Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Through The Eyes Of...

Coming Home

by MaryJaneSixx 0 reviews

Izzy let's Slash go

Category: Guns n' Roses - Rating: R - Genres: Romance - Warnings: [V] [X] [R] - Published: 2017-06-29 - 2540 words

Izzy and I lay on the bed together smacked out and cuddled up together. My head is on his chest and his hands are running through my hair. After the incident with Nikki Izzy had almost had a total breakdown. I had almost had a total breakdown. I couldn’t deal with any more people touching me in any way that I didn’t want. Izzy couldn’t deal with any more shit from Nikki and Tommy. There was only one escape for both of us; a shit load of smack. After the two Motley fuckers were knocked out Izzy had grabbed me and given Duff a death glare over my shoulder that clearly said “He’s mine; get the fuck out!” He thought I didn’t see it but I did and I felt bad. Duff didn’t deserve Izzy being a dick; he had after all just busted in and saved me from whatever evil those Crue fuckers had planned for me. Izzy hadn’t been there; I don’t know where he went and it really doesn’t matter because he thought he’d left me protected by security. It wasn’t his fault that our body guards had apparently disappeared. But it was Duff that burst into the room and knocked Nikki off of me. It was Duff who had first knocked out Tommy and Nikki. It was Duff that sat here and held me for almost 10 minutes and tried to calm me down.

I had woken up with Nikki’s cock shoved down my throat and had bitten him to get him off and yelled at him to get off of me and then Duff was there and Nikki was on the floor and so was Tommy. Then Duff was cupping my face and asking if they hurt me and I felt safe. The shock and fear and revulsion that had been overwhelmed by adrenaline a few minutes before hit me like a freight train and I couldnt even answer him; I just looked up into those hazel eyes that I've never really fallen out of love with and burst into tears. I latched onto his shirt and buried my face in his shoulder and sobbed. Having Nikki's cock in my mouth just reminded me of other dicks that I had to suck that I didn't want to and my ass being torn apart but some fucker who wanted a piece of me and how Duff was right there beside me so that I didn't have to take it alone. I breathed in his smell and my heart lurched. He smelled like safety and comfort and nights spent in the dark being totally and completely happy and in love and so wanted that I never thought anything would change between us. His smell reminded me of hammocks and sunshine and sex on the beach. I breathed in again and remembered how he smelled like this when he held me after that fucking truck driver attacked me; like Juicy Fruit and Old Spice and just..Duff, a smell that was just him. I'd forever associate that smell with being loved and being safe. He smelled like that the next night when he made love to me for the first time; he was so careful with me, so sweet, so everything I wanted; what the fuck happened to us? I missed him; I didn't realize how much until just then but god did I feel it when he held me. That only made me cry harder because I remembered how it ended and the feeling of his fist colliding with my jaw and his boot slamming into my stomach and the fury in his face. I'd never, ever, seen a look on his face like that before; I didn't ever want to see it again. But he hadn’t smelled like himself the night he hit me; that night he’d smelled like booze, vodka more specifically. Well, he always smelled a little like booze, we all did but this was different. That night he smelled angry on top of everything else; angry and desperate. It was like when Izzy had been drunk and acting like an asshole all the time; he didn’t just smell like gin when he was acting like that he fucking reeked of it, like he’d soaked his clothes in it. Duff had smelled like he marinated in vodka that night. Maybe I smelled like that sometimes too, I don’t know but I know that when the other two smelled like that it meant trouble and it meant they were really, really, unhappy. I hated it when either one of them smelled like that; at least I knew Izzy wouldn’t hit me when he was that drunk. He hasn’t been like that though since we’ve been together; maybe I make him happy enough to stay mostly sober?

Izzy made me happy and I loved him but it didn’t mean that I forgot what I’d had with Duff; trust me I didn’t. I know Izzy had been a part of what happened that night but it wasn’t just Duff hitting me it was the shit with Mandy; I didn’t even care about walking in on him and Axl fucking although it had been a shock. It hurt but I kind of understood. It was a little random; Axl and Duff weren’t close like Izzy and I had been before we ended up sleeping together but I get it; it was escapism. They craved touch and comfort and a way to get away from pain just like Izzy and I did. Sometimes I think that all the four of us did was cause each other pain even when we didn’t mean to. Whatever; it was too much of a tangled up mess to think about it most of the time. I just knew that it felt good to have Duff’s arms around me after something horrible happened. I had snuggled further into his shoulder and he stroked my hair and rubbed my back. “It’s ok Baby Boy, you’re safe; they aren’t going to hurt you now” he whisperd in my ear. I winced when I hear him call me that; it hurt. I miss hearing those words, I miss that name coming out of his mouth but I don’t know what to fucking do about it right now. I have Izzy and Izzy really needs me right now and I love him. Izzy hasn’t done anything to hurt me; he always takes care of me and I’m not abandoning him or hurting him; especially right now when we’re on tour with Nikki and Tommy. Why do I always have to be so fucking conflicted about the two of them? I wish it was simple and I only loved one of them but it’s not. I wished it could be as simple as it was two years ago. I wish so much shit hadn’t happened but it has.

Izzy moves and pulls me up to kiss him. His lips feel good on mine and he rolls us over so that he’s leaning over me and I’m flat on my back. I try to push all thoughts of Duff out of my head because they really don’t matter; right now there’s Izzy and his need to take care of somebody else even if I’m the one taking care of him. He needs to feel me just as much as I need to feel him even though he doesn’t want me to think that but in reality we’re anchoring each other; especially right now. His kisses aren’t sexual; neither one of us could keep it up if we tried right now, there’s too much smack flowing through our veins. Both of us are looking for physical closeness from someone who loves us; this is what we do, it’s what we’ve always done, run to each other to find some sort of solace. I love it though and I love him so I let myself melt into his arms and his soft touches and kisses that make my heart flutter.

Our makeout session is cut short though by Doug pounding on the door yelling that it’s time for sound check. Axl never shows and Duff and Izzy sing so that we can at least get our amp settings right. Izzy and I are starting to sober up and both of us are hyped from getting to play our guitars and the anticipation of the show that night. He pulls me aside when we get backstage and kisses me again and this time it’s different. This kiss is charged with sex and tinged with something sad. I walk him backwards into the bathroom and he licks my lips making me laugh before he pulls me flush against him and grinds his hips into me as his tongue plunges into my mouth. I groan into his kiss and he pulls back and says “God I want you.”

“I’m right here,” I answer. His hand is immediately unbuttoning my pants and then he throws me against the bathroom door. He sucks on his fingers and then works them into me; stroking me inside and pulling small moans out of me.

“You ready Pretty Baby?” he asks quietly and I nod and he thrusts into me. He starts lazily rocking into me and I hear him gasp. “Shit you feel good,” he hisses. He pushes me further up against the door so that he’s standing behind me with one arm wrapped around me holding onto my shoulder using it as leverage and the other hand is softly stroking my cock. His lips are on my neck and he feels so good inside me. It’s over in about 10 minutes and when we’re done he turns me around and kisses me softly. “I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you too,” I answer and I mean it, I do love him but I can’t get Duff out of my head. Somehow I think we both know that this is the last time that things will be like this because neither one of us really wants to let go but eventually we have to but something’s changed and both of us know it and it’s not just about me; it’s Izzy too.

Shit hits the fan when we get back to the hotel though and it gets closer to showtime and Axl’s nowhere to be found. Neither is Nikki apparently because Doc is running around looking for his ass everywhere; both he and Doug are starting to panic. Finally the show gets cancelled and both managers are on the phone dealing with promoters. “Slash, Nikki’s got him, he’s got Axl I know it!” he says and runs his hands through his hair which shows how nervous he is. He starts pacing up and down the hall and he’s chain smoking. His hands are shaking and everyone can tell he’s losing it; trying to figure out what to do and where Nikki would take Axl because they aren’t here; the hotel staff said that both of them had left earlier in the day, seperately and that neither one of them had come back. I know Izzy’s right, Nikki’s got him, probably trying to drive Izzy absolutely up the wall. I don’t understand what Nikki’s deal is with hurting Izz but he’s definitely trying to get to him. “I don’t have the bullets to my gun; I gave them to Axl this morning!” he practically shrieks.

I don’t ask why I know why. Izzy’s been a fucking wreck since we got here and he’s afraid he’ll lose it and shoot Nikki or Tommy or both. Axl’s not one to back down in the face of Izzy’s desperation and he’ll keep those bullets away from him at all costs. “Izzy what are you going to do? Nobody knows where he is!”

“I’m going to go find him that’s what I’m going to do!” Izzy yells.

“Fine, I’ll go with you, come on,” I tell him and reach out for him.

“No, I’m going alone, I have to do it alone. I need to know you’re safe, please! You’re staying here,” he says.

“Izzy,” I begin but he stops me.

He walks over and bangs on Duff’s door. “Don’t argue with me,” he says sternly and I know that there’s no point. I also know that something happened this morning involving Axl that was more than just Izzy giving him the bullets to his gun; I don’t know exactly what but something and that for the moment Izzy needs to be saving Axl and not me That’s why he’s leaving me with Duff. He knows I’ll be safe and that I’ll be cared for with Duff; more than cared for. Izzy saw that this morning when Duff was holding me which was why he’d given him such a death glare instead of just ignoring what happened like he normally would.

Duff answers,dripping wet wearing only a towel. “What?” he asks sounding pissed off.

“I need you to stay with Slash, make sure nobody comes after him. I’m going after Axl. Nikki has him and if he’s trying to get to me he’ll go after both of them. Keep him in your room; they’ll try and get to him in ours, they probably have the fucking key. Please,” he pleads.

“Ok, I’ve got him,you know I won’t let anybody hurt him,” Duff replies quietly. Izzy doesn’t say anything, he just nods and then looks at me. There are tears in his eyes and my own eyes are burning.

“It’s ok, go get him,” I tell him. He grabs me and hugs me hard and I hug him back. Then he practically flies down the hallway to the stairwell, too freaked out to wait on the elevator.

Duff looks over at me and I know we have the same look on our faces; sad, confused, worried, both of us wanting to be near the other one but not sure what to do and I’m trying not to cry because I know that when Izzy comes back with Axl he’ll be WITH Axl but it’s ok because it’s what he needs. He reaches out and takes my hands in his. “Come on Baby Boy,” he says softly and I follow him into his room. The door closes and then Duff’s arms are around me practically picking me up off the ground and his lips are on mine and I don’t fight it, I don’t back away, I kiss him back and let myself relax and he holds me tighter. I feel like I’ve finally come home.
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