FicWad

Erin

I fucked that bastard and now he has crabs. I know he will be quite pissed when he discovers that. He will probably beat the shit out of me. Oh well, wouldn't really be the first time. I just hope that Axl and Izzy aren't playing me. I did do it to them for over a year. There's just no trust between us. How could there be after what Nikki made me do to them. I know Izzy is just using me to get back at Nikki. And Axl... he's not really here at all right now. I still can't believe that the man I loved for years did what he did to Axl. Rape. Dear god how could Nikki do that? How could he carve his name in his chest? That would be there forever. How could he? How could he fool me like he did? Nikki used me to do these horrible things to guys who didn't deserve it. I'm sure they both really hate me for what I did. H ow can I ever redeem myself to them?

I slip out of Nikki's room when he starts to nod off from a fix. I go back to Izzy and Axl's room to tell them that the deed is done. I lightly knock at the door. Izzy answers it. He brings his index finger to his lips and tells me to be quiet. He steps aside and motions for me to come in. I enter. I can see Axl curled up on the bed in a ball asleep. Izzy opens the drawer of the nightstand and pulls out a bottle of green dog shampoo. He motions for me to follow him to the bathroom. I quietly follow. He closes the door and looks at the bottle in his hand.

"This will kill them," he nods and extends the bottle out to me.

I take it and I feel so fucking embarrassed. I just stare at it in my hand. After a moment Izzy walks over to the bathtub and turns on the water. He adjusts the hot and the cold water then stops the drain so the tub can fill up. He goes to the sink and picks up a razor. I just timidly stand there and wait for him to leave.

"Do you know how to do this honey?" He asks me and lays the razor on the side of the tub.

I've got to be ten shades of red when I shrug and shake my head no.

Izzy nods slightly with a sigh. "I know how...you know if...wow this is so fucking awkward," he shyly smiles and looks down. "Come on, undress."

I feel weird but I slowly start to disrobe. Izzy politely looks away. I step into the tub. I slide down in it and shyly cover myself as Izzy sits on the side of the tub.

He let's out a slight chuckle. "We've fucked honey, a few times. You don't exactly have anything I've never seen before."

I look down at the water. I know he's right, but I have bugs on me! I didn't want him to see them. It was fucking embarrassing enough that he knows I have them.

He pops the cap on the flea and tick shampoo and raises an eyebrow. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. You know as far as STD's go, this is the best one to catch. It'll be ok. They'll be gone soon." Then his hand comes closer to me. "Slide down. Just relax. It's ok. I'll make them go away."

I timidly slide down exposing myself. Izzy's hand slides down between my legs and starts to rub the shampoo into my pubic hair. He lathers it up real good.

"It'll need to sit on here about ten minutes," he nods and rinses his hand off in the water.

I sigh and look anywhere but at Izzy. Maybe small talk will make this easier and less awkward. "How's Axl?" I ask.

Izzy visibly tenses and stares down at the floor. He just shakes his head for a minute. "He's all fucked up in the head over this shit with Nikki. He's just...shutting down or destroying shit. His moods are so erratic that I can't keep up with them. He's been through so much...too much. He's never going to be the Billy I used to know. There's just too much shit for him to ever be ok. None of us will ever be the same."

A tear rolls down my cheek, "I'm so sorry Izzy. I'm sorry I caused you so many problems. Nikki just always knows how to get to me. He used me like a puppet. And he didn't do it so he could bow out from rock and roll. He did it because of you. I read his diary Izzy. I read everything that happened. I read how you made him feel. He fell for you hard. He thought you would remember it. He wanted to be with you. He was just...chasing you. But then you and Axl played the joke on him and made him think he has a threesome with you guys. That's when he realized he would never have you. And what Nikki wants, but can't have...he just destroys it. And that's exactly what he did to all of you. He's very good at reading people and knowing their reactions, it's almost psychic. He can crawl right into your head and twist your mind in ways you can't even realize. And I helped him do it and I'm so so sorry for any pain I've caused you or Axl or even Slash and Duff and Steven. I honestly didn't know what Nikki was doing. He lied to me and he's he worlds most convincing liar. I don't expect you to ever forgive what I've done.,"

Izzy just sits there on the side of the tub staring at he floor. He turns and looks at me. He sees my tears. He gently wipes one off my cheek with his thumb. "I know sugar. It's ok. You didn't know. You were part of everything he set out to destroy too. Look what he's done to you too."

Another tear falls, "You don't even know half of what he wanted to do Izzy. He made me stop taking birth control pills. He wanted me to get pregnant, either by you or Axl or even him and pass it off as one of yours. He knew a baby was the only way to break you two apart for good."

Izzy's brows furrow slightly. "Axl would have gladly left me on the curb for a baby he thought was his. He fucking loves kids Erin...you should see him when he's around kids. It's like he goes back to that chi!d like innocence. He would be a great father. And to do that he would have married you. He would have put up this perfect front of the wife, husband, and child. The white picket fence and dog in the back yard."

"And what about you? What would you have done if it were yours?" I ask softly.

He looks down again. "I wasn't put here to raise kids Erin. I'm nobody's fucking role model you know. I'm just as fucked up as Axl is. Everything that's happened to him has happened to me too. Why the fuck do you think I'm a junkie? I'm not capable of raising a kid. I don't want to. I can't bring a life into this fucked up world...there's just too much fucking evil in this world, it stares us all in the face every day...if any of it ever touched my kid...I just can't risk putting myself or any extension of myself through that shit Erin." He again shakes his hung head. "I don't want kids. Ever. I can't fucking protect them, just like I can never seem to with Axl.,"

And for a moment we share a silence but it was anything but comfortable. It was so heavy and laiden with sadness and pain. Izzy's entire world seemed to revolve around Axl. Izzy loves him so so much. And it kills him that he couldn't find Axl before Nikki did what he did. They weren't even together. Izzy could have cut all ties and not even cared. He could have shot up and made it all go away, but he just couldn't. Trying to save Axl seemed to be a thing Izzy felt the need to do. It was like a habit he couldn't break. One he never even wanted to break in the first place. He turned to Slash because of me, because of Nikki, had I not have come into their lives none of it would have ever happened and I feel such shame for what I've done. My thoughts get interrupted by Izzy's sigh as he raises his head a little. He looks over at me and just stares at my eyes a moment.

"Your eyes really are as blue as the bluest skies," he slight smiles and looks back down. "I really hated having to share that song with you. It was supposed to be for me. It was for me but Axl had to change up some lyrics to make it sound like it was for you. And I was so fucking jealous. I saw you as the number one enemy. You were trying to take Axl from me...but it was all misdirection. Nikki's perfect plans of misdirection." He sighs once more, "I don't want to hate you anymore Erin. Just know that whatever happens, he loves me more...and I love him and he will never love you the way he does me. You can fuck him and all, but... he's mine, got that? He's Always been mine and he will always be mine. Deal?"

"Of course Izzy. I'll never try to come between the two of you again. I know just how much you both need each other."

He nods, "Good." He picks up the razor and glances at me a split second before focusing on the razor in his hand. " Ok, now I need you to be real still honey. If the hair is gone they have nowhere to live anymore."

"But... I'll be look like a little girl or something," I say and grip the edges of the tub.

"It's just hair...hair you cover up, who's gonna know but us? It's ok, it'll grow back in a few weeks."

I look in his eyes and I trust him completely. He wasn't going to hurt me. I nod at him and he angles the razor down to the top of my hair line and makes the first swipe. Izzy pauses before making another swipe. He glances down at his pants.

"This isn't gonna be as easy as I thought," he says as he looks at me. But now his look has changed to that prowling stare over my body that he gets when he wants to fuck me. "I'm shaving your pussy...and I haven't been laid since... everything went down you know...and this shit is sorta turning me on. I mean don't think I'm trying to fuck you or anything...this shit is just suggestive you know. I'm not gonna fuck you because one, the little problem we're trying to get rid of, and two...Axl. I'm done hurting him. He can hurt me all he wants because I know he doesn't mean it, but I'm done hurting him back...it fixes nothing. I've betrayed him so many times, with you, with Slash...and I'm done. If Axl wants to do a threesome some time, that's one thing...but not while he's sleeping in the next room."

"Want me to do something else for you then?" I ask softly.

He looks at me and gives me a tender smile. "Thank-you, but no honey, I'll manage." Then he takes a breath and repositions the razor back over me. He makes another swipe. "Need you to open your legs honey." I do and I feel the razor go across the sensitive skin. "I always thought you were beautiful," he says softly and makes a swipe down the other side, "that's why I felt so jealous if you. If I found you beautiful then I knew Axl would too and you might be more beautiful to him than I am anymore...I treated you pretty bad and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't be, your instincts were actually right at that time...I was a threat, but I'm not now. I get it now and I promise you I will never ever try to take him away from you...the truth is...the truth is I...I always liked you more Izzy."

His eyes flutter back down to my shaving job. "Liked fucking me more you mean?"

"No...not just that. Every time I'm around you my...my heart flutters and I get this...this rush from you. But I know I can't have you either. And that's ok."

Izzy just finishes shaving me as smooth as a baby. He rinses the hair away and I can hear his breath hitch. "Damn, that's actually pretty fucking hot," he admires his work a moment before throwing the razor in the trash. He grabs a towel and stands up holding it out for me to wrap myself in it.

I stand up and He wraps the towel around me. His hands rest at my hips. I look up at him and he's looking at me. His arms pull me into him just a little more. His fingers lightly lift my chin. His eyes dance over my irises a moment before his lips part and he closes the distance between our lips. He gives me a long soft gentle kiss without tounge he moves away from mevwith closed eyes. He slightly inhales and opens them. "I'll get you something to wear. Fucking just throw those clothes away, we can get you new clothes. Everything in fucking Florida floral patterns," he lightly chuckles, "my dad lives down here."

"Oh will you be going to see him?"

Izzy just reaches for a bottle of something or another and says, "Uh...no," and takes a chug. He turns and leaves to get me clothes. I think I remember Axl screaming something to Izzy once about his parents wanting nothing to do with Izzy because of the drugs. Guess that's true from the way he answered. He comes back with what looks like black velvet tights and a worn out Aerosmith T-shirt with no sleeves. I just look at them a second and look up at him. "Hey don't look at me, this is Axls shit, you get a straight fucking answer about his choice in clothes, you be sure to let me know that. Would love to know," and he smiles brightly. "Sorry, that's really the only shit clean of ours...as you clearly see why."

I smile and take them. "They're fine Izzy, thanks. Thanks for everything you know?"

He just nods at me and turns to leave shutting the door behind him.