Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Wonderwall
"This is the last straw", she said, "and I won't wait for you forever..."
"I'm pregnant. Oh, and don't open that."
?Blocked
Title: "The Last Straw" - Jack's Mannequin
I called in sick to work for the next week. I told Shelly and Shelly alone that I was pregnant and she promised to let me tell the girls when I was ready. She also mentioned that I should start looking for another source of income until I get my body back. Fuck me.
As I ran on the treadmill at my gym, which I have been doing daily for fear of gaining more weight then necessary, I began to think about life with a baby. Would I really want to bring my child up around the sick world of modeling; around half-naked girls, gyrating on stage for entertainment purposes; around a group of boys who spend 10 months a year living out of a suitcase on a bus? The thoughts made me feel ill. This wasn't right. Ryan was going to be home tonight and I was torn.
I felt a strange connection toward Ryan that made me yearn for a white picket fence in which our baby would play and our dogs would romp. Then my logic took over and told me that this was reality. White picket fences were not an option. If I choose this road I would immediately stall my career for at the very least, a year, this baby would have a crib inside a bunk on a tour bus and I would never get any alone time with my baby or (hopefully) my boyfriend. My thoughts somehow led me home, I didn't remember getting there, but I arrived at my house to see a car I didn't recognize in the driveway, a thin stream of smoke billowing out of the driver's side window. I took a deep breath; that could only be one person.
I felt like the air around me suddenly became very thick when I saw him...he had cut his hair and it made him look even sexier then I remembered and I found myself short on breath. There was that slight hint of emotion glossing over his steely eyes, an emotion that I made me wonder, as always, what he was thinking.
"Second hand smoke kills you know," I said as I approached his window. He seemed startled at first, obviously lost inside his head, but he immediately recovered with a shy smile as he flicked his cigarette out the window.
"I like the hair." I said, feeling an awkward silence begin to creep between us. He nodded.
"Thanks. I needed a change," he said as his eyes flicked towards my growing belly.
"I probably won't show until five months or so." He nodded as his eyes traveled beyond me, looking over my shoulder. Instinctively, I took a few steps forward and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I felt him relax a little as he slowly slid his arms around my slender waist. He pulled me closer to him and moved his head so I could feel his breath on my neck. How long we embraced, I'm not sure, but I know that I didn't want to let go. He finally loosened his grip on me and I pulled back slightly. I looked into his eyes and saw the only thing I had ever wished for in a man, sincerity. I couldn't help it, so I leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips. He responded by gently reaching up and placing his hand carefully on the back of my head, deepening our kiss. I suddenly had one of those epiphanies, where I realized that no matter how little we knew about each other, beyond Ryan, this baby and me, the rest of the world and the people in it were secondary. This family was the only thing that mattered right now and we would learn plenty about each other over time. I knew the road was going to be long and stressful, but I also knew that it was what needed to happen.
I reluctantly pulled away from his kiss and looked him in the eyes once more. He smiled at me. I reached up, placed my hand on his cheek, leaned forward, and kissed him again. He began to run his hand up and down my hip as he sighed.
"What now?" he asked. I shrugged. I hadn't wanted to begin thinking about details, I just wanted to be together, but I knew that our time was limited.
"I have things I need to take care of before I can commit to you and..." he stopped as he stared at my belly, "our baby." I backed away from him in a hurry. What did that mean?
"You have things to take care of before you can /commit/? I don't understand." He looked down and kicked at air under his ratty Converse.
"I mean, arrangements have to be made. I have people, beside us, who are going to be affected by this. I can't just say you can come on tour with us, especially with you being pregnant. I have to tell my dad, my manager, my friends, you know? The band." I rolled my eyes. So much for my epiphany. To him this was about us and the rest of the world connected to us.
"Ryan, I just want your word that if I do keep this baby, you'll be here as much as you possibly can, because we are going to need you."
He sighed, as he continued not looking at me. I rolled my eyes. Why, when you think they are going to be decent for a change, are boys just boys?
"I will. You know I will. It's just, things are getting hectic, our album is coming out next month, after that we are going to be promoting and touring nonstop for god knows how long and I'm just worried that I'm going to let you and the baby down."
"Let me come with you. I was fired yesterday, at least until I get my body back. I have nothing going on for me here and we could use the time to get to know each other before this thing is born." Ryan shook his head.
"No. No. No one is going to like this. No one is going to want to have a pregnant girl around all the time; it's just something extra we all have to be worried about. I haven't told anyone about it yet, but when we do, they are going to have a problem with it. I know these people and how they want our reputations and starting out with a barely 19 year old, soon-to-be dad in the band just isn't going to look okay." The more he talked, the more my insides burned. He's embarrassed of me and his own child! I'm not even visibly pregnant yet, this baby hasn't even been born and he's already ashamed of us!
"You are unbelievable, Ryan. I don't know who the fuck you think you are, kid, but you better grow up and do it fast. This is reality, separate it from the spectacle that is about to take over your life because this baby and me aren't going away. I'm sorry that we are embarrassing you but it takes two for this to happen. I can't...fuck off. Okay, forget it. I can do this by myself, like I have everything else since I was 17." I took one last look at him then stormed off towards my house. I was furious, annoyed but mostly hurt.
"Tinsley!" I heard from behind me, but I didn't look back. I wanted nothing to do with this deadbeat right now. I slammed my front door shut and stalked off towards the living room to find not-a-care-in-the-world Hazel, draped over some Abercrombie wanna-be, giving her a hickey on her collar bone.
"Hey!" she exclaimed as she climbed off the guy. The dumbass man waved at me as I sneered back. I was not in the mood for manners. "You okay, hun? You look flustered. Want a drink?" she said as she reached in the fridge and pulled out some cold Smirnoff's. I shook my head.
"I'm not drinking for a while," I said looking around, not knowing what to do with myself.
"Oh..." Hazel began. I watched her as she walked over to the Abercrombie model and handed him his drink. She peered at me. "Why's that?" Suddenly there was banging at my front door as I heard Ryan yelling for me to open up.
"I'm pregnant. Oh, and don't open that," I added as I stormed up the stairs and into my room, fully aware of the pounding on the door and the judging stares coming from Hazel and her man toy.
I called in sick to work for the next week. I told Shelly and Shelly alone that I was pregnant and she promised to let me tell the girls when I was ready. She also mentioned that I should start looking for another source of income until I get my body back. Fuck me.
As I ran on the treadmill at my gym, which I have been doing daily for fear of gaining more weight then necessary, I began to think about life with a baby. Would I really want to bring my child up around the sick world of modeling; around half-naked girls, gyrating on stage for entertainment purposes; around a group of boys who spend 10 months a year living out of a suitcase on a bus? The thoughts made me feel ill. This wasn't right. Ryan was going to be home tonight and I was torn.
I felt a strange connection toward Ryan that made me yearn for a white picket fence in which our baby would play and our dogs would romp. Then my logic took over and told me that this was reality. White picket fences were not an option. If I choose this road I would immediately stall my career for at the very least, a year, this baby would have a crib inside a bunk on a tour bus and I would never get any alone time with my baby or (hopefully) my boyfriend. My thoughts somehow led me home, I didn't remember getting there, but I arrived at my house to see a car I didn't recognize in the driveway, a thin stream of smoke billowing out of the driver's side window. I took a deep breath; that could only be one person.
I felt like the air around me suddenly became very thick when I saw him...he had cut his hair and it made him look even sexier then I remembered and I found myself short on breath. There was that slight hint of emotion glossing over his steely eyes, an emotion that I made me wonder, as always, what he was thinking.
"Second hand smoke kills you know," I said as I approached his window. He seemed startled at first, obviously lost inside his head, but he immediately recovered with a shy smile as he flicked his cigarette out the window.
"I like the hair." I said, feeling an awkward silence begin to creep between us. He nodded.
"Thanks. I needed a change," he said as his eyes flicked towards my growing belly.
"I probably won't show until five months or so." He nodded as his eyes traveled beyond me, looking over my shoulder. Instinctively, I took a few steps forward and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I felt him relax a little as he slowly slid his arms around my slender waist. He pulled me closer to him and moved his head so I could feel his breath on my neck. How long we embraced, I'm not sure, but I know that I didn't want to let go. He finally loosened his grip on me and I pulled back slightly. I looked into his eyes and saw the only thing I had ever wished for in a man, sincerity. I couldn't help it, so I leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips. He responded by gently reaching up and placing his hand carefully on the back of my head, deepening our kiss. I suddenly had one of those epiphanies, where I realized that no matter how little we knew about each other, beyond Ryan, this baby and me, the rest of the world and the people in it were secondary. This family was the only thing that mattered right now and we would learn plenty about each other over time. I knew the road was going to be long and stressful, but I also knew that it was what needed to happen.
I reluctantly pulled away from his kiss and looked him in the eyes once more. He smiled at me. I reached up, placed my hand on his cheek, leaned forward, and kissed him again. He began to run his hand up and down my hip as he sighed.
"What now?" he asked. I shrugged. I hadn't wanted to begin thinking about details, I just wanted to be together, but I knew that our time was limited.
"I have things I need to take care of before I can commit to you and..." he stopped as he stared at my belly, "our baby." I backed away from him in a hurry. What did that mean?
"You have things to take care of before you can /commit/? I don't understand." He looked down and kicked at air under his ratty Converse.
"I mean, arrangements have to be made. I have people, beside us, who are going to be affected by this. I can't just say you can come on tour with us, especially with you being pregnant. I have to tell my dad, my manager, my friends, you know? The band." I rolled my eyes. So much for my epiphany. To him this was about us and the rest of the world connected to us.
"Ryan, I just want your word that if I do keep this baby, you'll be here as much as you possibly can, because we are going to need you."
He sighed, as he continued not looking at me. I rolled my eyes. Why, when you think they are going to be decent for a change, are boys just boys?
"I will. You know I will. It's just, things are getting hectic, our album is coming out next month, after that we are going to be promoting and touring nonstop for god knows how long and I'm just worried that I'm going to let you and the baby down."
"Let me come with you. I was fired yesterday, at least until I get my body back. I have nothing going on for me here and we could use the time to get to know each other before this thing is born." Ryan shook his head.
"No. No. No one is going to like this. No one is going to want to have a pregnant girl around all the time; it's just something extra we all have to be worried about. I haven't told anyone about it yet, but when we do, they are going to have a problem with it. I know these people and how they want our reputations and starting out with a barely 19 year old, soon-to-be dad in the band just isn't going to look okay." The more he talked, the more my insides burned. He's embarrassed of me and his own child! I'm not even visibly pregnant yet, this baby hasn't even been born and he's already ashamed of us!
"You are unbelievable, Ryan. I don't know who the fuck you think you are, kid, but you better grow up and do it fast. This is reality, separate it from the spectacle that is about to take over your life because this baby and me aren't going away. I'm sorry that we are embarrassing you but it takes two for this to happen. I can't...fuck off. Okay, forget it. I can do this by myself, like I have everything else since I was 17." I took one last look at him then stormed off towards my house. I was furious, annoyed but mostly hurt.
"Tinsley!" I heard from behind me, but I didn't look back. I wanted nothing to do with this deadbeat right now. I slammed my front door shut and stalked off towards the living room to find not-a-care-in-the-world Hazel, draped over some Abercrombie wanna-be, giving her a hickey on her collar bone.
"Hey!" she exclaimed as she climbed off the guy. The dumbass man waved at me as I sneered back. I was not in the mood for manners. "You okay, hun? You look flustered. Want a drink?" she said as she reached in the fridge and pulled out some cold Smirnoff's. I shook my head.
"I'm not drinking for a while," I said looking around, not knowing what to do with myself.
"Oh..." Hazel began. I watched her as she walked over to the Abercrombie model and handed him his drink. She peered at me. "Why's that?" Suddenly there was banging at my front door as I heard Ryan yelling for me to open up.
"I'm pregnant. Oh, and don't open that," I added as I stormed up the stairs and into my room, fully aware of the pounding on the door and the judging stares coming from Hazel and her man toy.
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