FicWad

Slash
Duff and I leave the hospital hand in hand and I can’t help but smile at how good it feels to free and happy and affectionate ; such a contrast to the heavy feelings in the room upstairs where Izzy’s suffering and in so much pain and I don’t know how to help him other than just being there to listen and hold his hand and sometimes softly kiss his lips, which is probably wrong but it offers him some sort of affection the way our one night stand did, fills in a hole he’s got deep in his heart, yearning for something he’s not getting from Axl. Duff looks over at me, “What are you smiling about beautiful?” he asks grinning back at me.

“Just you and how beautiful you are and how much I love you and how grateful I am not to be Izzy and Axl or like them anymore. I’m so happy about how in love with you I am and how simple and easy our relationship is. I love being in love with you,” I tell him.

“I love being in love with you too baby boy, you make me so happy. I wake up every day and feel you in my arms and my whole world lights up. It’s so intense and sad in that hospital room; poor Izzy’s a wreck. He really needs Axl’s love right now more than ever but I caught that son of bitch on the phone with Erin telling her she could come back on tour when we went and trying to hook up with her while we’re all in LA. I took the fucking phone out of his hand and told Erin that she was not welcome anywhere near our band or tour bus or hotels any time and that if I found out that she met up with Axl while we’re here that I would kill them both with Izzy’s gun. I was totally serious too and they both knew it. I know Axl made some kind of deal with her to help him find Izzy but he didn’t know we’d find Izzy the way we found him. Izz is fucking totally physically and mentally destroyed; I don’t know that he’ll ever get past what they did to him but I do know that he needs Axl to love him and take care of him more than he ever has in his whole life.

I hung up on that bitch and then I told Axl what a piece of shit he was to be talking to anyone that he’d slept with about going on tour or seeing her while Izzy’s laying in the hospital falling apart. I told him that I was totally serious about killing either him or Erin or both of them; that the only person I wanted in his arms was fiancé who is literally being put back together. I told him that I don’t care how badly he wants to get laid, the only person that would happen with is Izzy; even if he had to wait forever,” Duff growled.

“What did he say?” I ask already knowing that the answer probably was not good.

Oh Typical Axl bullshit like “Shut the fuck up and mind your own business, shit like that. I grabbed him and pulled him down on the barstool right in front of me and wouldn’t let go and asked him if he really loved Izzy or if it was all some kind of game to him. He said of course he loved him, he was the only person in the world that he truly loved more than anyone else but that he didn’t know what do. I told him to keep his dick in his pants and hold and listen to Izzy. Make him feel wanted, not like he wants to slit his wrists.”

We get to Duff’s truck and climb in and I scoot across the seat so I can sit next to him and he puts his arm around me. I kiss his cheek and rub my face into his neck and he laughs quietly. “Clingy much?” he asks.

“Mmm, among other things,” I whisper and bite his earlobe.

“Oh really?’ he says and moves his arm from my shoulders and his hand moves down to pop the button on my jeans. He slowly pulls down the zipper and runs his finger under the waistband of my boxers and I press my hips towards his hand. “You want me to touch you?” he asks still teasing me with his finger.

“Yes,” I whine and squirm around trying to get him to put his hand down my pants and not play and tease me. He reaches into my boxers and strokes my cock and it goes from semi-hard to rock hard in seconds. He starts to stroke me and I groan. “Jesus fuck Duff,” I gasp. He keeps stroking me all the way to the hotel which is all of five blocks away and I’m about to blow my load into his hand when he parks the truck and removes his hand. “No! Not now!” I protest.

“Get out of the truck,” he growls. I do and he throws me up against the side of it. His mouth crushes down on mine and his tongue plunges into my mouth. I still need more though; just a little more…Suddenly his hips are grinding against mine hard. I can feel how hard he is through his jeans. I press myself into him and he grabs my ass and starts moving me up and down his hardness. It’s just the friction that I need and I beg for more. “Cum for me,” he whispers. All I can do is whimper and cling to the back of his shirt. “Come on Baby Boy, you can do it, you know you want to,” he says in my ear.

“A little more, almost there,” I pant and he growls and squeezes my ass hard. He moves his mouth down to my neck and is suddenly sucking on that spot behind my ear that drives me absolutely insane and then all I can see is white light and my dick explodes; pulsating hard against Duff’s crotch. I cry out and he quickly pushes my mouth down into his shoulder to muffle the sound as he keeps grinding into me until he feels me go slack in his arms.

“God that was hot; don’t think I’ve ever made you cum in your pants before,” he chuckles. I just groan and sigh in response. He leans me back against the truck and moves to zip up my pants. “Looks like you made quite the mess here he says looking at the wet spot in my underwear. He dips his hand down into my shorts and then sucks on the tips of two of his fingers and growls pressing his mouth to mine again and I can taste my cum mingled in with the cigarettes and chewing gum that are Duff’s usual taste. “I fucking love the way you taste,” he whispers in my ear and then pulls away fixing my pants. “Come on, I need to do something about this,” he says bringing my hand to his crotch and I feel how hard he is. “I’m going to bend you over and fuck you until you scream like that again.” I can’t even answer I just let him pull me by the hand through the empty hotel lobby. When we get to the room he does just what he said he was going to do; he has us both stripped down and me on all fours on the bed. He grabs the bottle of lube we had hidden in the bedside table drawer and greases up his fingers before pushing two inside of me. He works quickly, adding the third one and stroking over my prostate which makes me whimper when he starts and groan by the time he’s done and my cock’s hard again.

He pulls his fingers out and I can hear him greasing up his cock and I turn around and look at him and my dick throbs; god I love to look at him naked. He sees me looking and laughs raising his eyebrows up and down at me before lining his cock up with my opening and thrusting in hard. “Duff!” I squeak, not expecting the forcefulness of his entry.

“I told you I was so hard it hurt, turn around and enjoy yourself,” he laughs smacking my ass. He starts moving fast and hard; jerking me off at the same time. His hand is still all greased up from the lube so it feels great. Within a few minutes I’m panting and pushing back on his dick with every thrust in and in addition to jerking my dick his other hand is wound into my hair for leverage. He pushes me down so that my face is on the bed and changes the angle so that he’s thrusting as deep as into me as he can and hitting my prostate hard. In seconds I let out a load moan and spill over into his hand. “Jesus fuck!” he yells behind me as he blows his own load. He collapses halfway on top of me kissing me between the shoulder blades before pulling out and dragging me down onto the bed with him so that he’s spooned around me. “I love you Curly Sue,” he sighs brushing my hair back from where it’s sticking to my face and neck.

“I love you too Duffy,” I answer smiling and I roll over enough for him to kiss me on the lips. “That was fucking great; nice break from how serious shit is right now. Thanks for being what I needed right now,” I reply and stroke his sweaty hair off of his forehead.

“I know it’s been hard on you Baby Boy; it’s hard on all of us. Thanks for staying with him today though; you guys spent a lot of time alone together when we lived in that little apartment and I know two are really close, I figured it would make him happier if I left you there with him than if I stayed. Plus, after what happened with you two maybe he’ll know I’m not still pissed if I trust the two of you to be alone together. Maybe I’m crazy for that but I know he really cares about you and that you make him happy and he trusts you, probably even more than Axl in some ways so I figured it would be best for you to stay while Axl slept,” Duff tells me, his hand tracing circles on my back.

“Watching what’s happening Izzy is breaking my heart and there’s nothing we can do to fix it, I hate that Duff! I just want to do something to make him better and now Axl’s being an asshole again goddamnit!” I growl and pound the bed behind Duff. “At least he enjoyed playing his guitar this afternoon; it was nice to see him sort of at peace for a few minutes. I just wish I could do something you know?”

“I know what you mean; it’s like I wish I could pick him up and carry him out of there and erase his memories of what happened and all the pain he’s in and either make Axl stop dicking around or make him forget Axl along with everything else. I, I just wish that those two could be as happy as we are, or at least I hope you’re as happy as me,” he says just a little hesitantly.

I squirm around until I’m pressed completely against him; grinning like an idiot and lean my forehead against his. “Duffy, I love you so much, you make me happier than anything, well, except maybe my guitar…” I tease.

“Are you saying an inanimate object makes you happier than I do? Can your guitar make you cum like I just did twice in 30 minutes? Can an inanimate object wrap its arms around you, can it kiss those sweet lips of yours? Can it warm your bed? Can it save your ass from an overdose? Can it love you with its whole heart and soul and comfort you when you have nightmares and try it’s best to keep you safe from Nikki Sixx and company? Does your guitar know where you like to be touched? Does it know that if someone sucks on the soft spot right behind your ear your knees go weak and if you’re close to cumming you will almost immediately if someone does that to you? Huh? Can your guitar do all of that for you?” he asks me in mock indignation.

I laugh at the look on his face. “Well, sometimes playing does my dick hard, and I don’t mind sleeping with it in my bed but it doesn’t keep it warm and it doesn’t hold me. Playing it is kind of like making love to it though…” He glares at me. “If I had a nightmare and I was alone I would get up and play and it would make me feel better, and if I played it when I felt shitty more often I might not shoot up as much so it might save me from an overdose and if I played it with my dick up against it and the vibration was right maybe it would make me cum but I guess it can’t suck behind my ear or hold me or tell me how much it loves me so I mean it’s not good for everything, just most things.” I grin at his annoyed expression.

“Well I guess you don’t need me then!” he huffs and pretends to pout and moves out of my arms and across the bed. I sit up and pounce on him, straddling his hips and planting myself firmly on top of him.

I lean down and pin his hands down to the mattress and then kiss the side of his mouth when he playfully turns away when I aim for his lips.

“Duffy, you know I couldn’t live without you; I wouldn’t even want to. I love you so much and you do make me happy. Every morning that I wake up beside you I’m excited about the day because I get to spend it with you. You’ve seen me at the worst times in my life so far and saved me from dying twice and you’ve been there for every nightmare and random moment of panic since then. You got me through detox and cleaned up my puke and my shit and bathed me and wiped the sweat off of me even when I was cursing and calling you every name I could think of. You took me back after I cheated on you which I didn’t deserve; you’ve worked really hard to make things work between us after I hurt you so badly. You went through shit with me that no one should have to go through; but you were right there beside me holding me hand so I didn’t have to do it alone. Baby I love you more than anything and I’m always going to love you and need you and I hope you always love me and need me. It’s so easy to love you; how could I not be happy?”

“It’s easy to love you too, and I plan on doing it forever and I need you just as much as you need me. You’re my everything baby, my sunshine on the darkest nights. The whole cheating thing is behind us; I got married which I don’t think left you feeling any better than I felt about you and Izzy. You deal with my crazy panic attacks, even when you were sick as a dog from going gold turkey off the smack. You came looking for me and found me that night I got attacked, you took care of me the best you knew how, you’re always there when I need you and you’ve always loved me no matter what. I just wish I had told those fuckers from Virgin to go to hell instead of just taking it right along with you; I should have known what you really wanted me to do, you were so young and you just wanted to help the band; I’m always going to wish I had just said no and dragged you out of that restaurant before they had the chance to do anything to you at all…” I see tears fill his eyes and spill over and I kiss them off of his cheeks.

“Hey, that’s over too, we talked about it, you’ve got to forgive yourself; I didn’t tell you what I really wanted you to do and you were just going along with what you thought I wanted. Stop beating yourself up about it. You’ll never know how much it meant to me that you were willing to get fucked again by somebody else just a few weeks after those other two guys…I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you what it meant to me that you did that so I didn’t have to take those two by myself. I didn’t want you anywhere near that limo after what happened to you but you stayed…” Now I’m the one crying.

He gently moves his hands away from where I have them pinned to the bed and reaches up to wipe the tears off of my cheeks. “It was a shitty situation all around and neither one of us should have been put in it or knew what to do. No matter what I’m never going to forget watching some of the light in your eyes die that night and that’s always going to hurt for both of us. I think after all that shit we’ve done ok. To me, watching that huge grin spread across your face when you look at me is pure joy because if you’re that happy, I’m happy too and when you hurt I hurt. You’re my heart,” Duff says and kisses my lips softly.

“And you’re mine, and very sappy and romantic today, any special reason or do you just love me more today than you normally do?” I ask and kiss the tip of his nose.

“I love you more every day, but I just, after hearing Axl on the phone with Erin today while Izzy’s laying in a hospital bed recovering from having his ass ripped open and his guts torn up by Tommy I’m just so much more grateful for you than ever. I don’t care if I had promised Mandy something for helping me find you or not; I’d still have kicked the bitch to the curb once I’d gotten what I needed from her! How can he do that when Izzy’s suffering like that? I mean and you know it’s not just his body; his mind’s fucked all to hell too! He needs Axl now more than ever and Axl just seems to think it’s fine to talk to the bitch who came between them in the first place on the phone! Obviously she knows Sixx pretty well if she was able to track him down at his dealer’s house so by bringing the bitch back not only is he hurting Izzy but he’s just putting another link back between all of us and Nikki and so help me if they lay a hand on you I’ll shoot every god damn one of them with Izzy’s fucking gun!”

I pull Duff into my arms so that his head is on my chest and rub his back soothingly; trying to calm his anger at the thought of things that hadn’t yet happened. I love the man in my arms so much and I feel a slight wave of guilt rush over me when I think of Izzy’s sad, clinging, kisses that had begged for love wherever he could get it. It had to be devastating to know that the one person you really needed to love you more than anything in the world at the worst time in your life was probably going to cheat on you. I shouldn’t have kissed Izzy but his pain was so palpable and so was his need for somebody to love him with no strings attached right now. It hurt so much to see and feel and I didn’t know how to say no to somebody that I cared about when they were hurting like that; I don’t know if I would have felt guiltier for telling him no and watching more pain come into his eyes or having Duff find out and watching pain appear in his. He needed Axl to love him no matter what all the time, not love him if he wasn’t a junkie because he was and no matter how hard he tried to fight it the pain inside of him wouldn’t let go of the drugs and Axl didn’t make it any easier; every time things seemed to be going well between them it seemed like something would happen, almost as if Axl threw a monkey wrench into things to have an excuse to fight with Izzy because they’d been doing it on and off for so long that Axl didn’t know how to live without doing it.

Also, after talking with Izzy this afternoon and hearing about some of the things that had happened to him not including stuff with record company guys I understood why there was such a deep seated pain in his soul that he couldn’t shake. I would have intentionally overdosed long before now if I was Izzy; he’s stronger than I could ever hope to be. Maybe he stayed alive partly for Axl too, I don‘t know but I know he loved him and that he desperately wanted to be loved back. He said it himself; he wanted for Axl to love him the way Duff loved me and vice versa and my heart ached for him. I know it I shouldn’t have kissed him but how do you deny affection to someone you really care about who was almost literally dying for some kind of unconditional love?

Izzy knew I loved him and didn’t care if he was a junkie, or famous, or a drug dealer, none of that mattered; he was my friend, my brother, and once he had been my lover; but no matter what he is and always will be my best friend right after Duff. Even though I’d known Stevie longer Izzy and I had more of a connection. I just hoped to God that Axl was laying in bed with him right now holding him or sitting beside him singing while Izzy played his guitar and not on the payphone talking to Erin while Izzy slept in a smack and morphine induced slumber of the gods.

“Duff, do you know Izzy’s been raped six times not counting what he did sort of willingly with record company guys?” I ask unable to hold in the awfulness of what Izzy told me this afternoon any longer.

“What?” Duff says and sits up and looks at me with a horrified look on his face.

“He told me this afternoon when we were alone, this is the sixth time, the first time was by some bouncer who threw him out of a club, then he had to take 3 guys from the cartel to start dealing, he got attacked by two guys who didn’t have enough money to pay him for drugs one night, some record company guys did to him what they did to you, and then the last time before Tommy some huge biker was arguing with Izzy about prices and Axl was hiding in the alley with a bat and he ran at the guy but the guy just grabbed the bat and threw Axl down so Izzy jumped him from behind but he threw Izzy into the wall. He went after Axl with the bat so Izzy jumped in again so he beat them both with it and Izz said he thought he was going to just kill them with it but that he was some kind of perv and he hit them both in the head so they wouldn’t get up and then jerked their pants down and fucked them both with the smaller end of the bat. Izzy first and then Axl and then he just threw the bat down and left. He said they couldn’t get up for a long time and that Axl was in and out of consciousness but so they just laid in the dark holding hands until Izz was finally able to get up and get Axl up and to the hospital which was a few blocks away. They ran into some hookers who helped them. I can’t even fucking imagine what kind of person does that to somebody else Duff…and now this; how has Izzy managed not to kill himself all this time? I would have.

“Smack,” Duff whispers. “I didn’t know any of that, fuck man. It makes what happened to us look like nothing you know?”

“Yeah, I know. Just don’t ever say anything; Axl’s the only person who knows.

“You know I won’t Curly Sue,” he whispers and pulls me to him and squeezes me tightly for a long time while we both try and wrap our heads around what happened to our friends. It hurts so much to think about Izzy and Axl and the whole situation, I need a break from the whole thing and so does Duff.

I gently pull back from Duff and ask “Duffy, do you want to drive out to the beach? It’s only 20 minutes and it’s a hot day and I know it’s almost 4:00 but we could stop and grab a beach blanket and some towels on the boardwalk, we have swim trunks, and we could get burgers and shakes and eat and swim? It would be a nice break from hospitals and hotel rooms; what do you think?” I ask him.

“I think that’s the greatest idea I’ve heard in a long assed time, let’s get cleaned up a little and go!” he replies excitedly. We shower off some, cleaning the cum and sweat off of ourselves, change into our swimsuits and t-shirts and flip flops and jump in the truck and drive to the beach. We go into one of the beachwear stores and buy a blanket and towels and sunscreen and a couple of bottles of water. I go to stake out our place on the sand while Duff runs to a burger joint to grab us some cheese burgers and a couple of orders of fries in vinegar and salt.

Duff comes back with our meal and we tear into it and eat it in record time. Neither of us realized how hungry we are until now. Duff also bought us boogie boards since I’m still not the greatest swimmer despite him trying to teach me in hotel pools while we were touring and we use them to ride the waves towards the shore when they break near us. We have a great time floating around and splashing each other and just acting like normal, happy, people for a few hours.

Later we drive to where I know David Bowie’s beach house is (he dated my mom years ago) and nobody’s using it at the moment so we build a fire on the beach in his fire pit and spread out on our blanket and I coax Duff into letting me make love to him. It doesn’t take much coaxing, more like kissing and sweet talking. I had secretly stuffed a little bottle of lube into the pocket of my swim trunks which I hid under my towel earlier and then put back into my trunks on the way here. Duff looks beautiful in the firelight. I love the look on his face when I enter him and how he whispers into my ear while I’m fucking him that he loves how big my cock is but that I’ve never hurt him with it; I’ve always made him feel good. I love watching him cum without his cock even being touched and how he smiles when he does it. But the hottest thing by far is what happens when he’s starting to come down. I had ridden him out and was thrusting into him a little harder and faster to finish myself and he ran a finger through the cum on his stomach and then ran his finger across my bottom lip so that I’d lick it and suck at his finger. The taste of his cum made me explode mid-thrust growling and biting down on his finger and fucking him hard until I had nothing left.

That orgasm left me totally limp and exhausted. I pulled out of Duff who whined slightly at the feeling and admittedly, it is a weird, almost yucky feeling; something sliding out of your body that had left you so full just a moment before and laid down next to him. He laughed at how tired I was and gently cleaned us both off with one of the towels and got up and put the fire out.

“Come on sleepy,” he whispered to me and pulled me to my feet and we both got redressed and grabbed our blanket and towels and got back into the truck. He pulled my head down into his lap and l fell asleep to the glow of the radio dial and the sound of Cheap Trick playing through the speakers.

When we got back to the hotel Duff shook me awake long enough to drag me inside and force me into another shower. The maids had cleaned our room while we were gone and as soon as my head hit the clean pillowcase I was out. The last thing I remember is a soft kiss being placed on my shoulder in the dark and Duff whispering “Good night Baby Boy,” before curling his body around mine from behind and thinking that I felt safe and happy and loved and that I wished Izzy did too.