FicWad

Izzy

If heaven is anything like the desert I’ll be happy there. I have a feeling it’s probably not but maybe we all get our own personal heaven, maybe even though we’re all supposed to be together it looks different for everyone. Maybe Axl and I could be walking side by side and I’d see a desert and he’d see…shit I don’t know swimming with dolphins or something, it’s something he’s always wanted to do. I must have zoned out thinking about this for a few seconds because I hear him saying “Earth to Izzy, what are you thinking about man?”

I look back at my lover who’s straddling my lap under the water and smile, heaven would never be paradise without that smile. “I was wondering if heaven looks different for everyone like for me would it look like this and for you would it look like something else even if we were together would we see different things?” I muse.

“Where did that come from? We were just talking about Nikki?” he replies, confused.

“I don’t know, I was just thinking that this is heaven for me, the desert, you, we have money, no worries out here…it’s perfect, kind of like heaven for me. I don’t know, I was just wondering.” Axl laughs quietly and shakes his head. “I do know one thing for sure though about heaven,” I tell him with a little grin.

“Oh yeah what’s that?” he asks.

“That you’d have to be there with me or it wouldn’t be heaven; no matter how nice it was there without you it would just be some sort of pretty version of hell. That’s kind of what it’s like when Erin’s traveling with us or you’re mad at me lately, we got some money now and nice hotels to stay in and shows to put on but without you all it is a dressed up version of hell. I need you, I always need you, even when you’re angry like a red-headed hornet I need you. When are you gonna figure out that I can’t live without you for very long Fireball? You go away from my bed and all kind of hell breaks loose!”

“Oh, is that what happened? You were in hell so you had to had grab the first pretty little piece of ass that was available and emotionally wasted and get him into your bed and stick your dick in him AND get him to use that insanely huge secret weapon in his pants on you too! Wanna tell me how you managed to do that and why this is heaven and being with him isn’t because I’ve seen your roaming eyes checking him out since that first night we all met in the Cat House. Then you’re going to tell me in detail how it felt and why that’s different from what you feel with me and why I’m heaven and the kid that you’ve been salivating for isn’t, and I want to know if he was better than Tommy since you’ve had two huge dicks now,” he tells me matter of factly.

“Awe come on Axe, I thought we went through that already; it’s simple being with him was nice but he isn’t you Axl and I love you and not him and you fill up my heart. What you really want me to tell you is that you’re better than him in bed!” I scolded him, calling him out on what I knew he really wanted to know.

“Well yeah that’s what I want you to tell me, it’s been bugging me since I found out about you two fucking because having fucked him myself I know he was good and at that point he wasn’t even that experienced, he can only have gotten better; I don’t want you to think he’s better than me and my normal but very well used dick!” my red head pouts.

I can’t help but chuckle. “Fireball no one is better than you, you know my body, you know how to touch me, you know all those little spots that make me squeal but most of all you have my heart and that makes everything infinitely better. Nothing anybody ever does compares to the way you look into my eyes when you make love to me and never look away; not even when you cum, it’s one of the only times I get to see your soul and it’s beautiful and I love you,” I tell him truthfully. Yes Slash is better than Tommy; Tommy gets off on pain, he does not play nice with that huge fucking thing between his legs, he just pile drives it into you. Slash is a sweet kid and his body is beautiful and he’s absolutely a genius like you are, not quite such a criminal genius but a hell of a smart kid and he’s gentle and a little timid and yes, he feels really good. He’s not into pain like Tommy and he’s really careful with whoever he’s with; he played with and stretched me out for a long fucking time and still worked his way in real slow, but you already know all of that,” I tell him. “I’m sure he didn’t hurt you either.

“No, he didn’t hurt me, he was worried about hurting me but he didn’t and yeah he was good, because he was so big he felt really good…” he muses remembering, “but no matter how good it was it wasn’t you and it was you I wanted, it was Duff he wanted. He didn’t think I heard him because he was so quiet but when I made him cum he whispered Duff’s name. I felt so guilty I couldn’t cum with him I had to fuck him a little harder to get off. Kid was a damn good lover though,” he teases and I just smirk at him.

Inside I’m thinking that night I spent with Slash was one of the hottest, sweetest, most special experiences I’ve ever had and I don’t regret a second of it but it was a one- time thing that hurt too many people so no matter what it was or what it meant it can’t ever happen again, it’s just a memory I’ll always treasure and Slash and I are both going to spend a long time for making up for it so I push the thought of Slash spread out underneath me begging me for more out of my mind and concentrate on my beautiful Fireball and how the sun catches his hair and makes look like flame. “Axe, you’re the most beautiful thing in the whole world and we’ve got time alone together for the first time EVER in our lives, I don’t want to fight or talk about anyone else; all I want to do is use every minute to get closer to you and try and fix some of the problems we’ve created between ourselves. I want to see your eyes shine with hope again not cloud over with disappointment.”

He just looks at me for a second, searching my eyes to make sure everything I told him is true before kissing me softly and stroking my face. “I like the idea of not hurting each other anymore but you know we will at some point,” he whispers and strokes my face.

“I can’t because you use bad puns with my name,” he says smiling.

“Oh, so you wouldn’t be interested in my kisses then?” I ask ghosting my lips over his.

“No,” he whispers, gasping when I run my tongue over his bottom lip.

“Really?” I whisper into his mouth and finally just take his lips with mine.

“Mmm mmm,” he hums into my mouth as he deepens the kiss. Our mouths meld together and our hands are suddenly everywhere, roaming up and down each other’s chests and backs and arms, our fingers tangling in and combing through each other’s hair, it’s only day four of our trip and admittedly we were exhausted to begin with and I’ve kept us busy hiking and stuff so we’ve fallen into bed every night so exhausted that we passed out before our heads hit the pillows and slept like the dead. But right now I’m not tired, right now I feel more alive than I’ve felt in years! I’m back out here in part of the natural world, not a manmade city and I feel like I’ve been reborn. I’m so hungry for Axl, starving for him, melting into him. My dick is rock hard the moment his lips touch mine and I can feel that his is to. I move my kisses down his neck; sometimes kissing and sucking lightly at his skin and sometimes biting hard causing him to yell and his dick to jerk against my belly.

“Too bad the water’s too deep to fuck in,” I pant.

“Yeah, but if you sit up there on the edge I’ll go down on you, I miss the way you taste; it’s been a while, go sit over there on that smooth ledge of rock,” Axl tells me and I swim in that direction. He follows me and I push myself up onto the ledge and out of the water. My cock is already standing at full attention so he doesn’t have to stroke and suck me into being hard, half the work is already done for him. I settle in on the warm stone, leaning back on my hands a little to give Axl some space to work his magic. He places his hands on either side of me on the rock and pushes himself up so that he can take my lips with his own and I almost melt. It’s been a while since he’s kissed me with so much feeling and even longer since he’s gone down on me and it hasn’t been rushed. When he lets go of my lips his fingers graze my thighs and his tongue darts out licks the precum off the head of my dick and I whimper, putty in his hands. He licks and teases and nips my thighs, sucks my balls in his mouth, teasing and sucking them and lightly swirling his tongue around the top of my dick every now and then until I’m begging for him to suck me which he pretends to ignore but then suddenly my mouth is surrounded by a hot, wet warmth. He uses his tongue in all the right places and hollows his cheeks and begins to suck my dick in earnest and I hear myself panting and groaning and I thread my fingers lighly through his straight red hair that I think is so beautiful and that he used to hate. He scrapes his teeth up the back of my dick and I keen in pleasure and I can feel him smile. Then he slows it down to a teasing pace and I growl his name in frustration and he chuckles and moves up to kiss me and I moan in disappointment at the removal of his mouth from my cock.

“Axl please, don’t stop, I can’t take anymore teasing!” I beg him.

“Maybe that’s all I should do, tease you, you’ve caused me a lot of trouble lately,” he says with a totally serious look on his face.

“Axl don’t you fucking dare! You make me cum or I’ll drown your ass and no one will ever find your body!” I threaten him with a smirk on my face.

“Need to get off that badly huh Stradlin?” he laughs.

“After all that teasing I do!”

“Who gives better head, me or Slash?” he asks grinning.
“I could ask you the same question!” I object. “Fireball just suck my dick please!” I whine. He pushes himself up and gives me a kiss that takes my breath away and then takes me into his mouth again and I almost scream. He uses all of the little tricks that he knows I like and within a couple of minutes I cum so hard that he almost chokes on the cum that shoots into his mouth and my orgasm just goes on and on and on.
When my dick finally starts to go down Axl licks up the last drops of cum and looks up at me. “ Jesus Izzy, I guess you really did need to cum!”
“No shit, you had Erin with us for almost three weeks and I didn’t get shit that whole time, well, except for you know…”
“I plan to make up for that,” he says. “I have plans for you later.”

“Mmmm, can’t wait to find out whaat those are,” I reply and slide back into the water. “Come on Fireball it’s your turn. He pulls himself out of the water and settles onto the rock. I can’t wait to feel him in my mouth but I plan to play with him first just like he did to me. I run my fingers over his hard flesh and he sighs. God I love doing this, I love looking at him when he’s aroused and hard like this for me, I love the smell of his arousal and the way he tastes. “Fireball do you know how much I like to suck your dick?” I ask him as I lick a trail straight up it causing him to hiss.

“Why don’t you show me?” he asks in a breathy voice as I place soft kisses on his skin around his cock but not touching it making him squirm.

“Oh, I plan to,”I tell him and then swallow him whole pulling a sound out of him that only Axl could make. God I’m turned on by the familiar taste of his skin and the precum leaking out of him. Everyone is a little different and it’s funny becausse when you don’t want it even though it’s just skin the taste is horrible. Those guys from Electra who skull fucked me tasted bitter and sour. Slash tasted sooo good, but nothing turns me on the way my Fireball does.

I break out everything I know he likes and within 30 seconds he’s moaning and panting; his hands clenched lightly in my hair. “Fuck Izzy, it’s been so long since you sucked me off; shit I’m almost there baby just keep doing that!” he begs when I start moving up and down slowly and taking him into my throat. I start to move a little faster, taking his long cock deep into my throat and he whimpers a little and then lets out a high pitched shriek and spills his load into my mouth and I gladly swallow down every last drop. Afterwards I stay pulled up on the rock with my head resting in his lap, each of us enjoying the feeling of the renewed intimacy between us. “Izz?” Axl asks while lazily running his fingers through my hair.

“Hmm?” I hum, dozing in and out of consciousness in his lap.

“Sometimes I forget how much I love you until times like this when we get to be alone, I get so caught up in everything with the band and it’s not that I don’t know that I love you but times like this, when we’re alone, like after shows or when I wake up beside you and you play with my hair, I feel like my heart’s gonna burst.

“I love you too baby; you’re the only person in the whole world I’ve ever been able to trust my heart to, the only person I’ve ever loved more than myself, the only person I can’t live without. When we fight and you tell me you don’t love me and call me a piece of shit junkie it hurts so bad that sometimes I just want to die; I wish you would realize how much that hurts me wo that you wouldn’t do it again.”

“Does it really make you want to die Izz?” he asks, sounding alarmed and looking down at my face.

“Yeah, that time you dropped me off and left me with Duff and Slash I tried to OD and die in their bathroom, would have succeeded too if Slash hadn’t figured out what I was up to pretty quickly. He and Duff and Steven brought me back. I told them it was an accident but it wasn’t,” I sigh.

“My beautiful Dark Angel, why didn’t you ever tell me before?” Axl inquires, sounding alarmed.

“I thought you would know. I feel like a piece of shit now too because Slash tried the same thing in an alley the night Duff had to go to the hospital, he couldn’t live with the guilt. I’ve helped destroy that kid in so many ways and now I’ve destroyed their relationship and I’ve never seen two people love each other more than those two do, all I do is hurt people wherever I go. I should stay out here, maybe I could manage not to hurt anyone out here,” I tell Axl regretfully. I feel tears start to leak out of my eyes.

“You would hurt me because I need you; I need you to live Izzy,” he murmurs softly to me.

I sigh. “You don’t always make me feel that way Axl; if you really need me then act like it. Tell me you love me more than once every few weeks when it suits you. Stop telling me I’m not worth anything because I can’t get off heroin. Do you ever notice that when we’re getting along I do way less of it? Don’t call me a piece of shit. Don’t hit me anymore, just stop deliberately doing things you know are going to hurt me for no reason other than it suits you. I get the whole thing with Erin and groupies and the groupies I don’t give a shit about but do you love Erin?”

“Not like I love you, I enjoy her company, I like having sex with her but I’m not in love with her. I don’t mind having her as a show piece. I wish I could show you off to the whole world; it’s you I’m proud to belong to. You’re so beautiful and smart and talented; I’d love to take you out on my arm every night and tell the whole world how lucky I am, that would really show those fuckers in Lafayette some shit wouldn’t it? But I can’t do that because we’re supposed to be bringing in a female audience for the most part,” Axl laments as he runs his fingers across my cheek.

“You’d really show me off if it was possible? You’re really proud to be with me? You wouldn’t be ashamed of me?” I ask in disbelief.

“Izzy don’t you know that?” Axl asks, surprised.

“No, I thought you’d want to hide me because I’m a junkie,” I reply. “My parents don’t want anything to with me because of my addiction, you’re always yelling at me over it, I thought Duff and Slash were the only ones who liked me anyway, especially Slash, we spent a lot of afternoons playing and writing songs together when I was living with them; we were really tight, that’s why I didn’t say no, I care about him Axl, seeing him hurt like that when he didn’t have to was so hard, he took care of me and was there for me when you dumped me off at their house and what Duff did was such bullshit that when he asked it was too hard to say no. I mean that beautiful face and body and those begging eyes and all of this pain I just wanted to make go away for him and I knew it would make it worse in the end even if it made it better at that moment…sometimes Axl I really, really, hate myself; all I want to do is save all of you from everything out there that can hurt you and sometimes I manage it and sometimes all I do is cause you guys pain. I listened to you and let Duff go with those guys, I know my doing smack hurts you and I do it anyway, I try and help Slash and give in to my own desire to fuck him which ends up screwing up our relationship and totally tearing his and Duff’s apart so all I did there was cause more pain. Sometimes I think I should just overdose and die; then I wouldn’t hurt anymore and I couldn’t hurt any of you.”

“Izzy, don’t say that! Don’t ever say that! Look at me right now!” Axl demands. I look up at him through the tears that are rolling down my face and he desperately kisses them away. “Please Izzy, if I’d known you felt this bad I would have done something for you sooner, I didn’t know you were so sad! I’d die without you Izzy and the other guys would be devastated no matter what’s happened! You are the most fascinating person in the world Izzy; there’s no one that could replace you, there’s no one I’ve ever met that was like you in any way! You’re so smart and talented and deep under that cool demeanor, why do you think that kid wanted to fuck you so bad? Because you’re all of those things and loving and beautiful on top of it! My Dark Angel where you go I go, even into death’s dark doorway. But right now we have so much to live for, our dream is coming true Izzy and we’re making it together, just like we always wanted to! I’m sorry if I was so hard on you that I made you feel this bad! Maybe tough love isn’t what you need, maybe you need what Duff gives Slash, disapproval and guilt but loves him into cutting back, obviously the way we’ve been doing things isn’t working. Izzy I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I hurt you so much! Sometimes I just get out of control and I’m afraid for you and the fact that you know better, that you know what that shit can do to you and you do it anyway kills me! Now I’ve been so afraid that you’re going to die that I’ve made you feel that way…” his voice breaks.

I can’t speak, I’m crying too hard and so is he. I just push myself up onto the rock next to him and we sit there, desperately clinging to one another with no idea what to say to make the other feel better because what we’ve said is all true. The only thing left to do is cry it out, try and change things between us, and try to heal. “Please don’t leave me Izzy, don’t leave me in this world alone,” Axl whispers.

“I don’t really want to but I need your love Axl, not just when you feel like it but all the time, everyone wants to be loved and you’re the person I love most in this world. Even if Erin’s touring with us come back to me at night the way Duff leaves Mandy in her own bed and spends his nights wrapped up in Slash’s arms. If she’s only for show then treat her that way. I can’t take this on and off shit anymore! I love you but I need you to love me back or I can’t be here! I either have to leave the band or just leave it all, no more games Axl, my heart’s worn out,” I tell him while staring down at my hands.

He tilts my chin up and looks into my eyes for a long time and then finally says “No more games Izzy, no more fights about drugs or girls, I’m gonna do my best to give you what you need and to show you how much I love you every single day and I promise that if we’re in the same place I’ll spend every night holding you close to me. Even if we’re with groupies let’s promise each other that when we’re finished we find each other, sounds like I need to spend some time finding your heart again anyway and putting it back together. Deal my Dark Angel?”

I sigh because I can only hope he follows through with it. He gets off to a good start that night by making love to me outside on top of and under many blankets next to a roaring fire under the stars because he knows I love looking at them out here, just how many there are compared to what we can see in the city. He loves me slowly and passionately for hours never looking away from my eyes unless his lips were on mine or roaming to some other part of me. He moves inside of my body with a grace I rarely see when we’re making love and he’s not even thinking about his own pleasure just taking me to the brink of ecstasy and then shoving me over that cliff over and over until my balls ached because they had nothing left to give and then he finally let himself go, crying out his pleasure while looking deep into my eyes and collapsing onto my chest. I held him and stroked his hair for a long time and he fell asleep but I knew he didn’t want to sleep on the ground. I gently moved him aside, put out the embers of the fire with some sand. Then I bend down and picked up my fireball rolled in a blanket and carried him inside to bed. I went back outside for the blankets he had brought out, quickly jumped in the shower, and crawled into bed beside by beautiful flame haired Fireball. I hoped this really would be a new start for us and all I could do was hope that Slash and Duff were able to find some similar sort of peace.