FicWad

Izzy

It hurts sooo bad. My insides feel like their on fire and I can feel the stitches in my ass which alternately hurt and itch. Every movement, every sob against Axl’s chest is pure agony. The stitches in my belly where I was cut open burn and throb with every heave of my chest. Why didn’t I just die? No, that would have been too easy; I’m laying here with my guts having been cut open, flushed out, damaged parts removed and reattached and on top of that twenty three stiches in my asshole alone! Not to mention that I have a goddamn colostomy bag attached to me, literally a bag of shit attached to the side of my stomach. I am never, ever going to get over this so I don’t even know why I’m even still here; I’d rather be dead. The only thing keeping me alive is A) I’m in the hospital and B) the morphine drip is making me feel a little floaty and C) Axl’s here beside me. Axl’s whispering soothing things to me but I can’t really concentrate on them; all I can think about is how I wished I had died on that shit covered bed. But I know if I had I would have left Axl a devastated wreck of a human being and hell he might have killed himself and then maybe we would have found each other again in some other life but maybe it would have been better than this one has so far.

Here’s the thing: I don’t believe in God like the God Axl’s father preached about but I believe in a God of some sort, something made us and put us here and made this complex world. I like the eastern and Celtic philosophies that say that there is a path to heaven or to the light or whatever and you either move forward on it or you move backward depending on your actions in life. You have to repeat the same challenges in some form over and over until you get it right. For every wrong you move backwards on the path and for every right you move forward. But in your multiple reincarnations you meet the same souls over and over just in different forms, sometimes the soul is your sister; in the next life they might be your best friend, or your mother, or just and acquaintance, but they’re there in your life just the same. But you only have one soulmate and in every life you live they are just that, no matter how far away they might be you will eventually find each other and you will know instantly that there is something special and different about them. For me that person is Axl and no matter what it always will be Axl.

Slash and Duff and Steven instantly felt familiar to me too; like maybe at some point we had been brothers or something but there was some immediate connection there between us. When we played together that first time it was almost magical how in synch we were, it was obviously not the first time it had happened. Somewhere in some other time and place we had played music of some kind together. But no matter what time period and what place we start out in Axl and I will always find each other and fall in love; I’m stuck with him forever.

I hope he’ll still love me even after what they did to me, I hope he doesn’t think I wanted any of it or that I started it since I had fucked Tommy before quite willingly enduring the pain that went along with it. The pain, I can’t even think about the pain, from that first thrust I knew something wasn’t right, I mean I knew it was going to hurt, a lot, but from that very first movement, that very first push inside of my body I knew that the pain wasn’t just from rough fucking, it wasn’t just from getting raped either; something had gone very, very, wrong and it got worse each time he entered me. How could he not tell? Didn’t it feel different than normal?

Maybe he just didn’t care, I have no fucking idea all I know is that I had never felt anything so painful in my life. It felt like a hot, searing poker was being shoved through my insides instead of being fucked and I guess that’s pretty much what was happening. But I think Tommy did know because he tried to say something to Nikki after the first time and the second time he was really careful not to hold me up by my abdomen, he kept his hand firmly under my chest. I didn’t look at the time but I bet my stomach had been purple and black and he or Nikki had to have seen it and known that something was wrong; they just didn’t care. Nikki was a sadistic bastard, I’m betting that if he did know that I was being shredded inside he got off even more on it and believe me, he got off fucking hard when he shoved his cock down my throat.

I realize I’ve stopped sobbing and am just laying on my side with my face up against Axl’s chest, my hands still clinging to his shirt. “Axe?”

“Yeah Angel?” he whispers, stroking my hair off of my face.

“I’m really in a lot of pain, is there any way to turn up that morphine drip?” I ask through clenched teeth.

“Yeah, you can’t turn it up but you can push this button every few minutes and it’ll give you a big hit of it,” he says reaching over and pulling a cord with a button on it over to the bed. “Want me to push it?”

“Mmm hmm,” I groan quietly, just wanting relief. Axl presses the black button down and a rush of morphine floods through me wiping out most of the pain. He places the cord and button in my hand effecively giving me control of the ability to alleviate my pain. My eyes start to drift shut a little and Axl moves away slightly and I grip his shirt but he whispers that he’s just putting a pillow against my stomach to support it since I’m laying on my side and I have an incision there. He moves my body gently and adjusts me so that the pillow supports my abdomen and I have to admit that it’s much more comfortable and it eases some of the pain and pressure in my stomach.

I doze off and wake up about an hour later to Axl talking to Duff and Slash and my Fireball and Duff both look like they’re ready to go through the ceiling. Whatever’s going on over there I really don’t care to know about if I’m being honest; I just want some peace. I manage to raise my hand and bang the plastic part of my morphine switch into the bedrail. Everyone turns around and looks at me and smiles, the anger leaving Duff and Axl’s faces for a few seconds. “Baby you’re awake!” Axl s2ays smiling.

“What’s going on?” I ask. “Something’s up Axl; you and Duff look ready to kill someone and the kid looks like he’s trying not to look scared. What’s happening?”

“Nothing Izz, nothing to worry about; we’re just trying to figure out what to do with Nikki and Tommy, eventually we’re going to have to let them go, their managers are going to come looking for them soon. We think we’re just going to leave them tied to the bannister in Tommy’s house. No need to go back there for anything and somebody will find them soon enough,” Duff says trying to act like everything’s cool. I know better; I can tell by the look in Slash’s eyes that something else is going on. I’ve seen that half sick/half terrified look on his face too many times to not be able to recognize it. Somebody’s either fucked with the kid or threatened too or both.

“I want to talk to Duff, alone, now,” I whisper, clenching my teeth in pain. They all look at each other and Duff nods and Axl and Slash walk out of the room. When they’re gone Duff sits down in the chair by the bed. “Who’s threatening the kid? Nikki and Tommy?”

“What are you talking about Izzy?” Duff asks with an attempt at a smirk. “I think the morphine is going to your head.”

“Don’t lie to me Duff, I’d know that look on that kid’s face anywhere; he’s scared and doesn’t want anyone to know it. Now what the fuck is up? Spill it; I need to push this damn button again soon so I don’t feel my fucking guts spilling out of my stomach.”

Duff sighs heavily and runs his hands through his hair. “Yeah, we came down the stairs last night and heard them plotting. They plan to make his life and ours in general hell when we’re on tour with them. They want to grab him, the way they did you, rape him, break him, and throw him back and then whore him out to record execs who were competing over him until he can’t play. It’s not going to happen Izz, I’m not letting him out of my sight and I called management this morning about hiring bodyguards, which they agreed to; two of them for now and I plan to have one on Curly Sue any time I’m not around but fuck Izz, it worries the hell out of me and you know how he is, anxiety fucking kills him and he’s anxious as fuck. He’s clingy, he’s high, and he beat the living fuck out of Nikki this morning, which was kind of hot, but we can’t go back there. We’re just going to have to leave them there and call one of their goons from the payphone and tell them where they are. They aren’t going to tell what happened to them because it would all lead back to what they did to you which would lead to major scandal and jail time.

But Fuck Izzy I hate seeing him all worked up like this again. I hate that he’s so afraid Izzy and I know some of it’s my fault. I promised him they wouldn’t get near him but how can he believe that 100% when I’ve let it happen to him before? When I’ve watched it happen to him before? I’ve held his hand and gotten fucked at the same time as him instead of protecting him and he got hurt Izzy and then you two hid it from me and I didn’t know so I didn’t help him… Jesus fuck why is it always my baby boy they want to do some sick shit to? I love him so much Izzy, why can’t they just leave him alone so he’s not always looking over his shoulder. He was finally starting to heal a little, you know? Why?” he rages and pounds his fists on the arms of the chair.

“You know why as well as I do; he’s innocent and sweet and beautiful. There’s something in people that are evil that are bent on destroying that. I’m sorry Duff, this is all my fault,” I whisper.

“No it’s not Izzy, all you did was protect Axl and the rest of us, nothing I wouldn’t have done if I had thought about it instead of giving in to the fucker and marrying that bitch and just about killing Slash. It’s Nikki’s fault; he’s the one who decided he needed to mess with us in some psycho type of way. Nothing to do with you, he’s fucking nuts. But Izzy, how are you?” Duff asks. “Don’t worry about the rest of us, we’re worried to death about you, Slash totally freaked out after he saw what they did to you.”

“I’m ok,” I answer. Duff raises his eyebrows at me. “I’m ok as long as I’m on the morphine pump,” I admit. “Can I talk to Slash?”

“Yeah, I’ll get him, Izzy, if there’s anything you want or need while you’re in here just let us know. We love you ok? You’re our brother.”

“Thanks Duff, I love all of you guys too.

“Feel better buddy,” he says and gets up and walks out of the room and a few minutes Curly Sue walks in and sits down.

“Hey kid,” I whisper.

“Hey Izzy,” he says in a quiet, frightened voice looking me over. “You ok at all? You’re so paie. I saw you the other night laying in Axl’s arms and I thought you were done for Izzy,” he whispers with his head in his hands leaning on his knees.

I reach my shaking hand out to him trying console him a little but can only brush my fingers across his arm. He immediately looks up and tucks my hand back into the bed and puts the morphine button back into my hand. His own hand reaches up and strokes my hair back out of my face and tucks it behind my ear and I close my eyes. Slash’s touches, though completely forbidden were always full of sweetness, just pure kindness and caring. “I’m sorry Izzy, I’m sorry we were all so distracted we took off and left you alone; I mean I never thought they would do THIS to you…” he says looking at me curled up around a pillow supporting my stomach muscles where they’d been cut. I could see through his curls that his eyes had tears in them. I remembered that flash I’d had of his face when Tommy was cumming inside of me and I felt guilty; it should have been Axl’s face but it wasn’t. I loved Axl, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Axl, what was it about this beautiful kid?

“Slash, can I have some water?” I rasp, “My throat hurts.”

“Sure Izzy,” he answered and got up and poured me a glass from the pitcher on the table by my bed. He helped me move a little so that I wouldn’t choke and held the glass to my lips and I sucked it down like I was dying.

“More,” I gasped and he poured me a second glass which I drank about half of before I laid my head back down.

“Here, let me help you get comfortable again, how do you want to lay?” he asks me.

“On my back I think, just help me turn over, hold the pillow against my stomach and support my back.” Gentle but strong hands do just what I ask, and there’s very little pain. Again he brushed my hair out of my face and covered me up with the two blankets on my bed.

“Better?” he asks.

“For now,” I tell him. I reach up for his hand and he doesn’t pull away. “Kid, Duff swears he’ll keep you safe, just stay close to him. He said they’re also hiring body guards. They aren’t going to do this to you ok? I was just careless; I never thought Nikki would really hurt me, I thought he was sort of my friend. But you guys are all I’ve got, my only real friends and I love all of you.”

“We love you too Izzy, you know how much you mean to us, to me,” he whispers. I give the look that begs for him to kiss me just once even though we both know it’s wrong. But he knows that look and he leans down and gently presses his lips to mine, careful not to hurt me considering how busted up my face is and tears run down my cheeks. He gently brushes them away and softly kisses me again. “I promise it’s going to be ok Izzy, I don’t know how to fix you but we’ll all sure as hell try. I’ll try.” We hear Duff and Axl’s voices coming back down the hall and Slash steals one more quick kiss and lets go of my hand putting the morphine button back in my hand. “I’m here for you Izzy,” he says and then turns to face our respective boyfriends like nothing at all passed between us other than conversation.