FicWad

Erin

Izzy,Axl, and I have been getting along fairly well lately. No one is having sex with anyone, so it's sorta tense, but overall, it's not horrible. It's much better than it was. I've managed to avoid Nikki everyday too, and that's really a miracle. I knew he had people he paid to spy and play whatever other minor roles he needed them to. People like I had been, I guess you could say. But I'm done with Nikki. There's no amount of blackmail, bribery, or persuasion that will change my mind. Axl and Izzy were right, he was a closet case bisxual who was truly insane. I was lucky to get away from him relatively unscathed.

I can't stop thinking about all the horrible things I read in his diary. Nor all the pretty shitty things he had written about me, how I was stupid and naive, how my love for him was his weapon. I hate him so much right now. I wish I'd never met him. But I know hatred just causes pain. You have to learn to forgive people and let things go. Maybe one day I'll be able to do that, but it's not today.

I look up at Axl getting ready for the show. He's sitting in front of a mirror, staring at it and mumbling, I can't hear what. I smile and walk up behind him. I stoop over and kiss him on top of the head. He blinks and looks up at me. "Would you mind tying my bandana?" He asks me and nods to it laying in front of him.

I pick it up and wrap it around his head and start to tie it, "Tight enough?" I ask him.

"Little tighter, so it don't come off when I'm bouncing around on stage."

I make it tighter and tie it in a second knot.

"Thanks sugar," he nods and glances down. I turn to go sit back down but Axl grabs my hand. He tugs me back to him. "How are things...you know, for you...the whole me and Izzy thing?"

I smile, "I think we're getting along great, it's so much nicer now than before."

He slightly smiles and looks down again, "Right now things with me and Izzy..." he pauses a long moment before continuing, "Since Nikki I haven't been, you know... I just have wanted to. I can't...not yet. I don't exactly know how long it will be...but if it's too long...look, you know izzy and I have always had girls around too. This isn't exactly something that's never happened to us before...and we always agreed that random chick sex was ok, in moderation, you know, like when you just really need to get one off? Anyway...if enough time goes by Izzy's gonna get pretty desperate...Shit, I'm babbling..."he sighs and looks up at me, "When it happens, if it does... I'd prefer it was with you instead of some junkie, or groupie, or whatever."

My eyebrows shoot up, "Axl..."

"It's ok Erin, really. I don't mind. It won't be a problem." His eyes seem to almost plead with me. And I find myself nodding. If Izzy tried there's no guarantee that I'll be able to tell him no, but if Axl was cool with it...well I didn't have to try to say no. "Just don't throw yourself at him trying to tease him or turn him on our anything. But if he does it to you...it's ok, really."

"I understand," I nod. He smiles faintly and nods too. He let's go of my hand and turns back to the mirror.

I quietly leave him to it and leave the room to the bus to sit until after the guys do the show. I smile at people as I pass. I turn to go down a long narrow hallway that leads back to the buses. I'm almost to the door when it opens. I look up and there he is... Nikki. His eyes narrow and I know I should turn the other direction quickly. So I turn to run. But Nikki is faster than me. He grabs me from behind and slings me against the wall. He pins my wrists above my head and closes the distance between us.

"Hey baby, where you been? I wanted to thank you for giving me crabs," he says and then licks up my neck.

I turn my head away, "Serves you right," I say and look up at him.

His eyebrows crinkle together as he looks at me in confusion.

"We're done Nikki. I know all about everything. I found your fucking journal you lying son of a..." I'm cut off by Nikki slapping my face hard. It felt like I hit a wall at high speed. My ears ring and I can feel my face heating up.

"You bitch!" He yells in my face and clasps his hand around my throat. I feel him squeeze and I can barely breathe. He still has my hands pinned with his other hand and I can try to pull his hand away from my throat. "You stupid stupid bitch," he growls.

"Let go of me!" I manage to cry out and try to wiggle free of him somehow. But it's no good. I feel my eyes bulge from the sockets. I can't breathe and I'm scared. I start to see white floating spots, like snowflakes dance across my eyes. They're soon replaced with something resembling smoke or fog. Im light headed and I'm afraid I'm about to faint or maybe die or something.

And just as I start to feel my knees buckle Nikki let's go of me and I drop to my knees. I pant and try to suck the air and life back into myself. Nikki hunches down on his knees and grabs my arms hard. "So you decided to betray me with your gunner fucks?! I should fucking kill you!" He throws me on the floor and straddles me. He rares his right hand back and before I can blink much less block with my hands, he punches me. My face is thrown to the left. I can't hear anything and I feel my eyes rolling. Then I feel some snacks to my cheeks. "Wake the fuck up! I'm not done with you yet you treacherous cunt!" And just as I feel like I'm not passing out he punches me in the stomach. I start to cough and gasp for air again. Nikki's fist draws again and he punches me in the nose. I can feel it immediately fill with blood and trickle out. And in a sense, so do I. Everything slowly turns black and that's it, I'm out.

***
I hear a roar in a distant whisper. It slowly starts to grow louder. I move a little and realize I'm on my back on a floor. I hurt from the waist up. I groan and try to lift my head. I can only see from one eye. I know it's swollen shut. My head pounds and I can barely sit up.

"DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE?!?!"

It's Axl. They're going on stage. I put my back against the wall and try to pull myself up. It Hurst so bad. Theres blood on the floor, on me, I've got to make it to the bus. I'll be safe there. I can change clothes and clean up. Maybe I can find some Tylenol. But on a bus with a bunch of guys who wake up with hangovers, it's probably unlikely. I just hope that Nikki isn't somewhere waiting for me again. I f I didn't have enough reasons to gate him before, I do now. I

I manage to get to my feet and take a deep breath, but it hurts my stomach where Nikki punched me. I cradle it and lean into the big metal door trying my best to use my weight to push it open. I somehow manage to get it to push open. I stumble out trying not to fall. Luckily the bus is right in front of me. It takes everything I have to pull myself up the steps.

I go down the hall and use everything I can to support myself as I try to make it to the bathroom. I manage to get myself into the tiny little room. It reeked of men's piss. I flip on the light and my mouth gapes when I see myself in the mirror. My face is caked in sticky blood. My eye is red and puffy, and as expected, it's swollen shut. I can see purple under both my eyes. My jaw is turning blue. Oh my god, I'll never look like me again.

I turn on the water and cup my hands under it. I splash and try to massage away the drying blood. I grab the soap and lather up my hands, leaving behind bloody bubbles all over the bar of soap. I swipe my lathered fingers under my nose and eyes trying to wash away the rest of the blood. When I finally get all the blood gone I'm able to fully assess the damage done to me. I looked like I was a chipmunk with a cheek full of nuts. And the skin around my eye is all shiny it's stretched so far. I lift my shirt and can see a bruise just at the bottom of my sternum.

I groan and make my way out of the bathroom and into the back lounge. I collapse down and try to find a position to lay that doesn't hurt. I doubt that's possible. My head hurts so fucking bad I can barely stand it. Tears fall from my eyes. I whimper but it hurts too bad to do it. So I just lay there and try to silently cry.

After a while I can hear the guys coming onto the bus. It's just seconds before Axl is opening the door. He takes one look at me and his eyes go wide. "Uh... Izz..."

Then Izzy's head is poking in the door. "Oh fuck," he says and moves past Axl into the room. He kneels down next to me as Axl sits beside me too. "Nikki did this didn't he?" Izzy asks and moves my hair done to survey my swollen face.

I nod and groan.

"Is it just your face honey?" Axl asks.

I shake my head no and slowly raise my shirt to show them my stomach. "It hurts," I whisper as tears seep from my eyes.

Axl just looks at Izzy and Izzy looks at Axl. Then Izzy blinks and looks down. "I can fix the pain sugar," he says softly without looking at me.

Axl looks at me and nods, "It won't hurt anymore."

I nod and know what they mean. I slowly stretch my arm out in front of Izzy. He reaches into his boot and pulls out a needle. Axl pulls off his belt and slips it around my arm as Izzy pulls the cap on the needle off with his teeth. "I'm just gonna give you enough to take the edge off, ok?" Izzy asks me and I nod.

I look away from my arm and wait for the needle to pierce my skin before I exhale. I feel warmth start in me then it just explodes in me. I can feel my eyes droop but I'm not passing out like the last time he shot me up, the time Axl hit me. I moan and it feels like my body just sinks down. I don't hurt anymore.

Axl takes the belt off my arm. He slides his own arm in it and out stretches it to Izzy. Izzy looks at him with a furrowed look and shakes his head, "No Fireball."

"Izzy, just fucking do it," Axl sighs.

"You're not in pain darlin..."

"Oh I ain't huh? What the fuck do you know?!" Axl shouts at him. "I said do it!"

Izzy sighs in defeat and brings what's left in the syringe up to his outstretched arm. He hesitates and looks at Axl again, "Please don't make me," he whispers and I can see a tear fall from his eye.

Axl jerks the needle out of Izzy's hand, "Fine, I'll do it my fucking self!" And he positions the needle over a vein and injects himself. He closes his eyes a second before he pulls the needle out. He let's his belt slide off his arm. He carefully lays next to me with sleepy looking eyes. He caresses my cheek a moment. He traces my bruised jaw carefully. "I'm sorry you went through this."

"It's my fault," Izzy says. I look over at him just in time to see him pulling a needle from his own arm. "He did it because of what I asked her to do." Izzy crawls over to us and rests his head next to mine. "I'm sorry Erin," he whispers and kisses my forehead. Then he reaches over and strokes Axl's hair. "He'll never stop."

And neither Axl or myself reply. No one says anything else at all in fact. We all just lie there together until we are lulled to sleep by the hum of the bus's engine. I feel safe when I'm with them. So I sleep soundly. I guess we all do. I know I'm not disturbed until morning when the bus stops. I awaken to the three of us laying just like we were when we went to sleep. I wake up Axl, then Izzy. I still feel the heroin in my system. That's good, I would be in a lot of pain otherwise.