FicWad

A/N: Hey guys! Don't forget to review! :) This chapter is very Ginny centric, but never fear, next chapter is largely Draco focussed!

Enjoy!
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 5
Confusion

Ginny woke up to a spinning room and a pounding headache. She had never felt so sick in her life. She groggily sat up and stumbled to the washroom. What happened last night? She asked herself. She looked in the mirror and saw a pale faced Ginny with makeup smeared all over her face. She was still wearing her wrinkled clothes from last night and her hair looked like a train wreck. She suddenly got a whiff of the stale alcohol radiating from her clothes and it prompted her to instantly release all her insides into the toilet.

After dry heaving for a few minutes the night slowly crept back to her piece by piece. The memories of her being furious at Harry, discussing her relationship with Draco, followed by hugging him flew back into her mind. The reality of her current life made her feel sick again and she began puking again. “Why aren’t people always drunk!?” Last night’s drunk-Ginny-quote mocked her and she groaned to herself. This is why people aren’t always drunk. She peeled herself from the floor and crawled back into her bed, thanking her lucky stars that it was Sunday and she wouldn’t have to leave bed again until the next morning.

She reflected on her life and felt so alone. She was still so furious with Harry, Ron, and Hermione but she wished they were at the school today. She figured the alcohol withdrawal must be depressing her mood because she felt more anxious than usual about them fighting in a battle. She wished they would come home soon…just so she knew they were fine and healthy. Then she would proceed to scream at them.

She then thought about Draco. She had so much fun last night but she knew it was a one-time event. She would never be able to speak of it to anyone…Harry would go crazy if he knew Draco got her drunk. He would assume Draco was secretly trying to poison her. She would never be able to be friends with Draco. Even though he was the only person there for her when she was upset she knew it would be best if she avoided him from now on. But then she remembered Draco’s tight embrace when they hugged…this feeling filled her with anxious butterflies. Why did it feel so good? It must have been the alcohol. She then imagined Draco and Rose having a romantic night in a fancy hotel room and her stomach swirled with jealousy. She started longing to be the one with Draco in Paris. She imagined the two of them walking down the street, talking animatedly, with Draco’s arm around her waist…

NO! She mentally screamed to herself. She put her face in her hands, pressing her hands to her forehead trying to ease her pounding head. The confusion was making her emotional and she never felt so much self-loathing towards herself in her life. She wanted Harry to be back home, she wanted to hug him and kiss him, she wanted him to reinforce her love for him…but there was a weird part of her that knew she would never be able to replace the stimulating conversation she had with Draco. She could be herself with him…honest. Draco had never tried to restrain Ginny’s honesty like Harry often unintentionally did. Draco has a fiancée, Ginny’s ego snidely told her, Draco is your family’s enemy. She let out an audible cry and slammed her face in her pillow. She decided she was going to sleep off this hangover and convinced herself she would resume thinking clearly after a good nap.

The next few days filled Ginny with a lonely depression. She walked sat at the Gryffindor table, repeatedly staring at the main doors hoping that Harry, Ron and Hermione would stroll through casually at any moment. The more time that went by filled her with more anxiety. She looked towards the Slytherin table half expecting to see her blonde “friend” smirking at first graders, but alas, she only saw Crabbe and Goyle filling their faces with food.

She tried spending time with Neville for a while. They used to be a lot closer but she noticed that once she started dating Neville was awkward around her. All he ever really talked about was their state of their relationship, but unlike Draco who seemed surprisingly caring and sympathetic, Neville seemed nosey. She knew he had a crush on her ever since they went to the Yule Ball in her 3rd year and she felt bad for not reciprocating his feelings, but she still got annoyed by his attitude.

“So, Harry sure has been gone a lot, hasn’t he?” Neville asked nosily.
“Yep.”
“You two have been sort of fighting, haven’t you? Is everything okay?” He asked hopefully, his big eyes searching her face for a certain reaction.
“Yep.” She answered with a deadpanned voice.
“If you ever need to talk, you know I’m here for you.” He awkwardly patted her shoulder, causing Ginny to roll her eyes.
“Yep.”

She felt bad for being a bitch to Neville but her patience was thin. She politely excused herself from the situation and went for a walk down the hallways. She found a nice bench by a griffin to sit at and found herself lost in her thoughts.

Until she walked by. Ginny’s stomach twisted in knots and she felt like she was hung over again. Rose strutted past Ginny with two of her Slytherin friends. It appeared to Ginny like she was walking in slow motion to accentuate her beauty. Her long, thin, bronzed legs looked airbrushed underneath her short skirt and her long brown hair hit her waist. She had a huge smile on her face, showing off her perfectly strait white teeth, as she laughed with her friends. She looked like a model. Ginny felt so small and ugly in her shadow, looking down at her own worn out skirt and dress shirt.

“Guys, I’m telling you, Paris was AMAZING.” She announced loudly to her friends, “Draco was so sweet and passionate the entire time. Just look at this beautiful necklace he bought me!” She paused a few feet in front of Ginny to show off her necklace, causing her friends to gasp in excitement.
“Oh my god, Rose!” The one blonde friend squealed, “That’s beautiful! He’s so in love with you!”
Ginny couldn’t help but stare at the girls in front of her. She didn’t even notice she was doing it until Rose turned towards Ginny and scowled.
“What are you staring at, Weasley?” she spat.
“N-Nothing.” Ginny stuttered, “I wasn’t even paying attention.”
Rose laughed, “Sure. You pathetic Weasleys. This necklace probably costs more than your entire house.” She mocked and Ginny’s face turned bright red in anger, “It’s rude to stare, just so you know. It’s called manners.”
Ginny wanted to yell at her but before she knew it she walked away, her long wavy hair bouncing behind her. Ginny didn’t think she could feel any worse but she did. She rarely saw Rose around the school and she was thankful for that because she made Ginny feel pathetic. Of course Draco was with Rose! Ginny thought to herself, she’s beautiful and rich. Why would he waste his time being with anyone else? She had spent so long sitting in her own self-deprecation that it took her a while for something important to dawn on her. If Rose was back that meant Draco was back. Her body filled with nervous excitement causing her heart to race. She wasn’t prepared to see him yet. Not while she was having these fucked up feelings towards him. Ginny’s anxiety caused her to rush back to her dorm room and hide. She worked on some Charms homework to distract her from the turmoil in her brain and eventually fell asleep.

The next morning, she awoke with an odd feeling inside of her. She had a bad feeling something negative was going to happen today, but she chalked it up to hunger and sauntered down the stairs. In her groggy state, she almost missed the head of bushy brown hair on the sofa.
“HERMIONE?”
Hermione quickly turned around. Upon seeing Ginny standing at the stairs her face filled with dread.
“Ginny!” She exclaimed, “I’m so, so, sorry about what we did.”
Ginny’s body filled with fury. She couldn’t believe her friend was sitting here apologizing for what they did as if it would make everything better. But she decided before she got angry she would ask the important question which had been plaguing her brain all week, “Where’s Harry and Ron? Are you all okay?”
Hermione’s face softened, probably believing that this concern signalled forgiveness. “Yes. The boys are upstairs sleeping. They’re exhausted.”
Ginny’s eyes narrowed, “Harry is taking a NAP before he confronts me!? Does he not know how pissed off I’ve been!? How worried SICK I have been!? Does he have no respect for my feelings!?”
“Ginny! We are all SO sorry! You have no idea how guilty Harry has felt -- how guilty we all have felt! Harry spent almost the entire time talking about how bad he felt about what he did.”
“Then why did he do it!?” Ginny shouted, “Why didn’t he try to have a mature conversation with me instead of lying right to my face and disappearing for an unknown amount of time leaving me thinking all of you could be dead!”
“Ginny…” Hermione tried to search for words, “I know we fucked up. I didn’t want to do it. I mean, none of us wanted to do it, but I really did not want to do it. I’m not trying to pin the blame on Harry and Ron or anything, but I did try to talk to talk them out of it. I didn’t think he was actually going to go through with it until we left in the morning and he told me…He only did it because he cares about you though…”
Ginny rolled her eyes. She still loved Hermione but she was not ready to fully accept her apology. Instead she sighed and said, “Hermione, I love you and I know you only did it because you care about me and blah blah blah. But I don’t really want to talk about this with you right now. I’m not going to mad at you forever, don’t worry. Right now I’m really pissed off at Harry, though, and hearing that he went against you advice really isn’t helping his case,” Ginny frowned thinking about Harry’s actions, “Can you just tell him to find me when he wakes up?”
“Sure, Gin, I understand.”

Ginny went through her whole day without seeing Harry which only made her madder. She spent the entire day rehearsing what she would say upon seeing him. After her last class she made her way back into the Gryffindor common room to see Ron and Harry playing wizard chess. Ginny’s eyes widened and she gapped, How DARE they enjoy wizards chess while she spent all day raging inside? Ron was the first to notice Ginny and he instantly jumped up and raced towards her, enveloping her into a huge hug despite Ginny trying to shove him away.

“I missed you so much, Ginny!” He exclaimed, “I’m so sorry!”
Ginny grumbled into his shoulder, “You’re so lucky we are related and I’m obligated to forgive you.”
Once Ron peeled away Ginny noticed Harry shifting uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact. Ginny crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows, “Hey, Harry? Do you want to talk somewhere private?”
Harry stood up and hung his head low like a sad puppy. Ron smirked at him and whispered, “Good luck, mate.”

Ginny and Harry walked towards an empty classroom in silence. Upon entering Harry continued shifting in silence. They sat without talking for a minute until finally Harry mustered up the courage to speak, “Ginny, I’m so sorry.”
“And I’m SO sick of apologies!” Ginny instantly shouted, tears springing to her eyes, “Why would you do that to me!? Why would you lie right to my face!?”
“I’m just to protect you…”
“NO! You having such a small amount of respect for me which caused you to throw this elaborate romantic date to try to fool me into believing you really did respect me is NOT protecting me.” Ginny shouted, “What the hell made you think that would be a good idea!?”
“I don’t know…” Harry said uncomfortably, “I’m not good at this stuff, Ginny. I don’t know how to try to stop Voldermort and be a boyfriend…”
“I’m not doubting that you’re having a hard time.” Ginny tried to stay calm, “But you must understand that you just being honest at the beginning and saying that I couldn’t join you while also keeping me informed of your whereabouts was clearly better that you lying and telling me that we would discuss eventually and then sneak away in the middle of the night!”
“Yes, I understand now…I’ve done a lot of stupid things, Ginny, but that’s one of the stupidest. I’m so scared of losing you in a battle that I didn’t even realize I was pushing you away…” Harry’s eyes looked sincere and sad, “Please forgive me.”
Ginny’s heart softened. She hated herself for being such a push over but Harry looked so sad. Her nurturing instinct was to console him despite her knowing she was the one who deserved to be consoled. She sighed and said, “I forgive you, Harry, but I’m still not happy. You’re seriously going to have to make it up to me. And I swear to god, if you ever pull anything like this again, I will not be so forgiving.”
Harry jumped up excitedly and pulled Ginny into a tight hug, “I’ve missed you so much.” He pulled her into a passionate kiss, “Seriously, anything you want me to do, I’ll do.”
Ginny thought for a minute, “You could take me to Paris?”
Harry laughed, completely thinking she was joking, “How about I take you for a late night dinner at the kitchens instead?” Ginny agreed, but secretly hoped he would have agreed to the Paris idea, despite knowing how unrealistic that was.
As they walked down the hallway towards the kitchens, just as Ginny felt herself relax back into reality, her stomach leaped into her throat as a platinum blonde head of hair turned the corner. She stiffened a bit as she met Draco’s cool grey eyes, and tried her hardest to contain her smile. She almost succeeded until Draco did something that almost made her heart stopped. He nodded towards her and gave her the biggest, warmest smile she had ever seen Draco conjure. She couldn’t refrain from returning the gesture, almost forgetting Harry was holding her hand.
“Ginny?” Harry looked down at her, his face filled with confusion and annoyance, “Why are you smiling at Malfoy?”
“I wasn’t…don’t worry about it. I was just thinking of something funny.” This seemed to satisfy Harry because he didn’t pursue the issue.

Ginny fell asleep with ease that night. Finally, a sense of normalcy in her life had been restored. Her and Harry had made up, she was no longer mad at Hermione and Ron, and Draco seemed genuinely happy to see her. Okay, so the last one wasn’t normal, but it still filled Ginny with happiness. She woke up and headed to the great hall for breakfast alone when she saw Rose and Draco together in a corner making out. Ginny tried to ignore the scene because it made her nauseas and walked passed.
“Look at that Weasley,” Ginny heard Rose mutter to Draco behind her, “It looks like she hasn’t bought any new clothes in years.”
Ginny sped up to avoid Rose’s taunts. They hurt her far more than they would have before she become friends with Draco. She didn’t want to feel like Rose was above her any more than she already did. Just as she thought she had escaped the two of them she heard a familiar voice behind her.
“Ginny, wait!” Ginny turned her body to see Draco sprinting behind her trying to catch up. By the time he reached her he was almost out of breath, “Jesus, you walk fast.”
“What do you want, Draco?” She tried to act aloof and cool around him, despite her heart probably racing faster than his.
“I just wanted to apologize for you for what Rose said…you don’t deserve to be treated like that.” Draco spoke softly and sincerely, and Ginny’s heart completely melted.
“Oh, no, it’s fine…she doesn’t like me. I get it.”
“No, it isn’t. Granted, I’m not going to tell her that because she will cut off my head if I defended you in front of her, but you need to know that I don’t think it’s okay.” Ginny felt like crying. Even after her heart felt discussion with Harry last night, it didn’t make her feel a fraction of emotional as this was. Thankfully, she held it back.
“Well, thank you. I appreciate it.” She said awkwardly, trying to avoid his eye contact so he wouldn’t see her blush.
“I also umm…I bought you something from Paris.” Draco shifted in his spot, fishing through his pockets. Ginny’s heart stopped. Then pounded faster as Draco shifted through his pockets more. Then it stopped again. “It’s just a stupid little thing…but it made me think of you.”
Draco fished out a small keychain, smaller than his palm, in the shape of a guitar with the words “Weird Sisters” imprinted on it. “I know how much you like them after the other night…It’s really stupid, but here, if you speak any of their song titles into it, it’ll play any song of theirs!” His face was filled with enthusiasm as he demonstrated the toy’s feature, and sure enough, the small keychain emitted Ginny’s favorite song by the band.
Her heart swelled. She couldn’t believe such a small act of kindness could warm her heart so much. It was the happiest she had been since she had seen him in the room of requirements. Without thinking, she through her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. “Thank you so much, Draco.” She whispered into his ear. Her act of affection for such a small trinket surprised him, as Rose would have been disgusted with such a minor gift, but he returned her action and hugged her tighter. He had missed her.

Once Ginny had left Draco she decided to skip breakfast. She walked up to her dormitory, into her bed, and put a silencing charm on the curtains which blocked her from the outside world. Before she knew it, she began sobbing uncontrollably. She cried and cried for what felt like forever until she finally mustered up the strength to admit to herself what she had been denying for weeks. She no longer felt disgust, just mass confusion and hurt for how impossible of a situation she had landed herself in. She finally gained control of herself when she finally whispered outloud…
“Oh my god. I’m falling for Draco Malfoy.”