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Erin

I had been out all day Christmas shopping. It was almost dark when I got home. I'm going to bake a chicken for dinner. My arms are full of bags but I manage to unlock the door. I walk in and there's no lights on. Had Axl gone out? "Axl? I'm home." I don't hear anything so I go to the kitchen and start unpacking. I unwrap the chicken and get it in a pan. I season it and stick it in the oven at 350.

Just as I get out of the shower and return to the living room, I hear a key in the lock at the front door. Axl's back. The door opens and I pull a welcoming smile to my face. Axl looks at me and freezes. It's then that I see Izzy behind him. My smile widens for a few reasons, one, Axl made up with Izzy, two, Izzy's here.

"Uh... Izzy's moving in," Axl says and continues inside carrying some of Izzy's things.

"That is if you don't mind honey," Izzy says carrying a bag in one hand and two guitar cases in the other. He approaches me and kisses my cheek.

"Of course I don't mind, welcome home Izzy," I smile and hug him. "Im so glad Axl finally came to his senses."

"You and me both," Axl huffs and sits down what he's carrying. "Something sure smells good."

"I'm baking a chicken," I smile and hug Axl too.

"You cook?" Izzy asks seeming a bit surprised.

"Yeah, I had busy parents so I learned fast," I shrug.

Just then the phone rings. "I'll get it," I say and cross over to it. "Hello?"

"Erin, it's Steven, is Axl there?"

"Yeah, Axls here with Izzy. Is everything ok? You kinda sound strange."

"Let me talk to Izzy." His voice seems panicked and his words are coming out fast.

I turn to Izzy. "It's Steven, he wants to talk to you," I say holding the phone out to him.

Izzy takes it, "What's up Popcorn?" He says sounding quite jovial. But the smile on his face quickly disappears. "What?" Axl and I both watch as the expression seemed to melt away from his face completely? "You're sure?" He was losing his color and growing pale. "What?"

"What is it?" Axl asks him but Izzy isn't paying attention.

"Where's Duff?" Izzy asks. "No...no. You two just try to calm down. They can't arrest you. Is he talking or did he stop again?"

"What the fucks going on?" Axl again asks.

"Look, I'm living with Axl and Erin now so you have Duff call me the minute he gets back...yeah...Ok," then he hangs up.

Axl visibly tenses and looks to Izzy, "What?" He asks.

Izzy looks down and sighs, "Nikki's dead."

"What? How?" I ask.

"He knocked on Stevens door overdosing. Stevie said he just went down in the doorway. He and Slash tried to revive him and just couldn't. They called 911 but it was just too late."

"Holy shit," Axl almost whispers with wide eyes.

"Duff is out Christmas shopping and Slash is really freaking out; he’s still talking but apparently not much, Steven said he’s just sitting on the bed staring into space. Maybe we should go over there," Izzy suggests.

"Yeah," Axl nods.

"Just let me turn off the oven," I say rushing into the kitchen.

Then we all get in a taxi and go to Franklin Plaza. Nobody utters one word. We were all lost in thought. I'm sure we were all mentally picturing Nikki. Maybe the good times, maybe the bad times. We're just trying to wrap our heads around the concept. Nikki was dead and I guess that means the guys are safe now. We get up to Stevens room and find Slash in the middle of Stevens bed just staring into space. He's soaking wet. Steven is too.

"Slash," Axl says softly and sits on the end of the bed looking at him, "You ok man?"

Slash just looks at his hands, "I didn't want to save him at first...but then I tried to. We tried so hard. We did everything we knew to do. We tried the shower, we tried mouth to mouth, CPR, but we just couldn't save him."

"Hey, at least you tried, I probably wouldn't have," Axl says trying to soothe him.

"Nobody knows better than I do of how vicious and cruel the guy was...but I still feel so guilty. If I hadn't wasted so much time arguing with Stevie it might have been the time it took to save him. I feel like....like I just let him die. Like it's my fault he's dead."

"It's not your fault," Izzy says.

"Did Nikki say anything when you answered the door? Did he tell you what he took? Did he ask for help?" Axl asks.

Stevens eyes flutter to the floor, "He said one word before he fell out."

"What?" Izzy asks with furrowed brows.

Steven looks up at him,"He said your name, and that's it."

Axl looks over at Izzy and Izzy just looks even more pale than he was back at the condo.

"Thinking of you to the bitter end huh?" Axl huffs. Izzy cuts his eyes over at him Axl clears his throat, "Just saying, I'm not mad Angel."

"Tommy's gonna find out and blame us. He'll come for me and Stevie, he said he would come for me again!" Slash sobs.

Axl rests his hand on top of Slash's as Izzy sits on the opposite side of the bed. "No he won't, not while I have a breath in me. I'll kill him first. The brains of his band is dead, therefore the band is too. Hopefully Tommy just moves on. Don't be scared. We're all here to protect each other. We're brothers. It's gonna be ok."

Slash just shakes his head, "He was so blue, he looked really cold. And when I was trying to do mouth to mouth my air just kept coming right back out and it sounded like he was snoring but he wasn't. I beat on his chest. I slapped him...he just wouldn't wake up. We even tried to make him puke but nothing fucking worked. The cops came asking questions... Stevie had to hide all of his drugs. They tore this room apart searching for the drugs that killed Nikki. They didn't believe that he wasn't with us doing drugs. He just showed up...one minute he's alive, then the next..."

"Stop blaming yourself Slash," Izzy sighs, "you tried. You did all you could. It wasn't your shit he died from. It's gonna be ok," Izzy says softly. "Duff's gonna be home real soon and he'll take care of you. He'll hold you in his arms and you'll feel safe."

Slash just nods.

"Why don't we get you guys in some dry clothes," Axl suggests.

"Yeah, you must be freezing," Izzy says. “Give me your room key and I’ll go get you some clothes. Slash hands him the key and Izzy gets up and goes over to Slash's room and comes back with some dry clothing. Steven goes over to his own luggage and pulls out dry clothes. He strips right there in front of us all and puts on dry clothes. No one even bats an eyelash except me. But then, I guess everybody here has seen Steven naked; I’d managed to forget how hairy he is...

Axl and Izzy start helping Slash get out of the wet clothes. Axl pulls off his wet shirt and Izzy replaces it with a dry one. Then they help him stand and he shimmies out of his pants. I turn my head because I don't want Axl or Izzy to think I'm checking Slash out. But no sooner have I turned my head than Steven says my name. Without thinking I turn to look at him and catch a glimpse of Slash’s dick and holy mother of god he’s got the biggest one I’ve ever seen in my life! How did Izzy or Duff take that on a regular basis? I manage to keep my mouth from involuntarily dropping open instead I spit out the words "Holy shit!"

Steven starts cackling and says “Ha! Made you look!”

“Steven!” I say indignantly at the same time that Slash says “Hey man what the fuck!?!” and Axl and Izzy simultaneously almost yell “Popcorn!”
“What? It was too tense in here, I was just trying to lighten the mood!”

“Somebody died Steven, there’s no lightening the mood,” Axl scolds. Izzy just smirks around his cigarette and gives Steven a slightly approving look, obviously amused. Steven just shook his head and flopped down on the sofa.When they get Slash dressed they sit him back down on the bed. "It's not your fault Curly Sue," Axl says warmly.

"Yeah, so stop even saying that," Izzy adds.

The look in Izzy's eyes suggests me that he would love to put his arms around Slash, but he doesn't want to piss Axl off, especially since they just made up. So Izzy sort of detached himself from the situation and tries to remain distant with Slash who’s not making it very easy because he’s latched onto Izzy’s shirt; I’ve never seen Slash like this before. I knew they all babied him when he was upset but now I see why, his reactions to things are pretty intense. Izzy’s gently peeling Slash’s fingers off of his shirt but Axl knows Izzy too well. The look in his eyes says he's jealous but trying his best to not snap. He watches every move Izzy makes and shifts his weight when he starts growing agitated. But he's holding his composure, for now. Later it might be a whole different story. When we go home Axl might beat the shit out of us both. He really doesn't know how to cope with anything but anger.

"We tried so fucking hard man," Steven shakes his head.

"That's all that matters Stevie, you tried," I humbly nod at him.

Slash's eyes catch Izzy's, "It could have been us..."

"No," Izzy shakes his head, "We don't shoot as much as he does. And he mixes shit...it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"And that scared you, right?" Axl asks to which Slash nods. "Then learn from this experience," his eyes look at Izzy again. Izzy just looks away in shame.

I knew Izzy didn't like being an addict. He knew it just caused problems with him and Axl and anytime someone mentioned quitting he got this distant stare. You could tell he was contemplating it. But when it came down to it, he just couldn't say no. He just did enough to not get sick most days, but there were days he dove in head first. Most of the time it was the direct effect of something bad happening to him. So I guess we all justified it. Slash's addiction too. He'd been through so much. I could imagine myself as an addict if I had been through what these guys have. I honestly don't know how Axl does it mostly sober.

I'm not sure how I feel about Nikki being dead. He's overdosed do many times before. I guess I'm having a hard time realizing that he's actually gone. I'm torn I guess because a small part of me remembers the good things about him. The way he laughed, his beautiful smile, that little smirk, the way he makes love, his intelligence, those things I'll miss. But the evil plotting side that has caused so much pain...I'm glad that's gone. It's over now and we don't have to worry about him hurting us anymore.

I look to Axl and Izzy again. Now Izzy's staring off into space deep in thought. I'm sure he's probably thinking the same things I am. Should we be sad or happy? Axl's watching Izzy intently. He reaches over to him and takes his hand. Izzy seems surprised at first. Then Axl puts an arm around him. Izzy just sighs and rests his head on Axl's shoulder. The air is so thick with tension. What's next? What do we do?