FicWad

Steven

Man, shit had gotten really fucked up. Here we all are, touring with the legendary Aerosmith and nobody is even haveing fun. The guys in Aerosmith all just shakes their heads every time they see me. To them I was a junkie disappointment. Sad part is, I am. Since the shit with Izzy went down we're all in a bad way. It's just too hard for all of us. The aftermath of the shockwave didn't just affect Izzy. It didn't stop at Axl. It fucking hit us all.

From day one this band had had a fucking weird sort of balance that's always worked for us. We were a single coexisting unit. We each had a function, a role to help us survive in the fucking gutters we all lived in for so long. Anyone would tell you Axl was our leader, hands down. Axl was a really smart guy with very well versed words. He didn't talk with his Indiana slang when conducting business. Axl was a hot head at times, but we could usually get where he was coming from. And from time to time Axl did shitty stuff to us, but he always made up with these grand gestures. It was impossible to stay mad at the guy.

But as they say, behind every great leader is a great woman...I'm not calling Izzy a chick, but you get my point. Izzy was Axl's wingman, his COO, his VP. And when the occasion called for it, Izzy stood up and took charge. Izzy was the protector, the muscle, the criminal genius. He was the most laid back and coolest of anybody. Nobody could dislike Izzy. But right now he was being a real jackass. I loved the guy, but he had lost it. It's like he became the complete opposite of the guy we knew as Izzy. Izzy was usually quiet, but this Izzy just ghoes the fuck off. He's like Axl on one of Axls worst days. And the drugs have gotten worse, but its the drinking that's really pissing us all off. Izzy. Cannot. Drink. Oh he can put the shit back and hold it down, but nobody likes him much when he does.

Duff's role in our family has always been the peacemaker. He usually got stuck being the referee to all our bickering and fuckups. Do you have any clue how bad that is for his nerves? The guy did have an anxiety disorder. He had to deal with three junkies, a basket case, and all the shit they started. Slash was pretty strung out, he was sneaking the shit behind Duff's back, not that hard seeing as to how Duff spent a lot of time trying to apologize for Izzy or Axl. I envy Duff. Not many guys would still casre enough to go to the most for a couple of guys who fucked the love of his life. Duff got the rawest end of all this if you ask me.

Obviously Slash's role in our collective is...sex. Everybody always seemed to want a piece of him. Hell even the band, self so not included. We had made it far on Slash's ass...literally. I personally don't get the appeal, but chicks and dudes both found him sexy. Maybe it was an exoric thing because he wasn't just some white boy rocker. Maybe it was the hair? Girls tended to want to kiss his lips. Whatever it was, Slash was our popularity.

And me. Fuck, I'm just here most days. I don't really do much at all. But I share what I have. I'm loyal. And I do as they ask me. These guys were my family and I love them. But the fucking balance is thrown way out of whack around here. Everyone's addictions are worse. Izzy's shooting almost all day long. At first he just did enough not to get sick. Now he's pipping the shit in his stomach before shows so it won't hit him hard enough to want to nod. He's drinking almost as much as Duff. You can barely understand Duff most of the time for all the slurring. Even Axl has resorted to taking his Valium as prescribed, when he can keep them hidden from Izzy that is. But I see everything and say nothing.

But fuck, Axl has the hardest job of us all right now. Everything. I remember lying awake one night and listening to Axl and Izzy discussing the dynamics of how they would run the band together. I still remember what Axl said. "I'll handle the business, you handle the band." And that's pretty much how it was. But now Axl has to handle all of it, aside from Duff's peacemaking. I guess the Valium worked, somehow Axl was holding shit together. And Izzy was causing so so much shit. Axl really must have loved him a lot. There were times when I wanted to fucking punch Izzy. But I knew he had been through hell, and I didn't even know the fucking full details.

For the most part we're all sedating this shit until it goes away. If it ever does. If it can. You just can't imagine how bad it is around here. Over the years I've overheard lots of shit I probably shouldn't have. But I never repeat what I hear. If I did I might be able to fix everyone's problems. Axl, Izzy wants you to adore him like you apparently did once upon a time. Izzy, you need to fucking get this little obsession with Slash out of your system before you ruin four lives. Duff, Izzy would fuck Slash again if given half a chance. Slash, You will never find anyone better for you than Duff.

I fucking wish I knew how to help Izzy. Izzy was not just our protective, enforcing, cool headed VP. Izzy was our balance. And right now the counterweight's were unbalanced. The only decisions Izzy made lately was where to score, when to shoot, and what to drink. Axl had to tell him when to eat, shower, shave, sleep, and wake up. He had to be like a pharmacist too. He had to keep drugs on hand to keep Izzy level in public and for shows.

It's all falling apart and the shit was just starting. I wish I knew what I could do to help. I wish i could be of more use. But like everyone else, all I know to do is stay loaded. Everything is so much more bearable when you're fucking loaded. Pain hurts less. Problems dont get very far past your surface. Responsibility doesn't matter. Decisions don't matter. And you have an excuse eveytime you fuck up.