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Axl

I'd never felt more inconsolable. Nothing in my shitty life had ever made me feel like I did at this moment. I didn't trust Sixx. Izzy held a gun to his head. Nikki wouldn't forget that. Nikki would make Izzy pay. He was gonna hurt him and I fucking knew it. My guts were tied in knots because I fucking knew it. And to make matters even worse, Izzy's dope stash was still here. It was only a matter of time before he started getting sick. No way in hell would Nikki not let him get sick.

While I may want Izzy sober, I still know how dangerous cold turkey can be for someone who has used as long as he has. Alcohol and heroin withdrawal are the only two detoxes that can actually kill you. It's just that your body gets so used to functioning on that shit that when you suddenly stop it doesn't know what to do. He could go into seizures. Or it could cause respiratory problems in which he just quits fucking breathing. And while alcohol may not have been his main vice, he's still a daily drinker.

I've gotta find him. I have to save him, just Like he would me. He would kill for me, and until this very moment I had never realized that I would kill for him too. But where the fuck do I start? What would Izzy do if he were here?

"I can go to the bus station I sent her from," Duff breaks my thoughts, "I signed with my name...they should have a record of some sort. I'll go there, find out where I sent her, then go to there and track her."

"She's a groupie, right?" Slash asks, "What if she hopped on a bus with some other band? I'll call around to the bands that played wherever you sent her, maybe one of them has her."

'Yeah, good thinking," Duff nods.

I glance down at the ring on my finger as a tear rolls down my cheek. Every time I think that everything just might be OK tragedy fucking strikes. We were so fucking happy in the damn desert. We made commitments and promises we truly meant. Things were finally gonna be different. We were going to learn how to live one another the way we used to. Why do I get the feeling that won't be the case now?

"Axe?" Duff days my name.

I look up from the ring to him. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Are you OK man?" He then asks.

I slowly shake my head and allow my eyes to fall back down on my ring. "We...everything was gonna be different this time...we were gonna...I put a ring on him and I told him..." I can't carry on for the cries that come gushing out of me.

Duff and Slash sit on the bed next to me, one on each side. "Axl don't worry, we're going to get him back," Slash strokes my back.

"Yeah," Duff agrees, "he'll be fine."

"No he won't! Sixx is out for blood! Can't you fucking understand that?!" I cry out.

"He won't hurt him," Slash says, still incapable of seeing what a fucking monster Nikki was. He still thought he was his friend, our friend.

"You don't know what kind of a person he is! No he may not actually do the job himself, but he will get someone else to! Nikki's fucking twisted. He wants us under his fucking thumb so we stay his slaves. That tape was his insurance and Izzy destroyed it. Then later Izzy humiliated him and put his gun to his head! Nikki's not gonna fucking forget! And he won't fucking stop! Bit until he has us right back where GE wants us!"

"This all about drugs man " Duff feebly tries to condole me. "When he gets his fix he'll let Izzy go."

"When he let's him go ain't what the fuck I'm worried about!!!" I yell and spring from the bed. I pace erratically and grip at my hair.

"Sixx might rough him up a bit but..." Slash shrugs.

"Slash," Duff says softly and gives him a look to shut up. As if the thought hadn't already crossed my mind.

"Its Nikki man," Slash shrugs, "he's wild but he wouldn't... Izzy's gonna be fine."

"Can you guarantee that?!" I scream at him. I grab a vase beside me and chunk it at his ass. He brings his elbows up and it bounces off and hits the floor breaking. It was all his fucking fault. He was the one who brought that bastard into our lives.

"Axl...man calm down," Duff says with wide eyes and careful fucking movements. "This isn't solving shit. OK. We need to calm the fuck down and I think. We have to find Mandy. That's the number one thing. Find her and get her to Nikki."

I huff, "Like we can find her. Were just gonna end up waiting until she shows the fuck up."

"What about Aerosmith? We have like three fucking days!" Slash asks jumping up.

"We're not playing without Izzy," I adamantly shake my head.

Duff grabs my shoulders, "No we're noup Were gonna get him back and were gonna open for Aerosmith. As planned. We'll get him back OK? We just need a plan."

"Izzy will be getting sick soon," I almost whisper. Slash's eyes pop up at me.

"Look we'll find him OK. I'm gonna leave right noe," Duff days and turns to leave. He pauses at the door. "Slash, you call Nikki. Find out if Izzy's OK. Axl...you get Doug and go find out where Nikki has Izzy." Then Duff rushes from the room.

Slash gets up to leave.

"Slash," I say.

"Yeah," he turns to look at me.

"You tell Nikki...if he hurts Izzy..." Tears choke me up again and I can't even get the words out.

Slash nods, "Just try not to think like that man. Everything's going to be fine. Izzy's the strongest one of us all. He's gonna be just fine."

And then Slash leaves. I stand there in the room and look over all of Izzy's things. I grab his dope and some needles and stuff them down my pants. I know that when I get to him he will be sick. I seriously don't see Nikki providing for him when Izzy was at the top of his shitlist. I wipe at my Yeats that won't fucking stop. If Nikki hurt him I'd kill him. I wouldn't even have to think about it.

Weapon. I needed a weapon. Izzy's gun was nowhere to be found so I assume Nikki found it. Fuck! Where could I get a gun? Knife? Anything? Or dirt? Surely there was something I could use as blackmail on Sixx. I needed to find a way to get the upper hand. Fuck k I'm not made for this shit. I don't have patience the way Izzy does. Fuck. Why can't I shake the feeling that everything isn't gonna be OK?

So I have ended up on a plane with Doug to Annapolis. Slash had found out that was where Crue's next scheduled gig was. I'm going there to basically wait and to find out with my own two eyes if Izzy is OK or not.

But when we got to Annapolis we couldn't find them anywhere. Doug talked to a promoter who mentioned that they had canceled a series of shoes and were honoring the tickets. So we were back to square one with trying to find Izzy.