FicWad

Izzy

I lay on my bed looking at my trashed room. Axl left a few days ago with his fucking whore on his arm; apparently they’re moving in together. How long had he been planning that? Obviously for a while since he actually had to go through having a condo ready for them to move into. I don’t know if he bought it or is renting it but it doesn’t matter; either way he knew before we got here that he’d be moving into it and he said nothing to me about, not one word! Well fuck you too Fireball. I take another swig of gin and light a cigarette and keep staring into space.

I spent the night Axl left with Nikki. I wasn’t going to go but since Axl didn’t think I was worth cohabitating with I said fuck it and went. It was weird that’s for sure. He was so, so, good to me. He’d ordered all kinds of food since he didn’t know what I liked to eat and had it all set out to eat when I got there. He was nice and gracious and the sex was good but come on it was Nikki! Nikki, the mastermind behind my rape and near death! Nikki who had carved his name into my Fireball’s chest. Nikki who had, along with Tommy, destroyed Slash’s innocence. I hated him for everything he had done to us. I couldn’t look at Axl naked without seeing his name carved into his chest as a reminder. And Slash, I had nightmares about what I saw them do to him. Poor kid, he’d never been out and out raped until Nikki and Tommy got a hold of him. I remember that horrible dream I had about him months ago, Nikki had him up on a pedastal shoving a bat into him like that guy did to me and Axl and he was begging Duff and me to help him. That fucking dream came true only it was a bottle instead of a bat but Duff and I got a front row seat to Nikki hurting the kid and he did beg for us to help him, only we couldn’t. I don’t know which was worse having to watch what happened to the kid or not being there in time to save Axl.

Axl had just gotten more moody and distant since he was attacked, pushing me away instead of letting me help. He’d also gotten really weird about sex, wanting things to rouch almost to the point of violence and I really think he tempers it because he knows I don’t like what he’s doing but if he had his way I’m betting he would be even rougher. Slash had stopped talking for several days after he was assaulted. He’d struggle to get words out, having to concentrate hard on getting his mouth to move properly. He’d been almost totally non-responsive for two days, depending on Duff for virtually everything. But Duff’s ardent, unwavering love and care for Slash had brought him around and he was at least talking if not eating. Duff’s still worried about that. I wish Axl had let me care for him after he was hurt. I’d have done everything Duff did for Slash and more if he had given me the chance. But Axl’s not Slash and he didn’t accept love easily and didn’t want people to think he was incapable of caring for himself so he just pushed me away. Whatever. Now I’m stuck here in Franklin Plaza doing nothing but twiddling my thumbs and going fucking nuts from boredom! Before we went on tour I’d been out at night slinging dope so that we had money to pay rent and eat; now we had way more money than we needed and I had nothing to do and no one to do anything with. Slash and Duff rarely leave each other’s side and Steven’s fucking wasted most of the time. Axl’s off with Erin and everybody I knew before seems to want something from me, usually money.

There’s a knock at the door, great. There’s a constant party going on our floor. It’s not just our floor, there are other musicians and famous people here too. We’re known as a hard partying band but really, Stevie’s the only one partying very often. Slash and Duff spend most of their time in their rooms which are of course connected so they can keep up the appearance of seperate rooms. Sometimes I go out in the hall and socialize but not a whole lot. I look through the peephole expecting one of the partiers looking for drugs or a girl wanting to get laid or some such bullshit but it’s Slash. I quickly open the door and find him looking overwhelmed by what’s going on around him, so many people, and Duff, who’s definitely on guard duty, his body and arms forming a small barrier between everyone in the hallway and the scared looking kid between us. Slash is an introvert and all of the people who keep coming up to him and asking him for his autograph, or proposition him, or whatever freak him out and he was already freaked out enough by what happened with Tommy and Nikki. I look at him anxiously, making sure he’s ok and then look up at Duff. “What’s up?” I ask him.

“I need to run out on some secret Christmas business, can Slash stay with you? He doesn’t want to be alone and I don’t feel comfortable leaving him alone anyway,” Duff says. Ah, I know what he’s up to. Stevie told me that Duff was planning on ordering a female boa constrictor for Slash for Christmas, he must be on his way to order it.

“Yeah, he can stay here, I heard about this secret business from Stevie,” I reply, laughing when Slash looks back and forth between us in mock outrage.

“I will find out what my present is even if it kills me, I just want the two of you to know that!” he says seriously before cracking a smile. You all think you’re slick but my detective skills are very keen when it involves presents!”

I move aside and let them in and close the door. “What detective skills? Half the time you can’t find your own toothbrush when it’s right in front of you on the sink! You so will not find out!” Duff teases. “Now, behave and stay here with Izzy while I go work my Christmas magic! Don’t give him any dope Izzy, I don’t want to come back and find him wasted, ok?”

“Yeah, no smack, I got it,” I tell him.

“Oh and maybe you can get him to eat something? He’s barely had anything to eat since…” Duff trails off but I know what he means.

“I’ve eaten and I do so have skills! If you didn’t have so much crap all over the sink it would be easier to locate my toothbrush!” Slash protests.

“Two pieces of toast and a few glasses of various drinks and a ton of Jack don’t count as enough food for a week!” Duff protests. “I’m just worried about you Baby Boy, I just want you to be ok. People need to eat to live you know?”

“I’m fine Duffy. If I get hungry I’ll eat, don’t worry about it,” Slash says.

“I love you so much; I don’t want you to get sick or anything ok?” Duff tells him and pulls him close.

“I know baby, I love you too,” Slash replies and pulls Duff down to his lips and kisses him softly. One of Duff’s arms circles the kid’s waist and the other cups his face, his fingers lost in Slash’s wild curls. I look away; I’m thrilled that the kid is relatively ok and happy and talking after what happened to him but watching Duff suck face with him just drives the knife in my heart a little deeper.

“Ok,” Duff says pulling away from his boyfriend’s beautiful lips. “I’ve gotta go. Behave, the both of you, Stevie’s across the hall and between the three of you I know there’s enough smack to kill three elephants but none of it is to go up your arm, understand?”

“Yes Duff, I got it, no smack. Now go take care of your mysterious business so I can start trying to figure out what you’re up to!” Slash teases. Duff kisses him again and says goodbye and Slash and I are alone.

We look at each other for approximately three seconds and he moves to the phone and I move towards the drawer where my stash is hidden. No smack my ass, who does Duff think he’s kidding? Only himself I guess because when you leave three addicts alone with a shit ton of smack the first thing they’re going to do is shoot up! Slash calls Steven’s room and tells him to get his ass across the hall and I start cooking up a crap ton of smack and drawing it up into three syringes. A few seconds later Steven’s knocking on the door and Slash opens it to let him in. He ducks in but not fast enough because I hear some chick scream “Look! It’s Slash!” and then a bunch of other girls start shrieking. Slash quickly shuts the door and locks it and turns around and looks at us with huge eyes. “Shit! I can’t go anywhere without people screaming and shit! Girls who never would have given me the time of day are offering to suck my dick! It’s fucking ridiculous!”

“Yeah no shit!” Steven laughs. “I can get laid anytime I want, it’s awesome! Today alone I’ve fucked four different girls! The rest of you need to take advantage of what’s being offered.”

“Who says I haven’t?” I ask him. “Axl’s not here, he’s off being up Erin’s ass so I’ve sampled the groupies. Fuck it, if he doesn’t want me around I’m at least going to get laid!” I hand each of them a syringe. “Here’s to being fucking famous,” I say and we tap them together like we would glasses for a toast. Steven shoots up first, then I use his belt and tie off Slash’s arm and shoot him up and then myself.

We hang out and bullshit a little while and then Steven opens the door and looks around and then calls us over. He points at a girl at the end of the hall- she’s beautiful, blonde, thin, nice rack, not the kind of girl that would have had anything to do with us a couple of years ago and bets us that he can get her to fuck him in less than a minute. We take the bet and Popcorn struts over to her, whispers in her ear, and she takes his arm and he walks her back down the hall towards us. “Guys this is Brandi,” he says. She says she’d like to play with all of us if your want or whoever is willing. I raise my eyebrows at her and then look over at Slash who is just looking at Steven with wide, disbelieving eyes. I don’t blame him, I can’t believe this chick is willing to fuck Stevie either!

“Stevie she’s all yours, I promised Duff that I’d get Slash to eat something. Oh, and I also promised that we wouldn’t do any drugs so we didn’t got it?” I say to him.

“But we did do drugs,” Stevie says.

“Yeah Popcorn but if Duff asks we didn’t and don’t volunteer the information either ok?” I tell him.

“Right, if I see Duff I’ll tell him that we definitely didn’t do any drugs, especially not Slash, got it.”

“No, if you see Duff don’t say anything about drugs at all ok? Just say hi or whatever, nothing about drugs at all!” I tell him in exasperation.

“Hey Stevie, what did Duff go out to get, he said it was secret Christmas business, do you know what it is?” Slash asks with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

“Yeah, I do! He’s getting you a female boa so that Clyde can have a girlfriend!” Stevie says grinning.

“Slash! He wanted it to be a secret!” I admonish him.

“And it is, it’s a secret that I know so don’t tell him you told me Popcorn or he’ll be mad.” Slash tells Steven with a very serious look on his face.

“Yeah ok, if I see Duff I won’t say anything about your present or us doing drugs while he was gone, got it,” Steven says. “So, no takers on a three way or whatever?”

We shake our heads and Steven goes across the hall with his prize on his arm and we shut and lock the door again. I look over at Slash and shake my head. “That was evil, pumping poor Popcorn for info like that!” I scold.
He shrugs. “Told you I have detective skills,” he laughs.

“Yeah, you’re real slick Detective Slash. You had better hope that Duff doesn’t find out that you know what your present is or he’ll be disappointed. He’s been planning your gift since October. Do you know what you’re getting him?”

“Yeah, I got him a bass autographed by Prince. He loves Prince. When he was younger he decided he wanted to learn how to play all the instruments in a band like Prince does, Duff has like a fanboy crush on him so I had Doug find me something. Not only is it autographed but Prince owned it too so Duff can be doubly excited. Are you getting Axl anything?” he asks.

Ok, wrong question. “I don’t know yet. I probably will but I don’t know. He’ll probably be celebrating Christmas with Erin anyway,” I answer and try to keep the tears that want to come out away.

“Well, Stevie and Duff are coming to my mom’s, you come too, your family isn’t here and mom said to bring whoever wanted to come so come,” Slash says.

“Thanks, I will. How are you feeling kid?” I ask him. I haven’t really gotten a chance to talk to you alone. When Axl and Duff are around I feel like they’re just waiting for one of us to slip up and act too familiar with each other.”

“Yeah I know,” he sighs. “Too much history between us but look at it this way: Duff trusted us both enough for him to leave me here alone with you. I mean I asked him because I’m scared to stay alone. I don’t know that Tommy won’t come back for me, he said he would so it freaks me the fuck out. I know he won’t get me if you and your gun are between me and him.”

“Yeah, no shit! If anybody tries to lay a hand on you they’ll find themselves looking down the barrel of my baretta. Are you sleeping at night?” I ask.

“Some, still a lot of nightmares,” Slash replies.

“Can I give you a hug? I’ve wanted to since it happened but I wasn’t going to get in between you and Duff. He seems to be doing a good job of taking care of you,” I say halfway wishing it was me who got to take care of him.

“Yeah, Duff’s been amazing and yes, you can hug me,” he answers.

I wrap my arms around him and he settles his face into my shoulder and hugs back. It feels so nice to have his warm, skinny, skinny body against mine. “I’m sorry kid, I’m sorry I didn’t help you sooner, I was scared but that’s no excuse!” I tell him.

“Izzy, it’s perfectly normal that you were scared. I can’t believe you volunteered to stay behind; that was really brave and very selfless. Thank you, I owe you big time,” he whispers. I squeeze him harder and nuzzle his face and I’d love to kiss him but I’m not putting him in that position. We spend the rest of the afternoon watching bad horror movies and harrasing Stevie who is trying to get laid but can’t because we keep calling his room or sending people to knock on his door. Juvenile yes, but funny. Slash actually eats most of a sandwich for lunch which makes Duff happy when he comes back. Once he’s gone though I’m lonely as fuck so I start drinking; might as well be drunk and alone, it beats sad and alone.

I finish most of the bottle when someone pounds on my door. I swear to god if Popcorn sent somebody over here I’m going to kill him! I open the door and find Erin looking up at me. Apparently Axl tried to choke her out after yelling at himself in the bathroom. Fucking wonderful. We head over there on my new motorcycle and find the place totally trashed. Axl’s upstairs staring into space. I pull him into my arms and he finally tells me what the fuck is up with him! It scares the shit out of me but at least now I understand some of what’s been going on. He’s seeing his younger self in the mirror instead of his own reflection. Yeah, I imagine that’s pretty frightening. He’s been using so much heroin with me because it makes “Little Billy” go away and he sees his real reflection. I shoot him up after he begs and he quickly falls asleep. I call Doug and tell him that Axl needs some psychiatric help. Of course he wants to know why and I explain the situation to him and of course he freaks out; the singer in the band that’s his meal ticket is seeing and hearing things, but I think he genuinely cared too though. When Slash was assaulted he made sure that everyone left hiim and Duff alone so they could have some time to process. He rescheduled interviews and photo shoots so the kid could have time to heal, he wasn’t a bad manager.

I send Erin, who’s busy declaring her undying love for both Axl and I, away. I can’t deal with her screwed up bitch ass right now. I had tried to tell her to go away without directly saying it, telling her that she didn’t need to save Axl and me, that we weren’t savable but the bitch refused to believe that. At least she left the room. I lay down next to Axl and put my arm around his waist and spooned by body around his. He jerked awake and his head whipped around to see who was holding him. When he saw it was me he relaxed. “Izz, you don’t have to stay here with me, I don’t know why you’d want to anyway; I’m just a psychotic asshole. You could do better,” he said.

“Fireball, let me take care of you for once! Please baby! I don’t care if you’re seeing flying elephants there’s no way I’d leave you alone to deal with it yourself! Now that I know we can face it together ok? I love you and I want to be here for you, please don’t push me away,” I begged.

He immediately turned over and pressed his face into my chest and I started to stroke his hair. He nuzzled into my neck and whispered “I love you Izzy; you’re the only person I know who would stay here with me while I’m seeing crazy shit! Most people would be too scared or weirded out but not you. I’m sorry about this whole moving in with Erin thing; I should have said something to you. Fuck, I even asked Slash and Duff how they stayed so happy and what I could do to make you feel better not an hour before we got to LA but did I listen to them? No, I just acted like an asshole and I’m sorry Izzy, I’m so sorry!”
It’s ok Axe, it’s over now. So what did they have to say about keeping me happy?” I ask him.

“Basically just be nice to you and not shut you out. Slash told me that you needed love and affection too and to stop being a dick. Then those two started sucking face a little bit and I came and laid in the bunk with you. I love them but sometimes they’re so fucking sweet to each other that my teeth ache! How is Slash anyway? Doing any better?”

“Yeah, Duff brought him over this morning because he had to order Slash’s Christmas present and he didn’t want to leave him alone. Slash managed to get what his gift was out of Steven who tried to get us to participate in a foursome or something. He’s talking now without stuttering which is good but today was the first time in many days that he’s eaten and it really wasn’t much, just part of a sandwich. Duff’s worried because he won’t eat but the kid’s gonna be fine. Duff loves him more than any fucking thing in the world and he won’t let Slash fall,” I sigh. “Speaking of sucking face, think maybe we could do that a little more often? Maybe a lot more often? I love you Fireball and I miss you when you’re not there.”

“I think we could definitely kiss more often. I love you too Angel and I’m so glad you’re here; I feel so much safer with you than when I’m alone. Please stay, at least for the night,” Axl pleads.

“Don’t worry baby, I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow or next week but tonight I know that I’ll stay here with my Fireball. Tonight we’ll both feel safe and loved.
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