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I wanted t To kill someone or burst into tears or maybe both. I couldn't believe what the Crue had done to my guitars! Those motherfuckers knew that to musicians our instruments are like our babies; they're sacred and untouchable. There's an unspoken code among musicians to never damage another person's instrument or play it without asking and Nikki and most likely Tommy and Vince had just broken it. I don't see Mick participating in this kind of evil prank; it wasn't even a prank really it was just a way to torture me without laying a hand on me. My own hands shook as I covered words and drawings that were scrawled on my beautiful black Gibson. I cringed as I stuck duct tape on the shiny surface. It was all I could do to hold back tears of frustration and sadness over my ruined guitars.

Slash saw how much I was shaking and squatted down in front of me. "Here Izzy, let me help you," he said quietly and reached for the roll of tape. I handed it over and he ripped off a strip and taped it over the word "fag." He tilted his head up and gave the others a look that clearly said "get lost" and they all shuffled towards the stage and left us alone so that they weren't standing there staring at me trying not to cry over my ruined instruments. As soon as they were gone Slash put the tape down and moved the guitar to the side and pulled me into his arms. I buried my head in his shoulder and quietly sobbed.

"I hate those fuckers! Why can't they just leave me alone?" I asked. "It's bad enough that we have to be on tour with them; why do they have to make it worse? I'm so scared Slash, I keep waiting for Tommy or Nikki to come around a corner and grab me! Why would Alan make us go out on the road with people who almost killed me? The bastards that raped me? I'm so afraid and fucking ashamed and angry all the time now that they're around! I'm afraid that the first time I lay eyes on Tommy I'm going to have a fucking nervous breakdown! All I can think about every minute of every day is what they did to me! I can't forget how bad it hurt; it's like I can still feel it every time I have to be anywhere near one of them! What the fuck am I going to do? How am I going to get through this fucking tour?" Slash squeezed me tightly to his body and I started bawling, deep sobs wracking my body.

"I'm sorry baby," Slash almost whispered and gripped me even harder. "I'm so sorry Izzy; I love you and I wish I could make it all go away. I wish there was some way to make you forget it all. I'll never forget how scared I was when we found you and I saw what they'd done to you; I thought you were dead! I know it's got to be a million times worse for you and I'd like to take your gun and put a bullet through their brains! I'd like to rip them apart with my bare hands! I'd like to take a dildo and ram it up Nikki's ass the way Axl did to Tommy and make him feel everything you felt and then some! I'm sorry we couldn't get out of the contract baby, I'm sorry you have to go through having them around day after day; I know you're scared, I would be too. I think we're all a little scared because I'm sure they're not going to let go of what Axl did to them as revenge."

I didn't say anything I just cried harder. Slash stroked my hair and told me that he loved me and that he'd do everything he could to keep me safe and a dozen other sweet things to try and soothe me. I clung to him desperately as he was my rock in a swirling sea of emotion. I had always been the one caring for him, trying to wipe his pain away but now the tables were turned and he didn't hesitate, not even for a second; he just grabbed on to me and did his best to keep me afloat and I loved him for it. He didn't back away or run when shit got heavy for me and I was so grateful. Everything was so fucked up right now; our band was falling apart, we were touring with Satan and his band of demons who wouldn't stop looking for ways to torture me. They'd literally almost killed me and now they're back for more and I don't know how much more I can take; I wish I could just sit here and let him hold me until this tour was over. It's nice to have someone calm that I can hold onto during the shit storm that is our lives; I don't think I've ever had that before; all I've ever known was a self perpetuated tornado that could lift me up into the clouds or mow me over and destroy me depending on the day.

Eventually I stop sobbing so hard and just cry silently into Slash's shoulder; he never lets go and he never stops trying to soothe me, he just keeps stroking my hair and talking to me quietly. I finally pull it together enough to breathe normally and speak. "I love you Pretty Baby," I tell Slash.

"I love you too Izz," he replies and gives me a soft kiss on the forehead.

I want more than that though; we've spent months making out to calm each other down and I crave his kisses when I'm upset. I crave the comfort I get from him and the sweet feelings behind each kiss. I love him; I know the way we ended up together is fucked up but I really do love him and I don't know what I'd do right now without his steady, affectionate, presence. Honestly I like the way he treats me like a fragile piece of glass; he's always gentle and sweet to me like he knows I'm breakable and he doesn't want to do anything to cause more damage.

I love how he never yells at me or call me names; if he's annoyed he just tells me why and we work it out. There's no screaming, no hitting, no running away and no one trying to tell me what to do or what a piece of worthless shit I am for being a junkie; he just lets me be me and loves me anyway. He doesn't demand that I change into something or someone that I'm not just to satisfy himself, he doesn't try to bully me into doing things or belittle me, he loves me and accepts me the way that I am. I was starting to feel hopeless and worthless before I had him but little by little he's making all of those feelings fade away.

He brings out something good in me and I'm not such a prickly, drunk, asshole at the moment; I'm not drinking so much and the days and nights aren't just one big blur anymore. I don't want my time with him to be a hazy, clouded, memory the next day; I want to remember being with him everyday. I don't want to numb myself so much; I want to feel because for the first time in I don't know how long I'm happy for more than a week at a time before there's an explosion and everything goes to shit. His love is calm and steady and so sweet; he gives me the stability that I've needed for a long time. I've also wanted him for so long that I can hardly believe that he's actually mine; I'm afraid I'll wake up one day and it will have all been a dream. He doesn't make me so angry that I want to punch his lights out; he makes me want to smile. He doesn't make me feel like I'm less than nothing; he makes me feel like I'm worth something. He doesn't make me want to crawl into a dark hole and cry because I have to share him with someone else; he gives all of his love to me and only me and I love him so much in return. He's good for me and he makes me happy and I love him and that's all that matters to me.

I sit up and gently pull him into a kiss and his hand comes up to stroke my face and I nuzzle into it and let myself enjoy the affection. He slides his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him and I move to sit between his legs with my own legs draped over his. The kiss grows and deepens and some of the tension and sadness and fear fades away and I sigh in contentment. He smiles when he hears me and holds me tighter. I wish we had more time; I've always loved kissing him and those few times that we made out before we were together always made me happy and it always left me wanting more of him.

I always loved it when we would get an hour alone to spend with each other; those stolen moments and sweet kisses helped made things more bearable. I'd loved him then but kept it to myself; he'd been happy with Duff and I wouldn't do anything that would make him unhappy or hurt him on purpose. I still can't believe Duff fucked Mandy, beat Slash for possibly cheating on him, and then fucked Axl; I really thought Duff loved him but I guess it wasn't enough to keep himself under control and work through shit.

I felt guilty about kissing him that club and causing the fight between him and Duff, especially since Slash didn't even know who he was kissing. But he said it wasn't my fault; Duff made his own choices before he saw us that night. He'd already fucked Mandy by then so he didn't really have any room to talk about cheating. But whatever, the past doesn't really matter to me; all that matters to me now is the lover in my arms. We only get to make out for a few minutes though; Steven appears and tells us it's time to go onstage. When I pull away I bite Slash's lip, "I want some more of you later; kissing you always makes me hot," I growl, my tears from a few minutes ago forgotten.

"I think that can be arranged," he replies with a smile. "You ok to play now?"

"Yeah I'll be fine, you always make me feel better," I tell him.

His smile gets wider and he whispers "I love you Izzy."

"I love you too my Pretty Baby," I tell him and move to stand up pulling him with me. We grab our guitars and walk out to join the others. The show that night is a good one and I'm in a great mood by the time it's over. That all changes though when I see Tommy and Nikki coming down the hall towards us. My blood suddenly feels like ice and my heart feels like it just jumped up into my mouth and I can't talk, I just freeze. Slash quickly pulls me into a room to the side of the hall before they saw us. I look at him with wide, terrified eyes and he wraps his arms around me and holds on tight.

"It's ok Izzy, they didn't see us and I won't let them hurt you anyway; they'd have to knock me completely out before I let them get anywhere near you. It's ok baby, just breathe so you can calm down. I'm right here with you, I love you and you're safe ok? Don't be scared, I've got you and I won't let go I promise. Don't be scared baby just calm down and breathe, nothing's going to happen to you, they don't even know you're here." Just then those two fuckers pass the doorway and I whimper in fear; Slash hears it but nobody else can, I'm too afraid to make any noise.

"Shh Izzy," Slash whispers and pulls me close to him. I cling to him in fear and shame; I hate being afraid of them and hiding like a little bitch and I hate how just looking at Tommy makes me feel dirty and disgusted and ashamed. My head droops but Slash tips my chin up so that he can see my eyes. "You don't have to be ashamed of anything Izzy, you didn't do anything wrong. They're the ones who did something terrible and I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry it took us a day to find you and that you had to lay there in pain for so long; I wish we'd gotten to you sooner," he says looking down at the ground.

"It's not your fault baby, it's not anybody's fault that you couldn't find me; Nikki had me hidden pretty well and you guys did the best you could," I tell him.

"I still wish you hadn't gone through all that Izzy; nobody deserves what they did to you so please don't ever think it was your fault. I know that look in your eyes but you didn't do anything wrong baby, you didn't do anything to cause them to do what they did so stop thinking it." What I'm thinking is that I pulled a gun on Nikki so he decided to get revenge by making me fee even more emasculated than I made him feel. I stare at the floor in shame but Slash puts his hands on either side of my face and raises my eyes. "Look at me, don't be ashamed to look at me. I love you so much and I would never, ever think less of you for what they did to you. You were so strong Izzy; you made it through everything. I don't know if I would have survived it and I think you're amazing for coming through it all." I just shake my head and look away; I don't feel amazing or brave, all I wanted while it was happening was to die and end the pain. I feel tears well up in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. Slash tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and whispers "It's ok to cry baby."

But I shake my head and refuse; Tommy and Nikki don't get to make me cry anymore today. Slash smiles a little and gently presses his lips to mine. I return the kiss and relief starts to seep into my body. I start to relax into his arms and soon I'm completely absorbed in him and everything else is forgotten. A few minutes later I'm totally into it and I let out a small moan as his tongue sweeps across the roof of my mouth and he hums in satisfaction at my response. He pulls back just far enough to whisper "Do you want to get out of here?"

"Yeah, like right now," I pant, now desperate for things to go further. I wanted him so badly. He kisses me again quickly and then pulls me by the hand out of the little room and to a set of double doors just down the hall. We leave the building and walk towards the back where our limos would be waiting. The others are dealing with the press so we hop in and tell the driver to take us back to the hotel.

We start making out again and I instantly get hard. He's hard too, I can feel him as he rubs against my thigh. I groan out loud and move my hand down to squeeze his crotch. He hisses in response and moves his own hand down and rubs me through my jeans. Just then the limo pulls up the hotel and we practically jump out of it and make for the elevators. As soon as the doors close behind us we're kissing again and I slide my hand down and grab his ass pulling him close and grinding into him. He lets out a small cry in response and I smile into the kiss. When the elevator doors open I shove him backwards and move my hand to the back of his head not letting him escape and I walk him backwards down the hall. Somehow I manage to unlock the door and I jerk his shirt over his head before it even shuts.

Within seconds our clothes are on the floor and he kisses me down into the bed and moves between my legs. He rubs himself against me lightly; teasing me with his touch but I grab his hips and pull him down into a full on grind. He lets out a small sound and then sucks in his breath. "You want top or bottom?" he pants and reaches for the lube sitting on the nightstand.

"Bottom," I answer "I want to feel you inside of me." He gives me a little smirk and sits up to cover his fingers with lube before propping himself up on his elbow above me and running one of his slick fingers over my hole. "No teasing," I growl and he pushes a finger into me. He slides it in and out of me a couple times and then adds a second one. His fingers brush across my spot and I moan out loud. He circles his fingers over it and presses down a little and I let out a desperate sound. He strokes his fingers back and forth over that spot and I fucking keen. He slips a third finger into me and starts to open me up so that I can take him. When his fingers press down on prostate again and he rubs them back and forth over it's too much; I arch my back into his hand and practically yell in satisfaction as my cum sprays across both of our stomachs.

"Fuck it's hot to watch you cum like that Izzy," he growls. He keeps fingering me fast and hard and my dick never goes down even as the spasms subside. He moves his lips down to my throat and kisses and nips at my skin. I gasp as he bites down hard next to my collar bone and I squirm against him rubbing my cock over his. He groans in desire and I smile at the look on his beautiful face.

"Please fuck me now," I beg. "I need you inside me right fucking now!" He quickly pulls his fingers out of me and squirts more lube into his hand. He smears it over his cock and moves it to press against my opening.

He looks down into my eyes making sure I'm not in pain and slowly pushes the head of his cock into me. He smothers a yelp and gives me a few seconds to relax and adjust. "You ok baby?" he pants, his voice thick with want.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I answer. "Just fuck me already! He slowly starts to slide in and out of me pushing a little further into me with every gently push. When he's all the way in I groan in pleasure as he starts to thrust harder and faster; finally pulling almost all the way out before shoving back in.. "Oh fuck you're so big; that feels so fucking good!" I moan. I love how big his cock is and way it feels inside me stretching me out and hitting all the right places inside my body.

"Izzy you're so tight, I'm not going to last very long," he hisses and brings his full, swollen, lips down to meet mine. His tongue plunges into my mouth and I don't fight him dominating the kiss. I moan into his mouth fervently when his thrusts start to get harder, pulling almost all the way out and thrusting back in, grinding his belly into my throbbing cock. "Baby I'm gonna cum soon, touch yourself so you can cum with me," he practically begs.

Pleasure's already shooting though my stomach and my balls are tight against my body. "I don't need to, I'm almost there, just a little more, do it harder!" I growl and he practically slams into me. "Yeah, just like that!"

"Izzy I can't hold on much longer, cum for me baby," he voice rising in pitch as his thrusts get faster. All I can do is let out a few high pitched noises of my own as the pleasure inside of me swells and I let go, ropes of cum exploding onto my chest and Slash yells my name, his hips stuttering out of control as his own orgasm rips through him. He growls and moans through his climax and I dig my nails into his back and pant loudly and cry out several times. We finally come down his moans turn into tiny mewling noises. He leans down and kisses me deeply and runs his thumb over my cheek bone. He finally pulls out of me and reaches for his t-shirt and gently wipes the cum off of my body before cleaning himself as well."Izzy that was fucking amazing," he practically whimpers.

"It must have been, you can hardly speak!" I respond and laugh softly. "It was pretty fucking amazing down here too, I wanted you so bad," I tell him and pull him down beside me and I quickly move into his arms and nuzzle into his neck. "I love you Pretty Baby," I whisper.

"I love you too beautiful," he sighs and holds me tighly around the waist, his other hand running softly up and down my back. We exchange a few more lazy kisses and I smile at how cute and sleepy he is and how he's struggling to keep his eyes open.

"It's ok to sleep baby," I tell him softly.The only response I get is a quiet "Mmm" as he drifts off. I snuggle down into his shoulder and get comfortable. I'm so happy; I love the intimacy I feel when we're together like this, I practically lived for it. He meant so much to me and he'd filled in most of the holes in my heat. There were some things that would never go away; all of the rapes and the unwilling submissions to sleazy record company executives would always be there but he made it hurt alittle less because he made me so happy. I was so in love that it was almost ridiculous and it thrilled me. "I love you Pretty Baby," I whispered just before I fell asleep.

"I love you too Izzy," he mumbles. I turn my head slightly and kiss him soft;y between his chest and side. and let myself drift into a blissful slumber.