FicWad

Axl

I had an interview today with Spin Magazine. I was sitting in front of the mirror in our bathroom getting ready. They'd take a picture for the article but there wouldn't be a makeup artist on hand. It wasn't that kind of interview. Makeup artists only showed up when all of us guys were there. So todays makeup job was on me. No big deal, we had been doing our own makeup for years. The only problem is that Billy's reflection is where mine should be. I hadn't been seeing as much of him since Izzy moved in. It's like having Izzy there warded him off a lot of the time. Maybe that's because Billy was glad he was there.

But right now he's here. He's not saying anything but he's smiling at me like I'm happy. "Why are you smiling Billy?" I ask him.

"Because you're happy," he simply states.

"If I'm so happy then why are you still here?"

"Because I'm still a part of you. I always will be."

"I need you to go away Billy. Do you understand that me always seeing you is crazy? I don't need you here anymore. I have Izzy to take care of me," I sigh.

"He takes care of me too Axl. And when you're all alone I take care of you," he explains.

"I'm not alone Billy, Izzy and Erin are in the next room."

"Axl, I'm a part of you and I always will be."

"That's fine and all but I need you to just stay in my head. I can't just see you every time I look in a fucking mirror. Don't you understand that is what happens to crazy people? I'm not crazy! I had a few rough months but I'm better now. I've got izzy. Just go away so I can get ready for this damn interview."

"It's not that simple. I Don't show up because I want to. You make me show up. You control me Axl. The power to see me is all because of you."

"Well, I choose for you to fuck off so go away."

But before Billy says anything I see Izzy in the mirror behind me. He has this hesitant look of concern compounded by furrowed brows and slow movements. "He's there isn't he?" He asks me.

I just look down and nod. "I haven't been seeing him or hearing him as much but he's there now. I've gotta get ready for the damn interview and I can't because he's only five. How the fuck do I put makeup on a five year old?"

Izzy squats down next to me. He grabs the legs of the chair I'm sitting in and turns it to face him. He reaches to the counter for the foundation. "Well there's ways around that," he says and picks up a makeup wedge. He puts foundation on it and starts to smooth it across my cheek.

"Thanks Angel."

He just smiles and nods. Back in our Hollywood Rose days Izzy always did all of our makeup. We'd all show up over at his place hours early so he could get us all glammed up. Back then everyone wore makeup. These days it was just for TV and photos. But Izzy hasn't lost his touch. He really missed his calling as a Drag Queen. But Izzy had always had better style than all of us. And he was consistent. The rest of Always experimented with new things all the time, but Izzy's look was signature, just like Slash's top hat.

"I'm a little worried about the whole Billy thing Axe," Izzy says dabbing more foundation on the wedge. "Maybe you should see someone about it."

"What? Like some shrink?" I huff.

"Yeah," he nods.

"Why? So they shove pills down my throat and turn me into something more comfortable for everyone else? So they can run to the press?"

"They can't disclose any information on you, it's against the law," he says blending the foundation under my eye.

"No, they'll have their secretary leak it or some shit. You know how this shit works, there's always some loophole to cover their ass. They'd probably make thousands by selling me out."

Izzy sighs running the wedge across my forehead. "You're probably right about that. I'm just worried about you Fireball."

I reach up and stroke his cheek, "I know darlin. But it's not as bad as it was. Since you moved in I haven't been seeing much of him. Maybe it'll just get better on its on. Maybe it'll just take some time."

Izzy nods, "Yeah maybe so. If anyone can beat this it's you. You're the strongest person I know Axe." He reaches over and picks up a brown eyeliner pencil. He turns to face me and pulls down my bottom eyelid and starts to apply the eyeliner.

"I don't even want to do this interview," I say trying not to blink.

"Well you're the front man. The front man is always the most important person in a band. You might want to get used to that. You're the focal point. It's you they hear and see."

"Yeah I know, I'm just sorta thrown for a loop at all the sudden attention," I say.

Izzy pulls down my other eye, "Well this is what we wanted, right?"

"Yeah... I guess I just never thought it would really happen for us."

"Well, it's happening darlin. None of us can go out without someone recognizing us. All of the sudden people want our autographs. It's sorta sudden I know, but this is just how it is now." He turns back to the counter and picks a tube of brown mascara. With my red eyelashes black looks unnatural. He untwists the lid and brings it up to my eye.

"I'm nervous Izz."

He pauses and looks at me warmly, "No need to be nervous darlin. It's just a one on one interview. You're not going on stage. There's nothing to worry about."

"I'm nervous about the questions that I know they're going to ask."

"Like what?" He asks brushing on the mascara.

"My childhood. Our childhood in Indiana. The drugs..."

"They'll believe anything you tell them Fireball," he says gently brushing the mascara over my other eyelash.

"I'm a lot of things Izzy, but you know I don't lie. It gets too hard keeping up with them all."

"Then just tell them the truth," he says moving over to my bottom lashes.

"Izz...will you give me some smack? Not a shot, just a line, or a little bit to smoke? Just to take the edge off?"

His eyes meet mine and his expression is the same as if I just told him I'm dying of cancer or something. He finishes my mascara and screws the lid back on and returns it to the counter. "Axe...you know how addictive that shit is.. if you keep on you're just going to end up like me. Do you want to wake up sick every day? Do you want to always be thinking about that next fix? You've been there, you know what it's like. You see me go through it every fucking day. Believe me, I understand why you would want it. I know it relaxes you and makes you not scared of anything. I know it makes Billy go away...but please darlin, you're doing too much. I can't let you get hooked again. I did that once before and I hate myself for it. I've got Slash and Stevie on it now and... I can't live with myself if I did that to you again."

"You said it yourself, I'm the strongest person you know. I can take it Angel. Please, just a little."

Izzy just looks at the mirror, " So how does Billy look in makeup?" He's trying to joke in hopes that I'll drop the subject.

I look in the mirror. Billy actually looks like he could pass for ten. Izzy stands behind me. He bends over and rests his chin on my shoulder. "I bet you were cute with all those little freckles on your nose. They had faded by the time we met. Is he still there?" He asks me.

I nod. Izzy strokes my cheek, " I bet your skin was so soft back then." He pauses and his smile slowly dissipates. "Can I talk to him?"

I shrug because I don't know. No one has ever tried but me.

"Billy," Izzy begins, "I promise to protect the both of you. You don't have to stay anymore."

And Billy answers so I tell Izzy what he says. "He says he's glad you're here. But he can't go yet."

"Why not?" Izzy asks my reflection.

I shrug, "He says he doesn't know."

"Well Billy, do you think you could maybe let Axl see his own reflection?" Izzy asks.

"He says that's up to me," I sigh. "Please just fix it for now Izzy. I Don't want to hear him in my head during this fucking interview. What if I flip out talking to him? Everyone will know I'm crazy," I beg.

"Axe you've been through a lot, you're not crazy."

"Do you hear voices and see shit? You've been through just as much as I have."

Izzy just looks away, " I probably would if I wasn't a junkie."

"Izzy. I love that you care, but please just help me. It's not like I'm doing it daily. Just help me please."

Izzy sighs deeply, "Ok darlin, you win."He pulls out a fold of smack. "It's not China White so you'll have to smoke it. You want it on foil or want me to lace a joint?"

"Joint, I can smoke it in the limo on the way there. I wish you would come with me."

"Erin will be there darlin."

"But she's not You Angel."

Izzy doesn't say anything as he lays out some weed in a paper. He hold the wax fold of smack over it and gently taps some down the length of the joint. He sits it down and carefully picks up the joint and finishes rolling it. He extends it out to me. "You look beautiful darlin. Everything's gonna be ok. If you need me just call ok. You should probably get dressed. Erin has your clothes laying out. I picked them out so you'll look great. You're a rock star, remember that. I love you and I'll be right here when you get back."

I nod and thrust my arms out and draw him up into a tight hug.

"Watch the makeup Fireball," he reminds me.

I nod and back away.

"Don't worry, you'll do fine," he winks at me. "If you get scared just reach down and touch this ring," he says lifting my right hand and kissing my ring. "I'm always with you as long as you wear this darlin. Hey, wait right here," he says and rushes from the bathroom.

He returns with his acoustic guitar. He clears his throat and sits on the counter. "I wrote this a few weeks back. It's not for GNR or anything....but it is for you." He places his hands on the first note. "I call it 'I Know'."

He gently starts to strum a sweet melody. Then he started singing in that soft sweet voice of his. (For anyone who doesn't know, this really is an Izzy song).
"I know. Well I know.
That I'll probably be back in a week or a day every time.
Make it alright. It's likely to be so.
Call me on the phone, say I need you here today.
Never stay away too long.
Never stay away too long.
Well I know, when you go
That you'll probably be back in a week or a day every time.
Make it alright. It's likely to be so.
You call me on the phone. Say I miss you here today.
It's likely to be so. You call me on the phone.
Say I need you in every way.
Never stay away too long. Never stay away too long. Never stay away too long.
Never stay too long."

I smile. "I love you so much Izzy. You always know just what to say. Thanks for singing it to me. You'll be here when I get back won't you?"

"Darlin, where else would I be?"