FicWad

Duff

The hands on the clock tell me it's finally time to head out to the venue for our final show in the devil's lair. I haven't been to sleep so I'm ready to go. I just have to get Slash up. This sounds simple enough, but it's anything but. He's not even really able to do this stupid show. We have to or be in breach of contract. My Baby Boy in virtually nonresponsive. He's completely reliant on me to dress him, bathe him, feed him, shoot him up, and hold him when nightmares wake him up screaming 'Nikki no!' or 'Tommy please'. But even in his dreams they take him. They rip to shreds any innocence he had left, and they have done it every night since the actual deed. I guess it's been three days or so. Honestly I measure time in vodka bottles. I drink roughly a gallon in a twenty four hour period. I see three empties on the table so I m inclined to say it's been three days.

I rub my neck with a sigh and pull out Slash's dope. I cook him up a shot because I know that's the first thing he's gonna want. I mix in some coke so he won't be nodding out. I get the rig loaded and stand up holding it. I cross over to the bed and sit next to Slash. "Baby boy, you gotta get up. We have one last show to do and we're out of here," I say tenderly.

Slash opens his eyes and looks at me a moment. It's almost like he's questioning if I'm real. His eyes flutter and fall on the needle I'm holding. He stretches his arm out. I reach over and grab my belt and slide it over his arm. I hand it to Slash to hold tight. I slap his arm trying to get a vein to surface, they're getting harder and harder to find. When the needle pierces his skin he slightly winces.

"Did that hurt? I'm sorry baby," I apologetically reply.

Slash just shakes his head and looks down at his arm silently begging me to take his pain away. So I fix his pain and then I pull the needle out and lay it on the table. I turn back to Slash and stroke his cheek. His eyes close and I can feel him leaning into my caress.

"Please don't shut down on me baby. You gotta come back to me," I feel tears roll down my cheeks.

To my surprise Slash extends up a shaking hand and wipes one away.

I take his hand and kiss it " Don't be like Axl and Izzy and just shut down. It can't change what happened. You've gotta just lock it away. You can't just disappear. We all need you. I need you I need my baby boy back."

Tears start forming in his eyes. He leans up and wraps his arms around me sobbing into my chest. And I hug him to me tightly, crying right along with him. He pulls back a little and I watch as he fights to form words. Finally he gets something out. "I love you so much Duffy! I just feel so dead on the inside," he wails.

"Oh baby I know," I cry holding him tighter. "But you're not dead. You can get past this, just like I did. I couldn't have done it without your love and support. I love you more than anything and I'm here for whatever you need Sweetness.. You don't have to hide from me Baby Boy. Let me take care of you. I promise you'll feel safe again. When we get out of here I'm gonna take you somewhere nice and quiet, just us. We'll sleep all day and order take out every day. No TV, no music, just us."

"How can you even want me now? After what you saw them do and I cried and screamed like a bitch! How can you even stand being around me?” He cries out clenching my shirt.

"You'll always be my Baby Boy Slash. Nothing can take that away. I love you more today than I even did yesterday. I love you more with every day I m blessed to share with you. You're it for me baby, soul mates, remember?” He nods and I gently kiss his forehead. “But we gotta get to the venue. Just one more time. I promise you that nothing or no one is going to hurt you. But I need you to get dressed ok? Be my brave baby boy just for a few hours. After this show you can cry a week straight. You can go silent if you need that...whatever you need...just come back to me," I beg brushing the curls from his tear soaked eyes. His big beautiful lashes are drenched and it almost looks like he's wearing mascara.

He looks at me trying not to bust out crying again, "You're the greatest thing to ever happen to me Duff. I love you so much. I know I've been distant and im sorry for worrying you. It just..." he hesitates.

"Just what? Talk to be baby boy," I urge him.

"I introduced Nikki to all of you. When I was a kid I thought of him as a god. He was everything I wanted to be. And he was so fucking cool. He'd buy me and Stevie drinks, knowing we were way underage. He hung out with us numerous times. He was my friend. I never thought he could do such horrible things to me and to my friends, to the man I love. That's what hurts more than anything, I knew him. He wasn't some record industry closet case faggot. He was my cool ass celebrity friend who got us our big breaks. How could he do all those things to us Duff? He was our friend."

"People like Nikki get theirs in the end. One day something really bad is gonna happen to him. But he won't have the support system we guys have. Nikki flies solo with minions like Tommy. Nikki's like that dude who convinced his cult to all drink cool air and die for some weird reason. He rationalized it, he captivated them into believing his insanity. That's what kind of guy Nikki is."

"But he said it was all because of izzy...that he's in love with him," Slash mumbles looking down.

"Well I'm sure you can understand the appeal. Izzy's charms worked on you too, remember?" I say and try not to sound too bitter. But I am pissed. Izzy could have stopped Nikki before they ever stuck their cocks in my precious love. He's the only one who could stop it and he just let it happen.

Slash sighs, "Duff, don't. Izzy didn't work any charms on me. And I don't think he did with Nikki either. I think it was more a case of Nikki coming out of his own closet. You always get attached to your first...not psychotically but...you know."

I sigh and stand up, " I don't want to talk about Izzy right now. What pants do you want to wear tonight leather or denim?" I pick them up and hold them out for him to choose.

"What's wrong?" He asks me.

"Nothing a little time and space won't cure," I sigh and shake his pants. "Which ones babe?"

"Who's shutting who out now?" He softly asks.

I just stare at him. He knows me well enough to figure out what's going on in my head.

"You're blaming izzy, aren't you?" And he asks in a tone that is so disbelieving of what he himself is thinking.

"I didn't say that," I shrug glancing at his pants in my hands.

"You don't have to," he says and looks over to the window. "When bad shit happens we always want to assign a blame to someone. It's the only way to justify it I guess. But Izzy's the one who got us out of there."

"Yeah, hours later, after all innocence was lost! Fuck! " I shout in frustration, lack of sleep, too much vodka, and too much coke, oh and let's not forget the drama. More tears come to my eyes, goddamnit I thought they were all gone.
I look up and realize that Slash has backed away from me and looks slightly afraid, shit! “Hey, come here, I'm not mad at you. I didn't mean to yell and I wasn't yelling at you,” I
say quietly and pull him back to me.

"Duff...blame the right person. Blame Nikki or 'Tommy. That's who I blame. I won't blame Izzy and I'd appreciate it if you didn't too. I understand why you want to, believe me, it crossed my mind too, but it's not his fault. Have you even considered what it had to be like for Izzy? Don't you think that fucked with his head? What he did was like that night you bent over a limo seat beside me and took what I took. I'm not the only one who got hurt baby."

And his words place a weight on my chest. I knew he was right. It wasn't Izzy fault, but it's so easy to blame him for everything thats gone horribly wrong. Maybe it's because he took Slash from me for a while. Maybe it's jealousy. Maybe I'm questioning my own inadequacies. Maybe I see Izzy as this ever present threat. I've already lost so much trust in him. A lot of respect has died too. But Slash is right, Izzy did something purely selfless to save Slash from further torture. That couldn't have been an easy choice to make. He didn't want to fuck nikki, but he did. He offered himself in exchange for our freedom.

"You're right, I know you are," I nod and tears fall even more. I bend down on my knees at Slash's side with his pants clenched in my fists. "I was supposed to save you! But it's always him! Every time I look at him hes looking at you! I'm scared he's just gonna ride in on his white fucking horse and take you away from me again! He's always your fucking hero!" I cry out.

I feel his arms wrap around me softly. "Superman saves people in every edition of his comics, but he only loves Lois. Izzy loves Axl. And I love you!" He cups my face forcing me to look at him. "Do you understand me? I only love you. I loved you even when I was with him. And all he thought about was Axl. Ok. End of fucking story. Leather," he motions with his head to his pants in my hands.

I nod and stand up. "I love you so much baby boy. We're gonna get through this."

"I know," he says and tries to smile.

So I help him get dressed. He's able to get around easier now. He still sits carefully but I think he's gonna be ok for the show. At least he's talking now. His silence has been scaring the shit out of me. But he's coming around. Just maybe he will be ok. Or at least function. You're never really ever ok again after something like this happens to you.

"What do you say about letting me shave the fuzz off your face. It's been many days," I suggest.

Slash agrees and we go into the bathroom. I pull out a razor and shaving cream while Slash ties his hair back in a ponytail. Then I fill the sink with water. I squeeze some shaving cream into my hand and start lathering it over Slash's stubble. He seems to enjoy my touch. I'm so thankful for that. I hated him flinching every time I touched him. I start to run the razor down his cheek. I smile at him even though I feel so bad.

When I'm finally done I smile brightly and caress his cheek, "There's my beautiful baby boy. He leans up and gently kisses me.. I sigh in relief and rest my forehead against his.

We make it to the venue. Everybody is here except Axl. So Slash and I wander off for the safety of solitude. We go in a locker room and curl up together on a bench. We're totally relaxed when a snide chuckle comes from the door. We look up and see Tommy reclined on the door frame.

"How's that sweet ass feeling?"

I move Slash off me and rise to my feet with my fists clinched tight. "What the fuck did you say?"

Tommy stands up straight, "I said how is that sweet ass? Best fuck I've ever had hands down!”

I reach out and grab him by his skinny ass arms and hurl him into the wall. I've punched him three times in the gut before I even notice that I've swung.

Slash grabs my arm, "Duff stop! You'll just make everything worse!"

"No fuck that!" I say jerking away from him, "This shit ends right fucking here! I'm sick of this bullshit!!" And I swing with my left and clockTommy right in the jaw. Then I wrap my throbbing fingers around his throat and squeeze as tight as I can. "If you ever so much as look our way again I'll break into your house again, only I'll come when you're sleeping. I'll creep into your room with fucking hedge trimmers and chop off that fucking cock you love to flaunt so much! Do you fucking understand me?!"

Suddenly Stevie and Izzy are in the room. Stevie walks over to me and shoves his knife into my hand, "Do it Duff, Do it now."

On the other side of me I hear Izzy's gun cock, "And when you're done with his dick I'll take care of his balls."

My hand starts to go down. I smirk because Tommy looks about ready to piss himself. Then that voice that makes us all shudder enters the room.

"Looks like you're in quite a predicament there T-Bone," Nikki says looking as amused as a kid in a candy factory.

"Nikki, do something!" Tommy begs.

Nikki scratches his chin, "And forget the other morning in my room?" He huffs, "To be honest I think I would feel much more safe around you if I just let Duff chop off your dick. Maybe Izzy blowing your nuts off is a bit of an overkill though."

I glare Tommy dead in the eye, "See how much you mean to him?" And Tommy's eyes start tearing up. "Oh, did I find your weakness?? You're in love with that sick son of a bitch and he wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire," I chuckle, "Doesn't it hurt to know the person you love just used you? I hope it hurts you fucking bastard. I hope it kills you!"

"I technically do still need to use him tonight. He is my drummer," Nikki sighs sounding as if he's getting bored. "But look on the bright side Duff, he gets to spend every waking moment with me and I certainly don't forget. He's already got it coming from me. I think it's safe to say that whatever revenge I have in mind will be much more unbearable than a mere sex change."

I nod with a smile. Nikki was absolutely right, but I wanna chop his dick off too.

"Tell you what Duff," Nikki says, "You have my word...on Izzy's life, that you won't be having any more problems out of Tommy if you just hand him over."

"Your word don't mean shit!" I growl keeping my eyes locked on Tommy's.

"Yeah, I probably wouldn't believe me either,"Nikki sighs.

"Dude, you're not making a very convincing case!" Tommy shouts at him.

"Well fuck, I'm not god!" Nikki yells back.

"Shit, I say we just lock these two in a room together," Steven shrugs.

"Yeah, me too," Slash nods.

"Ok Nikki," Izzy says. "We're gonna walk out of this room. You two aren't going to follow us. You're not gonna plan some retaliation. You're going your way, we're going ours. You're not going to try to stop us after the show. You're gonna let us leave quietly and peacefully."

Nikki nods, "ok."

So I slowly back off Tommy. We slowly start to file out of the room. Stevie and Slash leave first. I stop in front of Nikki. I expect to see him smirk but he doesn't. He just stands there. An uncontrollable urge comes over me and I take a left swing at him. Izzy grabs me and drags me out of the room and slams the door.

I jerk away from Izzy and fly to Slash who's shaking and crying. "It's ok, it's ok," I keep saying over and over as I hold him tight.

"What the fuck is going on?" Asks Axl who has finally arrived on the scene.

"Nothin Fireball," Izzy says tucking his gun back into his pants.

"Then why did you have your gun out? Why is Slash crying?" He asks.

"Just Tommy being a prick. It's over now. Everything is fine. We should probably get to the stage. We're late." Izzy gently takes Axl by the arm and starts to lead him away. Stevie follows.

I cup Slash's face in my hands. "Just one more hour baby. Just hang on one more hour. Can you do that?"

He nods But he doesn't say anything. “Baby Boy are you ok? You're not talking,” I say nervously and he looks up at me with eyes full of tears and frustration and remnants of fear and shakes his head no. Those fuckers have stolen his voice again. “It's ok baby,” I tell him and pull him close. “I love you and I'm here for you no matter what.” I just keep telling myself to watch the clock. One hour. One hour and we're free. We're going home. I'm gonna turn our house into a goddamn fortress, moat included. And I'm getting the meanest fucking dog I can find. I'll fill our moat with poisonous snakes just for my baby boy to adore. I'm fucking done with Slash being served on a silver platter for everyone to fucking sample. No one will ever touch him again and live to brag about it. Enough is enough. This is the last fucking time anyone's gonna hurt him. This is the last time anyone's gonna have to save him. I'm done living in fear all the time. I'm done begging for a record deal. I'm done fucking slime bags for a little step ahead. I'm done being nice. I'm to the point that I'm just ready to throw both my middle fingers up 'L.ike A. M.other F.ucker'. Fuck whoever crosses me or Slash. Starting right now, we're untouchable