Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Crazy Ones
FrankGerard paced the room a lot before laying down on his bed. I was nervous as he summoned me to lay with him. Slowly I slid into the bed with him and he places an arm over me, his face buried in my shoulder.
I’m tense, horribly shaky and jumpy suddenly. It takes a moment for Gerard to notice, but he does.
“Relax, Frankie.” His voice is gruff and tired, “If I’m pushing the limits, just let me know.” He turns to look up at me.
“I’m just not used to this.” I shake my head.
“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice is muffled in my skin.
“I can’t.” I want to but the words aren’t ready to come.
“I will wait for you to be able to, if you want?” His sleepy mind not registering what I was trying to say.
“No, I mean, I can’t yet, I’m not ready.”
“Ohh.” He mumbles, “If you aren’t comfortable then I can try not to touch you.” He offers me.
I shake my head. That’s when I roll over and wrap my arms around him, I hug him close, forcing myself past the memories and the pain. I want to be better, this is the only way I can make progress. I press my face into his hair and inhale his smell. He’s something new, he’s not filled with the sickening ‘clean’ smell of hospital. Gerard smelled like autumn, that home-like scent, with a hint of strawberry and cinnamon. He smelled calming.
I squeezed him tighter and hold my eyes shut as tears start to run down from them. I feel Gerard press his face into my chest, holding his arms around me, rubbing at my back softly.
“I hope this is helping you get better.” He says into my chest, “I hope you can be happy.”
I start to cry harder and he says nothing more, rubbing my back as the tears silently fall.
I think I was just about ready to talk.
|||
It’s late, probably close to one in the afternoon when I awake. I hadn’t slept like this in a long time, I felt great.
Gerard is drooling on my arm and there’s someone knocking on the door.
I push at Gee until he opens his eyes, “I’m sleeping.” He grumbles.
“Someone wants in.” I point at the door.
“Shit…” He rolls out of bed and I follow, going to sit in the chair across the room. Gerard pulls open the door, rubbing at his eyes, “Hi, I just woke up, I’m sorry I missed our appointment.” His morning voice is really kind of sexy.
“It’s alright, Gerard. You look like death.” The person on the other side of the door says, “Can I come in and just talk to you for a couple minutes? I have to run out and this is easier than dragging you to the office.”
“Yeah, don’t mind Frank. He was worried about me so he stayed here last night.” He nods at me and Carson enters, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Worried about you? What for?” Carson raises a brow.
Gerard glances over at me, as if asking for help, “If you don’t mind me telling you, I will.” Frank says, “I don’t think Gerard wants to say himself.”
He hangs his head in thanks.
“That is fine with me.” Carson nods.
“That girl, Allie, she told Gerard that he was fat and he should just give up because he looked better before and it really freaked him out and he, well… He relapsed because of her comment. I caught him and made him stop but he already had gotten up most of his food.” I explain and Gerard hides his face in shame.
“Well, Allie will not be let off the hook for this, that is one-hundred percent unacceptable.” He shakes his head, “And, Gerard, don’t beat yourself up over this, okay. You just started your medications and you are not better yet, with eating you’ve been doing amazing but you’re not healthy yet. It’s not your fault.”
I can see a smile from the corner of Gerard’s mouth, he rubs his eyes, presumably wiping tears away.
“Thank you, Carson. I really am trying to not go back to square one.” He says and it has so much emotion behind it that I feel my chest sting.
“I definitely won’t let you fall that far and I know that Frank won’t either, judging by how he stayed all night to make sure you were okay.”
I blush.
“Also, I just want to say that I’m glad that you both have somebody to stand by.” Carson looks between us, “I have to run and visit a former client for lunch, I’ll see you at some point later tonight to check and make sure you ate. Since I won’t be here for you both to eat your lunch, I trust that you’ll eat.” He gives Gerard a /‘you-better-be-listening-to-me’ /look before saying a goodbye to us both and exiting.
I stand and make my way to the door, “Let’s go eat.” I say and he grins at me, nodding in agreement.
|||
“I just remembered I get weighed tomorrow.” He pokes the tomatoes on his plate around.
“Okay, I have to ask, why the hell do you get tomatoes every day when you just toss them out?” I ask, pointing at the red vegetables on his plate.
“They make me sick so I get them just… I don’t know, it’s comforting. I used to eat them to make myself sick instead of shoving my fingers down my throat.”
“How is that comforting?” I question.
“I can’t explain it myself, it’s just something I’m used to.” He stares down at them. I sigh and stab my fork into them all and put them onto my plate.
“No more of that.” I shake my head.
“I don’t eat them!” He argues with me.
“I know but it’s like… Okay so this is really personal but, I keep a razor around all the time because it’s the same kind of comfort as these are to you.” I admit and he looks at me weird for a second.
“But you still have yours.”
“Gerard, I feel like you’re ready to let them go.” I say, “If you let them go I’ll toss the razor.” I take a few breaths to calm down.
“Deal.” He agrees, “You have to stop hurting yourself anyway so I’ll give up those for you to get better.”
My hands tremble at his words, “Thank you, Gerard.”
|||
I sleep in my room tonight and my bed feels oddly large, it feels wrong. I’m kept awake for hours. The room was empty until about midnight, when Dyllon returns to the room. He’s off and seems angry.
“Dyllon?” I say, sitting upright in the bed.
“Shut up.” He mutters and paces the room.
“Are you okay? Do you need me to get somebody?” I start to stand and he lunges at me, grabbing me, his fingers digging into my skin, certainly leaving bruises.
“Don’t you dare!” He yells at me and I hold my eyes shut.
I need to stay calm.
“Dyllon, it’s okay…” I keep my voice low and as calm as I could with the anxiety attack that was suddenly setting in, “What’s wrong, Dyllon? You can talk to me and tell me what happened and I won’t say anything to anybody, I promise.” My eyes are still shut too tightly and my voice is too forced.
“Shut up!” He shouts and I start to hyperventilate. Slowly I stand to get level with him, which only ends with me being slammed against the wall, “Shut up, shut up, shut up!” He screams and I know he’s only having a psychotic episode but I’m so fucking scared.
“D-... Dyllon… Please… Calm d-... Down, please.” I beg.
“Calm down!? Don’t tell me to calm down!” His grip gets harder as he slams me against the wall yet again.
“Shh… It’s-... It’s okay.” I speak slowly to hide my horror. I keep flashing between now and the past and I knew I would never get better, nothing was getting better.
He starts shouting louder now, he’s going on and on about something I don’t get and calling me the wrong name, getting more and more aggressive. Thankfully this alerts somebody in the next room and a guard throws the door down and pried him off of me.
I’m in shock and I can’t move, I can’t function, my eyes held shut, paralyzed with fear. He’s screaming and fighting violently against the guard. People rush from their rooms to see what’s happening but Gerard seems to be the only one to actually do anything other than stare.
He hurries in and comes to my aid.
“Frankie, hey, are you alright?” He pulls me into his chest and I, of course, fight against him. He squeezes me and I eventually calm down and lean into his embrace as I start to sob, grabbing his shirt and holding onto him.
“Gerard.” I whimper, “It hurts.” I beg for him to fix it. My mind keeps sending back things that I never want to remember.
“I know, Frankie, you’re going to be fine, I’m right here.” He coos.
Gerard goes to pull back but I won’t let go, “Don’t go.” I beg, “Please don’t leave.”
“I’m not going to leave you, calm down, it’s okay.” He says softly, “The nurse wants to check you over so I have to let go, I’ll sit on your bed with you, okay?” He’s so gentle.
I nod and slowly release him.
A nurse looks over the bruises on my shoulders and back, placing a few bandages where he’d scraped me when they pried him off.
I’m informed that I no longer will be rooming with anybody and Gerard takes the liberty to take over the now free bed.
I lie awake for close to an hour before I give into what my head begged of me.
I slip from my bed and crawl in besides Gerard, awaking him in the process, “Frankie…? You okay?” He rubs his eyes, his smooth, crackly.
“I’m cold.” I lie and feel Gerard nod and pull his arms around me.
“Sleep well, oh, and feel better. Wake me if you need anything?”
I’m tense, horribly shaky and jumpy suddenly. It takes a moment for Gerard to notice, but he does.
“Relax, Frankie.” His voice is gruff and tired, “If I’m pushing the limits, just let me know.” He turns to look up at me.
“I’m just not used to this.” I shake my head.
“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice is muffled in my skin.
“I can’t.” I want to but the words aren’t ready to come.
“I will wait for you to be able to, if you want?” His sleepy mind not registering what I was trying to say.
“No, I mean, I can’t yet, I’m not ready.”
“Ohh.” He mumbles, “If you aren’t comfortable then I can try not to touch you.” He offers me.
I shake my head. That’s when I roll over and wrap my arms around him, I hug him close, forcing myself past the memories and the pain. I want to be better, this is the only way I can make progress. I press my face into his hair and inhale his smell. He’s something new, he’s not filled with the sickening ‘clean’ smell of hospital. Gerard smelled like autumn, that home-like scent, with a hint of strawberry and cinnamon. He smelled calming.
I squeezed him tighter and hold my eyes shut as tears start to run down from them. I feel Gerard press his face into my chest, holding his arms around me, rubbing at my back softly.
“I hope this is helping you get better.” He says into my chest, “I hope you can be happy.”
I start to cry harder and he says nothing more, rubbing my back as the tears silently fall.
I think I was just about ready to talk.
|||
It’s late, probably close to one in the afternoon when I awake. I hadn’t slept like this in a long time, I felt great.
Gerard is drooling on my arm and there’s someone knocking on the door.
I push at Gee until he opens his eyes, “I’m sleeping.” He grumbles.
“Someone wants in.” I point at the door.
“Shit…” He rolls out of bed and I follow, going to sit in the chair across the room. Gerard pulls open the door, rubbing at his eyes, “Hi, I just woke up, I’m sorry I missed our appointment.” His morning voice is really kind of sexy.
“It’s alright, Gerard. You look like death.” The person on the other side of the door says, “Can I come in and just talk to you for a couple minutes? I have to run out and this is easier than dragging you to the office.”
“Yeah, don’t mind Frank. He was worried about me so he stayed here last night.” He nods at me and Carson enters, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Worried about you? What for?” Carson raises a brow.
Gerard glances over at me, as if asking for help, “If you don’t mind me telling you, I will.” Frank says, “I don’t think Gerard wants to say himself.”
He hangs his head in thanks.
“That is fine with me.” Carson nods.
“That girl, Allie, she told Gerard that he was fat and he should just give up because he looked better before and it really freaked him out and he, well… He relapsed because of her comment. I caught him and made him stop but he already had gotten up most of his food.” I explain and Gerard hides his face in shame.
“Well, Allie will not be let off the hook for this, that is one-hundred percent unacceptable.” He shakes his head, “And, Gerard, don’t beat yourself up over this, okay. You just started your medications and you are not better yet, with eating you’ve been doing amazing but you’re not healthy yet. It’s not your fault.”
I can see a smile from the corner of Gerard’s mouth, he rubs his eyes, presumably wiping tears away.
“Thank you, Carson. I really am trying to not go back to square one.” He says and it has so much emotion behind it that I feel my chest sting.
“I definitely won’t let you fall that far and I know that Frank won’t either, judging by how he stayed all night to make sure you were okay.”
I blush.
“Also, I just want to say that I’m glad that you both have somebody to stand by.” Carson looks between us, “I have to run and visit a former client for lunch, I’ll see you at some point later tonight to check and make sure you ate. Since I won’t be here for you both to eat your lunch, I trust that you’ll eat.” He gives Gerard a /‘you-better-be-listening-to-me’ /look before saying a goodbye to us both and exiting.
I stand and make my way to the door, “Let’s go eat.” I say and he grins at me, nodding in agreement.
|||
“I just remembered I get weighed tomorrow.” He pokes the tomatoes on his plate around.
“Okay, I have to ask, why the hell do you get tomatoes every day when you just toss them out?” I ask, pointing at the red vegetables on his plate.
“They make me sick so I get them just… I don’t know, it’s comforting. I used to eat them to make myself sick instead of shoving my fingers down my throat.”
“How is that comforting?” I question.
“I can’t explain it myself, it’s just something I’m used to.” He stares down at them. I sigh and stab my fork into them all and put them onto my plate.
“No more of that.” I shake my head.
“I don’t eat them!” He argues with me.
“I know but it’s like… Okay so this is really personal but, I keep a razor around all the time because it’s the same kind of comfort as these are to you.” I admit and he looks at me weird for a second.
“But you still have yours.”
“Gerard, I feel like you’re ready to let them go.” I say, “If you let them go I’ll toss the razor.” I take a few breaths to calm down.
“Deal.” He agrees, “You have to stop hurting yourself anyway so I’ll give up those for you to get better.”
My hands tremble at his words, “Thank you, Gerard.”
|||
I sleep in my room tonight and my bed feels oddly large, it feels wrong. I’m kept awake for hours. The room was empty until about midnight, when Dyllon returns to the room. He’s off and seems angry.
“Dyllon?” I say, sitting upright in the bed.
“Shut up.” He mutters and paces the room.
“Are you okay? Do you need me to get somebody?” I start to stand and he lunges at me, grabbing me, his fingers digging into my skin, certainly leaving bruises.
“Don’t you dare!” He yells at me and I hold my eyes shut.
I need to stay calm.
“Dyllon, it’s okay…” I keep my voice low and as calm as I could with the anxiety attack that was suddenly setting in, “What’s wrong, Dyllon? You can talk to me and tell me what happened and I won’t say anything to anybody, I promise.” My eyes are still shut too tightly and my voice is too forced.
“Shut up!” He shouts and I start to hyperventilate. Slowly I stand to get level with him, which only ends with me being slammed against the wall, “Shut up, shut up, shut up!” He screams and I know he’s only having a psychotic episode but I’m so fucking scared.
“D-... Dyllon… Please… Calm d-... Down, please.” I beg.
“Calm down!? Don’t tell me to calm down!” His grip gets harder as he slams me against the wall yet again.
“Shh… It’s-... It’s okay.” I speak slowly to hide my horror. I keep flashing between now and the past and I knew I would never get better, nothing was getting better.
He starts shouting louder now, he’s going on and on about something I don’t get and calling me the wrong name, getting more and more aggressive. Thankfully this alerts somebody in the next room and a guard throws the door down and pried him off of me.
I’m in shock and I can’t move, I can’t function, my eyes held shut, paralyzed with fear. He’s screaming and fighting violently against the guard. People rush from their rooms to see what’s happening but Gerard seems to be the only one to actually do anything other than stare.
He hurries in and comes to my aid.
“Frankie, hey, are you alright?” He pulls me into his chest and I, of course, fight against him. He squeezes me and I eventually calm down and lean into his embrace as I start to sob, grabbing his shirt and holding onto him.
“Gerard.” I whimper, “It hurts.” I beg for him to fix it. My mind keeps sending back things that I never want to remember.
“I know, Frankie, you’re going to be fine, I’m right here.” He coos.
Gerard goes to pull back but I won’t let go, “Don’t go.” I beg, “Please don’t leave.”
“I’m not going to leave you, calm down, it’s okay.” He says softly, “The nurse wants to check you over so I have to let go, I’ll sit on your bed with you, okay?” He’s so gentle.
I nod and slowly release him.
A nurse looks over the bruises on my shoulders and back, placing a few bandages where he’d scraped me when they pried him off.
I’m informed that I no longer will be rooming with anybody and Gerard takes the liberty to take over the now free bed.
I lie awake for close to an hour before I give into what my head begged of me.
I slip from my bed and crawl in besides Gerard, awaking him in the process, “Frankie…? You okay?” He rubs his eyes, his smooth, crackly.
“I’m cold.” I lie and feel Gerard nod and pull his arms around me.
“Sleep well, oh, and feel better. Wake me if you need anything?”
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