FicWad

Izzy

Axl goes flying out of my room in a red haired ball of fury leaving me with a towel wrapped around my arm. I think about going after him but honestly I'm so tired of all this shit I can't make myself move from the bathroom. A few minutes later I hear shouting in the hallway. Slash must have gotten back because it's Duff's voice I hear. He calls Slash a lying piece of shit which pisses me the fuck off because the kid isn't a lying piece of shit. My guess is he doesn't even remember last night after all of those shots. What happened last night wasn't his fault anyway it was mine. Axl had gone to the bathroom and Duff had gone to the bar to get us more to drink when Slash said he had to piss too. So did I so we worked our way through the crowd just missing Axl I guess because he wasn't in the bathroom when we got there. Steven was in there though fucking some chick in a stall; she was so loud I'm surprised anyone could actually hear the music in the place.

On the way back to the table Slash had tripped and if I hadn't grabbed him he would have face planted right in a huge crowd of people. I shoved him up against the wall so he could get ahold of himself which put his face right in front of mine. It was too much temptation and I kissed him and ground my dick into his. He got hard right away and moaned really fucking loud and kissed me back. We made out for a few minutes but then he called me Duff and I knew he wasn't really there with me in that moment. I hadn't wanted to let go of him; I could happily have spent the next hour with my tongue down his throat grinding on him but I had to because he wasn't mine and he was so wasted that he didn't even realize who the hell he was kissing! The others would be back at the table soon if they weren't already anyway so I hauled his ass back to the table where Axl and Duff were talking about the details of our tour with Motley Crue; not exactly what I fucking want to discuss but they weren't after our asses so I figured we were in the clear until this afternoon.

Slash thought I was his boyfriend anyway so it was more like I thought I was in the clear until Axl started up that damn song. It had been playing when we were kissing and I knew right when it started that one of them had seen what happened and told the other one. I must have had a worried look on my face because Slash looked over at me, probably thinking about how I had kissed him the night before that when Axl and Duff were with Erin and Mandy. It was the same night that Slash had walked in on Duff fucking Mandy in the bathroom on the set of that stupid "Sweet Child" video. We were both high as fuck that night.

Slash had been devastated by what he'd seen in the bathroom. I hadn't let him cry very long right after he'd caught them; I'd shot him up so that he would more or less be numb to it but when we were finally done with that damn thing Axl and Duff got stuck taking Mandy and Erin to dinner because of course the girls collaborated on that plan and Slash had cried for over an hour about Duff screwing Mandy and then went back and forth between crying and being angry for another half hour or so after that. Then I had given him another hit and we both just nodded in and out for a while but he had let me kiss him while we were laying there and I realized while I was doing it that I cared for him way more than I wanted to admit to myself.

I felt really bad for him; I guess Duff had promised him several times that he wouldn't get anywhere near Mandy in any real capacity, told him that he loved him way too much for that and honestly I believe that Duff didn't have any intent to get with Mandy, he DID love Slash too much to intentionally hurt him as bad as he had. But I guess he got high on coke and fucked her anyway. Duff had never really lied to Slash like that; I mean yeah he'd done things that had hurt him but he had never lied to him unless he was protecting him and fucking Mandy was in no way shape or form to protect him. It had killed off who Slash thought Duff was in a way; knocked him off of his pedestal.

Slash had been beating himself up inside for a long time for sleeping with me and probably for the few other times we had kissed although he didn't bring those times up just the time that it had gone much further and we'd ended up hurting everyone but the whole situation had been fucked up to begin with courtesy of our beloved Nikki that fucking bastard! Slash had broken Duff's trust and it had taken a long time to get it back and he'd outright told me that he didn't trust me although that could be because when I was drunk, which I was a lot lately that I hit on Slash and rubbed it in Duff's face... I knew it hadn't meant anything to Duff when he fucked Mandy and I told Slash that when I was trying to calm him down. I had been there with Axl; it ripped my heart out the first time Axl had done that. Shit, it still hurt like hell to know that he was fucking Erin even though I had done it too and with Axl! I hated that whore but I knew Axl didn't and I still didn't like that she had been there the first time we'd had sex after everything with Tommy.

But the kid had never been through this shit with Duff and he cried and cried. My t-shirt was soaked all the way from my shoulder to my chest and partway down my arm from where I'd held him and let him cry. It didn't help that Duff had made love to him that morning and promised him again that he wouldn't go near Mandy. What should have done is just said that Slash could fuck that girl he was with and asked if it was ok if he got some pussy too if his wife was offering and he was in the mood. I don't think Slash would have liked that much either but it would have hurt less than reassuring him that he wouldn't touch her because he loved him too much and then fucking her behind the kid's back; that's what hurt him, all the reassurance and promises Duff made and then he went and did it anyway like what he'd said to Slash hadn't mattered which I guess in the end it didn't actually. Duff had gotten high and fucked that cunt anyway.

I'm not sure what to think about the irony of the fact that Duff left to marry Mandy but didn't want to sleep with her and hurt Slash so Slash had slept with me and this time Duff willingly slept with that whore and Slash is left here alone with me again but not sleeping with me. Slash said that when he got back to their room that Duff wasn't there but Axl was there when I got back so where was Duff? As far as I know Slash still hasn't confronted Duff about any of it.

I'm pulled back into the present by the yelling in the hallway that seems to get louder until I hear Slash say "Duff let go of me!" and then a body slammed into the wall followed by the sound of a fist connecting with flesh. Oh hell no he did not just punch that kid! I get across the room and open the door just as Duff's boot slams into Slash's stomach. Slash grunts as the air's knocked out of his lungs and curls up in a ball from the pain. Duff pulls his foot back again and I yell his name. He turns around to face me with a murderous look on his face. Axl's door opens behind Duff but he doesn't hear it and Axl just stands in the door watching the whole thing.

"What the fuck are you doing man?"
I yell at Duff. "He doesn't even remember last night! He thought I was you! I kissed him ok? I was drunk too but I fucking remember but he groaned your name into my mouth! So I brought his ass back to the table! But I'll tell you what he does remember, he remembers opening the bathroom door the other day and seeing you fucking that whore you married after you promised him over and over you wouldn't!"

Duff visibly pales and the anger leaves his eyes. Axl raises his eyebrows and just says "Oh shit you're fucked now Duff! Maybe even more fucked than Izzy! Not more fucked up just more fucked in this situation."

Duff turns around and looks at his boyfriend who's still curled up in a tight ball around his stomach and who hasn't taken a breath yet, I've been watching. It's been about 30 seconds, he needs to breathe! Duff bends down over him and almost whispers Slash's name but I can hear him as I worriedly walk down the hall towards them. "Slash?" Duff says louder and I can hear the worry in his voice. Axl steps out of his room too and moves towards them. "Slash breathe! Please baby breathe!" Duff pleads, his voice rising in pitch.

Axl gets to them first and moves behind Slash's body and gently rolls him onto his back and puts his hand under his neck and tips his head back so his airway is open. I push Duff to the side slightly and kneel down on Slash's other side. His face is red and his eyes are panicked. I rub his chest vigorously and tell him he needs to breathe. Axl blows hard in his face and he reflexively sucks in a little bit of air and breathes it out again. "That's it, breathe Slash," Axl says firmly, his hand still under his neck. His tone isn't mean though, it's almost soothing.

Just then the elevator dings and Steven swaggers out with a girl on his arm and rushes over when he sees his best friend balled up on the floor with Axl and I hovering over him and Duff kneeling on the floor next to me crying. "What happened?" he asks bouncing up and down trying to see over Axl and I. We look at the girl pointedly and he turns to her and says "Honey, you can't be here right now, you need to go, now. He points her towards the stairs rather than waiting on the elevator. The girl pouts but goes.

When the girl is gone Axl looks up and says "Duff went off on him because Izzy kissed him in the club last night and kicked him with his fucking boots on and now he can't breathe. His body's just spasming really hard; it's a reflex to protect your organs if you get hit again, the muscles in your gut tighten up and you can't breathe. Duff kicked him pretty fucking hard and he's totally locked up; we've got to get him to breathe!" Axl tells him. We exchange a look that confirms that we had better do it soon or he's going to pass out and I don't know if he'll be breathing or if we're going to have to breathe air into him.

Steven shoves Duff over into the wall and yells "What the fuck man? He would never fucking hit you, why in the fuck would you do this to him? What are you coked out of your fucking mind and so you beat him up because you're pissed at him? Remember how pissed you were at Axl for doing that to Izzy? What were you thinking?"

Axl and I are working on Slash and those two need to fucking move back. "Get away from me you little hairball!" Duff growls.

"Steven, get him back down the hall, we can't work with the two of you hovering and fighting, just back the fuck up!" Steven pushes Duff backwards and he stumbles a little but he doesn't fall and he doesn't fight Steven but Steven looks like he wants to beat the shit out of Duff and I'd let him but honestly Steven would be the one who got the crap beat out of him. Duff's way bigger than him and apparently in the mood to fight. Like Steven said, he's coked out of his mind.

I turn back to Slash; Axl's brushed the curls back out of his face and I get a full view of his terrified eyes. There's blood running down his face from his nose and mouth and his lip is swelling and a bruise is forming on the side of his face. I'm going to fucking kill Duff once I get Curly Sue straightened out! "Come on kid, another breath, even a little one," I plead. He's still got his knees pulled into his chest cradling his belly. If I can get him to put his knees down he'll relax and be able to breathe, I stroke his hair and quietly tell him "It's going to be ok; you're going to be fine. I know it hurts but you need to relax a little bit and try to breathe." Axl glares at me for touching his hair the way I did but Slash pulls in another small breath.

I keep rubbing his chest vigorously like doctors do to babies who need to breathe. Axl works his arm under Slash's knees and tells him to relax. He uses his other arm and pushes Slash's legs down a little while still supporting them. The kid breathes a little more deeply. "That's it kid, relax a little and breathe. I move my right hand under Slash's lower back to support it so his back muscles will let go a little and keep rubbing his chest to keep him working with us; afraid that if I stop he'll stop breathing again without the stimulation. Axl and I get him to take a third breathe and a fourth one, supporting his legs and his back lets his own body relax a little because he's not having to support them himself and his breathing gets a little deeper. Gradually over the next ten minutes or so Axl and I are finally able to get him to put his feet all the way on the floor, each inch we get him to move helps him breathe a little better. He coughs a couple to times and then draws in a big, deep, breath and rolls onto his side breathing normally.

"Are you alright Slash?"Axl asks from behind him.

"Yeah," Slash gasps, his voice raspy.

"You had us worried, can you breathe ok now?" I question him worriedly.

"Yeah, mostly, he whispers.

"Do you want to sit up?" I ask. He nods and rolls onto his back again and Axl and I help him into a sitting position. He cries out a little in pain and Axl pulls his shirt up and his abs are black and purple but the bruise is spreading up his side next to me so I move the other side of his shirt up and see that the bruise runs over his two bottom ribs on my side just at the bottom of his chest. I run my fingers over the two bones and Slash lurches away from my fingers smacking my hand away and hissing. "Shit, your ribs are busted there can you breathe ok? Nothings feeling like it's stabbing you right? That's right at the base of your lung."

"It fucking hurts to breathe," he whispers, "but nothing's stabbing me; my lung's fine."

"Baby...," Duff says and kneels down next to me reaching for Slash who pulls away and leans towards Axl.

"No, don't touch me! I don't want you to fucking touch me!" the kid says and pushes his hand away from him.

"I'm sorry Baby Boy I didn't mean to, I, I, can't believe I did that!" Duff whispers as tears start to roll down his face.

"What, hit me or fucked your wife?" Slash asks him. He's trying so hard to stay pissed off and not cry but his lip is trembling and his eyes are full of tears which spill over and he angrily wipes away. He looks at me, silently pleading with me to get him out of there and away from Duff and everyone else.

Duff just looks at Curly Sue helplessly and Axl and I exchange looks over Slash's head and he stands up and grabs Duff's upper arm and says "Come on, we're going to have a little talk," and pulls him towards his door.

"Yeah, don't want to kiss him now do you?" I thought. Good fucking thing Slash doesn't know about that little stunt. "Come on kid, I'll get you cleaned up and get some smack into you so it doesn't hurt so much. Steven get his other side," I say to both of them and Steven scrambles over to Slash's right left side and we put his arms around our shoulders and haul him to his feet.

The kid makes a pained noise as we pull him up. "You ok man?" Steven asks worriedly.

"Yeah," Slash says quietly and wraps one arm is arm around his ribs and walks hunched over into our room. I've been on the receiving end of those boots and fists, I know how badly it hurts. I'm glad Slash's ribs aren't broken the way mine were though. I already want to beat the every loving shit out of Duff for hurting the kid, if there had been broken bones I'd have to think about shooting him.

Axl props the door to Duff's room open with the trash can. "Prop the door open over there Izzy, see if you can avoid doing anything to make this fucker want to beat on his boyfriend any more tonight!" Axl says, glaring at me across the hall.

I glare back at him but I prop the door to Axl's room open too but I haul Slash over to the empty bed on the far side of the room. Stevie and I ease him down onto the bed and sit him up with a mound of pillows behind him. "Steven go get me some ice please; the buckets over there on the sink," I tell him nodding towards it "and wet one of those wash cloths with cold water."

"Sure thing," Steven answers and hurries to get the rag, anxious to help his friend.

Steven hands me the washcloth and scurries out to get the ice. I gently clean the blood off of Slash's face and he winces when touch his busted lip. "Sorry," I tell him quietly. "I'm sorry about all of it, about kissing you in the club too and starting all of this."

"It's ok Izzy, it's not like we didn't make out the night before that when Duff and Axl were with their whores. "Duff wasn't even back until like three in the morning, when did Axl get back?" Slash asks.

"He was there when I got there," I answer.

"Right, which means he was probably out fucking that whore a second time!" he growls. I reach over and cup the side of his face that didn't get hit and stroke his cheek with my thumb. He nuzzles into my hand and puts his own hand over mine and kisses the palm of my hand. Tears start to roll down his face again. He looks so sad and small sitting there all busted up with tears running down over that sweet baby face because his boyfriend decided that it sounded like a good night to beat him instead of just confronting him about what happened in the club.

When Steven walks back in with the ice I go back to my room to grab some smack and my works including clean needles for all of us because God only knows what diseases Steven has from all the chicks he fucks so I'm not sharing with him. Slash and I have shared and I know we shouldn't but I know neither of us has anything catching. I come back in the room and cook up three doses but make Slash's a good bit heftier. Once Steven's high he decides to go back to his room so he watch porn while he's buzzed; whatever man! I tie Slash's arm off and when I move my hand under his lower arm to unfold it to get a vein he we winces a little. I look down and see an ugly purple bruise that went all the way around his arm, midway between his wrist and his elbow. I remember hearing him say "Duff let go of me!" and I pull the other arm over to where I can see it. It too has a wrap-around bruise. "Is that where he grabbed you? I ask.

"Yeah," he sighs as I feel for a vein, his hand clenching in a tight fist to make his veins stand out more. "When I got back here I asked what was going on and he grabbed me and was yelling in my face about kissing you the night before and I said I didn't remember shit and he got really angry, ohhhh," he groans as the smack hits his system,"Sooo," he slurs and I smile at how he sounds, "he got this crazy look on his face and squeezed my arms really hard and told me he was tired of shit going on between me and you and he was hurting me so I told him to let go of me so he threw me into the wall and punched me and then you saw the rest."

"Yeah I did. Mmm," I too moan as the drugs hit my system. "I want to beat the shit out of that fucker!"

Slash just looks up at me and the tears start to flow "Why did he hit me Izzy?" he chokes out. "He's only ever hit me that one time, when you and I slept together! Is he going to start hitting me all the time now or just when he thinks I've fooled around with you?"

"I don't know Pretty Baby; I think he was coked out too, actually I know he was, his eyes were fucking huge," I sigh and wipe the tears off of his cheeks. He starts to sob and I pick up his hands. "I'd hold you but it would probably hurt." This gets me a small smile. I lean down and softly kiss the un-busted side of his mouth. "I love you," I whisper.

"I know, I love you too," he tells me.

"I know," I respond. "It's just never going to happen," I think to myself. It wasn't the way I loved Axl and I knew it wasn't the way he loved Duff but it was something we could offer each other in the way of comfort. He nods out and I sit there and sadly watch him for a moment; sad that we'd never really have anything together, sad that if my Fireball or Duff ever found out there were any feelings other than friendship between us, sad that two more bits of innocence and trust inside of Slash had been lost this week and because of Duff which he couldn't believe, for what they'd lost between us because of me and because of Duff, and my heart throbs for the fact that Fireball is probably done with me for a long time. But what did he expect when I knew he had feelings for Erin and he kept fucking her? That it didn't hurt me?"

I hear them coming back across the hall and stand up and meet them at the door. Duff looks mournful and ashamed. "How is he?" he asks quietly before he enters the room.

"Sad, in a lot of pain, scared," I answer. "He nodded out a few minutes ago."

Duff slumps down into himself even more. "Do you think he'll let me apologize and come back into our room to sleep?" he asks.

"Probably not tonight," I respond. "He probably won't go sleep in his own room alone either. My guess is he's going to Steven's room or staying here. He's too scared right now to sleep alone. Not scared anything else will happen tonight, just too riled and afraid like the night after that truck driver went after him. But really probably more because it's you."

"I hurt him really bad too didn't I?" he almost whispers.

"Yeah Duff, you did," I answer. His whole stomach is fucking black and purple and you broke his bottom rib in the middle. His lips busted and his lower arms are all purple and black too."

Tears start to trickle down Duff's face. "I'm gonna see if he'll talk to me. He'd be in your room though wouldn't he if I had left the building?" I just look down at the floor. "I figured, your the one he always runs to. His voice isn't angry though, just sad.

"No, not always, it's usually you. He only comes to me if you're the one that's hurt him," I tell him uneasily.

He sighs and takes a deep breath and walks over to where Slash is asleep on the bed. "Hey, Baby Boy, wake up," he says quietly. Axl and I move away but I can see through the crack where the door is open.

Slash startles awake, sees Duff and tries to sit up and move across the bed but I guess it still hurts even through the smack because he ends up just moving over on his elbows and pushing himself with his feet. How the fuck is he going to play tomorrow night? "What?" he asks, the tone in his voice is both sad and afraid. Is he really scared of Duff? I'm guessing just because Duff had only hit him once in the two years they were together and he knew it was coming. This just came out of nowhere fast and was pretty violent.

"Can we talk?" Duff asks him.

"No! I don't want to talk to you, not tonight anyway!" Slash spits out. I've never heard or known of him being that pissed off at Duff either and the crushed look on Duff's face tells me that he never has been.

"It's ok, I probably wouldn't want to talk to me either. I'm sorry Slash, I don't know..I guess it was the coke and the booze but it doesn't really matter I should never have hit you! I'm so sorry Baby!" Duff's sobbing now with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

Slash doesn't answer him for a long time. He's crying too, just silently. Finally he says "Just go Duff, I can't do this right now. I'm sleeping here. Duff nods and stands up. Slash manages to move onto his side and turns his back on him and Duff lets out a choked sob but he walks away from the bed trying to wipe the tears off of his face but more just keep coming.

"Thanks for cleaning him up and sitting with him or whatever went on," he says as he went past me. He looked up at me with a mixture of sincerity and angry sarcasm and sadness.

"Yeah, sure," I answer and look at the floor. Duff walks into his room and the door closes. I look back through the door and I can see Slash's shoulders rising and falling and hear his quiet sobs.

Axl moves us out into the hallway. "You want to go in there and fix it don't you, admit it. You want to go hold him and talk to him, and pet him, until he's asleep again don't you?" I don't say anything and I can't look at him because the answer is yes. I like being the one who comforts him when he's hurting. I like making him go to sleep or feel better. "That's what I thought. You're the one who caused all of this Izzy. You're the one who kissed him; not the other way around. I can't do this shit anymore." He turns around and opens the door to his room and locks it behind him. My arms ache for him. I want to pull him into me and tell him I'm sorry and kiss his face and feel him settle into my neck and shoulder so can rub his hair and know that he forgives me. My arms ache for Slash. I want to sit and cradle him against my chest and let him cry it out and stroke his hair and whisper to him about how he'll be fine. I want to dry his tears and wipe them off of his face. I wanted to feel those soft lips touching mine until he relaxed in my arms and rubbed his face into my chest and went to sleep. But I wasn't going to get to do either and it was my own fucking fault. I can't be here anymore. I go back into my room and grab my wallet and keys and jacket and a shitload of smack and hit the elevator. I don't know where I'm going but I'll know when I get there.