Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Through The Eyes Of...
Duff
Well, we're leaving for the Aerosmith tour. We're looking forward to meeting them, but no one is looking forward to this tour. Izzy isn't even fully recovered. He's nowhere near up to it. He needed more time, more rest. But Izzy has always had the best grasp at knowing what has to be done. He says he's ready, but we could all see he wasn't. Most of the time he was somewhere else together completely. He seemed a million miles away when he was right in front of us. Sometimes I would look over at him and he would just sort of be tranced out. When he got like this Axl always seemed to know what to do to snap him out of it. Slash, Stevie, and I were clueless as to help him. Rape and unwanted sex had destroyed a part of us. I m not sure what Izz has left to give of his sanity.
Izzy was the strongest out of all of us, but Slash and I haven't endured nearly what they have. I don't think I could. Not many people in live could slither through shit and come out smelling like roses; Izzy possessed that talent. Izz was so silent he was working on becoming invisible, in this case it wasn't a good thing. We all depend on Izzy. He made the best courses of action during diplomatic affairs.
But this wasn't the Izzy I met. This Izzy was unravelling at the seams. I can't speak of how his past rapes there had been but this time he was like some stranger to us all. He had two modes right now: angry and violent or he stayed to himself and always seemed locked inside his fractured mind. At practice we would ask his opinion, his response was always a generic, "sure, whatever." Normally Izzy had the best ideas of all; he just let Axl make the decisions now. Izzy was at his ropes end. It's like he had given up and his only goal was just to be. To be invisible.
We all do our best to fucking look after him and try to comfort him, but Axl's the only one who seems to keep Izzy going. At least he seemed to know what he was doing. I had no clue. We were just so used to Izzy caring for us, looking out for us, teaching us. We never needed any answers because Izz always had them. It's going to be going to be hard on Axl to take up the slack. But so far he was doing a pretty good job, considering.
His revenge was a bit savage though. I had wondered about it and how he could stomach it. It was pretty sick what he did to Tommy. Nikki got humiliated and shot in the ass. He wouldn't soon forgive and forget. But then, neither would Axl or Izzy. In the beginning I had thought of Izzy as the rational one, but he wasn't. Everything Axl said about him was true. Izzy was fucking mental. They may not have had a label for it the same as they did Axl, but Izzy wasn't stable. He was using way too many drugs and drinking too much and would go off on any of us for the smallest things; any slight or teasing and Izzy would go ballistic.
I knew he had been through a lot in these streets, but this last incident had made him snap. Slash told me Izzy had been raped six times, if that were me I would have lost it a long time ago. Sometimes I caught him just staring at that ring Axl put on his finger; that really meant a lot to him. He wore it at all times, Axl did too. They considered themselves married now I guess. I had to give Axl credit, he had been different since his and Izzy's little trip to the desert. He had really been trying to make things work with Izzy. I wish I could say the same for Izzy. I couldn't believe he had fucked Erin on the side. But hey, the bitch deserved worse for working us for Sixx.
I look over at Izzy mindlessly staring down at his guitar. He stood holding that thing just like that at least 12 hours a day. But nothing is right with his stance. His face is even longer than normal. The tell tale signs of smack grow more and more evident every day. I've noticed that he scratches almost constantly. I know for a fact we're all crab and lice free at the moment. I know it's junk and I know Axl's worried. He loved Izzy so so much. Anyone else would have kicked Izzy to the curb a long time ago but Axl loved him. He truly loved him.
With Izzy at the moment its hard to tell what you're going to get mood wise; Izzy does just as he's going to do and nothing changes his mind. But Izzy doesn't neglect to do the small things for Axl: when Axl rants, Izzy gets the job of talking him down. When it comes to the band, Izzy can always make him see the simple logic of things. Izzy keeps track of Axls eating because he's anemic. He soothes his nightmares. He tells him things we can't without being punched. He's even started beating people down in bars for looking at Axl. His jealousy speaks volumes for his caring. Plus, those two weeks that Axl left him left him devastated. Izzy did love him, but he loved smack too. I wonder if Axl felt second to it?
My Curly Sue is really worried about Izzy. He thinks he's neither physically, or mentally ready to go on the road with Aerosmith. I guess I did too, but I knew Izzy always knew when to pull it the fuck together. But six fucking times man...you just have to snap eventually, right? Well in order for Izzy not to mentally snap he's usually shitfaced. And when you're shitfaced you pretty much say fuck all. Consequences don't matter, laws don't apply, and lookers on better remember snitches get stitches. Scariest thing of all, Izzy's gun is always on him or in arms reach. And we all knew Izzy would pull the trigger if in that perfectly dosed state. Soon we would be on tour with Crue. All these factors that could lead to a very serious series of unfortunate events.
Right now Izzy needs us more than we have ever needed him. He kept us as safe as he could, taught us the streets, how to hustle girls. Izzy never needed to be looked after, but that day has dawned on us. He doesn't make it easy. He hates when a fuss is made over him. He hates us watching so closely because his heroin addiction is something that he tries to keep as personal as possible. He looked at it like jacking off, every one does it, you just keep the shit to yourself.
My thoughts suddenly break to Slash sighing and running his hands down over his face. He stares over at Izzy. " Izz you're in the wrong key again."
This about the ninth time today this had happened. Axl had to skip out on rehearsal to go deal with some business. I know that bothers Izzy. Izzy's always preferred to go to these little 'business' gatherings because you never know when they might turn into a porno set. He's agitated, sure, with good reason. But Axl didn't want him to go. Izzy looks terrible. He's so skinny he hunches, he lives off heroin and chocolate, his clothes are three sizes too big, god knows when he showered last, he reeks of whiskey and is smacked out of his mind. No way could Axl let him go.
"Sooo sorry weeeere not all da nex geetar herow," he slurs and sways.
"Maybe we should just call it a day " Slash takes the guitar strap from around his neck. "Izzy's obviously too trashed to play."
"Can thank of a frews I can do trashed," he mumbles under his breath but I fucking caught it; he was hitting on my goddamn boyfriend.
"Do you see me standing right here?" I smirk and shrug.
"Course Duff," he nods and blows in an imaginary breeze as he lights himself a cigarette, "be glad to shro you too."
"Come on bro," I sigh and rub my temples, "you need to sleep it off before Axl gets back."
"Axl, Axl,Axl..." He laughs a bit insanely for a moment then he hurls his guitar over his head and crashes it down on the floor. It splinters and breaks at the neck. "Why da fuck he da only one who always gets away wiff bein a frucking cunt?!!" He slams the remains of bus guitar down
"I'll call Axe," Slash says softly and makes his way to the phone.
"Why donnn youze join himm," Izzy shouts at him.
I have no clue what to say to Izzy at this point. "Yeah, count me in on that too," and I leave him there alone.
Well, we're leaving for the Aerosmith tour. We're looking forward to meeting them, but no one is looking forward to this tour. Izzy isn't even fully recovered. He's nowhere near up to it. He needed more time, more rest. But Izzy has always had the best grasp at knowing what has to be done. He says he's ready, but we could all see he wasn't. Most of the time he was somewhere else together completely. He seemed a million miles away when he was right in front of us. Sometimes I would look over at him and he would just sort of be tranced out. When he got like this Axl always seemed to know what to do to snap him out of it. Slash, Stevie, and I were clueless as to help him. Rape and unwanted sex had destroyed a part of us. I m not sure what Izz has left to give of his sanity.
Izzy was the strongest out of all of us, but Slash and I haven't endured nearly what they have. I don't think I could. Not many people in live could slither through shit and come out smelling like roses; Izzy possessed that talent. Izz was so silent he was working on becoming invisible, in this case it wasn't a good thing. We all depend on Izzy. He made the best courses of action during diplomatic affairs.
But this wasn't the Izzy I met. This Izzy was unravelling at the seams. I can't speak of how his past rapes there had been but this time he was like some stranger to us all. He had two modes right now: angry and violent or he stayed to himself and always seemed locked inside his fractured mind. At practice we would ask his opinion, his response was always a generic, "sure, whatever." Normally Izzy had the best ideas of all; he just let Axl make the decisions now. Izzy was at his ropes end. It's like he had given up and his only goal was just to be. To be invisible.
We all do our best to fucking look after him and try to comfort him, but Axl's the only one who seems to keep Izzy going. At least he seemed to know what he was doing. I had no clue. We were just so used to Izzy caring for us, looking out for us, teaching us. We never needed any answers because Izz always had them. It's going to be going to be hard on Axl to take up the slack. But so far he was doing a pretty good job, considering.
His revenge was a bit savage though. I had wondered about it and how he could stomach it. It was pretty sick what he did to Tommy. Nikki got humiliated and shot in the ass. He wouldn't soon forgive and forget. But then, neither would Axl or Izzy. In the beginning I had thought of Izzy as the rational one, but he wasn't. Everything Axl said about him was true. Izzy was fucking mental. They may not have had a label for it the same as they did Axl, but Izzy wasn't stable. He was using way too many drugs and drinking too much and would go off on any of us for the smallest things; any slight or teasing and Izzy would go ballistic.
I knew he had been through a lot in these streets, but this last incident had made him snap. Slash told me Izzy had been raped six times, if that were me I would have lost it a long time ago. Sometimes I caught him just staring at that ring Axl put on his finger; that really meant a lot to him. He wore it at all times, Axl did too. They considered themselves married now I guess. I had to give Axl credit, he had been different since his and Izzy's little trip to the desert. He had really been trying to make things work with Izzy. I wish I could say the same for Izzy. I couldn't believe he had fucked Erin on the side. But hey, the bitch deserved worse for working us for Sixx.
I look over at Izzy mindlessly staring down at his guitar. He stood holding that thing just like that at least 12 hours a day. But nothing is right with his stance. His face is even longer than normal. The tell tale signs of smack grow more and more evident every day. I've noticed that he scratches almost constantly. I know for a fact we're all crab and lice free at the moment. I know it's junk and I know Axl's worried. He loved Izzy so so much. Anyone else would have kicked Izzy to the curb a long time ago but Axl loved him. He truly loved him.
With Izzy at the moment its hard to tell what you're going to get mood wise; Izzy does just as he's going to do and nothing changes his mind. But Izzy doesn't neglect to do the small things for Axl: when Axl rants, Izzy gets the job of talking him down. When it comes to the band, Izzy can always make him see the simple logic of things. Izzy keeps track of Axls eating because he's anemic. He soothes his nightmares. He tells him things we can't without being punched. He's even started beating people down in bars for looking at Axl. His jealousy speaks volumes for his caring. Plus, those two weeks that Axl left him left him devastated. Izzy did love him, but he loved smack too. I wonder if Axl felt second to it?
My Curly Sue is really worried about Izzy. He thinks he's neither physically, or mentally ready to go on the road with Aerosmith. I guess I did too, but I knew Izzy always knew when to pull it the fuck together. But six fucking times man...you just have to snap eventually, right? Well in order for Izzy not to mentally snap he's usually shitfaced. And when you're shitfaced you pretty much say fuck all. Consequences don't matter, laws don't apply, and lookers on better remember snitches get stitches. Scariest thing of all, Izzy's gun is always on him or in arms reach. And we all knew Izzy would pull the trigger if in that perfectly dosed state. Soon we would be on tour with Crue. All these factors that could lead to a very serious series of unfortunate events.
Right now Izzy needs us more than we have ever needed him. He kept us as safe as he could, taught us the streets, how to hustle girls. Izzy never needed to be looked after, but that day has dawned on us. He doesn't make it easy. He hates when a fuss is made over him. He hates us watching so closely because his heroin addiction is something that he tries to keep as personal as possible. He looked at it like jacking off, every one does it, you just keep the shit to yourself.
My thoughts suddenly break to Slash sighing and running his hands down over his face. He stares over at Izzy. " Izz you're in the wrong key again."
This about the ninth time today this had happened. Axl had to skip out on rehearsal to go deal with some business. I know that bothers Izzy. Izzy's always preferred to go to these little 'business' gatherings because you never know when they might turn into a porno set. He's agitated, sure, with good reason. But Axl didn't want him to go. Izzy looks terrible. He's so skinny he hunches, he lives off heroin and chocolate, his clothes are three sizes too big, god knows when he showered last, he reeks of whiskey and is smacked out of his mind. No way could Axl let him go.
"Sooo sorry weeeere not all da nex geetar herow," he slurs and sways.
"Maybe we should just call it a day " Slash takes the guitar strap from around his neck. "Izzy's obviously too trashed to play."
"Can thank of a frews I can do trashed," he mumbles under his breath but I fucking caught it; he was hitting on my goddamn boyfriend.
"Do you see me standing right here?" I smirk and shrug.
"Course Duff," he nods and blows in an imaginary breeze as he lights himself a cigarette, "be glad to shro you too."
"Come on bro," I sigh and rub my temples, "you need to sleep it off before Axl gets back."
"Axl, Axl,Axl..." He laughs a bit insanely for a moment then he hurls his guitar over his head and crashes it down on the floor. It splinters and breaks at the neck. "Why da fuck he da only one who always gets away wiff bein a frucking cunt?!!" He slams the remains of bus guitar down
"I'll call Axe," Slash says softly and makes his way to the phone.
"Why donnn youze join himm," Izzy shouts at him.
I have no clue what to say to Izzy at this point. "Yeah, count me in on that too," and I leave him there alone.
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