Categories > Celebrities > Good Charlotte > Hurt, Pain and Heartache

Hurt, Pain and Heartache I

by Nic 3 reviews

New fic please read and review.

Category: Good Charlotte - Rating: R - Genres: Drama - Published: 2006-08-31 - Updated: 2006-08-31 - 11264 words

I have known the guys from good charlotte for ages; we had been friends since high school. We used to get along really well and was really close but the last few years we have barely tolerated each other. I'm still good friends with Paul and Billy but some bad shit had happened to and between me and the twins and since then it's been weird; we can't stand each other, never speak to each other unless we need to and even then we don't even look at each other or make an effort. The thing is some where deep down inside us three we still do care about and love each other, not that we'd admit it or that you could tell with the way we act towards each other, but we do. We still look out for and wouldn't let anything happen to each other but we treat each other like shit basically.

Too much shit has happened between us and to us for us to get as close as we used to be. It's just easier to be pissed off at each other than it is to sit down and sort the shit out. You might be thinking why we still see each other if we can barely tolerate being around each other? The reason is I'm their tour manager, I don't really know why I continued being their tour manager after all the shit that happened I guess we really do want to be around each other plus I'm pretty damn good at what I do. You might also be wondering what all the shit is that happened between us? Well thing is I used to date Joel. We dated for two years; it wasn't the best relationship on both parts. Basically we didn't treat each other right and therefore our relationship fell apart. It wasn't a good time for either of us to have a relationship because I was going though a lot of shit at home with my family resulting in our family falling apart and I've never seen them since and Joel was going though a hard time with the band so with all that going on our relationship was rocky to say the least. We had one of the worst break ups in the history of break ups, he'd cheated on me which he regretted but still it happened. What didn't help matters was that a week after our beak up I slept with Benji and continued to for two months after that. Benji and I where never serious but us being together ripped Joel to pieces him and Benji where constantly fighting. At the time I was that hurt by him that I didn't really care. I'm not proud of what I've done and I don't blame Joel for being pissed off at me. After two months Benji seen what us being together was doing to Joel so he told me to basically fuck off and blamed me for everything. I felt like shit I'd hurt Joel, been screwed over by Benji and now they both blamed me for all of the shit that happened when they where as much to blame as me. Joel was the one that cheated on me and Benji slept with me willingly I never forced him to; in fact it was Benji that came to me in the first place. I felt used and stabbed in the back, at the time I did want to quit as tour manager because it hurt too much seeing Benji and Joel and how they treated me but Paul and Billy made me stay.

All of that happened three years ago and believe it or not we still hold grudges against each other. Benji and Joel are still pissed off at me and I'm still pissed off at them. The more time goes on though the more I'm getting tired of it all and I know Benji and Joel are getting tired of it all too. I feel emotionally and physically exhausted with it all. The uncomfortable silences, the pretending we don't exist to each other, ignoring each other, the sly comments and evil looks have just got a little too much over the years. When I decided not to quit I thought things would get better with time or that I could deal with it but I'm really running out of energy to carry on with things how they are. This year we've managed to at least have a civilised conversation about business together but that's it and even that's forced; we say and spend time with each other only what we have to. I've spoke to both Paul and Billy about this and how I feel a lot lately. They have been great to me and have been really sympathetic and supportive. They understand how I feel and how the twins feel but they are adamant that they don't want me to leave. Maybe they know something that I don't. All I know is that if things don't change soon then I can't take much more.

It's been almost a year since the guys have been on tour which meant a year with minimal contact between us which I must say has made me feel more refreshed and ready to deal with everything again which is a good thing seen as this upcoming tour will last for eight months. Eight months with the guys is going to be hard but I think I can deal with it. If Benji and Joel want to be childish and play their silly games they can but I'm not playing along this time. I'm going on tour to do my job and that's it, fuck Benji and Joel I've moved on this past year and I think they should too.

I arrived at the tour bus, the guys where already on the bus waiting. I put my stuff in the front of the bus with Steve our driver. Usually I would stay in the main part of the bus with the guys but not this year, like I said before I'm here to do my job and only my job. I went into the office to get some of the papers and thing that I needed then went back out to the bus. I knocked o the bus door and waited for an answer. Billy answered.
"Carlee! You don't have to knock, come in." Billy smiled giving me a hug and pulling me inside.
"Carlee it's good to see you." Paul smiled giving me a hug too. I smiled to my self when I noticed Benji and Joel sat glaring at me, no change there. I sighed this tour is going to be no different to any other.
"Where's all your stuff?" Billy asked.
"Up front." I said plainly.
"Why's it there aren't you staying back here with us?" Paul said looking a little hurt.
"No I'm not staying with you. I know that will please some of you." I said glaring back at Benji and Joel for a second. They sarcastically smiled back at me. I rolled my eyes them turned back to Billy and Paul.
"Why? You always stay with us." Paul pouted.
"Yeah well not this time. From now on and for what little time I have left I'm here to do my job and only my job so you'll be seeing less of me." I said.
"What do you mean for what little time you have left?" Paul asked confused.
"Well that's what I came here to tell you I need to introduce you to someone..." I said opening the door letting my replacement in. yes that's right I have handed my notice in and this will be my last tour with the guys. I know I said I was going to put up with it because I love my job but I got thinking and came to the conclusion that I don't have to put up with all this shit to do my job there's plenty of other bands that I can manage so I called to company up and they decided that me and another girl could swap bands. My replacement Molly will be joining us on this tour while I show her the ropes but at the end of the tour Molly will take over and I will go my separate way. Molly is a young, cheery, kind of preppy girl. She can be a bit air headed and annoying sometimes, most of the time but she will be good at the job and that's all that matters. All of the guys looked confused and interested in what I was talking about. When Molly walked in all the guys looked bewildered.
"Guys this is Molly, my replacement. She will be joining me managing this tour while I show her the ropes then after this tour she will take over completely and I will leave." I smiled. Molly jumped up and down on the spot smiling and waving at them. They all looked at her horrified.
"I am so happy to have the chance to work with all of you and can't wait to get to know and spend time with all of you." she giggled. The guys looked less than impressed. Billy looked worried about me, Paul looked pissed off at Molly and the twins well they kind of looked upset, I must be wrong.
"Carlee if this is because of..." Billy said quietly referring to the Benji and Joel shit.
"No Billy I've been thinking about it for a while as you know and it's time for me to move on." I said to him. "Ok it's time we were on the road; I'll leave you all to get to know each other better." I announced then walked of the bus. Paul ran after me.
"You can't be serious about quitting. I'm going to go in that bus and beat the shit out of Benji and Joel until they apologise to you and agree to behave better to you." Paul shouted obviously upset.
"Paul it's no use we've been trying for years to make this work and it hasn't and probably never will do. I've done my apologies so it's on their head now. I just can't take it anymore."
"But you can't leave us with that... that Molly." Paul said disgusted.
"I'm sorry Paul but she's the only one the company had to offer. She's taking you over and I'm taking over her old band."
"Carlee..." Paul sighed but I cut him off.
"No Paul I'm sorry we can still see each other but I just won't be working with you."
"But tour's won't be the same with out you." Paul pouted.
"Yeah they'll be peaceful with out all the arguments and uncomfortableness." I laughed.
"No I didn't mean it like that we love you being here."
"You and Billy might but Benji and Joel certainly don't."
"They do honestly they'll miss you they still love and care for you."
"They have a funny way of showing it." I snorted. "Paul get on the bus we have to leave or we won't make it to the hotel in time to get a good night sleep." I sighed walking to the front of the bus. Paul gave up reluctantly and went to the main part of the bus.
"And you sure you won't come back here with us?"
"No you need the space for Molly."
"She can ride up front." Paul spat.
"No she can't." I said plainly.
"Because I am." I laughed then got in next to Steve and told him we can go.

When we arrived at the hotel the guys stayed in the bus while shown Molly how to check the guys into the hotel and get the keys. When we had done that I went straight up to my room and Molly took the guys their keys to their rooms.

Billy's POV

Me, Paul, Benji and Joel where sat on the bus waiting for Carlee and Molly to finish checking us in and bring us our room keys. We where all deep in thought about Carlee's little announcement. Paul was totally pissed off at Benji and Joel he blamed Carlee quitting on them which I do too. The way they treated her the past few years has been so horrible. I know she wasn't innocent in it all and she knows that too. She apologised to Benji and Joel till she was blue in the face but they wouldn't have any of it. Carlee's tough but even this was a bit much for her to deal with. The more I thought about it the more I found myself getting more and more pissed off at Benji and Joel.
"I suppose you two are happy now. You've got what you wanted. You've made Carlee's life such a living hell that you've finally made her quit the job she loves..." I burst out with my anger.
"It's not our fault you heard her she wants to move on." Joel defended guiltily. He knew it was partly his fault but he didn't want to admit it.
"Well I hope you two like Molly because that's what where stuck with because of you. Tours going to be shit now." Paul shouted then stormed off the bus. Benji and Joel looked a little shocked but then Benji's shock turned into defensive anger.
"What ever we did to Carlee she disserved it." Benji spat heartlessly. Causing me and even Joel to look at him in shock.
"That's not true Benji and you fucking know it. Even after she's apologized to you hundreds of times and hundreds of times over, even when she didn't have to she did but you threw it back in her face, when she's just trying to do her job but you still treat her like shit. You two have been complete asses to her and I'm sick of it." I shouted then left the bus after Paul.

Carlee's POV

Later that night I was sat on my bed on my laptop e-mailing my friend back home when I heard a knock at the door.
"Come in." I called not looking up from my laptop. The person came in and stood by the door; I finished sending my e-mail then looked up to see who it was. To my surprise it was Benji. I looked at him expectedly waiting for him to speak but he didn't he just looked at me.
"Benji what do you want? If you have a problem you need to go talk to Molly from now on because I don't deal with it any more." I sighed a little annoyed for some reason but it was a mutual feeling that happened every time me and the twins where near each other.
"That's the problem you can't be serious about leaving especially leaving us with her." Benji spat obviously angry.
"Well Benji you'd better get used to it because I am leaving and Molly's the only other person available that the company can send you." I said plainly.
"You just love pissing us off. You're just doing this to get back at us." Benji spat.
"Oh yeah Benji I'm quitting my job. The job that I love because I just want to piss you off and get back at you." I said sarcastically. "You know what you and Joel need to grow up and stop these childish games because I'm not playing along no more. I'm done with it all, I've done my apologies and I have a clear head so it's all on you two now. I just can't take it anymore I have to get away from all of this." Getting annoyed.
"All of what?" Benji shouted.
"You and Joel you have no idea how much hurt and pain you both have caused me over the years and I'm so close to breaking down." I said getting upset.
"What ever we've done to you, you deserve." Benji spat hurtfully.
"I think you should leave." I said quietly. I was fuming at what he had just said. He just stood there.
"Leave or I'll call security." I said a little louder. He glared at me the left slamming the door on his way out.

The next morning I was sat with a cup of coffee relaxing in the lobby watching the people coming in and out of the hotel. I seen Paul and Joel walk out of the lift and go to the dining room for breakfast.
"Morning Carlee." Paul smiled.
"Morning Paul, Joel." I said smiling at Paul then looking at Joel. I decided seen as I'm going to be leaving soon I'd be nice to Benji and Joel even if they didn't want to be nice to me. Joel just looked more pissed off than ever and then his pissed of turned into what looked like pain and then he stormed off. Which was quiet unusual for Joel usually if I'm nice to him I get a little smile back nothing much but defiantly not a reaction like the one I just got. I shrugged it off. I'm not going to let Benji and Joel's behaviour get to me. Paul was still stood there he looked a little torn between me and Joel like he wanted, more like, needed to tell me something but then thought better of it, gave me an apologetic look then ran after Joel. This confused me, Billy walked round the corner seeing what had just happened. He came over and sat with me.
"Am I missing something?" I asked confused referring to Joel's unusual behaviour.
"Well yeah I'm not sure if Joel wants me to tell you but I've lost a lot of respect for what Joel or Benji want in the past couple of years so I'm going to tell you anyway." Billy said. I just looked at him still confused.
"You see... Erm, well thing is Joel's just found out his girlfriends cheating on him and has been doing for a long time. He walked in on them last night." Billy explained. I did feel sorry for Joel I knew how much it hurts to find out that your boyfriend, or girlfriend in Joel's case, is cheating on you, as Joel did to me. It hurt bad enough him telling me about it; I can't imagine how much it must hurt walking in on them like Joel did.
"Well you know what they say about pay back." I sighed feeling a little less sorry for Joel thinking about all the hurt and Pain he's caused me for years.
"She's a bitch." Billy said simply.
"Exactly. Now I'm sorry but I'm going to have to leave you. I have to go to a meeting but I'll see you later." I smiled then getting up and going to the meeting. The guys had the day off today. Molly had plans to hang out with them to 'bond' I had my doubts about that though, even I could only put up with her for a couple of hours at the most and I'm usually laid back.

Later that day we had plans for us all to have dinner together. That should be fun with the way me, Benji and Joel are with each other and Molly with her dizzy peppyness, she's too full on for me to deal with. I felt sorry for Paul and Billy tonight was going to be a disaster to say the least but I'm determined that it won't be ruined by me. What ever Benji and Joel throw at me I'll just handle for Paul and Billy's sake. When I arrived at the dinner table Billy, Paul and Joel where already there. Billy and Paul smiled and gave me a hug. Me and Joel just looked at each other emotionlessly.
"How was the meeting?" Billy asked me.
"Boring as usual but never mind because it's one of my last." I smiled. Billy, Paul and even Joel looked saddened at that statement. "Where's Molly and Benji?" I asked looking round the table.
"They went out before I'm not sure where or why, Benji said he'd be here though." Paul said.
"Oh so she managed to get one of you for 'bonding'" I laughed. "She was telling me all her plans for today to get to know and bond with you all."
"Well she can fuck that off because I don't want anything to do with her." Paul said.
"Paul you're going to have to something to do with her she's your new tour manager." I smiled.
"Don't remind me." Paul crossed his arms and pouted. Just then Benji and Molly walked in. To everyone's shock they looked... smitten. Benji had a huge grin on face his arm round her shoulders and she had her arm around his waist giggling like a little school girl. Paul was still pissed off and was ignoring them, Joel and Billy looked confused and a little annoyed and well I didn't know what to think. It was defiantly weird seeing Benji with someone. I mean yeah I've seen him with loads of random girls over the years but he's never been so... full on, as he is with Molly. This can't be right she's as annoying as hell, the type of person Benji can't stand and they've only known each other for a day. Wait a minute I'm feeling a little jealous, no way I'm not jealous of Benji and Molly, I don't like Benji like that...well not anymore...I don't think. Shit why does he do this to me.
"Looks like they 'bonded'." Billy muttered rolling his eyes. I looked at Joel and he looked really confused.
"Hey guys. Sorry we are late we got busy doing...things." Benji smirked deliberately looking at me; he wasn't going to get to me I reminded myself, before I could do anything I was interrupted by Paul.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?" Paul shouted. Then stormed off. Me and Billy looked a little shocked at Paul's outburst.
"What's up with him?" Benji said arrogantly. Billy shuck his head and went after Paul. Leaving me feeling very uncomfortable with Benji all over Molly, Molly giggling and twirling her hair and Joel...well I couldn't read him but one things for sure he was far from ok.
"You alright bro?" Benji smiled sitting down as Molly excused herself while she went to the bathroom.
"What is up with you?" Joel said.
"Nothing, why?"
"You where slagging her off just this morning you can't stand her none of us can and now you're all over her." Joel said getting pissed off. I just sat there watching the scene unfold, I wasn't quiet sure what to do.
"Well that was before I got to know her, besides since she's leaving [he pointed at me rudely but wouldn't look at me] we have to make her replacement feel welcome." Benji smirked.
"Your unbelievable you've gone to far this time Benj." Joel shuck his head. I didn't know quiet what he meant by this but Benji obviously did.
"You think this is a game?" Benji laughed.
"I know it's a game Benji. It's obvious that your doing all of this to get back at Carlee for leaving but it's too much you've stepped over the line." Joel said getting up and leaving too. I was officially shocked, did Joel Madden just stick up for me over Benji. This is getting way to weird. Benji looked really pissed off. I was still sat there in shock. Molly returned.
"Where did everybody go?" she said dumbly.
"They had some stuff to do." Benji smiled at her pulling her onto his lap. I rolled my eyes.
"Oh well I guess it's just us three." Molly giggled.
"No just you two." I said quiet bitchily then for some reason went after Joel. I found him outside on the hotel patio looking over the balcony. He had his back to me but as he heard someone walk up behind him he turned round. When he seen it was me he turned back. I sighed and stood next to him.
"Joel..." I said quietly breaking the silence about to ask him about what had just happened but he cut me off.
"Look what happened in there I meant every word of what I said but don't get the wrong idea it's not going to change how we are at all." He said bluntly. I nodded.
"That's all I needed to know." I said then walked back into the hotel to my room.
It wasn't the answer I'd have liked, I'd have hoped that maybe Joel had decided to stop being a childish ass like his brother and be at least civil with me but I'd be a fool if I'd believe that. Things will never change between us.

The next few days went by and they where hell. Benji and Molly continued their 'relationship' pissing everyone off. We could all see how fake it was we all knew what game Benji was playing, everyone that is apart from Molly. Paul and Billy where pissed off at Benji for his little game he was playing and Molly for just being her annoying plastic dumb self. Benji's game was defiantly aimed at me, flaunting Molly around in front of me; doing all the things he used to do with me when we where dating to Molly. It did piss me off and hurt me but no way would I let him know that. The past few days I was starting to get really worried about Joel, ever since he found his girlfriend cheating on him he's been gradually getting worse he always looks so depressed and exhausted. The Benji and Molly thing didn't help either. He refused to talk to anyone and he and Benji have been having a lot of fights lately too.

The guys had just came off stage, I had been in a meeting all day apparently there's been some complaints about Benji and Molly's 'public displays of affection' so I had to tell Molly that she and Benji couldn't be together any more unless they kept it on the down low. You'd think I'd be happy about this but no it just made me feel worse. Me, Billy and Paul where all sat in the dressing room in silence waiting for Benji and Molly to return so that we could go back to the hotel. Joel had gone back early looking really run down and stressed. Benji and Molly returned to the dressing room all over each other. I swear if I hear that giggle one more time I may just smash her teeth down her throat along with Benji's tongue.
"Molly can I have a word with you please?" I said.
"Yeah sure." She grinned at me but didn't move from Benji's arms.
"What ever you need to say you can say it in front of us all." Benji smirked. I looked at Molly and she nodded.
"There's been some complaints made... about you two."
"BULLSHIT." Benji spat. I ignored him I knew this would happen.
"I've been in a meeting with the company all morning and they have decided that you're not allowed to be so full on. If you wish to continue what ever it I that you call what you're doing..."
"A relationship." Benji said smugly.
"Whatever... if you wish to continue with this 'relationship' you have to keep it on the down low. No public displays of affection."
"You're making all of this up, trying to get another one over on me." Benji snarled.
"Benji if I was trying to get back at you or get one over on you you'd fucking know about it I wouldn't be playing your childish games that you like." I said getting sick of his accusations of me 'trying to get back at him'.
"You vindictive fucking bitch that's absolute bullshit there was not meeting and no complaints you're just trying to screw us over because you're jealous." Benji shouted at me.
"Jealous? Of what you two? Ha that's a good one." I said sarcastically. "Basically Molly you can't fuck the employees." I said to Molly.
"Why not you did, you fucked Joel and Me." Benji spat back bitchily knowing that would get to me. That did it I couldn't stand anymore I'm doing my job and I get this shit. I turn and left.

While I was in the meeting we also discussed me leaving I asked if there was any possible way that I could leave any earlier. The company had agreed that Molly knew all what she needed so I was free leave the Good Charlotte tour and join my new bands tour tomorrow. I was so glad to be getting away from all of this; the guys still didn't know that I was leaving so early though. I was dreading breaking it to Billy and Paul. They really didn't want me to leave at all.

When we got back to the hotel after I had gave Benji and Molly the news, I felt like shit I was so stressed the last few days have been the worst ever. I was sat on the cold stairs of the fire exit just before our floor thinking and smoking, I know bad habit, I had quit a while ago but I'm so stressed lately I couldn't resist. Just then my peace and quite was interrupted by...Joel. He came walking up the stairs he didn't acknowledge me.
"Hey Joel." I said quietly not expecting a reply. He just walked past me and up a few more steps up from me then stood there looking over the rail deep in thought.
"How you feeling?" I tried again. I could tell he heard me and that a part of him wanted to talk to me but something was stopping him. There was like a war going on in his head. I sat looking at him for a second waiting for a reply. When I didn't get one I just sighed and nodded. Typical.
"Ok then." I sighed quietly mainly to my self. If that's the way he wants it fine at least I've made the effort once again. I went back to my smoking and staring into space. Seconds later I was brought out of my thoughts by someone tapping me on the shoulder. When I looked up I saw Joel standing in front of me looking at me apologetically.
"Wanna go for a drink?" He said quietly and extending a hand for me. His sudden change in behaviour confusing me but I gladly took his hand allowing him to pull me up. I put my cigarette out and we walked down the stairs together. He put his arm around me shoulders and I held the hand that he had round my shoulder, it just felt so natural and comfortable to us. It was weird it was like all the shit that had happened between us didn't matter. We where both just glad of the comfort from each other with all the shit we've gone through individually over the past week.
"I thought you'd quit." He said quietly and motioning to the cigarette that I had just put out. He always hated me smoking.
"I did." I simply he seemed to understand. We walked in silence down to the bar. No one was around it must have been about three o'clock in the morning. We had a drink in the empty bar together. We just sat there in silence with each other but it was a comfortable silence. It was defiantly the most relaxed either of us had been all week and the most relaxed the two of us had been in years in each others company. Old feelings and emotions where coming back to me and I could tell that they where coming back to him. When we'd finished our drink we left the bar. The minute we stood up Joel came back to my side putting his arm around my shoulders again and I held his hand again both of us moving into the embrace. We walked round the hotel corridor for a bit. Both of us deep in thought.
"I miss us." Joel said quietly breaking he silence.
"I miss us too." I said with out even thinking. Joel looked surprised at that. He turned so that I was pinned between the wall and his body. He looked into my eyes I could see the love and care he still felt for me in his eyes. Something everyone had been telling me still existed and I never believed but now I do. He slowly leant forward to kiss me but I stopped him. He looked a little hurt and confused.
"I thought... you just said..." He stuttered.
"I know what I just said but I don't think either out us should go there again, well not just yet anyway." I said softly. He thought about this for a second and I could tell that what I had just said he took into consideration and agreed with but the lust and love was still in his eyes and I knew it was in my eyes too. There would have been nothing more I would have wanted than to have kissed him them and have everything go back to how we used to be but it wasn't that simple. We continued to look into each others eyes having a silent conversation between us. It was like he could finally see how sorry I was for all the shit that I have done and that he could see how much he and Benji have hurt me since then over the past few years. I could see all the hurt and regret in his eyes for the way he's acted and how much he did still love and care for me. There was no need for us to talk, to say how we feel and how sorry we where because it was all there in our intense stair. After what seemed like forever we finally broke apart and he realised me from the wall.
"I...I'll walk you to your room." Joel said looking down and starting to walk in the direction of my room. I smiled gratefully and walked after him. When I got to his side his hand brushed passed mine and I took hold of it. We walked in silence. When we got to my room I opened the door gave his hand a little squeeze then realised it. Our eyes met one last time I could tell he could see every bit of emotion I was feeling from my eyes. I walked into my room and he continued down the hall to his room. The past hour that me and Joel had been together I had completely forgot about everything it was like we made each other feel like we where the only two people in the world. I had forgot about all the shit that had happened this past week and some how we had secretly forgiven each other for all the shit that we'd put each other through in the past tonight. I had also forgot about the fact that I was leaving tomorrow late afternoon and had to break the news to the guys in the morning because they had a show that night. It was almost five in the morning I decide to try and get some sleep before morning.

The next morning I was up and nine o'clock for some reason feeling refreshed and ready to go and take on the world. I haven't felt like this in a long time. I guess today was the day that my life was going to change I was starting a new job and leaving the darkest few years of my life behind, on this tour to be exact. I was hyped and ready to go; I couldn't wait to tell the guys that I was leaving and get it over with. I was prepared for the shouting, the arguments and the tears but I didn't really care because I have come to the conclusion that it is too late for us to be able to get back to how we used to be before all of the shit between me, Benji and Joel so the only thing left to do was to move on. I had a shower and got dressed by then it was ten o'clock a suitable time to wake the guys up. All our rooms where on the same floor next to each other and we where the only ones on the floor. I walked down the hall banging on the doors of everyone's room. I went down the line Billy's next to mine then Paul, Joel, Benji and Molly.
"COME ON GUYS GET UP! BAND MEETING! NOW!" I called. Seconds later Billy and Paul stumbled out of their rooms looking confused and sleepy.
"What's going on where's the fire?" Paul said.
"There's no fire Paul. We need to have an urgent band meeting." I laughed at his expression.
"Carlee what's going on?" Billy asked unsure.
"You'll find out in the meeting." I said knocking on Joel's door one more time. He and Benji are always the last ones up. He stumbled out of his room as I moved down to Benji's door. Joel joined Billy and Paul asking them what's going on.
"BENJI GET YOUR ASS UP NOW I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE AND WE'RE ALL WAITING FOR YOU!" I shouted banging on the door. He always did this deliberately making me wait when ever I have to do wake up calls.
"BENJI! I' NOT PLAYING GET OUT HERE NOW!" I shouted getting annoyed banging the door harder. Still nothing.
"OK I'M GOVING UP FIVE SECONDS TO OPEN THE DOOR OR I'M GOING TO OPEN IT MYSELF!" I always had a spare key to each of the guy's rooms to use if I needed to but rarely did out of respect for them, not that Benji was showing me much respect at the moment.
"I wanna see Carlee go beat Benji's ass." Paul laughed.
"BENJI!...THREE..." Just then the door flew open and a very grumpy looking Benji opened the door. I smiled at him sarcastically then walked to Billy, Paul and Joel then lead them over to the spare room the hotel let us use for meetings and stuff. Benji followed slowly.
"Didn't you want Molly too?" Billy asked me sitting down in the room.
"If she can't make the wake up call then tough she misses what has to be said besides this is between me and you guys." I said. Benji walked in and slumped down looking pissed off at being woke up.
"Ok well now that we're all here I have some news for you all. I know at the beginning of the tour I told you that I would finish this tour then I would be leaving well things have changed..."
"You're not leaving!" Paul said hopefully.
"No Paul quiet the opposite I'm leaving earlier the company have found me band o mange so I will be leaving with them when their tour starts."
"So when are you leaving?" Billy asked not really wanting to know the answer.
"This afternoon." I said quietly not looking at them.
"This afternoon! No way you can't just drop this on us then leave a few hours later." Paul said upset.
"I'm sorry Paul I only found out myself yesterday."
"So it's for really your defiantly leaving?" Billy asked shocked.
"Yes I'm leaving all Good Charlotte tours for good at two o'clock. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go pack." I said Benji still looked shocked and pissed off, Paul looked pissed off and upset, Billy looked sad but understood why I was doing what I was doing and Joel looked really sad. I left the room leaving them all in a stunned silence. Billy walked out after me.
"Mind if I talk to you while you're packing?" He said.
"No not at all you can help." I smiled and he gave me a little smiled. We got to my room and he sat on my bed next to my case. He folded and placed things into my case while I passed then to him.
"So it's for real, your leaving and there's nothing any of us can say or do to stop you?"
"Nope I'm leaving end of story, come on Billy it's not like you'll never see me again we can meet up again I just wont be your tour manager any more."
"This is all because of Benji and Joel isn't it?"
"Mostly yeah."
"Well don't you think you guys can work though this?"
"No Billy we've tried, I've tried. It's not got any better if anything it's got worse. If we can't have made it work by now it never will."
"Are you sure you and Joel seemed close least night."
"What?" I said shocked no one was around last night.
"I seen you two in the hall you looked to be getting along better than ever."
"Billy that was nothing it should never have happened."
"No I disagree I think it's exactly what should have happened. It's not that things can't get better it's the three of you, you won't let things get better. I know it's easier to be pissed off at each other than to admit your true feelings but it doesn't work like that."
"Billy what your saying makes a lot of sense but I'm leaving end of story. It's for the best, it's best for your band that I'm not around because when ever I'm here there's too much tension and it's starting to affect your performances. Now you can't say that I'm not right."
"Ok yeah there is tension and maybe it is affecting us all but..."
"Billy no buts I don't want to spend my last few hours with you arguing about all the shit that's made me have to leave."
"Ok no more talk about it we'll just enjoy our last few hours together." He gave up. I smiled. We finished my packing in no time. I'm a really good bad packer. I just throw everything into my case and sort it out later I don't see the point in spending hours packing everything perfectly. Me, Billy, Paul and Joel went for lunch together. Benji didn't join us he and Molly decided to stay at the hotel together, I would have liked Benji to have been with us for my last day but I was probably best that he wasn't because we'd only have ended up arguing if he had have came anyway. During lunch Joel was very stand-off-ish he didn't talk or join in with our conversations or silly games that we play. Me, Billy and Paul had a good laugh together for old time's sake. I really would miss this part of being on tour with the GC boys but things like this that used be normal behaviour for us all has turned into rare behaviour for us and normal behaviour was more like arguing and being at each others throats al the time.

We got back to the hotel at 1:40 I had twenty minutes before the company car would be here to collect me. Joel had gone for a walk and Billy and Paul where waiting for me in the lobby. I went up to my room to freshen up a bit and get my bags. As I got to my room I seen someone sat in the corridor between mine and Billy's room. As I got closer I seen who it was...Benji. I looked at him confused when I got closer. He had his head down and didn't notice me there.
"Benji?" I said quietly but still causing him to jump. When he seen it was me his usual pissed of look that he always used on me returned.
"Come to rub it in have you?" He spat.
"Rub what in?" I said confused at why he was so mad and upset he should be happy he's getting rid of me.
"Don't act like to don't know about Molly."
"Don't know what about Molly?" I said still confused but getting pissed off at him being pissed of at me for thinking I'm about to do something that I don't even know about.
"She dumped me turns out I thought I was playing her to get back at you but instead she was playing me all along." Benji said upset. I had to try really hard to fight the urge to laugh. Molly wasn't as dumb as I thought she was playing Benji all this time, could have fooled me. Ha pay back really is a bitch, a sweet bitch I smiled at my thoughts. When I seen the hurt look Benji's face I suddenly felt a little guilty for thinking that but before I could say anything I guess Benji seen the amused look on my face.
"You just love seeing me hurt don't you?" He said obviously upset then storming off.
"Benji wait I..." I called after him intending to apologise.
"FUCK OFF!" he shouted back giving me the finger. This pissed me off too.
"Hey Benj." I called, he stopped. "Pay Back's a bitch." I smiled; he just glared at me then walked off. I went into my rooms got my bags then went down to the lobby. Paul and Joel where waiting there.
"Hey guys where's Billy?" I asked.
"He went after Benji he was really upset and pissed off about something." Paul explained.
"Oh that might have something to do with me." I confessed.
"Oh no what have you two done this time?" Paul rolled his eyes.
"No it wasn't completely my fault when I got up stairs he was sat outside my room so I went to see what was wrong with him he told me that, here's the best bit, Molly had dumped him he confessed that he was playing her to get back at me but turns out she was playing him all along." I laughed I couldn't help it luckily Paul was laughing too even Joel found the funny side of it. "Well I tried my best to be serious but he seen the amusement in my eyes and he got all pissed off at me. He stormed off then when I tried to apologise to me he told me to 'fuck off' so I told him pay backs a bitch." I said simply.
"I know all this must be really bad for Benj but its fucking funny." Paul laughed. Just then my car arrived so I walked outside Paul carrying my bags for me. Billy still wasn't back, I really didn't want to leave with out saying bye to him but the car driver was being really impatient. I said my goodbye's to Paul he was hugging me refusing to let me go.
"Paul you've got to let me go, I'll talk to you soon ok." I laughed. He was laughing too and eventually let go of me.
"Ok you look after yourself." Paul said and kissed me on my cheek. Just then Billy came rushing outside followed by Benji who looked royally pissed off.
"Carlee I thought I'd missed you, come here." Billy said giving me a hug.
"I wouldn't go with out say goodbye to you." I laughed.
"I'm going to miss you so much take care and keep in touch." Billy said realising me and giving me a kiss on the cheek too. I started walking towards the car because I really didn't expect that Benji or Joel would want to say goodbye to me. As I started walking someone came up behind me and grabbed my hand stopping me and pulling me round to face them. I turned round to be face to face with Joel who had tears running down his face. I looked at him in confusion and shock. What's up with him lately?
"Don't think I'm going to let you walk away with out saying goodbye to me." He forced a smiled through his tears. Looking at him he was so sad and he looked so hurt it was making me emotional.
"Joel..." I started not knowing quite what to say to him.
"I can't believe your leaving...because of me and all the shit me and Benji have put you through. I know it sounds really stupid but I really didn't mean to hurt you as much as I have and I really didn't know that I had hurt you so much up until last night. Last night when we where together some many emotions came flooding into me. I can't explain how sorry I am and I hope that you'll accept my apology because knowing how much pain I've caused you and put you through is killing me." Joel said quietly and my holding the side of my face with his hand both of us looking into each others we eyes by the time he had finished what he had just said I was in tears too.
"I'm sorry Joel." I took hold of his had. "It's too late." I whispered through my tears and kissed him on the lips. The kiss was just lips to lips but it was so emotion filled and meant so much to both of us. "I've got to go." I said he wiped my tears away smiling a little even though he was in so much pain inside, just like me. I looked at Benji he was watching me and Joel when he seen me looking over to him he gave me a dirty look them walked back into the hotel. I sighed and I walked to the car. I took one last look at the guys before getting in and leaving for good. I expected tears, shouting and lots of emotion but no where near as much as there was. I defiantly didn't expect all that from Joel. I think no I know I still love him and he still loves me but it's just so hard to talk about things but in one look we know and understand and forgive each other for everything. I didn't manage to make things up with Benji, if anything we made things worse. At least I made things up with one Madden twin, that defiantly counts for something; it's took us long enough, fucking five years of fighting, arguing and heartache and in one look everything's ok.

Joel's POV

That's it I can't believe it Carlee's finally gone. We've been through so much. I can't believe I made her leave. I pushed her away. I treated her so badly that she thought her only option was to leave. I feel so horrible. I can't believe what me and Benji where thinking the way we've acted towards here for the past five years. When we where together I truly did fall for her and love her and have done ever since. We had the worst relationship ever. It just wasn't good times in both our lives for us to be in any kind of relationship. She was going through hell with her family and I was going through a load of shit with the band. Our hearts just weren't in the relationship at all. No matter how much we loved and cared for each other we where just emotionally fucked. It was like we'd take all the shit the world had to offer to us then take our pain, hurt and anger out on each other. That night when I cheated on her I was at an all time low I couldn't believe I actually did it. I felt so bad I thought, hoped that if I confessed and came clean to her then she might find it in her somewhere to forgive me. When I told her it killed her I felt so bad seeing her break down in front of me because of me. In all the shit we where going through we thought we had each other but the minute I told her it was like she lost me too, like she was alone in it all. She left me, no surprise, but then a week later I found out that she was with Benji. That killed me, I couldn't believe it. I knew it would hurt to see her with someone else but when I found out she was with Benji my brother, my twin brother. I just wanted to die. Benji wasn't much better in it all, he should have known better he knew how much pain I was feeling and that I wanted her back but he still went ahead and dated her. He said that she didn't want me and that she would get with someone else eventually it just happened to be him. I snapped at that we had a huge fight and I wasn't talking to him. Every time I seen them together it broke my heart. Two months later they broke up well Benji told her to literally 'fuck off' because he wanted his brother back. I was happy that he finally seen how much he was hurting me and chose me over Carlee but when I seen her break down again after that I did feel for her but I was still mad at her for not taking me back after I apologised for cheating, then for doing the ultimate thing to hurt me by dating Benji and taking my brother, my best friend away from me in my time of need. When Benji apologised to me and blamed everything on Carlee, I knew deep down that it wasn't just Carlee's fault but it was easier for me and Benji to play the victim and to blame everything, all the heart ache and arguments on Carlee. So for years after that we made her life hell it was like world war three between the three of us. It never really struck me how much heartache, hurt and Pain me and Benji had caused her over the years until last night when we looked into each others eyes intensely. It's like we could read each others mind and know and understand all what we'd been through. It was like her pain became my pain and I wanted to take it all away from her. I managed to somewhat apologise to her before she left to my relief she understood and accepted it. Things are no where near ok between us but it's on the way to it. Well it would have been if she hadn't have left. Now I don't know if I will ever have the chance to make things up to her. I don't know quiet what is going on between her and Benji they seem really pissed off at each other. I don't know why he just doesn't swallow his pride and try to make things ok between him and her. I know he still loves her as a friend and that he still cares for her but its like something's stopping him, probably the same thing that's been stopping me for all this time but after last night I knew it had to be done.

Later that night I went to Benji's room.
"Hey." I said quietly walking over to him smiled at me in response I could tell something was on his mind.
"So Carlee's gone." I stated he nodded.
"You two didn't manage to make it up before she left?" I continued I will get something out of him.
"No." he said plainly.
"Would you have wanted too?" he didn't seem to want to answer me.
"That's what I came up here to do before she got her bags but I don't know something in me made me be mean to her again."
"Benj I know how you feel, it does seem like hating each other is easier than talking and sorting things out but seriously Benj we can't go on like this forever."
"Well it doesn't matter now because she's gone."
"It's not like where never going to see her again and we can call her."
"What makes you all high and mighty telling me how horrible I've been to her and telling me I should make up with her when you've been just as bad as me over the years and you barely made things ok two minutes before she left."
"Benj it's not like that we hung out for a little while last night it was so weird and intense we hardly spoke to each other but the silence explained it all. I looked into her eyes and I could see so much hurt, pain and heart ache. Hurt, pain and heartache that we have cause her. I couldn't stand it I had to make it right. What's stopping you form making up with her I know you feel the same as me so why can't you just swallow your pride and say sorry for once in your life." I said getting annoyed. He seemed to be fighting with his thoughts.
"It's not that simple Joel. It's different for me... I just can't..."
"Why can't you what's stopping you?"
"It's nothing just leave it Joel. Just accept that I and Carlee just can't get along..."
"No Benj there's something more to it so just fucking tell me."
"Ok fine I love her Joel, I love her more than a friend. I know your in love with her and she's in love with you and I can never love her as much as you love her and she deserves to be with you but if I make things right if we get close it will cause me too much pain being so close to her but not being able to have her completely. It's just easier for me to have her hating me." Benji said tears in his eyes. I never knew he felt this way about her. I mean yeah they dated but not for long. Only two months and he always said he didn't love her that way.
"Benji I..."
"No Joel you two are meant to be together I need to accept that."
"Oh Benj..." I felt sorry for him.
"No Joel don't feel sorry for me. I want you two to be together, your perfect for each other. When you two broke up I had to try it on with her. I had to know what it was like to be loved by her. I was so jealous of you but when I got her I didn't get the love that she had for you because that type of love is one of a kind. I see that now but at the time I was pissed off at her for not feeling for me how she felt for you."
"Benj I had no idea you felt that way and I know that Carlee doesn't know either, you should have said something in stead of bottling it all up. Please I'm begging you the next time you see her tell her all of this. Let her know how you truly feel, she deserves to know. let her decide who she truly loves, if either of us after the way we've treated her I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't want to see either of us ever again. But seriously Benj she needs to know and make her own decision, it's not up to us to decide it for her." he nodded and we hugged.
"You know the only reason I'm agreeing to all of this is we'll probably never see her again."
"I know we've been so horrible to her I feel so bad."
"Yeah me too." Benji said quietly.

The next week was hell on tour the only good point was that me, Benji, Billy and Paul where getting back to normal with no fighting. Molly is like tour manager from hell. She's constantly picking on Benji turns out she over heard him talking on the phone to his best friend Tony saying that he had found the dumbest slut to pretend to have a relationship with to piss Carlee off so Molly is trying to get her own back now that she had full power as tour manager doing thing like getting his rooms mixed up and other silly shit like that. As if playing him while he though he was playing her wasn't pay back enough. Paul had no patients with Molly what so ever and even Billy was getting pissed off at her too. I'm mainly in a little world of my own lately just thinking about the good times I've had with Carlee. Surprisingly between all the shit we'd actually had a load of good times together too, I missed her so much.

We where all depressed at Carlee leaving and pissed off and Molly. I used to love tour but if tour means being around Molly I beginning to really hate tour. One things for sure we all want Carlee back but she's probably off enjoying her new life on tour with her new band not giving us a second thought. LIFE SUCKS!

Carlee's POV

LIFE SUCKS! I've been with my new band on tour for a week and I hate it. The company failed to mention that the 'band' was a POP band. Four preppy dizzy airheads a lot like Molly. I thought being in the middle of world war three on the Good Charlotte tour was hell I was wrong THIS is HELL. I wanted nothing more than to be on the GC tour arguing with Benji right now.

Ok so I've just got off the phone with the company, apparently he guys and Molly haven't been getting on well, no surprise. There have been complaints made and seen as I hated my new band the company have decided to swap me and Molly back again so that I get my GC boys back she gets her pop band back. We decided to keep it a secret and surprise the GC boys so the plan was that Molly would set up a 'band meeting' but instead of her going it would be me.

The next morning I flew out to where the Good Charlotte tour was and made my way to the hotel where the 'meeting' was. When I got outside the meeting room ready to go in and surprise the guys I got nervous I thought what if they didn't want me back or hated me for leaving. I nearly bottled it but just before I did I took a deep breath then walked in. I couldn't help but laugh at the reaction I got when I walked in. all of them looked shocked, happy and confused.
"Hey guys." I smiled.
"I...I must be dreaming... pinch me Billy." Paul said not taking his eyes of me with his mouth wide open. Billy snapped back to reality first.
"Shut up Paul [he rolled his eyes at Paul then turned back to me looking confused] "What are you doing here?"
"I'm back." I smiled simply.
"W...what you mean back for good?" Paul said a smile growing on his face.
"Yeah I'm back as your tour manager that's if you want me back I understand if you prefer Molly." I joked.
"Fuck Molly we want you." Paul grinned giving me a hug.
"Glad to hear it." I smiled.
"Wait what about your new band and what's Molly going to be doing?" Billy asked.
"My new band sucked they failed to mention that they where a preppy air headed pop group, it was like being round four Molly's." I said making them laugh. "So Molly's going to be managing them and I get you guys back." I smiled. Before anyone could do or say anything else Benji came running over to me and gave me a huge hug. I was shocked and just stood there. Who's this and what have they done with the old Benji? This can't be the same guy I left a couple of weeks ago. When he released me I noticed Billy and Paul looked just as confused and shocked as me Joel looked a little confused and shocked but no where near as much as the rest of us. I just stood there looking at Benji.
"Can we have a talk please?" he said quietly.
"Erm yeah sure." I said. He took my hand and led me out of the room. When we stopped he turned to me, I was still just looking at him in confusion.
"Ok I think I need to explain a few things."
"I think you do." I smiled a little.
"Well you see when you and Joel where dating I was so jealous of him because I liked you. When you broke up I saw my chance. I saw how happy you and Joel where and how happy you made him and I wanted that for my self. So I tried it on with you. When things didn't work out how I'd planned I got pissed off and took my anger out on you. I wanted you to feel for me what you felt for Joel and I wanted to make you as happy as he made you. What I didn't realise back then was that what you and Joel had, have, is special, one of a kind. When I realised I couldn't get that with you and obviously me and you being together tore me and Joel apart I hated you for it but that thing I hated most was the fact that I couldn't hate you because I love you and you didn't return it. So basically I acted like an ass to you so that you'd hate me instead."
"Benj you should have told me all of this I do love you but it's more lust than anything. It would be wrong for me to lie to myself, to you and to Joel by saying I was in love with you. I would never be able to give you my whole heart. There's only one person who has and always will have my whole heart..."
"...And that's Joel." He finished understanding me. "I know and I accept that now. It hurts not being able to have you to myself but when I see you and Joel together I makes it all worth it. You two are made for each other." He smiled at me.
"Thank you Benj this means so much to me and don't worry there is a girl out there for you and you will have all that me and Joel have or should I say had."
"What do you mean had?" Joel said walking up behind me.
"W...well I thought... we..." I struggled to find the words. He grinned then silenced me by pressing his lips to mine.
"I love you Carlee." He said then kissed me with more love and passion than ever before and I kissed back, this is how it's meant to be. When we finally broke apart we noticed Benji had gone back into the room with Billy and Paul.
"Joel Madden I'm in love with you." I smiled he smiled back at me and kissed me again.
Sign up to rate and review this story