Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Through The Eyes Of...

Hairballs Do Think.

by MaryJaneSixx 0 reviews

Steven gives us a good summation

Category: Guns n' Roses - Rating: R - Genres: Romance - Warnings: [V] [X] [R] - Published: 2017-06-29 - 4807 words


The air is so thick with tension around here that it’s starting to weigh me down too. I stay so fucking blasted just so I don’t have to listen to the bitching, crying, and fighting. Man…the guys…my friends…my brothers, they’re really fucking things up. If they continue like this the band is gonna end up breaking up. I didn’t want that. I was really fucking happy where we were. Well as happy as one can be in a fucking gay parallel universe. Sometimes it get pretty unbearable around here. But then, sometimes it feels like we are all united and care. Perhaps they all care a little too much, especially about one another.

Slash is fucking up so bad by leaving fucking Duff for Izzy. Izzy’s no more in love with Slash than I am. He has a crush on him maybe, but really, I think he’s just looking for something. Something he lost, something he misses, something he loves far more, and something he’s trying so hard to forget. Axl. I know Izzy is fucking weird and borderline fucking insane and might even come off a bit heartless. It’s just a wall. Both Izzy and Axl had these massive walls around them. Half the time it was as a result of the other that anther brick gets added. Those two are so connected to one another that they feel each other’s pain. There’s this definite telepathy between them. And they really do love each other. It’s fucking twisted, they way they work, the way they treat one another, but under it all they’ll always be in love.

To understand them would take someone with far more knowledge than me, but I think I might understand them to some degree. Axl was a good student, a good brother, a good son. A preachers kid who taught fucking Sunday school if you can believe that. But behind that image of the perfect Christian family and the perfect son lie some twisted ass shit. Abuse. Abuse on every level, mental, physical, and sexual. Axl was always trying to look out for his sister and brother, as a result it ended in a lot of beatings for him. A lot of taking one for the team if you will. And he took it.

Outside of town on a country road lived Izzy with his mom and two brothers. His life forced him to grow up fast. His parents divorced when he was 8. His brother Joe was 6 and Kevin wasn’t even born yet. Izzy’s mom was a depressed person and emotionally detached, I can’t imagine where Izzy gets it from. She worked for the phone company, but they had no money. Izzy grew up very poor. He had to take on so much responsibility because he was being raised by a poor single mother. Back them there wasn’t a whole lot of government aid, but what there was, they had to take to get by. Even though he wasn’t even a teenager yet he was the man of the house. He had to cook, clean, and babysit a younger brother. Izzy was a man before he even was.

They officially met the first day of high school. Izzy was at his locker and a flash of red hair zoomed past him being chased by teachers. Talk about first impressions. Can you guess the only fucking thing they had in common? Yep, music. Izzy was a drumming, long haired, pot smoking band geek and Axl was in the Choir at church. Plus he and his sibblings had this church band thing called the Bailey Trio. Axl sang and played piano. They met at a rebellious age. That age where you start to come into your own. When you’re personality is starting to develop. At that age when you wanna tell your parents to fuck off. That age when hormones are fucking raging.

At first it was just the music that gave them a reason to even acknowledge each other in the hall at school. But Izzy is such an observant person, apparently even as a kid. Izzy noticed something odd in Axl, something withdrawn, something that caused him to lash out and go nuts sometimes. And Axl didn’t have a lot of friends. His family complicated things like that. Al’s stepdad pretty much thought everything was evil, of the devil, or a sin. How very hypocritical of him don’t you think considering what he did behind closed doors to his family. Izzy realized that Al was always in long sleeves, even on warm days. Something in Izzy made him reach out to Axl, and that’s just not something Izzy does. He didn’t go looking for people to be friends with, they always came to him. Izzy is a very magnetic character when you first meet him. Mysterious if you will.

He knew Axl could sing. He and a few friends had a garage band and he coaxed Axl to come sing. Back then Axl was a shy introverted kid with a ticking time bomb just under his surface. He was just plain weird, that’s why not many people associated with him at all. Axl finally sang one song for Izzy. He stormed off and then Izzy didn’t see him for three days. Axl is very unsure of himself and his god given talent. He’s on the verge of puking every time we’re about to go onstage. And well, if everything isn’t perfect in Axl’s eyes he does shit like that. It's like, when he's nervous and just freaks out and runs, then he feels bad about it, not that he admits it or talks about it to anyone except Izzy. He trusted Izzy.

And why shouldn't he? Izzy was always there for him. When Axl would get a beating at home he would run away. He usually only had one place he went, to Izzy. He would always sit there in the quiet with Izzy. They could just enjoy comfortable silences. Axl had never been attracted to anyone before, curious about sex like any teen, but he had never had a crush or anything, not until Izzy. But Izzy wasn't a virgin, he had had his share of chicks. He didn't think about guys, not until Axl. It didn't take long for their friendship to transpire into more. They were best friends first, then lovers.

Their senior year Axl dropped out and started getting in shit with the law. Izzy continued with school being the ever stoned slacker he was. But they still saw one another almost daily. They made love on a huge cornfield near Izzy's place, looking up at the stars and dreaming of something better. Izzy wanted to play in bands. He always knew that. Axl had no direction. And they always knew they couldn't do it without one another. And Izzy promised to always take care of Axl. And Axl believed he would.

But out in LA pot turned into heroin. Then Axl quit getting high and Izzy didn't. that's when it all started changing for them. Axl tried so hard to get Izzy clean. He tried his famous rants. He tried flushing shit, hiding it, rationing it, but to a junkie nothing could be worse than the thought of not having your shit. So their former perfect happy existence turned more physical. First Izzy hit Axl. Then Axl just started doing it right back. And most of it was because of Izzy's habbit.

After Izzy's girlfriend overdosed they were homeless. Izzy started dealing to support them and keep his habbit. They used girls to get by for many years. They had no other choice. It was not much of a deal to Axl, but for Izzy it hurt. He felt cheated on. But he kept it to himself, like he does most shit. He too knew they had to do whatever it took. Lying, stealing, cheating, fucking chicks, dealing drive, he did it all, but it didn't make for a happy izzy. So his drug use continued because junkies can't deal with being unhappy.

Then they started trying really hard on their music. They formed Hollywood Rose. I never have understood why Axl always gets his name in all his band names. Izzy was just as much in charge as Axl. In fact, in the beginning, izzy dealt with more business ends than Axl. Ultimately it was usually izzy who decided things. Guess Axl was still developing his dictator rule we would later see. But Axl was with Izzy on that first business meeting gone horribly wrong.

They were trying to book their first club gig. The owner wanted cash from them upfront, a deposit if you will. Of course they didn't have it. So the guy offers them an alternative, I'm sure you can guess what it was, blow jobs. They looked at one another having one of there telepathic conversations. Axl didn't want to do it. Izzy knew they had to. So he volunteered. But the guy said both of them at the same time sucking him or no dice, and he wanted to cum on their faces. Izzy have Axl a nod and Axl knew they had no choice either. So they did it. Thank God but didn't take long because the guy was all salty tasting. They wiped his cum off their faces, signed papers and left.

They walked home in silence not knowing what to say to each other. The second they got home izzy wrapped his arms around Axl and asked him with tears in his eyes if he was OK. Axl just curled into izzy sobbing. Izzy tried explaining how they had no choice. Axl said he understood, it was just fucked up. It dredged up his past he was trying so hard to forget and run from. Izzy figured since Axl didn't storm from the guys office that he wanted this just as much as he did. They both agreed right there, they would not give up. Theyvwould do this by any means necessary.

And that's just what they did. Professions of love to girls they could care less about to make rent and anything else that they needed. Sucking and fucking. Being beat and raped. Living as nomadsvdrom one chicks bed to another. They knew they had to, but it didn't stop the damages it did to them. They hated seeing the other with anyone else. They always sabotaged the others false relationships with their fake girls. It was hard for them to ever have moments alone together to make love. Their dream of making it and their understanding of by any means necessary was what they had to get through it. That and their very deep love of one another. But it didn't stop the pain. And when people are in pain they fight. They get vindictive, and believe me, these two are vindictive.

The things they had to do were awful. A lot of the time they would freak out and run away, or Izzy would pull his gun. But that didn't always work. Somebody the pervs expected that. Theyvwould do things like drug their drinks or beat them or overpower them and take them savagely. And all Axl and Izzy could do was watch it happening to the person they loved. In a situation like that you have to detach yourself from it. That just teaches you to detach from everything. And that's what happened with them. They became empty shells that just functioned. They loved each other so much, but it started getting harder and harder for them to show each other that. Izzy's dealing and using sacred Axl so much. He didn't want to see him end up like Desi. The feeling of losing Izzy consumed Axl. And Izzy was consumed with the thought that the things they did made Axl not love him anymore. Just in bad times, because so many of their emotions just went numb to cope. They found to one another the best they could.

Then enter all us guys. I saw the spark between Slash and Izzy, the same as Axl. It took Duff a while to catch on. I guess I get it. Izzy could protect him like he couldn't Axl. He saw so much in Slash of a relationship he missed so much with Axl. The innocence they once had. The tenderness, cuddling, affection. And Slash put Izzy on a pillar higher than all of us. Even Duff. Then Axl finally called it quits. He had before, but this time I think he was serious. Izzy was so dead on the inside now. Only Slash brought out the good in him these days. Izzy just wants to cling to what he and Axl had so bad. Slash was the portal to his happy place in time. But it wasn't at all about loveing Slash. It was about projecting Axl through Slash. It was a delusional fantasy. I think maybe it is for Slash too.

Everybody is hurting. And their drug fueled Vengeance's are just making every worse. Not Axlnand Duff had fucked. naturally Izzy and Slash would go to one another after that. But there's just no fucking way its going to work. They still loved Duff and Axl, theyre just hurting. I guess Axl and Duff were too. It explains them fucking. The ones they loved were, why the fuck not?

You might be wondering how I could could know so many intimate details about Axl and Izzy's past. Well it turns out Axl keeps journals. He wrote everything down. I stumbled across them and started reading them. It took months of sneaking to finally read them all. And now time to time I still do, you know, to stay caught up. its not like they talk to me.

So on to Slash and Duff. Growing up with Slash I always lived in his shadow. He was great at everything he's ever done; he would learn almost anything there was to know about things he was interested in like snakes, I mean just memorize facts and be able to spit them out verbatim. Then he started riding BMX competitively and he was amazing with that and then he picked up a guitar and the rest is history.

He was always good at getting chicks too; he'd smile and they'd drop like flies. He was the first kid in our group of friends to lose his virginity and he was only 13 at the time! I couldn't believe it; I couldn't get a girl to even look at me at that age, I was all big teeth and awkwardness. Of course I knew what he was packing in his pants and that we were both still growing so I knew it would only get bigger but I honestly never expected it to be quite as big as it is or that he would be using it on another dude! Just the thought of something that big being shoved into my ass makes me shudder and believe me when I say I've had plenty of things shoved into my ass.

While Slash was busy fucking his girlfriend at 13 I started being interested in the nightclubs along the strip. I was underage though and fake ID or no there was no way a bouncer would believe I was 18. So I offered to do some odd jobs for some of the club owners in exchange for them letting me in the back doors at night so I could watch bands I liked play. That’s how I first saw Motley Crue, well, I saw London first and then later I saw Motley.

At first I just cleaned up in the mornings, swept floors and stocked beers but one day one of the club owners offered me a beer that was drugged even though I didn't know it. About twenty minutes later I found myself face down and ass up in the manager’s office with a dry cock shoved in my asshole. It was only the first of many times unfortunately; word spread among the club owners that I was willing to bend over for admission to shows and from then on I didn't sweep floors or stock beer coolers I bent over and got a dick up my ass. They saw me walking around the strip with Slash a lot and offered to not only let us into shows but pay us to let them fuck us; everyone has always thought Slash was a hot little piece of ass. But Slash wasn't interested; in fact the idea scared him to death and he started avoiding even walking down Sunset if he didn’t have to and never, ever, down the allies.

But even as kids though I could tell that there was a part of Slash that was interested in guys; I'd catch him checking dudes out from time to time and I teased him about it once and he turned bright red and that’s when I knew that I was right. He liked men and women but he seemed afraid to do anything about it for whatever reason. When he met Duff though it was different, it was like something inside him came alive. There was so much sexual tension between them when we were playing together in Road Crew and then when they met up again that night in The Cat House I guess one of them finally made a move; I think they might have fucked right then and there if they could have but they settled for blow jobs or jerking each other off in the bathroom instead.

Then after that trucker attacked Slash on the way to Seattle I could see them starting to fall for one another; what happened to Slash seemed to genuinely scare him and Duff and Duff didn’t let Slash out of his sight for the rest of the trip. The night they slept together for the first time was also on that trip and everyone could tell that not only had they finally had sex but that they had fallen head over heels for each other. It was cute, (but weird for me who had only seen him with girls) they were so cuddly and sweet to each other the morning after those hippy chicks dropped us off at the Motor Inn. I heard Izzy say something to Axl about how it looked like Curly Sue wasn’t a virgin anymore and Axl looked over at Slash and Duff who were snuggled up and kissing on a bench while we were waiting for Duff’s friend to get there and pick us up and Axl just chuckled and agreed with Izzy. I don’t think Slash and Duff took their hands off of each other for the rest of the trip unless it was to play guitar.

It was the first and only time I'd ever known Slash to fall in love and when he fell he fell hard. He’d always been wishy washy about relationships in the past; he wouldn’t commit, he’d cheat on the girls he was dating, he said he just hadn’t found the right person yet but then Duff came along and bam! He was a different person overnight! He adored Duff; and Duff worshiped the ground Slash walked on. When they moved in together we didn’t see them for a week because they stayed in bed the whole fucking time!

But then everything went to shit all at once; Duff got raped, Slash and Axl had to go into hiding because there was a warrant out for their arrest, Axl convinced Slash to sleep with him to help get a record deal, then Slash got pimped out and Duff was there to take it right along with him. It was really, really, hard on the two of them but they got each other through it. The fact that Duff voluntarily gave himself up to those perverts from Virgin so that Slash didn’t have to be alone with them blew Slash away. He realized that not only did he love Duff in a way that he’d never loved anyone before but Duff felt the same way about him. He told me that he’d never been so happy and so sad at the same time. He was elated that Duff loved him every bit as much as he loved Duff but he was devastated that Duff had given up his body so soon after he was attacked just so that he didn’t have to go through essentially getting raped by himself.

I never thought that anything could break their bond after that but then Nikki made that tape of Slash and Duff fucking and Duff married Mandy and fucking shattered Slash’s heart. Slash understood that Duff was doing what he thought he needed to for the band but that didn’t make it hurt any less for him. So he got high and fucked Izzy; I’d already seen the two of them making out one other time when Slash was upset so I couldn’t say that I was entirely surprised at what went down.

There had been sparks between Slash and Izzy from the beginning but they had both ignored them until they both felt betrayed and abandoned by their partners. Even though it was wrong I got it though; other than their boyfriends they were each other’s best friends and they knew almost everything about each other’s relationships so they each knew how lost and sad the other one was and I guess they just said fuck it and gave in to the feelings they’d been trying to fight since they met. What I do know is that if Duff hadn’t married Mandy Slash would never, ever, have slept with Izzy. He might have kissed him every now and then when Duff had done something that hurt his feelings but he never would have cheated on him if Duff had just said no to Nikki’s demands.

It took the two of them a long fucking time to get over what happened between them but they did seem to get over it and Duff became way more assertive and protective of Slash which is what Slash wanted. Slash hadn’t felt safe since that fucker from Virgin ripped him open and then that Zutaut guy who pinned him up against Izzy’s door and grabbed his junk a few weeks later just pushed him over the edge in terms of being able to deal with unwanted sexual attention. He’d never been raped before; he’d never been shoved up against a door and groped and Duff was his boyfriend and Slash more or less wanted his boyfriend to keep him safe and he tried to do the same for Duff but they both ended up failing miserably.

I thought they would be ok though because they’d been closer than ever since Izzy was attacked, especially once Izzy started acting like such a drunk asshole but then Duff fucked Mandy on the Sweet Child set and Slash saw it and everything went to hell from there. I still can’t believe Duff decked him the way he did! I really didn’t get that; he’d sat and held Izzy while Izzy cried after Axl beat him up on more than one occasion, he knew what that did to a person so why in the hell would he do the same thing to Slash? Slash had never raised a hand to Duff, he didn’t even hit back when Duff hit him after he found out about Slash sleeping with Izzy. I understood that Duff was angry because he thought that Slash had knowingly made out with Izzy in a club we went to the night before but he didn’t need to punch him, he didn’t need to leave bruises around his wrists from grabbing him so hard and he sure as hell didn’t need to break his rib!

I lost so much respect for Duff that night and I have even less now that I know he fucked Axl just a few hours later on top of it! If Slash meant so much to him he would never have hit him after seeing how much it hurt Izzy emotionally when Axl beat him. He also knew how much it hurt to be cheated on and he knowingly cheated on Slash twice in three days! Now he wants to cry about Slash running to Izzy? What did he think he was going to do just say “Oh baby it’s ok, you didn’t hurt my feelings or scare me and I’m not in any pain from where your giant boots broke my bones?” I don’t think so!

I know Duff is hurting but he’s the one who fucked that cunt Mandy after he promised he wouldn’t because he loved Slash too much, he’s the one who beat the crap out of the person he supposedly loved and he’s the one who got caught with his dick in another man’s ass this morning. No, I’m sorry, I do not feel sorry for him. Izzy might not love Slash like he wants to believe he does but Izzy is always good to Slash and Slash is always good to Izzy. I’m not really sure that they’re going to hook up but at the very least they’ll take care of each other and help get the other through their feelings about what went down over the past few days.

I know that both Slash and Izzy are still in love with Duff and Axl but I don’t think that matters very much at the moment. At this moment they’re both devastated by the fact that their respective partners slept together and on top of that Slash is fucking terrified after what happened with Duff, not just the physical beating but the emotional devastation that started with Mandy and ended with Axl has him throwing up walls left and right to keep himself safe and keep Duff out. Izzy’s one of those walls. Izzy makes Slash feel safe the way he wishes Duff did and Duff just sent him running straight into Izzy’s arms! Slash makes Izzy feel the same way and more than that he makes Izzy feel needed and wanted; Axl doesn’t make him feel either of those things. How wanted would anyone feel if their fiancée brought their rapist’s girlfriend into their bed? Who would feel wanted after they’d been called a junkie piece of shit hundreds of times and had that point beaten into them over and over? Nobody would! So forgive me if I’m not bleeding for Duff and Axl right now. Everything that’s happened is bad but those two just made everything so much worse.

Izzy hasn’t been right since Tommy and Nikki almost killed him and I can’t say that I ever expect him to be ok again. Izzy needed Axl’s unwavering, unfaltering, love and support and he needed to feel loved and wanted more than anything. But he only halfway got that because he also got Erin flaunted in front of him and if you ask me that’s just cruel. Duff more or less told Izzy that he thought he was batshit and some sort of monster who would hurt Slash instead of saying “Hey man, I know you’re going through a hard time and you’re acting out, what can I do to help you?” Poor Izzy’s falling down into a fucking abyss and Slash is the only one holding out a hand. Just like Duff sent Slash running for Izzy Axl sent Izzy running straight for Slash. Slash gives Izzy some kind of purpose, he can protect Slash where he couldn’t protect Axl when they were younger and he can protect him from what he couldn’t protect himself from: Tommy and Nikki.

Izzy needs a purpose right now and Slash gives him one. It doesn’t hurt that Slash and Izzy are both good looking and half in love with each other; that’s just icing on the cake for them both. I honestly have no idea what’s going to happen but I do know is that the perfect shit storm has just been unleashed on this band and we made it ourselves.
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