Categories > Celebrities > Motley Crue > Clandestine
A New Dawn
Nikki's POV
There's that annoying throb in my head that wakes me every single day of my life. My wake up call for booze and smack and coke. I sigh and faintly crack open one eye to squint at the light. I see Slash and Izzy quietly gathering their things to leave. Their flight must leave soon. Slash gives me a perky smile with a head nod and places a finger to his lips to tell me to be quiet. He opens the door gently. Izzy turns to me with a smirk and tips his hat at me with a wink. Then, just like that they are gone.
I blink a few times and lift my aching head up off the pillow. I see Tommy sound asleep at my side with his head against my ribs. He looks like a fucking angel. I smile and take in the memories from last night. Tommy loved me. He actually had always loved me. I couldn't believe how many years it took me to come to grips with how fucking much I loved him. God I wasted so much time.
But it was a new day. Now there were no secrets between us. Now we were one. I run my fingers across his cheek and move his hair away. He draws in a breath. He soon shifts and is looking up at me. When his brown eyes meet mine I see forever in them. I see all the love in life I had been denied. I see the love for him that I had denied myself. Was this really real.
He shyly smiles and starts blushing. “Last night was...fuck dude...I can barely look you in the eye this morning.” He's so fucking cute being all bashful and shy.
A devious smile crosses my lips, “Well I'll be sure to take you from behind so you don't have to look at me then.”
Tommy chuckles and reaches across me for cigarettes. He lights me one and hands it to me. “So...are we gonna keep shit on the down low?” He asks me.
I have honestly given it no thought. “Well I don't really wanna hear shit from Vince and Mick, you know.”
“Me either,” he drags from the cigarette, “And Heather.”
A cold chill shoots through me as my stomach turns. For a moment I had forgotten that my lover was engaged to be married. Fuck I was even the goddamn best man. “Well...you're not still...I mean after last night? You told me you loved me.”
“I do,” he solemnly nods and places his hand on my leg. “But I already asked her. It's out in the press and shit. She already has the fucking dress. I'd be a total douche and look like an idiot if I back out. And if it got out why I backed out...”
“So what,” I question with a furrowed brow, “I'm supposed to stand by your fucking side while you get married and be your little toy when she's not around? Fuck You T-Bone! How can you do that to me...to her?”
“Dude what choice do I have? Fuck it's not like it's going to change anything between us. It's not like we're telling everyone we're fucking,” he exhales with exasperation and looks down shaking his head. “I have to marry her. It's good for our publicity.”
“Our? Oh fuck that, this is all about Tommy fucking Lee's goddamn publicity!” I snap and take a deep drag from the cigarette as I feel rage spread throughout my veins.
“Come on dude, try to be a little more understanding,” he sighs.
“Understanding?” I question with a gaping jaw. “What exactly do you want me to fucking understand? That you love me but you don't want anyone to fucking know? That you plan to marry Heather just for the sake of getting your goddamn face on TV? What the fuck am I not understanding here Tommy?”
He just sighs and runs his hand over his face. “Nothing will even change. When I'm with Heather you have Slash and Izzy to call on, so...”
I am astonished into silence. “And you call this love?” I question.
His head snaps over at me, “Oh yeah, you're a fucking expert on the matter Nikki.”
“At least I know not to pull some shit like this on someone I claim to love! How can you even ask me to stand at your side as your best man? You know...I may not have a fucking clue about love and shit, but I know I can't stand there without crying. I know that every time I think of that bitch touching you I want to fucking kill her! I fucking can't do this Tommy. I know I act all impervious and shit, but it's just a protective shell man. I have fucking feelings, despite what anyone thinks.”
“God dammit Nikki what do you want from me?”
“I want what you said in that fucking bathroom last night,” I yell motioning to the bathroom. “Did you just say all that shit because your horny ass liked what you walked in on and wanted some of the action?”
“You know it wasn't like that,” he sighs shaking his head.
“Do I?” I ask and jump up from the bed. I grab my dope and retreat to the bathroom slamming the door.
“Nikki...come on,” I hear him pleading through the door, “Please don't fucking shut me out like this. We can work something out.”
I jerk the door open. “Go work on your fucking wedding plans you fucking fake!”
“Nikki...baby...”
“NO! You do NOT get to fucking call me baby! Go fucking call her baby!”
“What would you like it better if I called you darlin' like goddamn Izzy does?”
I shove Tommy as hard as I can, “Fuck off!” And again slam the bathroom door, this time in his face, and lock it. I'm suddenly one track minded. All I can think about is making these feelings go away. I'm too fucking confused to try to think straight. I can't make sense of shit right now. There is but one remedy to what ails me. I had to fucking medicate it.
“Nikki...please...” I vaguely hear Tommy begging at the door.
I'm in the zone now. That place you find yourself when you're cooking up a fix. I fucking love everything about it. The mixing. The smell. The taste. The routine itself is just as addictive as the smack to me. I just crawl into this bubble and the only fucking thing in existence is the love for smack.
“Please don't do this!” Tommy pounds his fists on the door.
But it's too late. The needle is already inside my vein. The dope is already coursing through me. And Tommy's voice just fades away as my hand rests on the emptied syringe still in me. The will to remove it is non existent. The need will come later. My head slowly droops and I nod out. I've made it all go away.
Nikki's POV
There's that annoying throb in my head that wakes me every single day of my life. My wake up call for booze and smack and coke. I sigh and faintly crack open one eye to squint at the light. I see Slash and Izzy quietly gathering their things to leave. Their flight must leave soon. Slash gives me a perky smile with a head nod and places a finger to his lips to tell me to be quiet. He opens the door gently. Izzy turns to me with a smirk and tips his hat at me with a wink. Then, just like that they are gone.
I blink a few times and lift my aching head up off the pillow. I see Tommy sound asleep at my side with his head against my ribs. He looks like a fucking angel. I smile and take in the memories from last night. Tommy loved me. He actually had always loved me. I couldn't believe how many years it took me to come to grips with how fucking much I loved him. God I wasted so much time.
But it was a new day. Now there were no secrets between us. Now we were one. I run my fingers across his cheek and move his hair away. He draws in a breath. He soon shifts and is looking up at me. When his brown eyes meet mine I see forever in them. I see all the love in life I had been denied. I see the love for him that I had denied myself. Was this really real.
He shyly smiles and starts blushing. “Last night was...fuck dude...I can barely look you in the eye this morning.” He's so fucking cute being all bashful and shy.
A devious smile crosses my lips, “Well I'll be sure to take you from behind so you don't have to look at me then.”
Tommy chuckles and reaches across me for cigarettes. He lights me one and hands it to me. “So...are we gonna keep shit on the down low?” He asks me.
I have honestly given it no thought. “Well I don't really wanna hear shit from Vince and Mick, you know.”
“Me either,” he drags from the cigarette, “And Heather.”
A cold chill shoots through me as my stomach turns. For a moment I had forgotten that my lover was engaged to be married. Fuck I was even the goddamn best man. “Well...you're not still...I mean after last night? You told me you loved me.”
“I do,” he solemnly nods and places his hand on my leg. “But I already asked her. It's out in the press and shit. She already has the fucking dress. I'd be a total douche and look like an idiot if I back out. And if it got out why I backed out...”
“So what,” I question with a furrowed brow, “I'm supposed to stand by your fucking side while you get married and be your little toy when she's not around? Fuck You T-Bone! How can you do that to me...to her?”
“Dude what choice do I have? Fuck it's not like it's going to change anything between us. It's not like we're telling everyone we're fucking,” he exhales with exasperation and looks down shaking his head. “I have to marry her. It's good for our publicity.”
“Our? Oh fuck that, this is all about Tommy fucking Lee's goddamn publicity!” I snap and take a deep drag from the cigarette as I feel rage spread throughout my veins.
“Come on dude, try to be a little more understanding,” he sighs.
“Understanding?” I question with a gaping jaw. “What exactly do you want me to fucking understand? That you love me but you don't want anyone to fucking know? That you plan to marry Heather just for the sake of getting your goddamn face on TV? What the fuck am I not understanding here Tommy?”
He just sighs and runs his hand over his face. “Nothing will even change. When I'm with Heather you have Slash and Izzy to call on, so...”
I am astonished into silence. “And you call this love?” I question.
His head snaps over at me, “Oh yeah, you're a fucking expert on the matter Nikki.”
“At least I know not to pull some shit like this on someone I claim to love! How can you even ask me to stand at your side as your best man? You know...I may not have a fucking clue about love and shit, but I know I can't stand there without crying. I know that every time I think of that bitch touching you I want to fucking kill her! I fucking can't do this Tommy. I know I act all impervious and shit, but it's just a protective shell man. I have fucking feelings, despite what anyone thinks.”
“God dammit Nikki what do you want from me?”
“I want what you said in that fucking bathroom last night,” I yell motioning to the bathroom. “Did you just say all that shit because your horny ass liked what you walked in on and wanted some of the action?”
“You know it wasn't like that,” he sighs shaking his head.
“Do I?” I ask and jump up from the bed. I grab my dope and retreat to the bathroom slamming the door.
“Nikki...come on,” I hear him pleading through the door, “Please don't fucking shut me out like this. We can work something out.”
I jerk the door open. “Go work on your fucking wedding plans you fucking fake!”
“Nikki...baby...”
“NO! You do NOT get to fucking call me baby! Go fucking call her baby!”
“What would you like it better if I called you darlin' like goddamn Izzy does?”
I shove Tommy as hard as I can, “Fuck off!” And again slam the bathroom door, this time in his face, and lock it. I'm suddenly one track minded. All I can think about is making these feelings go away. I'm too fucking confused to try to think straight. I can't make sense of shit right now. There is but one remedy to what ails me. I had to fucking medicate it.
“Nikki...please...” I vaguely hear Tommy begging at the door.
I'm in the zone now. That place you find yourself when you're cooking up a fix. I fucking love everything about it. The mixing. The smell. The taste. The routine itself is just as addictive as the smack to me. I just crawl into this bubble and the only fucking thing in existence is the love for smack.
“Please don't do this!” Tommy pounds his fists on the door.
But it's too late. The needle is already inside my vein. The dope is already coursing through me. And Tommy's voice just fades away as my hand rests on the emptied syringe still in me. The will to remove it is non existent. The need will come later. My head slowly droops and I nod out. I've made it all go away.
Sign up to rate and review this story