Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Through The Eyes Of...

You Don't Know What Love Is Do You?

by MaryJaneSixx 0 reviews

Duff and Nikki chat

Category: Guns n' Roses - Rating: R - Genres: Romance - Warnings: [V] [X] [R] - Published: 2017-06-28 - 2677 words


Until the tragedy with Izzy I always questioned just what he and Axl still meant to one another. I was around them day in and out and I never even knew. One minute they were like best friends, the next business partners, some days they seem like they just do their best to hurt each other, followed by the rare times when they actually seemed in love. But those occasions seemed so rare. Maybe it's another story when they're alone, but around us, it didn't look like they had any feelings for one another at all some days.

But the moment I walked into that hotel room and Axl's holding the ransom note from Nikki... I knew the answer. I saw the terror in Axl's eyes. It was a terror I had had in my own eyes for Slash a few times. In that moment any doubt I had had about the two of them flew right out the window. I know now that Izzy is the air Axl breathes, the sun that shines down on him, a blanket that kept him safe from monsters, the water that washed away all the grime, and the angel that protected him. Axl really fucking loved Izzy. It was a shame that Izzy couldn't see what I saw. I knew Izzy had doubted Axl as much as I had, but I never fucking will again.

I've never known Axl to be the one who just jumps in and fixes shit without a hitch. I guess we all just depended on Izzy to be that guy because that's what he was good at. I guess in being together for 11 years Axl had picked up a few tricks from the master. I've never seen Axl seem so coolheaded, especially when the situation was so fucking fucked up. But somehow Axl managed to track Izzy down. He bust into that dealers house like he had police training or had been a professional robber. Every move, thought, and word was perfectly calculated. He got Izzy out of there, and none too soon. The doctors say that if Izzy would have gotten to the hospital 30 minutes later he would have died.

Axl wouldn't leave his side. The paramedics had to work around him because he wouldn't let go of Izzy's hand. He just kept stroking his hair and talking to him. He cried to him how sorry he was. That he loved him. That he was right there with him and that he wouldn't leave. He begged Izzy to fight. He promised him he would make it right. Doug says that when they got to the hospital the staff had to literally pry Axl away from Izzy. Axl fought and screamed and begged. He said a nurse finally grabbed Axl and looked in his eyes and told him that if he didn't let go Izzy would die. Only then did Axl let go.

But he stayed until the doctors did surgery and Izzy was in recovery. They shot him full of sedatives to keep him asleep. That's when Axl took the time to go to Tommy's house where me and Slash had them tied up. I honestly thought Axl would come in with a baseball bat and just beat them while they couldn't defend themselves. I had no clue he would do the things he had done. I didn't know he was capable of coming up with such a sick way of getting revenge. I guess I can't blame him, if it were Slash they would be dead.

Axl's eyes had been so black and hollow. It was like he was someone else. The calmness in his voice was fucking chilling. Its like Axl stayed at the hospital while his body came to Tommy's. Fuck, it's like I wasn't even in my own body. Or Slash for that fact. Its like everything disappeared but blood red vengeance. I mean I held nikki down and made him suck Tommy's dick, then held Tommy down, well up, while Axl fucked him with an obscenely sized dildo. I'm not a guy who does shit like that, but the whole time all I could do was imagine that I would do it for Slash. Just like Axl was for Izzy.

Luckily Slash stumbled across Tommy's coke stash. He also took Nikki's dope stash. So its almost noon now. Axl's been gone almost 8 hours now. We have yet to hear from him. We drank up all the booze in the house so Slash was out getting us more. Tommy had passed out hours ago. Nikki was staring at his feet and sweating profusely. Every so often his body twitches. I know he's starting to get sick. Maybe I should take the tape off his mouth in case he needs to puke. So I cross over to him. His eyes hadn't looked up once since he came up off Tommy's cock. I reach down to his mouth and jerk the tape off. His eyes slowly float up to meet mine. His gaze is simply dead and beyond detached.

"You gotta puke?" I ask him.

He just shakes his head and his eyes return to their previous catatonic state. I turn to return to the couch.

"Duff," he almost whispered my name. I turn too look back at him. "Did we hurt him bad?"

I sigh and run my hand over my face. "You two almost fucking killed him man...or well Tommy did. Not that I'm sure it wasn't your fucking idea."

Nikki slowly shakes his head. "I just didn't stop him. I...I helped him," he says as if he himself couldn't believe it. "I didn't know... That Tommy... I mean, they had fucked before...and I...I didn't know Izzy would get hurt like that... I thought Tommy... I..."

"Bullshit nikki," I roll my eyes, "you fucking wanted Tommy to do your dirty work for you. You wanted Izzy to fucking suffer and pay.

"I did," he admits, "I just kept hearing him laugh at me... Holding his gun to my head...I just snapped and...I guess I took shit too far."

"You guess?" I huff, "you don't have a fucking clue what it's like to be fucking raped do you?"

To my surprise Nikki slowly nods his head, "Yeah, I do," he says as a tear rolls down his cheek, "and I can't believe I... I let that... That happen to someone else..."

"It happen to you too?" I curiously ask.

Nikki sniffles and glances up at me for a split second, "Yeah..."

'Record exec?" I ask.

"No," he whispers, "LAPD."

"What?" I ask, unsure if I had heard correctly.

"I never wanted to do the shit I did to get signed, but I chose to do it. Nobody made me. Except the cops... At first I tried to fight the way shit was, but I wasn't stupid. I knew what I had to do. LAPD had already had me by then so I figured, you know, what the fuck do I have to lose?"

"So...the'd that happen?" I ask but doubt he will answer.

For a long time he just stares at his feet. "I was 16," he finally whispers. "I was just a dumb runaway pretty much. I did what I had to you know? I scored some life's and was selling them down on Wilshire Blvd. This guy comes up to me to buy some. When he went to hand me the cash he slapped a handcuff around my wrist. He was some fucking undercover. Then his partner is on me with a loaded gun drawn. They throw me in an unmarked car and take off. They go a few blocks and take this ally...park the car, kill it...and get out. One opens the back door and grabs my hair and pulls me face down on my stomach while the other..." Nikki stops and silence fills the air moment, "Then the other one..." He pauses once more, "Then they unhandcuffed me, drug me out of the car, threw me on the ground, got back in the car and left. That's why I hate the fucking LAPD so much." His eyes meet mine once more, "But I'm no fucking better than them...and...I deserved what Axl did. I deserve whatever you guys do to me."

"Really?" I ask in disbelief.

He nods. "Its over. Whatever Axl does he does and that's the end of it. I'm not going to come after anyone or plot some stupid revenge. This is the kind of shit revenge gets you.

"You just saying that shit because you're all tied up?" I skeptically ask because I don't trust his sincerity.

"I'm serious. Its over," he says as he glanced at Tommy. "He OK?"

"Well he's not as bloody as Izzy was if that's what you mean," I reply.

"You know...he's the only fucking person who doesn't hate me...I think he loves me too much to hate me. Its just a matter of time though..."

"Oh so you knew he loved you?"

"How could I not?" He softly replies still looking at Tommy.

'Nikki, do you at all understand what its like to love someone? Like really fucking love them? Like how Tommy loves you?"

Nikki slowly shakes his head no. "I'll never be able to fix this will I?"

"No Sixx, I don't fucking think so man," I answer as honestly as I can "Some shit just can't be undone."

A strange sort of smile comes to Nikki's face, but its not that usual sarcastic smirk. This is sad. "And Izzy actually liked me."

"We all did Sixx. With the exception of Axl. But you fucking conned us. You tricked us into falling into your web of insanity, now were all stuck in it and can't get the fuck out. And all the shit you've done...its fucking cold and cruel...even for you."

"Then I guess an I'm sorry is pointless now, isn't it?" He softly ponders as he looks everywhere but at me.

"Yeah man, it's too late for sorry now. Your damages have been done. Its fucking nuclear fallout in this bitch."

"Haven't you figured it out yet Duff? There's nuclear fallout wherever I one is safe from me because I'm fucking evil. I'm this story's bad guy you see. I'm the thing you all get to point your fingers at and say : that's what's wrong with the world'. I'm what you get to lay the blame on at night so you can sleep."

"You chose to play that role Nikki. None of us made that choice for you. We all gave you a chance. We thought you were really something else because you had made it. You helped us get signed. We thought of you as a friend, you and Tommy both."

"And now?" He meekly asks.

I huff. But before I can answer Slash is coming through the door with bottles clinking. "Babe I got your vodka," he says handing me a bottle. Then he notices that Nikki's mouth is no longer taped. "Why is his trap not shut?"

"I thought he might be getting sick," I answer.

"Fucking good," Slash shrugs and picks up the roll of tape. He tears a piece off.

"No wait..." I say and grab his arm, " I don't want to explain why he choked on his own vomit. You know its just a matter of time before he starts to get sick. Look at how he's sweating."

Slash looks at me like I'm crazy, "Fuck him!" He shouts as he points at Nikki.

"I don't want his blood on my hands and neither do you baby boy.

"Yeah?!" Slash yells at me.

"Yes!!" I shout.

Slash turns and punches Nikki in the face. "I got no problem with his blood on my fucking hands!! See?!?!"

"Baby," I stammer.

"No Duff! Don't you dare show compassion for this piece of shit! Especially not from you! Have you forgotten what he fuck he's done to us?! What he threatened to do to me?!"

"No, I haven't. But I'm not going to put tape on his mouth, have him puke and suck that shit down in his lungs and die! And you're fucking not either! Do not cross me on this!" I say sternly. "Simmer your ass down. He's still tied to the fucking banister. He's not going g anywhere."

Slash grabs his bottle of jack and peers at Nikki. "What the fuck ever," he says before spinning and crossing to the couch. He plops down with an angry at expression. He uncaps his bottle and slings the lid at Nikki. "Motherfucker," he hisses at him.

Nikki sighs, "Slash..."

"No!!! Don't fucking talk to me you son of a bitch!!!"

"Whatever," Nikki sighs and looks away.

"WHAT MOTHERFUCKER?!?! What could you possibly have to say to me?!" Slash practically screams at him. I haven't seen Slash act like this since...well, towards Nikki!, never. He always wanted to think the best of the guy. Guess he gave up that pipe dream.

Nikki's eyes drift up to meet with Slash, "That I'm sorry," he utters.

"SORRY?!?! Fucking sorry?! Yeah, you are fucking sorry!!! How the fuck could you do that shit to Izzy? What did he ever do to you except for protecting Axl from you?! Did that really call for what the fuck you two did to him?!"

Tommy begins to stir from all the commotion. His eyes open and he observes without moving an inch.

"Tommy you OK?" I ask him.

Slash jumps up, "Duff! Why the fuck are you even asking him that shit?! FUCK IF HES OK!! You seem to keep forgetting that Izzy's in the fucking hospital because of these two assholes right here!!"

"No, I haven't! But do you realize that by letting them sit there and die, that makes us no fucking better than them!? It might be easy for you to live with that being drunk and loaded all the time, but I don't want that shit on me baby! Can't you understand that? People aren't supposed to act like this. Somebody has to end this shit."

"Then let Axl do it! That's what the fuck you said!"

I sigh and rub the bridge of my nose, "Baby I think we're spun off on coke and not thinking clearly."

He points both his fingers in mY face, "Fuck clearly!!" Then he looks at me in disgust and turns his bottle back up.

Again I find myself sighing deeply. "Baby...come on, just listen to me. This is Axl's problem to deal with. OK. But he's not here. We are. Whatever happens to these two now is on us. If Tommy bleeds to death or if Nikki chokes, its you and me that have to call a fucking meat wagon for them. Not Axl baby, us. But we have the power to prevent that shit."

Slash looks at me long and hard. Then his eyes survey tommy and Nikki. He takes another drink and shakes his head for a moment. "Fuck're right. But can you live with what they did to Izzy? Because I can't baby. You know even better than I do what Izzy's going through now. Can you really let them just get an at with it? You know how bad this is gonna fuck up his head."

Nikki sighs, "But Slash, Izzy's been through this many many times. Why do you think he is a he way he is?"

"So what?! That's supposed to make shit easier?! Fuck you Nikki!!" Slash shouts.

"Baby calm down before you do something stupid," I try to soothe him. "Come on, let's go upstairs and get Tommy's bed disgusting," I coyly smile.

Slash smirks and tries to hide his blushing behind his curls. "That's not even fair."

I run my fingers down his arm and take his fingers in mine. I give his hand a tug, "Come on, let me take your mind off it."
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