FicWad

Nikki

I lurked in the shadows like the stalker I am watching Izzy on stage. He played with this carelessness that was just so fucking cool. He didn't give a shit about working up the crowd. He didn't take his every opportunity to stand in the spotlight. He let all the others compete for the attention. Izzy wouldn't be caught dead acting like I do on stage. I'm like the main fucking attraction. I'm the ring master of my own personal circus when I'm out there. I lose myself out there. I become a fictional character out there. Too bad my fictional persona seems to infiltrate my real identity about 95% of the time. But Izzy never changes. He's the same guy all the time. I love that about him.

After they finish up their set they make a mad dash for their shit so they can get the fuck out of Dodge. I manage to catch up to Izzy who walks behind his band mates. I grab his arm. He spins and sees me. I place my index finger to my lips and tell him to be quiet. I motion to a room beside us with my head. Izzy hesitates but enters the room. I close the door and turn to face him. I step toe to toe with him. I run my thumb across his bottom lip.

"Not even gonna say goodbye?" I ask.

"Nikki, I gotta get the fuck out of here before Axl realizes I'm missing," he sighs.

"He'll wait," I smile and run my hands down his arms. I can feel goosebumps forming under my touch. "Did you like the guitar?"

"You can't keep sending me gifts like that. Axl fucking knows they're from you. He hasn't said two sentences to me since that damn guitar arrived."

"But did you like it? Is it a good one? I know you're a Stone's fan so I bought it off Ronnie Wood. I payed a fucking small fortune for it," I say.

"That was Ronnie's guitar?" He asks me furrowing his brows at me.

"Yeah," I nod, "I guess I was hoping you'd know that. It's the guitar he used the most when he recorded the Some Girls album. Don't you like it?" I ask again. I'm starting to feel like a rejected prom date.

"You shouldn't have done that Nikki. If I even look at that guitar Axl will throw a ten day temper tantrum."

I smile humbly and run my fingers down his cheek. "You don't deserve that shit sweetheart. All he does is hold you down. He's got some perfect idea of you in his head and when you don't meet his unmeetable standards he just takes his disappointment out on you. That's so not what you need."

Izzy looks down, "Please stop," he whispers.

"Nothing hurts quite like the truth my precious little Gunner. You don't have to take his shit. That doesn't make you happy. I just want you to be happy," I almost whisper.

"Oh yeah?" Izzy raises an eyebrow, "even if it's not with you?"

I shrug, "Well naturally I prefer with me...but I know better than trying to dictate to you the way he does. I'm not Axl. I'm nothing like him."

"Axl isn't the one who tortured us all Nikki, you did that," he says his eyes meeting mine.

My lips quirk a little. "Love makes a fool out of us all at least once. In hindsight I see I was wrong...it's just...you ripped my heart out of my chest that morning when you just snuck out of my room. I don't handle rejection very well. I guess I thought I'd wake up with you still wrapped up in my arms. But I woke up alone. I tried to ignore it. I thought that when I saw you again things would pick up bright where they left off. I should have known when you called me Fireball. I just couldn't accept it. I wanted you so much," I confess.

"I was so wasted I could have fucked anyone and thought they were Axl because that's who I wanted to be with.. And I still do. I always will to a degree, no matter if I fucking hate him. I've been with him twelve fucking years Nikki. You can't forget someone who you've spent so much time with. No body knows me like he does, no one can," he shakes his head.

But I don't let his words discourage me. I lightly guide my hands around his hips and smile as I stare at his sweet lips I'm dying to taste again. "You're so wrong. I do know you Izzy. I know you come from a poor broken home. I know you didn't give a shit about school except for music and art. I know you have two brothers and two sisters. I know you and Axl were so happy in Indiana, but you thought the grass would be greener on the other side of the fence. I know you came to LA all alone. I know you sold drugs. I know you took care of Axl the best you could. I know you sold your soul for a record deal, just like me. I know you're a killer shot with a Beretta. I know you're loyal to a default almost. I know you're not happy. You expected Axl to turn into a magic fluff bunny once you guys got signed. And I know that didn't happen so you turned to Slash. The only reason you're with Axl is because it's a habit. It's your undying loyalty to him. You made yourself responsible for him a long long time ago, and you just can't stop. You think it's love, but it's not. It's something else sweetheart. Don't deny yourself what you need just to give him his fucking spoiled ass way."

"Don't say shit about him, you don't even know him. Axl has a lot of sides to him," Izzy tries to back away but I won't let him.

"And none of them give you what you need."

"What makes you the fucking expert on what I need?!"

I lean down and kiss his forehead. I circle my arms around him, "You need someone to say I love you Izzy....at least ten...a dozen times a day. You need strong arms wrapped around you that can repel everything you need them to. You need tender kisses and loving words. You haven't had nearly enough of that. If you had you wouldn't crave it like a fix. I can give you all that. I have enough cash that we could run away to any place you want and live the rest of our lives. Or we could stay high as shit for something like ten years. Whatever you want it's yours."

"Nikki, we can't be together!" He shoves me and breaks free from me.

He tries to storm past me but my arm shoots out and grabs him around the waist. I spin him around and press his back to the wall. I kiss him before he can say something hurtful. He struggles for maybe ten seconds before he's kissing me back. I move back a step licking my lips. "Tell me he still kisses you like that. Tell me he makes you happier than any ever could and I'll back off."

Izzy just stares at me. I can see him gulp. But he doesn't say one fucking word. I smile and stroke his cheek. " I leave for Japan in two days. I'm flying back to LA tonight. I want to see you before I leave."

"I... I can't," he shakes his head.

"Yes you can," I nod and kiss him again. I can feel him go limp in my arms and completely surrender his mouth to me. I cup his chin and release his lips. His eyes are closed. He opens then and looks at me with his mouth slightly gaped open. He searching for words with nothing to say. "Come by my place tomorrow night. Promise you'll love it. Say yes," I whisper.

"O...Ok," he submissively nods.

I give him one last kiss and let him go looking more confused than a kindergartner trying to figure out algebra. I smile to myself feeling confident. And looking quite forward to tomorrow night. He'd show up, I just knew it. The temptation I offer is simply too great for him to ignore. He'll show up. He'll find a way.