FicWad

Axl

Izzy hates when people pity him. The guys gushing over and him was too much for him right now. Finally I sent the guys away. They had beat the fuck out of Nikki. They caught him plotting to do sick shit to Slash, like they had done to Izzy, only worse. They were going to call their management so they could get medical attention. They needed it now. But fuck them. They're lucky they're still alive at all. Now we all have to sleep with one eye open. I was afraid of what would happen in a few months when we get stuck on tour with them.

Izzy made us tell him what we had done to them. It was hard to tell what he was thinking. He's been pretty quiet, always is, but even quieter now. I think hes glad we didnt just let them get away with it. Im sure he wishes he could have been there, but i honrstly think he would have killed them. Izzy had been raped five times, but hes never reacted like this before, not even after the first time. Theu did something hes not telling me.

Izzy hates to stay in any place too long. He's not too comfortable in the hospital. I think that's mostly because he needs a fix. They had lowered his Morphine. So now withdrawal was starting to seep through the cracks. He's hardly eating at all, not even chocolate. Something is eating away at him. I wish he would just let me in.

He's moaning in pain every so often. I talked to the doctors, but they won't give him anything else. They tell me they have to wing him off the morphine because of his heroin addiction. They say if the withdrawal gets too bad they'll give him some methadone. But methadone only makes him crave dope more.

I shut the blinds and look over my shoulder at him. His eyebrows date up showing his pain and his gaze is fixed in an almost catatonic stare. "Can I get you anything?" I ask him. I'm doing my best to keep him as comfortable as possible.

"J...just...hold me," his voice says the words softly.

I cross over to his bed and carefully get into it with him. I take him in my arms and feel his fingers curling into my shirt. I know he's scared, not that he will ever admit it. He's more broken than I have ever seen him.

I can feel his entire body quiver. "You're shaking darlin," I whisper to him.

"T...the withdrawal... Getting pretty bad," he says through chattering teeth.

"They said that they would give you some methadone."

"It...its never enough."

I sigh and sit up. I know what he really needed. I reach down into my boot and pull out the fix I had fixed for him when I went searching for him.

Izzy's eyes brighten with relief, but fade into worry. "Axe...w...why do you have that?" Hr seems to actually think it's for me.

"It was for you. I knew when I found you you'd need it. I just didn't expect to find you...like...well like I did."
I pull the cap off with my teeth and stick the needle into the IV in his arm. I push down slowly on the plunger. Izzy starts to relax and I hear a pleasurable moan slip from his throat.

"Thank you darlin. I love you," he slits slightly. Yeah, I just bet he does.

I put the syringe back in my boot and slide back onto the bed with him. I lightly trace the bruises on his face. His beautiful face was so busted up. It killed me seeing him this way. Izzy's face finally looks relaxed and he isn't clinging to my shirt. He's just limply laying in my arms. The smack seems to be working.

"Izz?"

"Hummm?" He lazily says.

"Please talk to me baby. Don't shut me out." I kiss his forehead. I can't get the conversation we had out in the desert out of my head. Izzy had contemplated suicide. This is the first time I've been able to see it in his eyes.

"There's nothing to talk about," he says flatly. "Kill the light would you?"

Typical. Change the subject. I pull the string above our heads and the room goes dim. I sigh wishing for once Izzy didn't hold all his pain inside. I wish he would tell me what they did to him besides what I already know. I just wanted to comfort him and make him feel safe like he has been doing for me since day one.

He surprises me when he slowly speaks. "We'll never beat him Axe," he whispers, "he'll always be two steps ahead of us."

"Why do you say that?" I stroke his hair.

"Because he's so fucking smart. He reads people way better than I can. He was able to put together my entire child hood just by looking at the pictures in my fucking wallet. He can like read our minds. He knew every move you guys would make."

"He didn't know about Erin." I note.

"Are you so sure? I can't trust her Axl. She's a liar and everything she does has a hidden agenda. Nikki works her like a puppet."

"You'd be dead without her right now," I see fit to remind him.

"But what was the price?" He asks me.

"Its not important right now." I frown.

"Why won't you tell me?" He looks st me strangely.

"Why won't you talk to me about what happened?" I ask him right back. I can play his games too.

He sighs and glances at me and hides his eyes from me. "I'll answer any questions you have if you tell me what you promised Erin."

"OK," I nod. "How'd they get you out of the hotel without anyone noticing?"

"One of our equipment cases."

"Where were you when you came to?" I move his hair so I can see his eyes.

"In a limo... Taped up...wrists, ankles, and mouth," his words phrase as if he is replaying it in his head.

"Anything happen there?" I delicately ask.

He buries his head in my chest and I can feel him nod. "Tommy mentioned wanting to... And Nikki told him to go for it."

'Is that when you got hurt?"

I can feel him nod again. He sighs and I know how hard it is for him to say the words to me. I knew what happened because Nikki was happy to brag about it. But Izzy needed to say the words. It was the only vway I knew how to release some of his pain. "They took me from both ends," he says in that detached voice from a far away place he goes inside himself. "Nikki punched me every time a made a noise."

"Did they know how bad you were hurt?"

"Tommy knew. Nikki didn't give a fuck. He just kept beating the shit out of me when I moaned in pain. Tommy talked Nikki into shooting me up so I'd sleep on the plane."

"What about all the blood? Didn't someone notice?" I can't help but wonder.

"They stuck plastic under me."

"What happen when you got to LA?" Is my next question.

He stiffens in my arms. Izzy's quite a long time. He shrugs, "Tommy got seconds."

"That sick fuck," I lowly growl.

"I knew you'd find me," he softly says.

'Ride or die...till death do us part," I kiss the top of his head.

"Can you...still love me after this?" He asks uncertainly.

I lift his chin to look at me. "Of course. This is not your fault. This makes me love you more. I took vows with you because you're it for me."

"Tell Me what the price is for Erin's supposed help?"

I sigh, "To stay with her." I admit.

Izzy leans up and looks at Me with such a painful expression that tears come to my eyes. "After everything you just said... How could you?"

"I had no choice. I had to save you."

"Can't you see what her purpose is? Nikki sent her to come between us."

"No she's for publicity."

"Axe... I fucked her...more than once. I practically raped her one of those times and she still wanted me. She's a lying whore and Nikki is behind every thing she does."

'I fucking knew you'd fuck her," I sigh.

"I like to know my competition and eviscerate the obstacles that come between us. You're mine and I don't want to share you. Especially not with that ring on your finger."

"Then we'll treat her like the whore she is."

"We?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Together. I am married to you Izzy."

'You aren't mad I fucked her?" Hr asks cautiously.

'Do i ever get mad at you for that shit," I smirk. 'I'm mad at her because she lied about wanting you. But we're gonna get her. You in?'

He shrugs, "Ride or die darlin." I gently kiss his busted lip careful not to hurt him. I'm surprised to see him deapen the kiss. 'Why can't you be comforting like this all the time? Why is it just when something bad happens?"

I look at him confused.

"Nikki got in my head Axe... You and me have become numb, empty, detached, and emotionless because of everything we've been through. Anger and pain is all we have left. And we only show one another in extreme times. Axe...I need Billy back. I need his compassion. I need his need to just touch me. I need his poetry and love letters. I look for that feeling anywhere I can get it. That's why I slept with Slash. It's why I need smack. I need is back like we were. You say we're married...gibe me back Billy." There's tears in his eyes and mine too.

"I promise to try darlin. Nothing means more to me than you. I swear on my life Izz, things are going to be different. We're going to find our way back to one another because we are forever."

"I need to be shown that axe because I've forgotten bow it feels to look at you and see my love reflected on your face. I wanna be like Duff and Slash. We used to be, you remember?"

'Of course I remember. I miss it too."

"Darlin...only your love can save me or us. We have these walls built around us now. We gotta break them down and find one can other again." His eyes plead with me.

'Izzy...I'll do whatever it takes for you to let Mr in again. And I'll work on not shutting you out too. I lobe you Izzy. I wouldn't have married you if I truly didn't"

'I know. And Axe... I'm sorry for everything I've done. I just wanted you to notice me. Fucked up shit was the only thing that worked. Negative attention at least let me know that I still existed. I can't do it anymore Fireball."

I pull him to me and kiss his lips softly. 'Anything for my dark angel."