Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Through The Eyes Of...
Erin
Axl didn't show up for the show tonight. No one had seen him. I had nowhere to go except to Nikki. I had a key to his room and discretely let myself in. I don't see Nikki anywhere. I can hear Tommy screaming in the hall, "What the fuck did you do to Nikki?," I stick my head out the door and find Tommy squared off with Izzy. They both seemed to think that the other knew something about Axl and Nikki both mysteriously being gone. After a moment they went separate ways. I quickly duck back into Nikki's room. A second later Tommy is beating on the door. But I don't answer. Finally Tommy goes away.
My stomach feels unsettled as I realize Nikki is probably behind both of them missing the show. I worry that Nikki's anger sometimes get the best of him. He can be very vengeful. I knew both Izzy and Axl were on his hit list. But Axl and Izzy seemed to think Nikki was a monster. Axl had made up horrible lies about Nikki.
I sit down on the bed. I kick off my shoes and lay back on the bed. I roll over onto my side and get comfortable. Nikki would be in most likely at day break, he would probably feel frisky so I should take a nap while I wait for him. I run my hand under the pillow and feel something. I pull out a spiraled notebook. It has drug paraphernalia sketched out on the cover. I open it and see Nikki's writing. The date was written on the top line August 16, 1985. Then the words dear diary...it was his journal. Nikki guards this thing with his life. I should put it back just as I found it. But I just can't. I have to read it.
Dear diary,
What the fuck is wrong with me? He doesn't know I exist! Fucking wake up Nikki!
It must have been about his dad. Nikki hadn't seen him since he was three. I turn the page and continue.
August 29,1985
Dear diary,
I caught myself staring at Tommy's ass tonight. Like seriously checking it out. I don't know why I was even doing it. I haven't been right since that crazy night with Izzy... I think he ruined me for anyone else. I could fuck a thousand chicks and never feel like I did that one night with Izzy. Since then I'm doing all kinds of insane shit, like checking out my drummer. Tommy however, would probably love it that I looked. I know Tommy has a crush or something on me. He's told me plenty of times that he loves me. But I just don't love him. I'm not sure if I even know what a real love is. Maybe I'm unable to love. But if that's true, what is my fascination with Izzy all of the sudden?
My jaw gaped at what I read. Nikki had been with Izzy?! Tommy was in love with Nikki?! Oh my god! No wonder Tommy hates me. Was this a joke? Where's Nikki's real diary? There's just no way...for some sick unknown reason I flip deeper into the pages.
November 3, 1985
Dear diary,
I can't stop thinking about that night. You know what night diary, the one with Izzy. I just can't forget the way he moans, it's so soft. His skin feels like warm velvet. I find myself thinking about how he moves and get goosebumps. God I want to be with him again. The only problem is that he doesn't remember being with me. I guess there's an irony in it that he can't remember and I can't forget.
May 5, 1986
Dear diary,
Erin has made some progress. She fucked Izzy again tonight. Is it weird that I'm a little envious and a little jealous of her? She's fucked Izzy more than I have. I ask all the details of course because that sick side of me likes fuel on my fire. If I can't have him, no one would have him.
I breathing deeply and my eyes are watering. I couldn't believe it. I thumb through the pages and speed read over them. They were all about Izzy. Nikki was obsessed with him. Everything he had done since he met him was to hurt him because his night with Izzy wasn't as special as it was for Nikki. It took hours but I read every last word in that notebook. The last entry disturbed me. It said only the date and the words 'Tonight Fireball is mine'. Oh my god! Nikki did have Axl.
Out in the hall I hear loud arguing start. "YOUR DRUMMER SHOT MY BASSIST!" Oh god no. I soon hear Tommy's voice. "WHERE'S NIKKI?" But then all I can make out is the word hospital. My stomach hits the ground. Nikki had been shot! But what about Axl? Where was he? And why would Steven shoot Nikki? Then my thoughts began to swirl and I felt dizzy from it. Nikki was sick. He was mentally ill. I had to warn Izzy and Axl. I had to tell them what I knew. They weren't safe around Nikki. Nikki could have them killed with one phone call. So far Nikki had enjoyed toying with them, but it wouldn't amuse him forever, and certainly not after this.
I rushed out the door and straight for a taxi. I went to the closest hospital. I quickly saw Doug and knew I was at the right place. "Doug! Doug!" I rush up to him out of breath.
"Erin? What are you doing here?"
"Axl...is he ok?" I pant.
"He's going to be just fine," he nods.
"I have to see him!"
,"You can't, only one person I'd allowed in with him at a time. Izzy's with him right now."
"Good! I need to see them both! Now!" I frantically sputter.
"Not now Erin, I'll tell them you came by, there's really nothing you can do tonight...just go get some sleep."
"No! I have to see them now! I've got to warn them..."
"Look Erin," he says raising his voice, "Axl doesn't want to see anyone right now except Izzy. Just give him some space ok? Go check in on Nikki. I understand they took him to surgery. I already know you're acquainted," he rolls his eyes at me.
I slap him hard. "I'm here because I'm trying to help them! Get out of my way!!" I shove him out of my way and he lets me. He just sighs and holds up his hands in surrender. I spot two security guys at a door and know it's Axl's room. Doug waves at them to let me in. One reaches over and turns the knob.
I quietly step into the dim room. I can see them both in the bed. Ask lay curled into Izzy. Izzy was holding him and humming to him softly. I clear my throat and both of their heads snap in my direction.
"Get rid of her," Axl softly says to Izzy.
Izzy's face grows cold. "You're done Erin. Tell Nikki it's over. We're going home and there ain't shit he can do to keep us here."
"I know what he did to you. I found his diary...oh god... He played all of us. I didn't know why he kept pushing me on the two of you. He told me lies too. But I know the truth now. I know he was just doing this because you bruised his ego. You made him realize things he didn't want to face. We were all tricked."
"What do you want Erin?" Izzy sighs.
"I want to help you get even."
"Yeah right," Axl moans and rolls over with his back to me. Izzy's arms were still nestled around him.
"Fuck off Erin," Izzy says as he lovingly strokes Axl.
"No! Please listen to me! I know how to make him pay!"
They both curiously look at me. "How?" Izzy asks.
Axl didn't show up for the show tonight. No one had seen him. I had nowhere to go except to Nikki. I had a key to his room and discretely let myself in. I don't see Nikki anywhere. I can hear Tommy screaming in the hall, "What the fuck did you do to Nikki?," I stick my head out the door and find Tommy squared off with Izzy. They both seemed to think that the other knew something about Axl and Nikki both mysteriously being gone. After a moment they went separate ways. I quickly duck back into Nikki's room. A second later Tommy is beating on the door. But I don't answer. Finally Tommy goes away.
My stomach feels unsettled as I realize Nikki is probably behind both of them missing the show. I worry that Nikki's anger sometimes get the best of him. He can be very vengeful. I knew both Izzy and Axl were on his hit list. But Axl and Izzy seemed to think Nikki was a monster. Axl had made up horrible lies about Nikki.
I sit down on the bed. I kick off my shoes and lay back on the bed. I roll over onto my side and get comfortable. Nikki would be in most likely at day break, he would probably feel frisky so I should take a nap while I wait for him. I run my hand under the pillow and feel something. I pull out a spiraled notebook. It has drug paraphernalia sketched out on the cover. I open it and see Nikki's writing. The date was written on the top line August 16, 1985. Then the words dear diary...it was his journal. Nikki guards this thing with his life. I should put it back just as I found it. But I just can't. I have to read it.
Dear diary,
What the fuck is wrong with me? He doesn't know I exist! Fucking wake up Nikki!
It must have been about his dad. Nikki hadn't seen him since he was three. I turn the page and continue.
August 29,1985
Dear diary,
I caught myself staring at Tommy's ass tonight. Like seriously checking it out. I don't know why I was even doing it. I haven't been right since that crazy night with Izzy... I think he ruined me for anyone else. I could fuck a thousand chicks and never feel like I did that one night with Izzy. Since then I'm doing all kinds of insane shit, like checking out my drummer. Tommy however, would probably love it that I looked. I know Tommy has a crush or something on me. He's told me plenty of times that he loves me. But I just don't love him. I'm not sure if I even know what a real love is. Maybe I'm unable to love. But if that's true, what is my fascination with Izzy all of the sudden?
My jaw gaped at what I read. Nikki had been with Izzy?! Tommy was in love with Nikki?! Oh my god! No wonder Tommy hates me. Was this a joke? Where's Nikki's real diary? There's just no way...for some sick unknown reason I flip deeper into the pages.
November 3, 1985
Dear diary,
I can't stop thinking about that night. You know what night diary, the one with Izzy. I just can't forget the way he moans, it's so soft. His skin feels like warm velvet. I find myself thinking about how he moves and get goosebumps. God I want to be with him again. The only problem is that he doesn't remember being with me. I guess there's an irony in it that he can't remember and I can't forget.
May 5, 1986
Dear diary,
Erin has made some progress. She fucked Izzy again tonight. Is it weird that I'm a little envious and a little jealous of her? She's fucked Izzy more than I have. I ask all the details of course because that sick side of me likes fuel on my fire. If I can't have him, no one would have him.
I breathing deeply and my eyes are watering. I couldn't believe it. I thumb through the pages and speed read over them. They were all about Izzy. Nikki was obsessed with him. Everything he had done since he met him was to hurt him because his night with Izzy wasn't as special as it was for Nikki. It took hours but I read every last word in that notebook. The last entry disturbed me. It said only the date and the words 'Tonight Fireball is mine'. Oh my god! Nikki did have Axl.
Out in the hall I hear loud arguing start. "YOUR DRUMMER SHOT MY BASSIST!" Oh god no. I soon hear Tommy's voice. "WHERE'S NIKKI?" But then all I can make out is the word hospital. My stomach hits the ground. Nikki had been shot! But what about Axl? Where was he? And why would Steven shoot Nikki? Then my thoughts began to swirl and I felt dizzy from it. Nikki was sick. He was mentally ill. I had to warn Izzy and Axl. I had to tell them what I knew. They weren't safe around Nikki. Nikki could have them killed with one phone call. So far Nikki had enjoyed toying with them, but it wouldn't amuse him forever, and certainly not after this.
I rushed out the door and straight for a taxi. I went to the closest hospital. I quickly saw Doug and knew I was at the right place. "Doug! Doug!" I rush up to him out of breath.
"Erin? What are you doing here?"
"Axl...is he ok?" I pant.
"He's going to be just fine," he nods.
"I have to see him!"
,"You can't, only one person I'd allowed in with him at a time. Izzy's with him right now."
"Good! I need to see them both! Now!" I frantically sputter.
"Not now Erin, I'll tell them you came by, there's really nothing you can do tonight...just go get some sleep."
"No! I have to see them now! I've got to warn them..."
"Look Erin," he says raising his voice, "Axl doesn't want to see anyone right now except Izzy. Just give him some space ok? Go check in on Nikki. I understand they took him to surgery. I already know you're acquainted," he rolls his eyes at me.
I slap him hard. "I'm here because I'm trying to help them! Get out of my way!!" I shove him out of my way and he lets me. He just sighs and holds up his hands in surrender. I spot two security guys at a door and know it's Axl's room. Doug waves at them to let me in. One reaches over and turns the knob.
I quietly step into the dim room. I can see them both in the bed. Ask lay curled into Izzy. Izzy was holding him and humming to him softly. I clear my throat and both of their heads snap in my direction.
"Get rid of her," Axl softly says to Izzy.
Izzy's face grows cold. "You're done Erin. Tell Nikki it's over. We're going home and there ain't shit he can do to keep us here."
"I know what he did to you. I found his diary...oh god... He played all of us. I didn't know why he kept pushing me on the two of you. He told me lies too. But I know the truth now. I know he was just doing this because you bruised his ego. You made him realize things he didn't want to face. We were all tricked."
"What do you want Erin?" Izzy sighs.
"I want to help you get even."
"Yeah right," Axl moans and rolls over with his back to me. Izzy's arms were still nestled around him.
"Fuck off Erin," Izzy says as he lovingly strokes Axl.
"No! Please listen to me! I know how to make him pay!"
They both curiously look at me. "How?" Izzy asks.
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