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Duff

Izzy never needed anything but smack, guitar strings, and cigarettes. So when he actually asked Slash to get Axl, he called me right away. It was strange to see him so broken. He was always impervious to so many things that just got regular people down. We all depended on him to be the strong one with all the answers, but for once we didn't have him to use as a crutch. And we were just as lost as he seemed to be. Talk about the blind leading the blind.

We have no clue what to do with Izzy. He's always been a quiet guy but now he was more locked inside himself than he's ever been before. I can relate. I remember feeling like a prisoner inside myself too. Nothing but Slash could get through to me either. I just hope Axl had it in himself to be what Izzy needs right now. Cuz let's face it, Axl was just as distant as he was.

I realize that they have been through far more than Slash and I, but now is the time for Axl to dig deep within himself to be what Izzy needs. For probably the first time in his life he needs someone to take care of him. To just be there and hold him. But speaking from my own experience, he most likely just needed to know that Axl still loved him, like enough for their to be no blame.

To Axl's credit, he spent most of the time at the hospital with Izzy. I don't know how it is when the two of them are alone, but I like to think that Axl knows what he's doing. This wasn't the first time the two of them have been through this. I don't know if Izzy had ever shattered like he is now, but it's Axl he wants. But Axl had been sleeping sitting up or on a hard cot for days so I took him back to the hotel where Slash and I were staying so he could get some sleep and I left Slash with Izzy. The new bodyguard is with them so I feel safe leaving them while I go back to the hotel.

Axl collapses onto the pullout couch and passes out almost immediately and I watch TV for a while and then get bored and hungry so I go out to grab some food, magazines and maybe a book or two. I find one for me and a couple for Slash at a book store down the street and make my way back to the hotel. When I get there I go in quietly, just in case Axl's sleeping. He's not. He's standing at the window with a phone to his ear. He doesn't see me. I listen closely.

"Now isn't the time. Izzy needs my attention at all times Erin...I know I promised... I wasn't lying... Just give it some time, at least wait until he's released and we go back out on the road. Then I'll fly you in, just like I promised."

My fucking blood runs cold. He had the nerve to be planning Erin's next goddamn visit while Izzy was in a hospital recovering from surgery? And I thought that right now Izzy was his number one priority.

"How could you?" I ask with a hiss through clenched teeth.

Axl quickly turns to look at me like a deer caught in headlights. "Erin...I've got to call you back." He hangs up and looks at me again. "Duff, its not what you think."

'Yeah? Cause it sure sounds like you are organizing a visit from fucking Erin while the person you claim to love is in a hospital asking for you."

"Just let me grab a few things," he nervously says and moves to the other side of the room.

"Fuck that," I angrily say, "I can't fucking believe you're doing this to Izzy!"

"Duff, he knows. Erin is the one who led us to Izzy when Nikki had him. But I had to promise to let her come back before she would fucking do it. I had to and Izzy knows," he tries to explain.

"Whether he knows or not, don't you think it's shitty? Izzy doesn't need that bullshit right now. He fucking hates her!"

"Well that explains why hes fucked her too huh?" Axl mumbles.

"What?" I ask not sure if I heard right, and if I had why would Axl say that?

"He fucked her Duff, he's been fucking her since Nikki blew up our fucking tree!" He shouts.

"You're lying."

"I may be a lot of things man, but I'm not a fucking liar. Izzy told me himself."

'Why would he when he hates her so much?" I ask dumbfounded.

"I'm not going to waste my time trying to explain shit to you, its none of your fucking business anyway!"

"Not my business? When it's all going to directly effect the band?" I'm livid.

"Do you really think you know shit about Izzy? Well let me be the first motherfucker to let you know that you don't. You know what Izzy lets you fucking know. You will never fucking know him or what goes on in his head because Izzy never lets people completely in his head, not even me. I just know him and can read him. Erin is some slut Nikki put in our lives to tear us apart. We know that, so if the stupid bitch wants to get fucked, well let's just say threes company from here on out."

"You sick fuck! Why would you think Izzy would ever agree to some twisted shit like that?" I ask in shock.

"Because... If he'll fuck her behind my back, he'll do it with me in the room too."

"What makes you so sure he's fucked her?"

Axl sighs, "Because he said he had. Look...you have a wife, would it be anything to you if Slash told you that he'd fucked Mandy? Or if you had a three way with her?"

"That's besides the point man. Izzy's not OK. He's been through hell. All the fuck he wants is you. He needs your support."

"I don't need you to tell me what the fuck he needs! I will take care of him like I always have. Do you think we've never been down this road before? Izzy and I have been through shit that makes the stuff with you and Slash seem like child's play! You don't fucking know, so don't presume that you fucking do!›