FicWad

Slash

I’m suddenly so fucking tired and drained. Hell is the only word I can think of to describe today. I saw one of my best friends and my one time lover more or less dead, covered in his own shit and vomit, white as a ghost with a pool of bright red blood spreading out under him. Axl was wrapped around him sobbing and begging him to wake up; I think it might have been one of the only times I saw desperation and fear in Axl’s eyes when it came to Izzy. He was really, truly, afraid he was going to lose him and Izzy was the one person in the whole world that Axl really, truly, loved and I saw how much in that moment when I walked in and Axl was holding him, getting vomit and blood and shit all over himself and begging Izzy to wake up.

I know Duff loves me that much, I saw it on his face when I od’d in that alley the night I told him that I had cheated on him with Izzy, the other time that I od’d, when that trucker had attacked me on the way to Seattle I saw the beginnings of it stirring in him, the way he didn’t let go of me and how he took care of me that night. I’d see it in how he cried when he found out about Izzy and me and how he forgave me. He was my everything and he’d done what I’d asked him to on vacation which was to man up for me. He's been especially on edge since Nikki sent that telegram threatening to do the same thing to me that he'd let Tommy do to Izzy if we didn't deliver Mandy and he drug supply within 48 hours. He wouldn't say he was scared but I know he was, I could tell by how he wouldn't let me out of his sight, not even to go to the bathroom alone. In the airports and any other public place he'd put Mandy right at the door to the restroom and stand where he could see me or at least my feet. He barely stopped touching me the whole time and I could tell he was still a little nervous even though Nikki and Tommy are currently tied to the banister in Tommy's entrance hallway; Nikki's missing a few teeth and Tommy's ass is ripped all to hell but neither of them looked anywhere near as bad as Izzy did when I saw him earlier.

I almost can't believe what Axl did to Tommy; how he dry fucked him with that huge, blue, sparkly dildo as hard as he could and getting that thing in took some doing. I mean Axl pushed and twisted and finally had to spit on it a little to get it in and then he fucked him with it until both of his arms gave out and he just couldn't anymore. It got a little easier as he went along because Tommy's blood was slicking everything up. The sight of his own bright red blood on his skin and the dildo apparently scared the fuck out of Tommy who only screamed more in terror when he saw it which only made Axl more vicious with it; it was as if every one of those screams was Tommy's screams.
Duff turned away, unable to watch and held me and tried to get me to tuck my face into his neck and not look but I couldn't look away even though I wanted to be sick. This is what could have happened to me if Duff hadn't kept such a close eye on me, if he hadn't realized that I needed to be watched, that I'd needed him to be a man to have my back and to care for me. It's not that I'm a pussy; I've beat the shit out of plenty of dudes in fights Stevie or I started in clubs or in skateboard parks. But it was nice to know someone was watching my back and making sure Nikki's goons didn't get me. I don't know if I would have survived if it had been me instead of Izzy who was attacked by Tommy; I had always thought Izzy was invincible, like a ninja-jedi would could get out of any situation with only a few scrapes and bruises but not this time and it made me realize that we were all just human, all mortal, even Izzy and that thought scared me because Izzy was my hero and if something so fucked up could happen to him and he almost died I don't know if I would make it through something like that.

I also know what it's like to be hung like Tommy; you have to be fucking careful man! Damn I had lived through high school, I had been with girls since I was 13, lots of them lost their virginity to me and no matter how careful I was and no matter what position we were in (and I usually let them ride me so they could control things)they always cried and we had to stop the first few times. You couldn't just go shoving your dick into people like it was nothing. Even with Duff, who'd been with several guys I still had to prep him good and go slow for the first few thrusts. Izzy too, and Axl. You have to take things slow and be gentle if you don't want to hurt the other person and Tommy knew that as well as I did and you can't tell me that sick fucker didn't enjoy hurting Izzy; he'd never have kept going otherwise. Hearing someone scream and beg for you to stop is not a turn on but it didn't seem to bother Tommy; and Izzy, who's so proud and so strong apparently screamed through the whole thing and every time he screamed Nikki would punch him so it must have hurt pretty fucking bad for Izzy to scream, let alone keep screaming while getting punched in the face every time he did it. He had to have torn Izzy up inside pretty quickly for him to scream like that.

"Hey, you ok?" Duff asks and I realize I've just been staring into space for a while.

"Yeah, just tired, and thinking and so grateful for you," I tell him and hold both of his hands and lean up and kiss him. He smiles a huge smile, obviously basking in the affection, he's too cute.

“Hungry?” he inquires but I shake my no. Duff finds a TV dinner and cooks it for the whore upstairs along with a glass of milk and we carry it up to her after delivering a few more kicks to Nikki and Tommy. We drop off the food and pick out a guest room that we like and close the door. As soon as it’s shut I grab his shirt and cling to him. He patiently peels my fingers off of his shirt and Duff pulls me into him and we both hold on to each other like there’s no tomorrow. My fingers grip the back of Duff’s shirt now as opposed to the front and now he can’t get away until I let him. “You ok to shower? It’s been a while since we’ve had one.” Duff asks me quietly. I nod and let go of Duff who softly kisses my hands “You know, I’m not going anywhere, you don’t have to cling to me like I might run away baby boy but you always do when you’re upset and scared. Do you think I’m gonna leave?”

“No, not really but I just want to feel safe and not let go of you; something about that day with the trucker when it was all I could do to focus on your face and I was so afraid and embarrassed and I just didn’t want to let go of you, I just wanted to hold onto you and hear you tell me it was ok. I don’t want to let go of you when I’m scared or upset, even just your smell and the feeling of your shirt in my hands makes me feel safe. That day in the truck, holding onto you so I didn’t fall over just the way you smelled made me feel safe. So, no, I don’t think you’re going to run, you’re just my safety net and I like holding onto you. Do you not want me to?

“I wouldn’t have it any other way Baby Boy, I just wondered why. I’m always here to give you a safe place to go; I love you and you can cling to me all you want, I’ll hold you up and keep you safe. Come on, let’s go and get cleaned up,” he says and holds my hands and walks backwards into the bathroom pulling me in front of him. We dig some hotel soap, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrushes and toothpaste out of one of the drawers in the bathroom cabinet; it’s funny how all of our bathrooms are stocked with free shit from hotels. Comes with touring I guess. We take a long, hot shower in the bathroom attached to the guest room. Duff washes my hair and massages my head and neck, kissing my shoulders and cheeks every now and then trying to get a smile out of me. I love this man so much. I remember how I felt the night Izzy and I almost ran over him after he was raped and how bloody he was and how scared I was for him; I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest but I tried to stay strong for him. Axl has to be feeling that same way right now only 10 times worse because Izzy’s having major surgery because his body was so badly damaged.

We get out of the shower and dry off and move to lay on the big bed. I curl into Duff, kind of the way I did the night that the trucker attacked me and he holds onto me tightly and strokes up and down my back and my arm. “What are you thinking about Baby Boy?I squirmed around until my forehead was touching his and he brushed my wet curls back out of my face and we curled up into a tangled up pretzel the way we had when in the hammock in San Diego.

“I was thinking about the night that you got attacked and I was totally clueless, how I was fucking a girl while you were getting raped, I keep thinking about how when we found you I thought you’d been shot your head was bleeding so much and your pants were bloody and I wondered if you screamed or cried or begged and how that made me feel even worse because I should never have let you out of my sight and let you get into a situation so bad that it made you cry or scream or beg someone to stop hurting you. Duff, Izzy must have been in so much pain, they didn’t even do him the favor of hitting him in the head first, they just held him down and tore him open! Did you scream baby? Did you cry? Did you beg them to stop hurting you?” I ask him, my eyes full of unshed tears. I know he’ll answer truthfully too; he doesn’t lie to me, especially about things like this and he promised me on vacation never to hide anything from me again and never to lie to keep me safe.

The tears spill over and Duff wipes them away with his thumb and kisses me softly. “Honestly baby, it hurt so much, I could feel every little rip and tear forming in my skin but I couldn’t scream, the guy hit me so hard with the bottle that I tried to scream and say no but just came out as some garbled up shit. I was crying because it hurt, there was blood in one eye burning the hell out of it, and I just kept wondering if you would think I had cheated on you, if I had fucked them willingly, I mean I went down on them willingly but I didn’t want to fuck them, I didn’t want to go down on them but what was the choice? I just kept thinking that I wanted you, if I could get to you I would be ok, you’re my safe place too you know?” he asks me softly.

“I try to be, it’s why I get aggravated when you treat me like a kid, I want to be your safe place, to be your man the way I need you to be mine,” I sigh and he catches my lips in another deep kiss. I hum into his lips a little.

“You were pretty hot waving that gun around and yelling earlier; you don’t usually get so aggressive, it was definitely making my pants tight in the crotch,” he chuckles and kisses me again but gently and I know that really he doesn’t want to have sex; not after all we’ve seen and heard about today, he just wants the closeness and so do I. We let ourselves get lost in each other’s kisses for a while before he asks me any more questions. Finally he sighs and pulls away and I whine in protest but he just lightly kisses my nose. “Slash, what would make Axl come in here tonight and do what he did to Tommy? I mean how bad was it with Izzy? “What did you see baby boy?” Duff whispers.

I shake my head and just whisper, “It was bad Duff. I don’t know if I can even talk about it.

“It’s ok Curly Sue, you don’t have to talk about it, want to talk about something else or do you just want me to hold you until you go to sleep?” But I can’t really hold it in; finally I just blurt it all out.

“Duffy, it was awful, Izzy, his face was all busted up, way worse than when you punched him, he was covered in his own vomit, his hair was stiff with it, there was liquid shit all over the bed where he had been laying and piss and it also smelled like whisky, like it got poured on him or the bed. He was cradled in Axl’s arms but more and more blood kept running out of him, out of his ass I’m guessing, just bright red and so much of it, you could smell the blood mixed in with the vomit and shit and I had to leave because I thought I was going to throw up too! His belly was black and purple and he looked dead except he wasn’t because I could see him breathing. He was sweating and dead white, almost waxy looking, if I hadn’t seen him breathe just a little I would have thought he was dead. Duff, he’s never gonna get past this; it’s just gonna wreck him and Axl too because Axl wasn’t there to save him until they had almost killed him. How could anyone do something like that to someone else? Oh my God …I’ve never seen anything like that before; and it was Izzy! That was the worst part, it was Izzy!”

When I start to cry Duff squeezes me a little tighter and kisses the top of my head but I can tell he’s crying a little too. Despite what had happened between us Izzy was still one of our best friends and we all loved him. “Duff, please don’t let them do that to me! They said I was next! Please no!” I can hear the panic In my voice.

“Shh baby boy, I promised you I’d never let anyone hurt you again and I won’t. I love you, I’ve got you, and you’re safe. I know I wasn’t being the man you needed me to be but I got it now ok, I won’t let anything else happen to you, not ever, ever again. Ok? It’s ok Curly Sue.” And I know it will be. He’ll keep me safe. We might both cry on and off before we fall asleep that night but it’s for Izzy, finally it’s not about anything we’ve done to each other. Duff gets up and locks the bedroom door and moves a chair under the handle just for good measure so they can’t come in and catch us by surprise. He makes sure the windows are locked too. Then he walks back over to the bed, his tall, lanky body covered in one of Tommy’s tank tops and his shorts and gets back in bed beside me. “Ok, we’re good and safe unless the crazy mother fuckers get out of those ropes and burn us out. I promised you I would keep you safe and I will, nobody’s ever going to hurt you the way they hurt Izzy if I have anything to do with it. I don’t ever want anyone to lay a finger on you ever again that you don’t want to ok? If they do I’m gonna shoot their nuts off! We both laugh a little but I know he’s totally serious. He wraps me up in his arms again, our bodies in that pretzel like position, my face snuggled in between his neck and shoulder and his chin resting lightly in my curls. “I love you Curly Sue,” Duff whispered.

“I love you too Duffy,” I yawned and soon we were both sleeping, it had been a really long fucking day. I wake up screaming in terror and pain two hours later fighting the person who’s holding me down, that Zutaut guy who came after me in the hallway at our housewarming party, he got me alone and has me pinned down on a bed, sitting on my back with my wrists pinned above my head. “No, stop! Get the fuck off of me man! I yell.

“Slash!” a quiet but stern voice next to my ear says, “Baby Boy, you’re just dreaming, you’re ok, don’t hit me again when I let you go ok?

“Duffy?” I ask tearfully.

“Yeah, it’s me. You were just having a nightmare, you started flailing around and screaming and you hit me in the jaw with your arm, but you’re ok, I’m here, you’re safe. I’ve never seen you have a nightmare that bad; you alright?” he asks as he climbs off of me and I curl up into his arms shaking.
“Yeah, I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry. Is your face ok where I hit you? Let me look,” I tell him, turning his jaw towards the light. It won’t bruise, it’ll be fine. I’m sorry Duffy,” I whisper.

“It’s nothing. Lay down here and let me hold you, you’re still shaking.” Duff pulls my head down onto his chest and holds me tight around the waist with one arm and strokes my hair and face with the other.

"I dreamed that guy from the housewarming party,Tom or whatever? I dreamed he got me, that there was no one in Izzy and Axl’s room and he tied me up with one of Izzy’s stupid scarves and bent me over and fucked me like a fucking dog! Called me a hot little bitch and I was bleeding and…and…and..” I just can’t go on, too much has happened in the past two days. Duff just squeezes me tightly to him and whispers comforting things in my ear while he strokes my hair and my arm.

I finally start to relax and doze and Duff feels me start to still in his arms and start to breathe deep and evenly and he whispers in my ear “I love you Baby Boy, I’ll keep you safe.” I smile and snuggle further into him, breathing in that smell that means safety to me; that smell that I know means that the monsters and Tommys in the world can’t get to me.