Categories > Celebrities > Motley Crue > Clandestine

Gangrene Has Set In

by MaryJaneSixx 0 reviews

Nikki talks with Izzy

Category: Motley Crue - Rating: R - Genres: Romance - Warnings: [V] [X] - Published: 2017-07-20 - 1451 words

Gangrene Has Set In

Nikki's POV

There are only days left until Tommy ties the knot to Heather. Officially documenting the ceremony that is ruining my fucking life. I'm supposed to be planning a goddamn bachelor party. But I'm too hollow. Too jaded. I just want to be away and removed from it all. I want to disappear. I do my best to be as numb as chemicals will allow me. I wish I were fucking dead. I already feel halfway there.

In the last months there have only been two people I could turn to. Izzy and Slash. During tour breaks I would stay with them. No one ever thought to search for me there. Tommy could figure it out if he wanted to, but he's stuck in Heatherland. We'd stay smacked out. Then we'd get coked out and fuck. But none of it made me feel any fucking better. Not even the massive amounts of smack I shoved into my veins made anything any better. I had an incurable kind of pain I was dealing with.

Recently Slash moved in with some girl. Izzy didn't seem as if it bothered him the least bit. I wish I knew how he did it. I felt like I was fucking dying. I thought about Tommy every waking moment of every day. I missed him so much. I missed that goofy laugh and hyperactive energy of his. But Izzy never bat an eyelash with Slash gone. How? I wanted to be able to do that too.

I look over at Izzy strumming his guitar in his lap. I honestly had no idea he was this good. Slash drowns him out when they perform together. He's not a shredder like Slash, definitely not suited for lead, but he had an undeniable talent. He was a pretty underestimated player. Plus, like myself, he was a songwriter. Maybe even better than me.

“Izzy?” I ask.

He stops playing and glances up at me.

“How do you do it?” I ask with a vague tone.

“What's that?” he asks with a shrug and strums a few more notes.

“Deal with the fact that Slash is living with some chick?” I question.

Izzy sticks his guitar pick in his strings and lies it on the couch next to him. He leans forward resting his elbows on his knees with a deep sigh. “Nikki, we live in a world where men marry women. Where anything different from that is called un-normal and automatically shunned.”

I just look at him. He hasn't answered me really. I'm not stupid, I know how the world works. I know how people have been raised to not accept this shit.

He stares at me a moment with a raised eyebrow. “You know what your problem is?” He asks me reaching for a cigarette.

“What?” I ask curiously.

Izzy cups his hand around his lighter and lights his cigarette. He inhales deeply then exhales. “You let love in.” He answers plainly.

“Love?” I ask not really understanding where he was going with this.

“Mmmm,” he nods and inhales again. “ is something that always betrays you in one way or another,” he pauses and stares at the carpet in deep thought for a moment. “Well if you leave it out you leave a lot of other shit out...shit like you're feeling right now.”

“So you don't love Slash?” I question befuddled. They seemed like the ideal couple.

Izzy leans back, “I could very easily. It wouldn't be hard to, but I don't let myself.”

“Why?” I simply must know. How the fuck do you simply just not love someone if you love them.

“What would the point be in it?” He hesitates glancing down at his hands. “I can't have him, I mean not in the traditional relationship sort of way. We don't live in a world where that shit flies. This is as good as it gets. The best guys like us are gonna get darlin'.” He shrugs.

“It doesn't bother you when he's with chicks?” I quiz.

Izzy smiles with a slight twisted smirk, “No, I have a little something extra they can never give him.”

“You don't get jealous?” I ponder.

He huffs and shakes his head, “Nikki, how many groupies have you fucked? Did any of them ever mean more than the nut they gave you? I understand perfectly well what goes on with the chicks. And sometimes I like pussy too. It's like having the best of both worlds you know.”

“And what if Slash told you he was getting married?”

Izzy slightly chuckles, “Well, then I'd still try to get in his pants every fucking chance I got.” He drags from his cigarette again.

“It wouldn't bother you being the 'other' person?” I ask.

“I wouldn't be, she would be,” he answers quickly with confidence. “But no, I don't suppose I'd give a shit. Like I said, I don't let love complicate shit.” He exhales.

“Ok...lets say you did love would you deal with it then?” I press the matter fishing for the answer I need.

Izzy drags from his cigarette with a sigh and stares at me a moment in thought. “Well the thought of killing someone would be my first impulse of course. But I'm not a rash guy who doesn't think things through. So I'd probably find a way to sabotage the relationship. But if I really really loved Slash...I'd just let him go and wish him happiness.”

I feel fucking tears trying to form. “He won't let me go.”

“Fuck,” I hear Izzy, “You love him and he loves you too huh?”

I nod and wipe away my tears.

“And Heather Locklear is fucking Heather Locklear, only an idiot would dump her after he asked her to get married and she actually agreed. That shit is acceptable. You and Tommy...come on who would ever accept that shit except other fags?”

I nod.

Izzy reaches for a bottle of Jack on the floor between his feet and extends it out to me, “You're fucked man.”

It's about damn time he handed me the fucking bottle. My mouth has been watering for it for over a half hour. I snatch the bottle and take a chug feeling it's warm burn. “You shoulda been a shrink Stradlin.”

He drags from his cigarette once more. “All you can do is take what you can get bro. Cherish what you're granted with. Make it enough. “

“I don't know how,” I shake my head.

“Well it's either that or just fucking let him go.”

I stare at the floor. “Every beat of my heart, every breath into my lungs, every thought in my's all for him.” And I mean every last word of that shit.

Izzy takes the Jack bottle back and shakes his head. He chugs and lowers the bottle and commences shaking his head again. “You're fucked man. Totally fucked.”

I wipe my nose, “Yeah, tell me something I don't know.”

“Look,” Izzy says, “If you love him and he loves you then shit should just sort of work itself out.”

“And if it doesn't? I just act like some Tommy Lee groupie?”

He shrugs, “Guess that depends on how strong the love is.”

“I wish I could just stop loving him,” I mutter.

“Wouldn't that be convenient?” he smirks. “I'd like that shit myself.” There's a distant look of wonder in his eyes as a slight smile plays on his lips. He quickly shifts gears and I can see him forcing himself to think of something else.

I look at him with confusion. What exactly did he mean by that? He sounded as if he truly wished for that. Was I missing something? Had he felt like I feel right now before? Was he in love with someone? Was he lying about Slash? “I thought you said you didn't love Slash.”

He picks his guitar back up again and places it in his lap. “I say a lot of shit Sixx.” He pulls the pick from the strings and begins strumming softly again.

This officially ends our conversation. It had turned quite cerebral. Izzy was like that if a conversation began getting too deep. Like me, he chose not to deal with things. Emotion was something neither of us felt comfortable dealing with. I used the dope with suppressing mine. Izzy did too. Unfortunately it's not always enough. But when the dope alone wasn't enough for Izzy he would run. He'd disappear and go off like a gypsy for days, maybe even weeks. Me, I just tried more dope anyway and hid in the dark with a gun.
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