FicWad

Duff

You know, for the last two years we've been on the road touring for most of it. You kinda get used to the hustle and bustle of things. You get used to room service and falling asleep to the hum of the bus. Everybody caters to you. Then we come home. Honestly, I don't know what to do with myself. Everything's changed so much. We were labeled as that junkie band on the strip. So many rival bands fucking hated us. Now they're the first ones to Pat us on the back. Then they come with their home made recordings on cassettes wanting us to help them get a break. Yeah fucking right. I feel like a stranger in a place I once called home. I can't walk down the street without someone wanting an autograph. It just all seems so sudden. But I hold my head high and strut L.ike A. M.other F.ucker.

I went Christmas shopping for my extended family, the guys and my baby boy. I got him a boa constrictor to keep Clyde, his other boa, happy. I thought he might like a chick. I'm sure Slash is looking forward to breeding them. I'm having it delivered Christmas Eve. I also got a few smaller things, cologne, socks, some bracelets, bandannas, guitar strings, some sex toys, and a pair of boots. I couldn't wait to watch him open his gifts. I'm dying to know what he's getting me. I'm so excited about Christmas! I swear, I'm just like a little kid all over again. I'm so fucking happy.

I return on a high and go in mine and Slash's room but it's empty. Where the fuck was Slash? He didn't leave a note or anything. I hide the presents and go across the hall to see if Stevie has seen him. I knock and Steven answers. I can tell immediately that something wrong by the look on his face. I look into the room and see the rest of the guys and Erin.

"Is there a band meeting?" I ask. Steven just steps aside and let's me in. I see Slash on the bed with Izzy on one side and Axl on the other. I can see dear all over Slash. I rush to him and take him in my arms. He just starts sobbing into my chest. I look up at Axl. "What the fuck is going on?"

Axl looks down, "Nikki's dead. Slash and Steven tried to help him but...."

"He died here?" I ask.

Axl nods.

"What the fuck was he doing here?" I ask Steven.

"I don't know man," Steven shrugs.

Izzy looks up at me, "I think he came here looking for me. Steven said he said my name before he fell out."

"Duffy we tried do hard to save him," Slash sobs, "in spite of everything he did to us we tried to save him. I don't know what else we could have done."

"Shhhh," I soothe him. "Just breathe. It's not your fault sweetness, it's not like you and Popcorn are EMTs or anything; you did the best you could. I know how scary it is seeing someone you know die in front of you like that; I've been there before, my ex-girlfriend died in my arms, remember? I felt the same way you're feeling right now. I hate the fucker even more than I already did for making you feel the way your feeling; especially after all the trauma he put you through already! God damn mother fucker!"

"But...but I feel like...like I let him die," he mumbles into my chest. "At first I wanted him to die...but Stevie said that would make us no better than him....so I tried Duff, I tried to save him and I couldn't! Now he's dead and it's my fault!"

"No Baby Boy, he did it to himself. Don't you hold onto that blame." I grab his face and force him to look at me, "You did nothing wrong, do you hear me? You did The best you could. Him dying isn't your fault. I'm so proud of you for trying. I know how much he hurt you baby. You could have done nothing but you put aside your anger and fear and tried. Your conscience should be clean because this isn't your fault. Do you understand me?"

He nods his head and buries his face in my neck again sobbing. I stroke his hair and start to rock him slowly and I feel his tense little body start to relax a little. I love him so much; he's been through enough and he was just starting to feel better and act like himself again and now this shit happens! At least he's talking and hasn't gone silent again. "I love you sweetness," I tell him quietly and take a second to look up at the guys. Axl is rubbing Slash's back and rolls his eyes when he hears me tell him that I love him. Stevie is kinda just floating around the room lost in thought. Erin is standing at the end of the bed looking at Slash sympathetically. Izzy's sitting on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees and his head hung staring at the floor.

Then I let all of this sink in. Nikki was gone. The guy who tortured, beat and raped my baby boy is dead. The guy who forced me to marry my cunt wife is no more. The guy who raped Axl is deceased. The guy who tried to kill Stevie with comet is now lifeless. The guy who kidnapped and let Tommy rape Izzy is getting stiff in a morgue. Is it wrong that I feel relieved? It feels wrong that I'm relieved. Someone died, you're not supposed to feel relief at a time like this and I know that. But... I just can't help it.

"It's over baby boy," I start to rock him again in my arms. "It's all over now. Please stop crying sweet boy."

He pulls his head up to look at me, "Please give me a shot Duff," he whimpers.

I stroke a tear away from his face. It's time for his nightly shot anyway so I nod, "Ok baby boy."I stand up and tug him to the edge of the bed. I pick him up in my arms and start for the door to take him back to our room. Erin opens the door for us then she follows us to our room and unlocks our door for us. "Thanks Erin." I cordially nod.
"Your welcome guys, have a good night. Get some rest," she faintly smiles.

I take Slash to our bed and lay him down. I cook him up a shot and the thought of cooking myself one crosses my mind. I'd love to just forget about everything right now. But I can't do that. I have to be here for Slash. Fucking Nikki got in one last stunt to fuck with us. He got my baby boy one last fucking time. It might be wrong and I might go to hell for it but...I'm glad the son of a bitch is dead.