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Zombie Mountain High
0 reviewsStan Smith faces his biggest challenge yet......Zombies! Wait....what? Zombies?
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American Dad presents
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Zombie Mountain High
Midnight has began in the Langley Falls sky. In the bedroom where Principal Bryan Lewis who presided over Pearl Bailey High School was sleeping in bed, he had a fireplant he named Peaches. Principal Lewis was sound asleep and didn't hear that some Zombies who were breaking into his house. The Zombies were named Biter, Creeper, and Floater. The three Zombies lived in the green mountains of Vermont. Winter was around the corner so they needed something for heat. Creeper trashed the kitchen, "There's no brains in here, SHIT!" he screamed. "We're not here for that, we are here for that fire plant!" ordered Biter. The Zombies found out about the fire plant by doing some research on the internet. They learned the only fire plant in existence was in Langley Falls owned by Principal Lewis.
Floater got a shot full of sedatives and injected it into Peaches. Biter, Creeper, and Floater all run away unscathed and they weren't caught. The Zombie trio ran into their helicopter and flew back to Vermont. Once they came back to their wooden rut in the Vermont mountains, they were admiring the fire plant that stole. "At last! Our cold winters will finally be over!" said Floater. "Why in the world did we choose Vermont of all places?" resented Creeper. "Because we zombies need a temperate but not too cold environment." answered Biter. They all hovered over Peaches the fire plant waiting for it to waken. "This fire plant will make an excellent source of heat.....to cook whatever brains we can find!" Floater laughed like a raving maniac into the night sky. "Best yet! Whoever tries to get this fire plant, we will have their brains on the Barbie!" Creeper joined in. "Good one! Love those barbecue puns!" Biter said.
The following morning, Principal Lewis awakened. "Rise and shine! This is going to be a great day! Full of crack, sex from hookers, and shots of Redd's Hard Apple Ale!" Lewis proclaimed. Lewis totally unaware that Peaches was stolen from him looks around to see whatever it is Peaches needs. "So happy I got that fire plant! The only one in the world! Gonna go get some Miracle Grow now! Can't wait to show it to my......" Principal Lewis sees the spot where he usually kept Peaches, he finally takes notice that it's gone. "NOOOOO!! WHO IN THE WORLD DID THIS!" "MY FIRE PLANT! MY BABY! PEACHES IS GONE!" Principal Lewis screamed sobbing on the floor. When he stops, he sees a finger on the floor. "Zombies! Of course!" then he realizes there's only one man who can help him find Peaches so Principal Lewis reaches for his cell phone. "Hello, CIA! Patch me through to Stan Smith, please!"
*
Unable to reach Stan earlier from the CIA, Principal Lewis decides it's best to go to his house. Eventually, Lewis is at the front door of the Smith house. Principal Lewis rings the doorbell and nobody answered. "Oh, well. I will wait for him to come back." Principal Lewis then drinks some Redd's Hard Apple Ale until he is drunk and then plays with some toy soldiers, and action figures that looked like aliens and robots that belonged to Steve in the grass. A hour has passed, and Principal Lewis was playing gleefully with Steve's toy soldiers and action figures. "Pa-choo pa-choo pa-choo! Gonna get those damned aliens bastards!" Lewis played in a childish manner. "Kiss my alien ass grits mother (beep)ers!" The Smith family was just blocks away from the house in Stan's SUV. Later on, Lewis wanted to end his soldiers vs aliens and robots game. "What are we fighting for?" "How about we make peace, co-exist, and by friends!" "Let's make up!" Lewis put a toy solider and a alien action figure together making them kiss. "YAY"!
Once the Smiths pulled up on the driveway, they were horrified by what they saw. "The last thing I need! A Principal in distress!" Stan said declaring his resentment. "Leave this to me, Stanley! I'll have him off our lawn faster than Aaron Hernandez's suicide!" said Roger as he pulled out a magnifying glass running out of the SUV. The toy soldiers were all being melted by the magnifying glass by Roger. Principal Lewis looked down sadly. "Then the aliens and robots melted the dumbass solider's brains then summoned more of their kind to earth, destroy humanity and achieve their goal of world domination! THE END!" Roger said spitefully. "You do know those were MY toy soldiers, did YOU?" Steve asked Roger.
Principal Lewis began to cry again. "You know, we are getting sick of you always coming to us when we're in trouble!" Francine said. "You don't understand! I need you help!" cried the hapless Principal. "Please be kind to him, Dad. It never hurts to help those in need!" said Hayley. Stan grumbled at the thought that he probably had to save Principal Lewis, "Okay then, fine! Tell me Principal Lewis! What did you get yourself into THIS time?" asked Stan. "My fire plant plant is gone! It was stolen by zombies!" cried Lewis. "It was a rare one, too!" Stan suggested, "How about you tell us all about these 'Zombies' over dinner!" "I can do that I guess." said Principal Lewis. "Whatever you do, please don't mock him!" begged Hayley. "I won't! It will be like that Our House music video by that band Madness!" Stan said pretending to keep his promise. Steve looked at his melted toy soldiers. "Hmmm, I don't need them anyway. It's a girl repellent!"
At the dinner table, Principal Lewis explained everything. How he found the finger. "Then I saw a finger with a bone sticking out......" Stan and Roger burst out laughing. "DAD!" yelled Hayley. Roger sang in the tune of Grease's Summer Nights, "Tell us more! Tell us more! About this fire plant!" "Why aren't you taking this seriously!? I really DO have a fire plant! Only one in existence! Zombies robbed me blind!" protested Principal Lewis. "Roger, you too?" yelled Hayley. "You got to expect that from him, honey." said Francine. "They're real I tells you! The Zombies and my fire plant are REAL!" screamed Principal Lewis. "This is the worst family dinner ever. Why are you guys dissing him?" Steve chimed in. "The more we diss him, the less he'll bother us!" said Stan. "Want to know a funny secret about Principal Lewis?" asked Roger. "What is it?" asked Stan. "His mother was pregnant with him for 12 months!" laughed Roger.
"I believe that! Heard he was supposed to be born in May 1961, but he was born on the day Willie Best died!" Stan burst out laughing. "His father was originally going to name him, Buckwheat!" laughed Roger joining in with Stan. "Two black guy slams in a row!" cheered Stan as him and Roger high fived each other! "THAT IS IT! I obviously caught you all at the bad time! It's like you don't want to believe me!" said a distraught Principal Lewis. "Why should we? Every time you ask us for help, it turns out to be nothing!" said Francine . "Are you sure you didn't hallucinate this fire plant and zombies?" asked Klaus. "Sounds like him to me, Klaus!" said Roger. "This will probably be mein only line in this episode." whined Klaus. "Why don't I just come by later! Whenever you're ready to stop making fun of me." Principal Lewis said as he left. "Thanks for the shit dinner and nothing!" "That is like you, isn't it Dad? Always turning your back on people when they need you most!" said Hayley. "Its not my fault he's so dependent on this family!" said Stan. "You have a down and out stoner husband who has a dead end job as the janitor at Dairy Queen! So don't judge me young lady!" "You da man, Stan!" said Roger.
That night, Stan was watching the CBS show 'Bull'. Thinking out loud to himself, "Principal Lewis. He was a cool guy at first. Then over the years he just got more and more penurious, followed me and my family, stalked us, and always came to us for help. Even if it was something unreal, petty and stupid!" Much to Stan's shock, Principal Lewis was sitting on the couch next to him. "BWAHH!! You scared me! Why don't you leave us alone?" begged Stan. "Look, I know you don't think my problems are real." explained Principal Lewis. "We don't, now leave." Stan answered nonchalantly. "Whatcha watching there?" asked Lewis. "A CBS show called, 'Bull' starring Michael Weatherly. Not that it's any of your business." Stan said starring into the TV hoping to ignore Principal Lewis.
"Can you flip to over to Superior Donuts? Love that show!" suggested Principal Lewis. "Never heard of it." Stan answered in a very dull voice. "It's a cool show about a donut shop." Principal Lewis tries to talk Stan into watching. "Don't know what channel it's on or the time." Stan tried and continued to pretend to act boring so Lewis will leave. Nothing was working. "I watch that show with my fire plant. Peaches is her name!" Stan decided he has had enough. About everything Principal Lewis has laid on him. The Fire Plant, and the Zombies both of which Stan didn't believe and thought Lewis was desperate for attention. "I am going to give you the count of 3 to get out of my home you son of a bitch!" warned Stan, but Lewis didn't take it too harshly. "Oh, ha ha I get it. This is a game right? Like Big Brother or Survivor?" "One......two........" Stan began to count. "THREE!" he yelled as he threw Principal Lewis out into the lawn. "AND DON'T COME BACK! IF YOU DO, I WILL CALL THE COPS! AND YOU WILL SPEND SOME TIME IN JAIL WITH BUBBA! I MEAN IT!"
Feeling like he had nowhere to turn, bewildered as if the world as turned his back on him, Principal Lewis finally left. There was an outhouse attached to a truck. Biter, Creeper, and Floater were inside driving. Lewis went inside the outhouse wanting to go to the bathroom. Then the truck drove away along with the outhouse. Principal Lewis was screaming for help. "HELP! HELP! STAN! YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN......." Stan and Roger ran outside and saw the truck from the distance that was driving down the street. Stan still didn't believe Principal Lewis was in any danger. " That fat pathetic shitbag! He staged the whole thing! I KNEW IT! " Stan yelled as he stomped his foot. Roger stated, "He'll be back. Probably will hide in a tree. Didn't know Principal Lewis liked Big Brother!"
*
Somewhere nestled in the Vermont green mountains, there was a cabin. Inside were where Biter, Creeper, and Floater lived. They all gathered around an unconscious Principal Lewis and Peaches his fire plant who were both knocked out from the sedatives. Creeper suggested, "How about we make him our slave?" "That's what we're planned to do!" Biter answered. "We will have his dude train the fire plant so we can lure people into our adobe and use the fireplant to eat their brains!" evilly laughed Floater. "And anyone else who comes our way to try to save this shitwad!" said Biter.
Principal Lewis began to wake up as did Peaches. Both of them were shocked at their new surroundings. "Where am I!" demanded Lewis! "What are you doing with Peaches?" "Relax, ass! We haven't harmed her yet." assured Biter. "We captured you because you and 'Peaches' as you call that are going to help us lure people so we can trap them and kill them for their brains!" said Creeper. "Yes and you are going to teach that fireplant to cook brains!" explained Floater. "I am not having any of this! I'm going back home, and taking Peaches with me! So long, cowards!" Principal Lewis's attempted escape with Peaches proved to be a failure as they closed an automatic door to the entrance. "Looks like you're going to be here a while! So let's make you comfortable!" chortled Creeper at the terrified Principal Lewis. "Save me Stan! Wish you didn't turn your back on me!" Biter sees Lewis has a cellphone and Stan Smith was one of his contacts. "Let's give this Stan dude a call! Mess with him a bit!" the Zombie called Biter suggested.
Morning had peaked it's way into the clouds and sky as Stan Smith got up and was ready for the weekend. Totally pleased thinking Principal Lewis won't be bothering him anymore. "I hope I never have to hear those words, 'Principal' 'Bryan' or 'Lewis' ever again!" Stan thought to himself. As he knew, Principal Lewis always had ways of crawling back into the Smith's family's lives. Stan, being the realist that he is, always thought that whenever he refused to help the Pearl Bailey Principal with his shortcomings, he was probably hiding away somewhere and will worm his way back into Stan's life somehow.
Stan walked into the living room on his way to the kitchen to see what Francine was making for breakfast. Roger was on the couch watching Inspector Gadget. Stan wanted to use his dissipated insults at him. "You watch Inspector Gadget? Aren't you a little too old for cartoons?" Stan cracked the joke at Roger. "No, I wasn't," Roger thinking of an excuse, "Uhhh, just keeping the seat warm for Steve! He likes the show." "Sure, whatever. How old are you now anyway, like 1788 now?" asked Stan. "Nope, still in my 1600s the prime of my youth." said Roger. Inspector Gadget was over and it was showing one of those safety tips at the end of every episode. It showed Inspector Gadget jogging with Penny and Brain. "What the (beep) look at that, Stan. Penny is jogging too!" retorted Roger. "Oh yes I remember those 'safety tips' that cartoon used to do, all because parents were whiny little butthurts that their children's programming isn't educational!" Stan recalled that time from the 1980s.
"Cartoons are supposed to make you laugh, not teach you things! Look at that bitch Penny, jogging with her uncle......" before Roger can finish, Stan chimes in, "Well, what is she supposed to do? Sit on the couch and eat chips all day like you do?" Roger throws a pillow at Stan's head and screams, "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" "Don't paint that couch again, we are NOT getting another one!" Stan wanted to remind Roger of how he destroyed that couch by spilling wine then paining it when Stan was going through that Rubbernecking thing. Steve walked in to confront Roger, "I heard everything, Roger! You're not (beep)ing with me! First you melt my toy soldiers, and now you told Dad I watch childish cartoons?" Stan entered the kitchen.
"Hello, my beautiful traditional housewife!" he announced. "Oh, Stan. oooh! I just remembered. You were supposed to take Principal Lewis to see Baby Driver next week," Francine said. Stan was hoping he was going to hear the last of Principal Lewis, but wasn't surprised when he heard about him again. "Yes yes glad you reminded me." he stated. "We were so mean to him, seems like he was really trying to reach out to us." said Francine regretfully. "Some people have to learn how to cope with things themselves, Francine. Instead of depending on other people. Like those Hillary supporters who want to overthrow Trump to get her in! I depend on good old self reliance! That's what made me the man I am today!" Stan said sitting down to read the newspaper. "Usually, Principal Lewis comes in everyday whenever he has a crisis. So far he hasn't shown up. Wonder if he ever got that issue solved about the Zombies and his fire plant?" wondered Francine.
Stan was irked, gulped and raised his eyebrows confusingly when he heard Francine say that. The reason was he didn't want Francine to know he deliberately kicked the sad heartbreak kid what was Principal Lewis out of the house. "Uhhhhh, hows about I go outside and look for him. He must be hiding. What kind of man plays hide and seek at his age?" Stan goes into the backyard calling for Principal. "BRYAN! BRYAN! I will help out with your fire plant issue thingy!" Stan walks around the backyard and sees no signs of Lewis. "I believe you now about the Zombies!" Stan said anything he could to have Principal Lewis show up in his presence, so far nothing. "Really wish you'd stop being such a leech you asshole!" Stan was growing worried. "We'll go see Baby Driver next week." Still no sign. Looks like Stan was going to have to confess to Francine about kicking out Lewis soon. "You can come with us to our next family vacation!" "I'll let you watch Superior Donuts!"
*
Running back inside, Stan decided to not tell Francine yet Stan searched through the basement. Stan yelled in a distressed voice, "Where is that greasy snotball! Where is that slime-slurping snake?!". Roger heard him and said, "Slime slurping snake? Cool!" Stan running upstairs, wanted to get out of telling her knowing his wife will give him the third degree then the silent treatment, Stan was willing to take that risk. "Did you find him?" asked Francine. Roger, Klaus, Hayley, Jeff, and Steve were all at the table awaiting their breakfast. "Hate to tell you this, Francine, it's rather difficult." Stan struggled to choke up the first words. Jeff was about to uncover the platter that had the breakfast. "Cool cover you have for your dinners, Mr. S. May I?" asked Jeff. "You can." said Stan. "What is it you're trying to tell me again?" Francine was now suspicious. "It's that......well.....don't really know how......" Jeff uncovered the platter and underneath was a Zombie head that looked like it was done in Animatronics. The zombie head was Creeper.
"I'm gonna puke!" Steve ran away scared. "Roger, is this some kind of prank of yours?" asked Hayley. "Oh, whatever always blame me for dinner table antics!" Roger ranted on. "What does it want from us?" Francine cried. Creeper spoke, "People of Langley Falls!" "Sounds like this zombie has a War of the Worlds thing going on!" Klaus said. "Creeper continued, "You all think we zombies don't exist! But we do! We live in hiding for the right time to strike!" "Just get on with it!" shouted Stan. "If you are all looking for our captive Bryan Lewis, stay away! He is ours now! Him and his fireplant will help us destroy humans so we can eat their brains! BWAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!"
"It IS true! Principal Lewis wasn't lying at all!" said Stan. "If only we knew where these zombies were," Francine said. "Our location is none of your concern! So don't even DARE to try to look for us! If you do, we will eat your brains!" Creeper warned them. "Cool! This is like something out of The 5th Wave!" exclaimed Jeff. "You can threaten us all you want! We will hunt you down and your away your (beep)ing Zombie asses to Haiti! And I will save Principal Lewis!" vowed Stan. "No you won't, if you come we will eat you, your family, and anybody who's ever known you!" Creeper fought back.
Roger got a hammer to smash Creeper's head, but broke the table instead. "Aww, shit!" "Dammit Roger!" yelled Stan. Creeper's head was still there then started to chant. "I WILL EAT YOU BRAINS!" Creeper chanted this over and over. Stan runs out of the kitchen and gets a bag then picks up the head by the hair, Creeper was still chanting, "I WILL EAT YOUR BRAINS!" Stan puts the zombie animatronic head into a bag and runs out of the house. It still kept chanting. "Gonna go bowling Stan?" asked Roger. The chanting became muffled as Stan set it into the ground, Roger then used the hammer to smash the head until the chanting sounded muffled. Roger mocked, "Hear that? Now it's like 'klai bwill fweat vour cwlainens!" The chanting stopped. The animatronic zombie head of Creeper was broken.
Stan laughed. "You always kept your sense of humor and bitchiness in tact in times of danger!" "What are we going to do about this zombie shit?" asked Roger. "Only one thing to do. We must get Bullock to help us to see if he knows anything." said Stan. "If we tell him about these Zombies, hope he won't think we're crazy psycho cuckoo!" said Roger as he and Stan ran inside the house to call Bullock.
*
The thought of eating cooked human brains was pure ecstasy for Biter, Creeper, and Floater. Creeper was in another room tormenting Principal Lewis. "Just imagine! When we cook human brains, we can make delicious recipes and sell them to other zombies like us!" announced Floater. "Who knows what we can come up with dudes! Brainburgers and brain fries!" Biter joined in. "Yes! And Brainza! Ya know, Like Pizza only with Brians!" said Biter. "Imagine the possibilities! Brain Tacos!" said Floater. "We ain't talking Campbell's Soup! And not only that, spaghetti and brain balls!" laughed Biter. "First and most absolutely not least, we must get that man to work his fire plant!" said Floater.
Creeper ran into the main room of the cabin. Looking deeply disappointed. "What's going on?" asked Floater. "Trying to get that black asshole to work his magic to produce fire from that plant! He flat out refuses!" said Creeper in an exasperated tone. "If that's the case we will break his spirit and make him a slave!" said Biter. "Great idea! Bring out the prisoner and tie his hands to the post!" ordered Floater. "Yes sir!" said Creeper. Principal Lewis and Peaches were both brought into the room. "You won't get away with this! My friend Stan Smith will save me!" "Oh about that. We were going to tell you. Your big hero won't be saving you! While you were knocked out, we looked into your cellphone contacts and gave this 'Stan' fellow a little message to stay away!" said Floater.
"You underestimate Stan! He'll come for me!" Principal Lewis said trying not to lose his cool. "We've been long time friends! When he comes to save me, I will start writing my book! A Complete History of Fine!"
"Shut up! We don't care what you think is 'fine'! We are here to put an end to your future plans! So accept your fate!" shouted Creeper. The zombies obviously didn't understand the lexicon black people used.
Biter put Peaches in a cage. They tied Principal Lewis's hands to the post. "What are you planning to do with me you damned Zombie bastards?" "We will break your will and that plant's too." said Biter. "I will still never give in!" boasted Principal Lewis. "We'll see about that after a few whippings!" said Creeper confidently as he wielded a whip in his hand. Principal Lewis wanted to vomit.
Meanwhile at the CIA, Stan, Roger, and Francine were there explaining the Zombie situation with Bullock. Everything. From Principal Lewis, The Fire Plant, and the Zombies and the way they contacted the Smiths. "...then one of the zombies contacted us through animatronics." explained Stan. "Our friend Principal Lewis went missing and we think the Zombies had something to do with it." said Francine. "So you don't think we're crazy, right?" asked Roger insecurely. "Absolutely not!" said Bullock.
"You think they're real?" asked Stan who was stunned and shaken that Bullock actually believed them about the Zombies. "Indeed. I've been after those Zombies for years. They won't stop until they've consumed every human brain in the world." Bullock explained. "Do you know where we can find these Zombies?" asked Francine. "Can answer that one." said Bullock, "They live in a cabin in the Green Mountains of Vermont. In case you noticed I've done my homework on these bastards!"
"Are we going to kick some Zombie ass!" asked Stan. "Do you know how to kill a zombie?" asked Francine. "You can't kill something that is dead, Frannie." corrected Roger. "Oh yes we could," said Bullock, "been wanting to be the one to stop a Zombie Apocalypse from happening!" "So that's why you've been doing studying creatures of their ilk?" asked Francine. "How do you kill those assholes anyway? Always wanted to know." Stan said.
Deputy Director Avery Bullock lead them into a weapons room. Full of crossbows, bazookas, mortors, uzis, and every other weapon imaginable. Even some beakers. "What's in the beakers?" asked Roger. "Eager Beaver are we? Some Zombies can die of diseases." "Sounds like World War Z"! said Roger. "Preaching to the choir, though. We have a better chance at winning if we use these weapons! Take your pick!" said Bullock. Stan, Francine, Bullock, and Roger stocked up on weapons and took some of the beakers, too. "You sure know your zombie killing techniques and schemes." said Stan. "You learn a lot when you have time off and you end up binge watching The Walking Dead!" said Bullock.
As soon as they knew it, Stan, Francine, Roger, and Bullock were in the CIA jet on their way to the Vermont Green Mountains! "Can we get some Ben and Jerry's while we're there?" asked Roger. "Maybe when we win." said Stan hoping to keep Roger quiet.
*
The CIA jet landed in the Green Mountains of Vermont. Stan, Roger, Francine, and Bullock began to climb. The altitude was getting the better of Roger so he began to act bizarre "Puppy Money Baby! Puppy Monkey Baby! Puppy Monkey Baby! From a Mountain Dew Super Bowl commercial, and wouldn't you know, we're in the mountains! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!" Roger sang. "Quit it, uh, Robert!" Stan demanded. He didn't want Bullock to know that 'Robert' was really Roger the alien. "Who is this man you brought along, Smith?" asked Bullock. "Oh, that's a former drug addict I've been sponsoring! Thought I'd bring him along to show him there's better things in life than drugs!" said Stan. "That's the spirit, Smith!" said Bullock.
Roger began to wind up. "Anyone remember those Miller Lite commercials with Joe Piscopo? My all time favorite is one where he's 'Bruce' Piscopo! hahahahahahaha!" "Why do I always end up with Stan's baggage? Why can't Agent Jackson have baggage for a change?" bemoaned Bullock. Getting more and more hysterical by the moment, Roger continued to drive everyone nuts as they were climbing the Green Mountains. Roger begins to say in a Chinese accent, "I am the master of ancient art of karate, kung fu, and Chinese Checkers! hee-yah! hee-yah!" Francine has even had enough. "We're trying to rescue a friend here, be serious, Ro-bert!"
Bullock thought he heard a faint scream. "Anyone hear that?" he asked. Stan and Francine think they hear the scream too. "You're right. Let's try to climb closer to it." suggested Stan. "I know what that scream is......." began Roger. "Don't start up with anything! We mean it!" Francine heeded Roger with a warning. "If you start to act like an asshole we're are sending you back to rehab!" said Stan. That didn't stop Roger, "You all seen that movie The House right? With Will Ferrell? I think I know who that scream is. It's............THE BUTCHER!" Roger laughed histrionically. Stan and Francine push Roger aside. "Excuse us for a minute." said Stan.
Francine and Stan give Roger the third degree. "What the (beep) is going on with you, Roger?" Stan demanding an answer. "Why did you come along anyway? You don't care about Principal Lewis." said Francine. "It's just that, my alien species gets hysterical whenever we are exposed to mountain air." explained Roger. "You could've told us that, before we left!" said Stan. They all hear the scream again. Bullock said, "It's that scream again, let's go!"
The scream grows closer and closer as climb higher in the mountains. "Anyone know of someone who has a blood curdling scream like that before?" asked Bullock. "Not that we know about." said Francine. Stan hears the scream again, and he realizes it does sound familiar. "Oh yes we have! That's Principal Lewis! We found him!" said Stan as he the guilt he felt for kicking out Lewis was like a burden lifted from his shoulders. They all arrive at the cabin and look into the window. Sure enough, they saw Principal Lewis being whipped by his Zombie nemesis, Biter, Creeper, and Floater. Roger sees the fire plant in a cage, "Look there's the plant!"
Floater was whipping Principal Lewis as Creeper and Biter were watching. "What's your name! What's your name! Say your name!" yelled Floater. "We decided to give you a new name since you're going to be our slave." Biter announced. "Like we told you before, say the name we gave you!" said Creeper. "Your name is Toby!" yelled Floater. "But I don't want my name to by Toby, I want to keep my own name!" Lewis begged. It didn't work, they continued to whip Principal Lewis.
Stan saw the whole thing and he got really angry. "Those zombies got inspiration from Alex Haley!" "We will climb inside the cabin and surprise them." Bullock advised. There was a ladder on the side of the cabin they were all going to climb up. Stan was beginning to feel empathetic toward Principal Lewis. "He may be seeking constant validation from us. He's our friend and we will do everything in our power to save him!" said Stan. Still hysterical from the altitude, Roger said, "You go up first Frannie Fanny!" "Stan or Bullock should go up first, why me?" asked Francine. "Because you got the goods, bitch!" snickered Roger. "You want me to go up first so you can look at my panties? SICKO!" Francine slapped Roger.
*
"Never mind him, he stays here." said Bullock. "He's useless to us anyway." said Stan. "Francine you and 'Robert' stay here." Francine agreed she didn't want to be exposed to any danger. "Right, I'll babysit this misfit here." Bullock and Stan go up the ladder loaded with weapons and the beakers. Stan and Bullock were on the roof until it collapsed from beneath them taking right to what they think is the Zombie's lair. However, they land in another room next to the Zombie's lair. Stan began to chuckle. "What's so funny, Smith?" asked Bullock. "Oh, something I saw on Superstore yesterday." answered Stan. "You mean that NBC sitcom?" asked Bullock. "That's the one." said Stan. What Stan didn't want Bullock to know was he was laughing that they thought they were in the Zombie's lair, turned out it wasn't. One of those 'things' as one would put it.
Stan and Bullock use a bazooka to shoot down the door. Creeper shouted, "Who goes there?" Bullock throws a beaker at Creeper that made him melt. "Yes! Knew that smallpox would work!" proudly proclaimed Bullock. Floater and Biter run out of the room and see Stan and Bullock. Stan decides he wants to be the one to take them down. "Uh, Bullock, the guy they're holding captive is friend of mine. So would you mind if I am the one who kicks their asses?" asked Stan. "Be my guest. Have fun, Smith!" "Go free Principal Lewis. It's Lock and Load time!" said Stan loading his weapons.
Francine was watching over Roger still hysterical over the mountain air. "Hey Francine! What movie is this from? That will be just fine!" "Darkman! Of course." answered Francine. Roger then spins a hubcap shaped rock and spins it. "Look, I'm Johnny Depp in Benny and Joon!" "That's nice, sweetheart." Francine said putting off Roger because she was more concerned about how Stan is going to pull through and survive.
Biter and Floater charge after Stan. Pavement's Cut Your Hair plays. Before they can attack him, Stan shoots them up with a machine gun and uzis until they were nothing more than just broken down body parts. Bullock goes to untie Principal Lewis who was sobbing. "Thanks so much for saving me, old man." "Think nothing of it. You're in good hands with the CIA." assured Bullock. Principal Lewis didn't look too thrilled to be rescued by Bullock and prefered to be rescued by Stan. "Why the long face, sir?" asked Bullock. "I don't want you to untie me. I want Stan to do it!" cried Lewis.
Stan made sure that Biter and Floater were no more. He picked up their remains and threw them out the window into a mud pile. "If you both ever want to go another round. I'll be sure to send over my psycho ass Indian half brother"! called Stan. Bullock came into the room where Biter, Floater, and Creeper used to be. "Stan, Lewis wants to see you." Bullock advised. "Always when I'm in the middle of gloating!" Stan walked out reluctantly. Stan untied Lewis and freed his fireplant Peaches.
The whole tribulation with the Zombies was finally over. Stan, Bullock come out of the cabin with Lewis and Peaches. Francine and Roger cheered for them. Francine ran up to hug and kiss Stan, "Oh, Stan! I knew you'd come through!" "Well done, Smith! If there's ever a real Zombie Apocalypse you can be my partner!" said Bullock. "I'd be proud to." said Stan then he turns over to Principal Lewis and extends his apologies. "Guess I doubted you. Sorry I turned my back on you when you needed me the most." said Stan. "That's fine. Nobody ever believes me since I've had a history of drug abuse." said Principal Lewis. "I will make some promises to you." said Stan. "What are they?" asked Lewis. "Yeah, he keeps promises to others but never with me!" said Roger in a snotty tone.
"Next time you're in trouble you can stay with us until we can get it resolved. Also, I will take you to see Baby Driver when it comes out, and you can watch Superior Donuts on my TV when Bull is on!" said Stan. "I'd like that very much, Smith! And in the meantime, you need to teach me not to be so reliant on other people." said Prinicipal Lewis. "Consider it done!" said Stan. Bullock, leads Stan, Peaches, Prinicipal Lewis and Francine back to the CIA jet. Stan vowed to keep his promises to Prinicipal Lewis. Once they were on and were flying back to Langley Falls, Roger decides to play with Peaches.
"So you say you're a fire plant, eh?" asked Roger to Peaches. "What exactly is it do you do? Say would you like to go on a vandalism spree with me?" Peaches burped and shot a fireball into Roger's scalp and Roger runs around rampant with his head on fire. "AHHHHH! AHHHHH! SON OF A BITCH! WHO THE (BEEP) DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! screamed Roger. "Guess I trained it to do something after all!" laughed Prinicipal Lewis. "Maybe Peaches thought 'Robert' was a zombie!" laughed Stan. Roger ran back and forth in the CIA jet with his head on fire. "Back to rehab for him!" said Francine.
The CIA jet finally went home to Langley Falls
The End
The Preceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Zombie Mountain High
Midnight has began in the Langley Falls sky. In the bedroom where Principal Bryan Lewis who presided over Pearl Bailey High School was sleeping in bed, he had a fireplant he named Peaches. Principal Lewis was sound asleep and didn't hear that some Zombies who were breaking into his house. The Zombies were named Biter, Creeper, and Floater. The three Zombies lived in the green mountains of Vermont. Winter was around the corner so they needed something for heat. Creeper trashed the kitchen, "There's no brains in here, SHIT!" he screamed. "We're not here for that, we are here for that fire plant!" ordered Biter. The Zombies found out about the fire plant by doing some research on the internet. They learned the only fire plant in existence was in Langley Falls owned by Principal Lewis.
Floater got a shot full of sedatives and injected it into Peaches. Biter, Creeper, and Floater all run away unscathed and they weren't caught. The Zombie trio ran into their helicopter and flew back to Vermont. Once they came back to their wooden rut in the Vermont mountains, they were admiring the fire plant that stole. "At last! Our cold winters will finally be over!" said Floater. "Why in the world did we choose Vermont of all places?" resented Creeper. "Because we zombies need a temperate but not too cold environment." answered Biter. They all hovered over Peaches the fire plant waiting for it to waken. "This fire plant will make an excellent source of heat.....to cook whatever brains we can find!" Floater laughed like a raving maniac into the night sky. "Best yet! Whoever tries to get this fire plant, we will have their brains on the Barbie!" Creeper joined in. "Good one! Love those barbecue puns!" Biter said.
The following morning, Principal Lewis awakened. "Rise and shine! This is going to be a great day! Full of crack, sex from hookers, and shots of Redd's Hard Apple Ale!" Lewis proclaimed. Lewis totally unaware that Peaches was stolen from him looks around to see whatever it is Peaches needs. "So happy I got that fire plant! The only one in the world! Gonna go get some Miracle Grow now! Can't wait to show it to my......" Principal Lewis sees the spot where he usually kept Peaches, he finally takes notice that it's gone. "NOOOOO!! WHO IN THE WORLD DID THIS!" "MY FIRE PLANT! MY BABY! PEACHES IS GONE!" Principal Lewis screamed sobbing on the floor. When he stops, he sees a finger on the floor. "Zombies! Of course!" then he realizes there's only one man who can help him find Peaches so Principal Lewis reaches for his cell phone. "Hello, CIA! Patch me through to Stan Smith, please!"
*
Unable to reach Stan earlier from the CIA, Principal Lewis decides it's best to go to his house. Eventually, Lewis is at the front door of the Smith house. Principal Lewis rings the doorbell and nobody answered. "Oh, well. I will wait for him to come back." Principal Lewis then drinks some Redd's Hard Apple Ale until he is drunk and then plays with some toy soldiers, and action figures that looked like aliens and robots that belonged to Steve in the grass. A hour has passed, and Principal Lewis was playing gleefully with Steve's toy soldiers and action figures. "Pa-choo pa-choo pa-choo! Gonna get those damned aliens bastards!" Lewis played in a childish manner. "Kiss my alien ass grits mother (beep)ers!" The Smith family was just blocks away from the house in Stan's SUV. Later on, Lewis wanted to end his soldiers vs aliens and robots game. "What are we fighting for?" "How about we make peace, co-exist, and by friends!" "Let's make up!" Lewis put a toy solider and a alien action figure together making them kiss. "YAY"!
Once the Smiths pulled up on the driveway, they were horrified by what they saw. "The last thing I need! A Principal in distress!" Stan said declaring his resentment. "Leave this to me, Stanley! I'll have him off our lawn faster than Aaron Hernandez's suicide!" said Roger as he pulled out a magnifying glass running out of the SUV. The toy soldiers were all being melted by the magnifying glass by Roger. Principal Lewis looked down sadly. "Then the aliens and robots melted the dumbass solider's brains then summoned more of their kind to earth, destroy humanity and achieve their goal of world domination! THE END!" Roger said spitefully. "You do know those were MY toy soldiers, did YOU?" Steve asked Roger.
Principal Lewis began to cry again. "You know, we are getting sick of you always coming to us when we're in trouble!" Francine said. "You don't understand! I need you help!" cried the hapless Principal. "Please be kind to him, Dad. It never hurts to help those in need!" said Hayley. Stan grumbled at the thought that he probably had to save Principal Lewis, "Okay then, fine! Tell me Principal Lewis! What did you get yourself into THIS time?" asked Stan. "My fire plant plant is gone! It was stolen by zombies!" cried Lewis. "It was a rare one, too!" Stan suggested, "How about you tell us all about these 'Zombies' over dinner!" "I can do that I guess." said Principal Lewis. "Whatever you do, please don't mock him!" begged Hayley. "I won't! It will be like that Our House music video by that band Madness!" Stan said pretending to keep his promise. Steve looked at his melted toy soldiers. "Hmmm, I don't need them anyway. It's a girl repellent!"
At the dinner table, Principal Lewis explained everything. How he found the finger. "Then I saw a finger with a bone sticking out......" Stan and Roger burst out laughing. "DAD!" yelled Hayley. Roger sang in the tune of Grease's Summer Nights, "Tell us more! Tell us more! About this fire plant!" "Why aren't you taking this seriously!? I really DO have a fire plant! Only one in existence! Zombies robbed me blind!" protested Principal Lewis. "Roger, you too?" yelled Hayley. "You got to expect that from him, honey." said Francine. "They're real I tells you! The Zombies and my fire plant are REAL!" screamed Principal Lewis. "This is the worst family dinner ever. Why are you guys dissing him?" Steve chimed in. "The more we diss him, the less he'll bother us!" said Stan. "Want to know a funny secret about Principal Lewis?" asked Roger. "What is it?" asked Stan. "His mother was pregnant with him for 12 months!" laughed Roger.
"I believe that! Heard he was supposed to be born in May 1961, but he was born on the day Willie Best died!" Stan burst out laughing. "His father was originally going to name him, Buckwheat!" laughed Roger joining in with Stan. "Two black guy slams in a row!" cheered Stan as him and Roger high fived each other! "THAT IS IT! I obviously caught you all at the bad time! It's like you don't want to believe me!" said a distraught Principal Lewis. "Why should we? Every time you ask us for help, it turns out to be nothing!" said Francine . "Are you sure you didn't hallucinate this fire plant and zombies?" asked Klaus. "Sounds like him to me, Klaus!" said Roger. "This will probably be mein only line in this episode." whined Klaus. "Why don't I just come by later! Whenever you're ready to stop making fun of me." Principal Lewis said as he left. "Thanks for the shit dinner and nothing!" "That is like you, isn't it Dad? Always turning your back on people when they need you most!" said Hayley. "Its not my fault he's so dependent on this family!" said Stan. "You have a down and out stoner husband who has a dead end job as the janitor at Dairy Queen! So don't judge me young lady!" "You da man, Stan!" said Roger.
That night, Stan was watching the CBS show 'Bull'. Thinking out loud to himself, "Principal Lewis. He was a cool guy at first. Then over the years he just got more and more penurious, followed me and my family, stalked us, and always came to us for help. Even if it was something unreal, petty and stupid!" Much to Stan's shock, Principal Lewis was sitting on the couch next to him. "BWAHH!! You scared me! Why don't you leave us alone?" begged Stan. "Look, I know you don't think my problems are real." explained Principal Lewis. "We don't, now leave." Stan answered nonchalantly. "Whatcha watching there?" asked Lewis. "A CBS show called, 'Bull' starring Michael Weatherly. Not that it's any of your business." Stan said starring into the TV hoping to ignore Principal Lewis.
"Can you flip to over to Superior Donuts? Love that show!" suggested Principal Lewis. "Never heard of it." Stan answered in a very dull voice. "It's a cool show about a donut shop." Principal Lewis tries to talk Stan into watching. "Don't know what channel it's on or the time." Stan tried and continued to pretend to act boring so Lewis will leave. Nothing was working. "I watch that show with my fire plant. Peaches is her name!" Stan decided he has had enough. About everything Principal Lewis has laid on him. The Fire Plant, and the Zombies both of which Stan didn't believe and thought Lewis was desperate for attention. "I am going to give you the count of 3 to get out of my home you son of a bitch!" warned Stan, but Lewis didn't take it too harshly. "Oh, ha ha I get it. This is a game right? Like Big Brother or Survivor?" "One......two........" Stan began to count. "THREE!" he yelled as he threw Principal Lewis out into the lawn. "AND DON'T COME BACK! IF YOU DO, I WILL CALL THE COPS! AND YOU WILL SPEND SOME TIME IN JAIL WITH BUBBA! I MEAN IT!"
Feeling like he had nowhere to turn, bewildered as if the world as turned his back on him, Principal Lewis finally left. There was an outhouse attached to a truck. Biter, Creeper, and Floater were inside driving. Lewis went inside the outhouse wanting to go to the bathroom. Then the truck drove away along with the outhouse. Principal Lewis was screaming for help. "HELP! HELP! STAN! YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN......." Stan and Roger ran outside and saw the truck from the distance that was driving down the street. Stan still didn't believe Principal Lewis was in any danger. " That fat pathetic shitbag! He staged the whole thing! I KNEW IT! " Stan yelled as he stomped his foot. Roger stated, "He'll be back. Probably will hide in a tree. Didn't know Principal Lewis liked Big Brother!"
*
Somewhere nestled in the Vermont green mountains, there was a cabin. Inside were where Biter, Creeper, and Floater lived. They all gathered around an unconscious Principal Lewis and Peaches his fire plant who were both knocked out from the sedatives. Creeper suggested, "How about we make him our slave?" "That's what we're planned to do!" Biter answered. "We will have his dude train the fire plant so we can lure people into our adobe and use the fireplant to eat their brains!" evilly laughed Floater. "And anyone else who comes our way to try to save this shitwad!" said Biter.
Principal Lewis began to wake up as did Peaches. Both of them were shocked at their new surroundings. "Where am I!" demanded Lewis! "What are you doing with Peaches?" "Relax, ass! We haven't harmed her yet." assured Biter. "We captured you because you and 'Peaches' as you call that are going to help us lure people so we can trap them and kill them for their brains!" said Creeper. "Yes and you are going to teach that fireplant to cook brains!" explained Floater. "I am not having any of this! I'm going back home, and taking Peaches with me! So long, cowards!" Principal Lewis's attempted escape with Peaches proved to be a failure as they closed an automatic door to the entrance. "Looks like you're going to be here a while! So let's make you comfortable!" chortled Creeper at the terrified Principal Lewis. "Save me Stan! Wish you didn't turn your back on me!" Biter sees Lewis has a cellphone and Stan Smith was one of his contacts. "Let's give this Stan dude a call! Mess with him a bit!" the Zombie called Biter suggested.
Morning had peaked it's way into the clouds and sky as Stan Smith got up and was ready for the weekend. Totally pleased thinking Principal Lewis won't be bothering him anymore. "I hope I never have to hear those words, 'Principal' 'Bryan' or 'Lewis' ever again!" Stan thought to himself. As he knew, Principal Lewis always had ways of crawling back into the Smith's family's lives. Stan, being the realist that he is, always thought that whenever he refused to help the Pearl Bailey Principal with his shortcomings, he was probably hiding away somewhere and will worm his way back into Stan's life somehow.
Stan walked into the living room on his way to the kitchen to see what Francine was making for breakfast. Roger was on the couch watching Inspector Gadget. Stan wanted to use his dissipated insults at him. "You watch Inspector Gadget? Aren't you a little too old for cartoons?" Stan cracked the joke at Roger. "No, I wasn't," Roger thinking of an excuse, "Uhhh, just keeping the seat warm for Steve! He likes the show." "Sure, whatever. How old are you now anyway, like 1788 now?" asked Stan. "Nope, still in my 1600s the prime of my youth." said Roger. Inspector Gadget was over and it was showing one of those safety tips at the end of every episode. It showed Inspector Gadget jogging with Penny and Brain. "What the (beep) look at that, Stan. Penny is jogging too!" retorted Roger. "Oh yes I remember those 'safety tips' that cartoon used to do, all because parents were whiny little butthurts that their children's programming isn't educational!" Stan recalled that time from the 1980s.
"Cartoons are supposed to make you laugh, not teach you things! Look at that bitch Penny, jogging with her uncle......" before Roger can finish, Stan chimes in, "Well, what is she supposed to do? Sit on the couch and eat chips all day like you do?" Roger throws a pillow at Stan's head and screams, "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" "Don't paint that couch again, we are NOT getting another one!" Stan wanted to remind Roger of how he destroyed that couch by spilling wine then paining it when Stan was going through that Rubbernecking thing. Steve walked in to confront Roger, "I heard everything, Roger! You're not (beep)ing with me! First you melt my toy soldiers, and now you told Dad I watch childish cartoons?" Stan entered the kitchen.
"Hello, my beautiful traditional housewife!" he announced. "Oh, Stan. oooh! I just remembered. You were supposed to take Principal Lewis to see Baby Driver next week," Francine said. Stan was hoping he was going to hear the last of Principal Lewis, but wasn't surprised when he heard about him again. "Yes yes glad you reminded me." he stated. "We were so mean to him, seems like he was really trying to reach out to us." said Francine regretfully. "Some people have to learn how to cope with things themselves, Francine. Instead of depending on other people. Like those Hillary supporters who want to overthrow Trump to get her in! I depend on good old self reliance! That's what made me the man I am today!" Stan said sitting down to read the newspaper. "Usually, Principal Lewis comes in everyday whenever he has a crisis. So far he hasn't shown up. Wonder if he ever got that issue solved about the Zombies and his fire plant?" wondered Francine.
Stan was irked, gulped and raised his eyebrows confusingly when he heard Francine say that. The reason was he didn't want Francine to know he deliberately kicked the sad heartbreak kid what was Principal Lewis out of the house. "Uhhhhh, hows about I go outside and look for him. He must be hiding. What kind of man plays hide and seek at his age?" Stan goes into the backyard calling for Principal. "BRYAN! BRYAN! I will help out with your fire plant issue thingy!" Stan walks around the backyard and sees no signs of Lewis. "I believe you now about the Zombies!" Stan said anything he could to have Principal Lewis show up in his presence, so far nothing. "Really wish you'd stop being such a leech you asshole!" Stan was growing worried. "We'll go see Baby Driver next week." Still no sign. Looks like Stan was going to have to confess to Francine about kicking out Lewis soon. "You can come with us to our next family vacation!" "I'll let you watch Superior Donuts!"
*
Running back inside, Stan decided to not tell Francine yet Stan searched through the basement. Stan yelled in a distressed voice, "Where is that greasy snotball! Where is that slime-slurping snake?!". Roger heard him and said, "Slime slurping snake? Cool!" Stan running upstairs, wanted to get out of telling her knowing his wife will give him the third degree then the silent treatment, Stan was willing to take that risk. "Did you find him?" asked Francine. Roger, Klaus, Hayley, Jeff, and Steve were all at the table awaiting their breakfast. "Hate to tell you this, Francine, it's rather difficult." Stan struggled to choke up the first words. Jeff was about to uncover the platter that had the breakfast. "Cool cover you have for your dinners, Mr. S. May I?" asked Jeff. "You can." said Stan. "What is it you're trying to tell me again?" Francine was now suspicious. "It's that......well.....don't really know how......" Jeff uncovered the platter and underneath was a Zombie head that looked like it was done in Animatronics. The zombie head was Creeper.
"I'm gonna puke!" Steve ran away scared. "Roger, is this some kind of prank of yours?" asked Hayley. "Oh, whatever always blame me for dinner table antics!" Roger ranted on. "What does it want from us?" Francine cried. Creeper spoke, "People of Langley Falls!" "Sounds like this zombie has a War of the Worlds thing going on!" Klaus said. "Creeper continued, "You all think we zombies don't exist! But we do! We live in hiding for the right time to strike!" "Just get on with it!" shouted Stan. "If you are all looking for our captive Bryan Lewis, stay away! He is ours now! Him and his fireplant will help us destroy humans so we can eat their brains! BWAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!"
"It IS true! Principal Lewis wasn't lying at all!" said Stan. "If only we knew where these zombies were," Francine said. "Our location is none of your concern! So don't even DARE to try to look for us! If you do, we will eat your brains!" Creeper warned them. "Cool! This is like something out of The 5th Wave!" exclaimed Jeff. "You can threaten us all you want! We will hunt you down and your away your (beep)ing Zombie asses to Haiti! And I will save Principal Lewis!" vowed Stan. "No you won't, if you come we will eat you, your family, and anybody who's ever known you!" Creeper fought back.
Roger got a hammer to smash Creeper's head, but broke the table instead. "Aww, shit!" "Dammit Roger!" yelled Stan. Creeper's head was still there then started to chant. "I WILL EAT YOU BRAINS!" Creeper chanted this over and over. Stan runs out of the kitchen and gets a bag then picks up the head by the hair, Creeper was still chanting, "I WILL EAT YOUR BRAINS!" Stan puts the zombie animatronic head into a bag and runs out of the house. It still kept chanting. "Gonna go bowling Stan?" asked Roger. The chanting became muffled as Stan set it into the ground, Roger then used the hammer to smash the head until the chanting sounded muffled. Roger mocked, "Hear that? Now it's like 'klai bwill fweat vour cwlainens!" The chanting stopped. The animatronic zombie head of Creeper was broken.
Stan laughed. "You always kept your sense of humor and bitchiness in tact in times of danger!" "What are we going to do about this zombie shit?" asked Roger. "Only one thing to do. We must get Bullock to help us to see if he knows anything." said Stan. "If we tell him about these Zombies, hope he won't think we're crazy psycho cuckoo!" said Roger as he and Stan ran inside the house to call Bullock.
*
The thought of eating cooked human brains was pure ecstasy for Biter, Creeper, and Floater. Creeper was in another room tormenting Principal Lewis. "Just imagine! When we cook human brains, we can make delicious recipes and sell them to other zombies like us!" announced Floater. "Who knows what we can come up with dudes! Brainburgers and brain fries!" Biter joined in. "Yes! And Brainza! Ya know, Like Pizza only with Brians!" said Biter. "Imagine the possibilities! Brain Tacos!" said Floater. "We ain't talking Campbell's Soup! And not only that, spaghetti and brain balls!" laughed Biter. "First and most absolutely not least, we must get that man to work his fire plant!" said Floater.
Creeper ran into the main room of the cabin. Looking deeply disappointed. "What's going on?" asked Floater. "Trying to get that black asshole to work his magic to produce fire from that plant! He flat out refuses!" said Creeper in an exasperated tone. "If that's the case we will break his spirit and make him a slave!" said Biter. "Great idea! Bring out the prisoner and tie his hands to the post!" ordered Floater. "Yes sir!" said Creeper. Principal Lewis and Peaches were both brought into the room. "You won't get away with this! My friend Stan Smith will save me!" "Oh about that. We were going to tell you. Your big hero won't be saving you! While you were knocked out, we looked into your cellphone contacts and gave this 'Stan' fellow a little message to stay away!" said Floater.
"You underestimate Stan! He'll come for me!" Principal Lewis said trying not to lose his cool. "We've been long time friends! When he comes to save me, I will start writing my book! A Complete History of Fine!"
"Shut up! We don't care what you think is 'fine'! We are here to put an end to your future plans! So accept your fate!" shouted Creeper. The zombies obviously didn't understand the lexicon black people used.
Biter put Peaches in a cage. They tied Principal Lewis's hands to the post. "What are you planning to do with me you damned Zombie bastards?" "We will break your will and that plant's too." said Biter. "I will still never give in!" boasted Principal Lewis. "We'll see about that after a few whippings!" said Creeper confidently as he wielded a whip in his hand. Principal Lewis wanted to vomit.
Meanwhile at the CIA, Stan, Roger, and Francine were there explaining the Zombie situation with Bullock. Everything. From Principal Lewis, The Fire Plant, and the Zombies and the way they contacted the Smiths. "...then one of the zombies contacted us through animatronics." explained Stan. "Our friend Principal Lewis went missing and we think the Zombies had something to do with it." said Francine. "So you don't think we're crazy, right?" asked Roger insecurely. "Absolutely not!" said Bullock.
"You think they're real?" asked Stan who was stunned and shaken that Bullock actually believed them about the Zombies. "Indeed. I've been after those Zombies for years. They won't stop until they've consumed every human brain in the world." Bullock explained. "Do you know where we can find these Zombies?" asked Francine. "Can answer that one." said Bullock, "They live in a cabin in the Green Mountains of Vermont. In case you noticed I've done my homework on these bastards!"
"Are we going to kick some Zombie ass!" asked Stan. "Do you know how to kill a zombie?" asked Francine. "You can't kill something that is dead, Frannie." corrected Roger. "Oh yes we could," said Bullock, "been wanting to be the one to stop a Zombie Apocalypse from happening!" "So that's why you've been doing studying creatures of their ilk?" asked Francine. "How do you kill those assholes anyway? Always wanted to know." Stan said.
Deputy Director Avery Bullock lead them into a weapons room. Full of crossbows, bazookas, mortors, uzis, and every other weapon imaginable. Even some beakers. "What's in the beakers?" asked Roger. "Eager Beaver are we? Some Zombies can die of diseases." "Sounds like World War Z"! said Roger. "Preaching to the choir, though. We have a better chance at winning if we use these weapons! Take your pick!" said Bullock. Stan, Francine, Bullock, and Roger stocked up on weapons and took some of the beakers, too. "You sure know your zombie killing techniques and schemes." said Stan. "You learn a lot when you have time off and you end up binge watching The Walking Dead!" said Bullock.
As soon as they knew it, Stan, Francine, Roger, and Bullock were in the CIA jet on their way to the Vermont Green Mountains! "Can we get some Ben and Jerry's while we're there?" asked Roger. "Maybe when we win." said Stan hoping to keep Roger quiet.
*
The CIA jet landed in the Green Mountains of Vermont. Stan, Roger, Francine, and Bullock began to climb. The altitude was getting the better of Roger so he began to act bizarre "Puppy Money Baby! Puppy Monkey Baby! Puppy Monkey Baby! From a Mountain Dew Super Bowl commercial, and wouldn't you know, we're in the mountains! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!" Roger sang. "Quit it, uh, Robert!" Stan demanded. He didn't want Bullock to know that 'Robert' was really Roger the alien. "Who is this man you brought along, Smith?" asked Bullock. "Oh, that's a former drug addict I've been sponsoring! Thought I'd bring him along to show him there's better things in life than drugs!" said Stan. "That's the spirit, Smith!" said Bullock.
Roger began to wind up. "Anyone remember those Miller Lite commercials with Joe Piscopo? My all time favorite is one where he's 'Bruce' Piscopo! hahahahahahaha!" "Why do I always end up with Stan's baggage? Why can't Agent Jackson have baggage for a change?" bemoaned Bullock. Getting more and more hysterical by the moment, Roger continued to drive everyone nuts as they were climbing the Green Mountains. Roger begins to say in a Chinese accent, "I am the master of ancient art of karate, kung fu, and Chinese Checkers! hee-yah! hee-yah!" Francine has even had enough. "We're trying to rescue a friend here, be serious, Ro-bert!"
Bullock thought he heard a faint scream. "Anyone hear that?" he asked. Stan and Francine think they hear the scream too. "You're right. Let's try to climb closer to it." suggested Stan. "I know what that scream is......." began Roger. "Don't start up with anything! We mean it!" Francine heeded Roger with a warning. "If you start to act like an asshole we're are sending you back to rehab!" said Stan. That didn't stop Roger, "You all seen that movie The House right? With Will Ferrell? I think I know who that scream is. It's............THE BUTCHER!" Roger laughed histrionically. Stan and Francine push Roger aside. "Excuse us for a minute." said Stan.
Francine and Stan give Roger the third degree. "What the (beep) is going on with you, Roger?" Stan demanding an answer. "Why did you come along anyway? You don't care about Principal Lewis." said Francine. "It's just that, my alien species gets hysterical whenever we are exposed to mountain air." explained Roger. "You could've told us that, before we left!" said Stan. They all hear the scream again. Bullock said, "It's that scream again, let's go!"
The scream grows closer and closer as climb higher in the mountains. "Anyone know of someone who has a blood curdling scream like that before?" asked Bullock. "Not that we know about." said Francine. Stan hears the scream again, and he realizes it does sound familiar. "Oh yes we have! That's Principal Lewis! We found him!" said Stan as he the guilt he felt for kicking out Lewis was like a burden lifted from his shoulders. They all arrive at the cabin and look into the window. Sure enough, they saw Principal Lewis being whipped by his Zombie nemesis, Biter, Creeper, and Floater. Roger sees the fire plant in a cage, "Look there's the plant!"
Floater was whipping Principal Lewis as Creeper and Biter were watching. "What's your name! What's your name! Say your name!" yelled Floater. "We decided to give you a new name since you're going to be our slave." Biter announced. "Like we told you before, say the name we gave you!" said Creeper. "Your name is Toby!" yelled Floater. "But I don't want my name to by Toby, I want to keep my own name!" Lewis begged. It didn't work, they continued to whip Principal Lewis.
Stan saw the whole thing and he got really angry. "Those zombies got inspiration from Alex Haley!" "We will climb inside the cabin and surprise them." Bullock advised. There was a ladder on the side of the cabin they were all going to climb up. Stan was beginning to feel empathetic toward Principal Lewis. "He may be seeking constant validation from us. He's our friend and we will do everything in our power to save him!" said Stan. Still hysterical from the altitude, Roger said, "You go up first Frannie Fanny!" "Stan or Bullock should go up first, why me?" asked Francine. "Because you got the goods, bitch!" snickered Roger. "You want me to go up first so you can look at my panties? SICKO!" Francine slapped Roger.
*
"Never mind him, he stays here." said Bullock. "He's useless to us anyway." said Stan. "Francine you and 'Robert' stay here." Francine agreed she didn't want to be exposed to any danger. "Right, I'll babysit this misfit here." Bullock and Stan go up the ladder loaded with weapons and the beakers. Stan and Bullock were on the roof until it collapsed from beneath them taking right to what they think is the Zombie's lair. However, they land in another room next to the Zombie's lair. Stan began to chuckle. "What's so funny, Smith?" asked Bullock. "Oh, something I saw on Superstore yesterday." answered Stan. "You mean that NBC sitcom?" asked Bullock. "That's the one." said Stan. What Stan didn't want Bullock to know was he was laughing that they thought they were in the Zombie's lair, turned out it wasn't. One of those 'things' as one would put it.
Stan and Bullock use a bazooka to shoot down the door. Creeper shouted, "Who goes there?" Bullock throws a beaker at Creeper that made him melt. "Yes! Knew that smallpox would work!" proudly proclaimed Bullock. Floater and Biter run out of the room and see Stan and Bullock. Stan decides he wants to be the one to take them down. "Uh, Bullock, the guy they're holding captive is friend of mine. So would you mind if I am the one who kicks their asses?" asked Stan. "Be my guest. Have fun, Smith!" "Go free Principal Lewis. It's Lock and Load time!" said Stan loading his weapons.
Francine was watching over Roger still hysterical over the mountain air. "Hey Francine! What movie is this from? That will be just fine!" "Darkman! Of course." answered Francine. Roger then spins a hubcap shaped rock and spins it. "Look, I'm Johnny Depp in Benny and Joon!" "That's nice, sweetheart." Francine said putting off Roger because she was more concerned about how Stan is going to pull through and survive.
Biter and Floater charge after Stan. Pavement's Cut Your Hair plays. Before they can attack him, Stan shoots them up with a machine gun and uzis until they were nothing more than just broken down body parts. Bullock goes to untie Principal Lewis who was sobbing. "Thanks so much for saving me, old man." "Think nothing of it. You're in good hands with the CIA." assured Bullock. Principal Lewis didn't look too thrilled to be rescued by Bullock and prefered to be rescued by Stan. "Why the long face, sir?" asked Bullock. "I don't want you to untie me. I want Stan to do it!" cried Lewis.
Stan made sure that Biter and Floater were no more. He picked up their remains and threw them out the window into a mud pile. "If you both ever want to go another round. I'll be sure to send over my psycho ass Indian half brother"! called Stan. Bullock came into the room where Biter, Floater, and Creeper used to be. "Stan, Lewis wants to see you." Bullock advised. "Always when I'm in the middle of gloating!" Stan walked out reluctantly. Stan untied Lewis and freed his fireplant Peaches.
The whole tribulation with the Zombies was finally over. Stan, Bullock come out of the cabin with Lewis and Peaches. Francine and Roger cheered for them. Francine ran up to hug and kiss Stan, "Oh, Stan! I knew you'd come through!" "Well done, Smith! If there's ever a real Zombie Apocalypse you can be my partner!" said Bullock. "I'd be proud to." said Stan then he turns over to Principal Lewis and extends his apologies. "Guess I doubted you. Sorry I turned my back on you when you needed me the most." said Stan. "That's fine. Nobody ever believes me since I've had a history of drug abuse." said Principal Lewis. "I will make some promises to you." said Stan. "What are they?" asked Lewis. "Yeah, he keeps promises to others but never with me!" said Roger in a snotty tone.
"Next time you're in trouble you can stay with us until we can get it resolved. Also, I will take you to see Baby Driver when it comes out, and you can watch Superior Donuts on my TV when Bull is on!" said Stan. "I'd like that very much, Smith! And in the meantime, you need to teach me not to be so reliant on other people." said Prinicipal Lewis. "Consider it done!" said Stan. Bullock, leads Stan, Peaches, Prinicipal Lewis and Francine back to the CIA jet. Stan vowed to keep his promises to Prinicipal Lewis. Once they were on and were flying back to Langley Falls, Roger decides to play with Peaches.
"So you say you're a fire plant, eh?" asked Roger to Peaches. "What exactly is it do you do? Say would you like to go on a vandalism spree with me?" Peaches burped and shot a fireball into Roger's scalp and Roger runs around rampant with his head on fire. "AHHHHH! AHHHHH! SON OF A BITCH! WHO THE (BEEP) DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! screamed Roger. "Guess I trained it to do something after all!" laughed Prinicipal Lewis. "Maybe Peaches thought 'Robert' was a zombie!" laughed Stan. Roger ran back and forth in the CIA jet with his head on fire. "Back to rehab for him!" said Francine.
The CIA jet finally went home to Langley Falls
The End
The Preceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production
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