t put forth much effort, Izzy never does. Izzy’s also not one to let opportunity pass him by. Well the chance could not have been more perfect. And Izzy has dreamed about Slash’s lips around his cock since he met him. Izzy may have just been some junkie rocker now, but the blood still flowed to his dick just fine. I’m sure it didn’t take much for Slash to bend his will. But I do see that he understands what he’s done. And I know he’s hurting too. I mean, it was after all me who forced this distance between us. The whole thing with Slash is like some attention getter. Izzy’s way of warning me of what I stand to lose. But I have no plans of doing that. Not ever. Izzy was the air I breathed. Maybe I should have told him that every once in a while. Maybe I should do even better and show him.

I step back and turn to go to my bags. “You think you can sit now?” I ask him over my shoulder as I scrounge around.

“Yeah, think so,” he says and moves for the bed.

I find what I was looking for and walk back to the bed. I sit down next to him. “I have something for you. I bought this with our advance. I’ve been waiting around for the right time to give it to you, but there just never seems to be one.”

I open the box in my hand and extend it over to Izzy. He stiffens a bit and his look grows confused, “Axe, what is this?”

I smile and glance at the box’s contents. “It’s rings. One for you and one for me. I know we can’t really ever get engaged or married, but these rings mean the same thing. You’re mine, and I’m yours…of course we’ll have to wear them on our right hands.”

Izzy is too awestruck to say anything. And that fucking makes me smile. All he can do is pull my face closer to his and kiss me. Really kiss me.

“Careful, you’ll hurt yourself,” I say with the retreat of his lips.

“Fuck the pain. You’re worth the pain,” he says and takes my lips again. “You don’t know what this means to me darlin…I fucking love you.” His whisper melts my heart and for a moment I forget all about the act of sheer betrayal that led up to this moment. But it didn’t even fucking matter now. This was the rewind button. This was the beginning of an entirely different book. Izzy wouldn’t repeat this mistake. He knows, no matter how symbolic, that for me putting a ring on his finger means something pure. He knows now just how deep my love runs. And I know that because he now knows, there will be no more doubts to make him act on. Izzy loves me and only me.

I smile and work the ring onto his finger. “If you ever cheat on me again though and the ring comes off, finger and all…and maybe your dick too.” Do you think I’m joking? I’m not.

“Anything you say Fireball,” he nods and slides the other ring on my finger. His lips seize mine again and I can taste his blood. Why not seal this in blood too, right?

“I’ll always be yours now you fuckup,” I smile.

“And I’ve always been yours you dictating prick.” Again out lips find one another.

I raise an eyebrow at him, “Say, you’re not too fucked up to consummate this are you?”

“I can take the pain,” he whispers and leans his forehead into mine. “I love you Billy.”

“I love you…Jeff and Izzy both.”

Our lips crash together. And that pain in my chest is gone. I know I’ll never lose Izzy. Izzy’s taken his fair share of shit from me and vice versa. We’ve always made it through. We will always make it through anything. What doesn’t kill us will only make us stronger, right?

“Make love to me,” he whispers into my mouth as he starts to unlace my pants.

I start to un-work the buttons of his shirt. I slowly let it drop off his shoulders. My hands gently touch his sides just to see how hurt he is. I don’t want to jar him around and make a rib shift and poke through his lung or some other vital organ. When he doesn’t seem to react I allow myself to feel his skin more. I kiss him down and onto his back and finish peeling ourselves from our clothes. I lie next to him and can see the love burning in his eyes, even thru all the goddamn smack.

His hands guide me on top of him. “I need you so bad,” his lips whisper as his fingers trace my jaw. My eyes scan the rings on our fingers. I can’t help but smile as if we were actually just married.

“Izzy?” I ask.

“What?”

“Promise me you’ll never leave me.”

“You know better darlin, I’m the one who should be worried about getting left. You know I couldn’t leave you if I tried. You’re the only fucking life line I have Axe. You’re the only fucking person who has ever been in my heart. And you’re the only person who can make me cum so hard I go blind.”

“Yeah?” I ask as I smear my spit across Izzy’s hard dick under me. I slowly slide down his length as his eyes close. “Prepare for blindness my angel.”