Categories > Games > Kingdom Hearts > Sora Must Die

Sora of War

by CaleelJamesWhite 0 reviews

Chapter 5

Category: Kingdom Hearts - Rating: R - Genres: Crossover,Drama,Humor - Characters: Kairi,Sora - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2017-12-22 - 4179 words

0Unrated
Chapter 5: Sora of War

Kairi is a girl. Therefore, she screams like one.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH—FUCK!"

Weird. The sky was blue a second ago. Now it's all like outer space and stuff. And for whatever reason, Kairi's body was plummeting towards a world with an enormous capital yellow "C" on the surface.

"AAAAAAAH! FUCKING SAVE ME, SORA!"

As Kairi got closer to the "C" world, far less outer space bullshit accompanied her surroundings. Her deep dive had taken her inside the mysterious world's atmosphere, now realizing that the "C" was indeed a massive, manmade metropolis.

"AAAH—well, actually this isn't all that bad," Kairi admitted in the breeze, spreading her limbs far and wide. Pulling out her phone, she tapped the Kupo+ icon and started recording a video of herself. "Hello world! My name's Kairi and I'm about to fall straight to my death, so all those yaoi fangirls who hate my guts can get the last laugh. Oh, except I'm the one who's laughing 'cuz this shit is tons—and I mean TONS—of fun."

Panning her camera phone to the "C" world's surface, Kairi added, "Also, if anyone wants to save me from becoming a cute mess on this world's surface, just follow the sound of my voice—AAAAAAAAH!"

Ending the video, Kairi took the opportunity to casually scroll through her account's feed. Stopping on Olette's Kupo+ upload (or Kupload), which was a selfie, Kairi gushed aloud, "Omigod, I want your eyes, Olette. Sexy bitch…"

It was when she hit Quasimodo's upload that she almost dropped her phone. Choking her device with both hands, she let out the mother of all gasps that left her breathless at such a dangerously high altitude.

Sora's hands.

Aqua's boobs.

The nakedness.

"I'm gonna kill you, Sora!" Kairi said these words without thinking. And yes, she sounded like a psychopath.

No way. She couldn't die here. She had to kill Sora first, and there was only one way to get through this. All along, she knew it would come to this. The "C" world now completely took over her field of view.

Quickly, she stripped off all of her clothing, starting with her pink dress, then the white lace beneath it, and finally, she unhooked her bra and yanked that sucker with all her might. With all three articles of clothing in her sweaty grasp, Kairi expertly tied the ends of her dress and white lace together, tightening the knots with her teeth. Finally, she used her bra as a makeshift hand grip, also fixing those ends to the previous articles of clothing.

After totally MacGyver'ing a makeshift hang glider, Kairi threw her knees to her boobs and prayed like heaven went deaf, "Please God, let me survive this and I swear to You I'll—I'll stop dry-humping my life-sized poster of Phoenix Wright! Effective immediately!"

A gust of wind caught Kairi's hang glider, remarkably slowing her descent to a speed less terrifying.

Laughing like a lunatic, Kairi shrieked, "IT WORKED! I can't believe it! Oh, and I totally meant I'd hump my Phoenix Wright poster less often, so…"

The "C" world was barely recognizable now. Approaching the inner edge of the giant letter-shaped metropolis, Kairi took note of a certain line of demarcation that separated the nicer part of town into a straight up wasteland. Every part of the world outside of the giant letter "C" might as well have been slums and flat, dry land, while the interior of the letter looked more like any other ordinary metro area, filled to the brim with skyscrapers, spaghetti-like highways, and oh so much noise. What separated these two distinct districts was an impressive wall of steel shaped like a "C" in its entirety. It was all so massive…

Kairi's barely-legal freefall-turned-extreme sport gave her very little control over her trajectory. Fruitlessly trying to steer away from a lone, single dumpster in the wasteland area, Kairi braced herself and accepted her fate.

KRASH!

Peeling herself out of the trash pile, Kairi hung her top half over the dumpster's edge, heaving out unsteady breaths.

"Hm, let's see…I just used my freshest outfit to hang glide into a dumpster. Anyone with a telescope probably caught my happy trail. I'm definitely in trouble with the Squeenix big-wigs. And…crap, I think I ripped my panties."

Removing her naked ass from the garbage receptacle, Kairi looked around to see a wasteland devoid of civilization, a stark contrast to the lively Galbana. Everything appeared to be dipped in gray paint. She could see old shacks in the distance, and the only thing resembling a building nearest her position was a brooding, smoking factory ten stories high.

Hanging her clothes over her shoulder in a businesslike manner, Kairi peered up at the massive factory not fifty yards away. Upon its visage, Kairi could make out a curious label in all black letters:

"CAPCOM N.P.C. PLANT"

Kairi sighed. "This is gonna be a long day."

-X-

Sora checked his radar. Thirty more minutes.

He spoke up, "Heh. Good thing I let Riku convince me to buy this thing." Picking up a familiar radiance once again, Sora affirmed to himself, "Yeah, looks like she's getting closer."

"I fancy you like talking by your lonesome, Spiky Boy…"

Still wielding his Keyblade, Sora fancied turning around to slowly face the source of the villainous voice. Just who he thought it was. With a stiff look, the Keyblader only grunted back, "Hmph."

"It's only natural to lose your muse in a place like this," said the rotten bag of bugs. "Or a guy like me might come along and steal what little hope you have left."

Sora smirked. "Oogie, Oogie, Oogie, can't you see? Not a single bug of yours can touch me. And I just love your nasty ways. Guess that's why I'm clean and you're in pain."

Just then a bolt of lightning struck Oogie Boogie, followed by Sora giving himself a round of applause.

"Oh, man! Even Donald would be proud of that one!" Sora mused. "Also, shout out to Yen Sid for coming up with that lyric before me."

Steaming like a potato, Oogie growled, "Grrrr—enough of your insolence! I'll make sure to chop you into little pieces before I eat your flesh!"

Jamming his Keyblade in the dirt, Sora threw his hands up defensively and initiated some sarcasm, "Whoa, take it easy! Judging by your gut, I could totally mess up your diet!"

Charging forward aggressively, Oogie lost all traces of cool, "Die, you little ruuuuunt!"

Oogie must have been training in Dissidia (or Dragon Ball Z?) because he left the ground while dashing forward fearlessly. Ripping his sword out the dead earth, Sora perfectly timed an upward slash that posed as an uppercut to Oogie's face.

Landing on his generous backside, Oogie cursed, "Bastard…"

Sora shrugged. "Don't you have a Ku Klux Klan meeting to attend? Just beat it, will ya?"

Calling out randomly, Oogie shouted, "Come on out, Jafar! This one's being stubborn!"

Mastering the weapon-over-the-shoulder pose, Sora put on his game face. "Heh. Don't you know I'm the jealous type?"

The ground shook. Sora could already feel steam.

Imitating his favorite active volcano, Jafar the oversized red genie erupted from the ground with a lovely amount of molten rock for dramatic flair. If Sora hadn't utilized his High Jump, he probably would've had a "hot coal" experience under his bare feet. But then again…

"Where?!" Genie Jafar hissed like a menace. "Where is the street rat who shall perish today in darkness?"

From somewhere above him, Jafar could hear the faintest sound a boy saying, "Hot…hot…hot!"

Oogie pointed one of his cone hands at Genie Jafar's topknot. "There! He's standing on your massive, numb skull!"

"Huh?!" Genie Jafar uttered like animated sucker, eyes peering upward.

Standing on top of the big red genie's head was good ole Sora. Well, more like bouncing around on his feet like a lunatic. Judging by the look on Sora's face, the skin off Genie Jafar's cranium must've been particularly hot to the touch.

"Geez, Jafar! Haven't you ever heard of sunscreen?" Sora ripped.

Growling, Jafar slapped a hand over his head to squash the boy, but said boy deftly jumped between his spindly red fingers and landed safely on the ground.

Dusting off his trousers, Sora threw in one more jest, "Thanks a lot. My feet are gonna be peeling for weeks!"

"Filthy street rat!" Jafar exploded. "You will not be so smug after I show you the fires of Hell!"

Sora crossed his arms as both Oogie and Jafar approached him, still being his "smug" self. Kingdom Key was getting awfully cozy in his hand. Time for a royal rumble…

Oogie broke at a full sprint, passing Jafar and belly flopping on the ground. Using his inertia, the bag of bags initiated a wicked slide across the dead earth, barreling straight for Sora, who sighed because he was already used to this tactic from lower-level Fat Bodies.

Once again using that just-timing, Sora gave a pretty hefty batter's swing that sent Oogie hurling in Jafar's direction. The enraged genie swatted the insect-sack out of the way, cursing, "Oogie, you damned fool! Stay out of my way!"

Lightly jogging for Jafar, Sora quipped, "I see you specialize in teamwork!"

Genie Jafar launched a fireball in response. Sora totally hopped over that shit like it was Kermit the Debt Collector and replied with an ice spell to the right eye. Jafar braced and melted through it like 'twas a hot twinkie, throwing a right hook with some ill intent. Thanks to Sora's training, he learned a new move called the Air Dash, meaning he dashed…in the air.

Too fast for Jafar's fisticuffs, Sora threw an upward kick straight to his furrowed brow, earning an opening to start a slick air combo on Jafar's scrunched up face. After five clean strikes, Sora allowed his momentum to carry him to the ground behind his big red target of an enemy.

Relaxing his stance, Sora taunted, "Street rats got moves."

It was death from above; from seemingly nowhere, Oogie Boogie returned to the fight via aerial drop over Sora's position. Reacting fast, Sora raised his Keyblade to catch the deadly attack, completely nullifying Oogie's movement.

Laughing like a predator, Oogie uttered, "Heheh…I'm gonna getcha!"

Meanwhile, Jafar decided it was macho time. Digging his claws into the earth, he lifted a sizable piece of rock, spotting Sora and Oogie and hurling it without a second's hesitation. "Take this!"

Practically shoving Oogie towards the rock, Sora took a wide back step and watched Oogie's body explode into millions of insects underneath the falling rock. The last thing Sora heard was a splat followed by muffled gurgling noises.

Neither Sora nor Jafar were fazed. Sora did the shoulder-Keyblade thing again and simply said, "Anyway, let's rock."

-X-

Kairi felt the wind blow a kiss on her butt. The hole in her panties was diagonal, revealing both cheeks reddened from her rough landing. Sighing, she loosed the rest of her hang glider and reassembled her outfit in broad daylight, though skies were extremely murky from where she stood.

Pulling out her phone, she reasoned with herself, "I guess I should call the devs, let 'em know I'm stranded on Capcom's world."

She had a second thought.

"No way. I can't do that. They'll put me on restriction for months…Yikes, but then again they've probably already seen my Kupost. Nice going, popular girl." Shaking her head, she changed her mind a final time, "You know what? Screw it. I saved my ass once. I can do it again."

She adjusted her bra and pressed on.

"I'm guessing I should start with asking around for directions. Maybe I could find a taxi that travels through space…? Wait a minute—duh! I'll just call B'uber!"

Checking her money pouch, Kairi fist-pumped at seeing sufficient funds. For a lousy day, things were finally looking up.

Tapping the B'uber icon on her smart phone, Kairi inserted the appropriate information and hit the "Go" button. Breathing a sigh of relief, she said, "Good. They're only forty-five minutes away."

Leaning back against the dumpster, Kairi stared up at the factory and told herself, "Just stand here like a good girl, don't bother anyone, and we'll be home safe and sound."

Like clockwork, Kairi heard the sound of people approaching from the other side of the dumpster. Going into shut-up-and-listen-mode, Kairi faintly heard the voices of two men arguing.

The first voice sounded strangely metallic. "You cannot blame Jean Grey for being interested in other men. It's a part of human nature—"

"Oh, screw that! She's messing with my emotions! I know it, she knows it—at this point, it's overkill." This voice was normal and notably prim.

"No, it's overblown. That's what it is. And you're the one over-blowing it. How do you feel being the one who blows things?"

Kairi remarked under her breath, "Wow, they speak so…proper."

"See? This is why I don't share things with you."

"Oh, don't get all sensitive! I'm just using humor to diffuse the tension. Now, remind me why I'm dragging this grotesque oaf around with you in the first place?"

"Are you asking for the sake of exposition, because you really don't know, or because you're a dick?"

"Yes."

"Hm. We're going to break him into that factory, let him loose, and watch the chaos. Because I'm a dick."

The other guy laughed. "Hahaha! And that's why we're still pals, eh Max?"

"Don't call me that in public. Only Jean can call me that."

"Whatever, Max-y Pad."

The voices were close enough to walk past Kairi. Staying as silent as her breathing allowed, Kairi watched two colorful men pass on her right side. One wore a green cape while the other wore mostly red with a purple cape. Both their heads were covered by a hood and helmet, respectively, making it hard to find distinct facial features from the angle she stood.

However what snatched her attention away was the seven-foot-tall creature in the floating bubble of energy trailing behind these two guys. Kairi was guessing they were holding it hostage judging by the way it continuously struggled to break free.

"Don't get involved, Kairi," she whisper-ordered to herself. "Just be invisible…"

"The hell is that girl doing over there?" Dr. Doom, the guy in the green cape said while turning around to observe Kairi.

Magneto, the guy in the purple cape, turned around too. "My, my, she looks extremely out of place."

"Do you think she needs help?" Doom asked earnestly in his metallic voice.

"Only if she's a mutant," Magneto replied.

"Oh what are you gonna do, quiz the girl?" Doom retorted.

"Precisely," Magneto stated. Getting the attention of Kairi, who truly believed God would grant her invisibility in that moment alone, Magneto called over to her, "You there! Hey you!"

"Oh, tits," Kairi muttered, sinking closer to the dumpster.

"Yes, we see you!" Doom affirmed to the squirming girl. "You can stop feigning invisibility!"

"What do you want?" Kairi asked, losing her wits.

Pointing an accusing finger, Magneto asked, "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

Eyes the size of dinner plates, Kairi could only respond with, "…The fuck?"

Magneto shuddered, "Ugh. It's human. Any mutant would've answered with raw power by now."

"Pity," Doom added.

Deeply offended, Kairi puffed out her toughest set of tits and yelled back, "Hey! Where do you get off insulting my genetics?!"

"You've wandered far from preschool, little girl," Magneto jested. "Why don't you run along before you catch detention?"

"Oh, yeah? Well, why don't you tell me what you're doing with that poor creature who clearly doesn't want to hang out with you two creep-ohs?"

Dr. Doom chimed, "At-tit-tude."

"Mind your tongue, human scum," Magneto commanded. "You're lucky we don't demonstrate our powers on your frail ass."

"Oh, yeah—you know what?" Kairi was getting into that vigilante type of mood again. Reaching for a random object in the dumpster, Kairi grabbed a bottle and chucked it at the brooding pair; the bottle made direct contact with Magneto's helmeted head, shattering on impact. She whooped, "Score!"

Magneto winced, first throwing a dirty look at Kairi and then at Dr. Doom, who giggled uncontrollably. The man with the green cape admitted, "Okay, now I'm starting to like her."

"Dolt," Magneto cursed, "why didn't you zap that bottle with your laser?"

"You could've done the exact same thing, you lazy piece of idiot," Doom retorted. "Next time just say 'please'."

Magneto growled, "That's it. I'm not buying smoothies later."

"Oh, come on—don't be like that! I was joking!" Doom recanted.

Magneto rolled his eyes. "Whatever, you ass—"

THUD.

The creature once bound by an energy bubble was now set free, standing on its own two feet at an impressive height of over seven feet. As for the state of the creature, Kairi could only assume it was one of Dr. Finkelstein's experiments. Because that thing's face was like an art project gone wrong.

Realizing the creature was no longer sustained within his energy bubble, Magneto swore, "Damn it all to hell, Victor! You've thrown off my concentration!"

"I think you rather enjoy blaming your issues on other people, Max," Victor observed. "Why are you so cagey? Why can't you accept the human side of your mutant personality?"

"I survived the holocaust. Please fuck yourself."

"Here we go again with that song and dance…"

Meanwhile, Kairi slowly approached the trio, going for the big silent lug…who held a massive rocket launcher. Ignoring its scary weapon, grotesque appearance, and smell, Kairi walked right past the arguing men and stepped in front of what strongly resembled the Boogieman.

Claiming to see the good in this creature, Kairi softly greeted it, "Hi, big fella! I bet you're glad to be free! My name's Kairi. What's yours?"

It stood tall in all black, lowering its one-eyed gaze and baring its lipless pearly whites at Kairi, who trembled like hell but stood her ground. With a hair-raising growl, the creature spoke one word:

"Stars…"

Recognizing something intelligible, Kairi smiled and said, "Stars? What a cool name, Stars!" Thinking of something harmless, Kairi pulled out her lucky charm and showed her new friend the star-shaped trinket. "See? I've got a star, just like your name!"

Then the guy totally got triggered. Snarling like he had rabies, the creature shouted, "STARS!"

Back with Doom and Magneto's argument, the metal-bending mutant finally relented, "I don't know, sometimes. One day, I'm plotting the triumph for all mutant-kind. The next, I'm simply vandalizing an N.P.C. factory."

Snapping his metal fingers, Doom recalled, "Oh, yes. Speaking of which, whatever happened to that plan?"

Suddenly, Kairi screamed, "OKAY, that's uncalled for!"

The creature, whose name is not "Stars" but rather "Nemesis," had hurled a dripping wet tentacle from its wrist in Kairi's direction, daring to make this story ten times more fucked up than it already is.

The appropriately disturbed princess leapt backward, barely avoiding the sickly appendage. Attempting to reason with the creature, Kairi coaxed, "Hey, Stars? That's kind of creeping me out, so can ya—OH GOD!"

Kairi dropped to her butt to avoid a horde of tentacles swiping for her neck. Meanwhile, Dr. Doom offered some clarity to her situation, "Actually, its name is Nemesis. And it rather hates 'stars.'Aaaand it wants to kill you now."

Cheerfully, Magneto added, "It seems to think you're a star, little girl!"

Nemesis approached Kairi in a slow, thunderous gait, causing the frightened princess to scurry backwards along the dirt. Her crab-walk was cut short due to a collision with Magneto's boot. Never taking her eyes off the rocket launcher-wielding monster, Kairi scrambled to her feet and stated, "But I am a Superstar!"

"STARS!" Nemesis bellowed, taking aim with the rocket launcher.

Dr. Doom shrugged and said, "Sucks for you, darling."

Darting past Magneto and Doom, Kairi tore off in the city's direction while her stalker pulled the trigger. Hearing the sound of rocket propulsion, a panicking Kairi let out a yelp before hitting the dirt. The explosive soared right over her body, flying all the way into the city's steel border where it exploded on impact.

"Why rockets…?" Kairi whined, unsure of what to do next. And then behold, a hole in the steel border revealed itself to Kairi. Hearing the footsteps get louder with each thunk, Kairi wasted no time sprinting over to the giant wall, climbing up to the opening, and leaping through the hole.

"Stars…" Nemesis repeated, starting a wonderful journey that involved terrorizing Kairi.

Magneto said, "Anyway, we can go halfsies on smoothies if you want."

Dr. Doom cheered, "Ah, I knew you wouldn't stay mad at me!"

"Hm, so it seems. But don't expect me to pay for M&M's this time."

"That's okay, I brought my own."

-X-

Jafar had started his Desperation Move, telekinetically chucking boulders at Sora five at a time. Deranged from a lack of success, Genie Jafar bellowed, "Why won't you DIE?!"

Running straight for the horde of rock projectiles, Sora jumped and quick-slashed everything in sight, returning to the ground with a running start to throw his Keyblade in a Strike Raid.

The spinning weapon nicked Jafar's cheek, drawing blood. Re-summoning his Kingdom Key, Sora jumped once more and dropped the hammer with a downward slash intended for Jafar's face. With barely any time to react, Jafar crossed his forearms to block the attack, staving off most of Sora's might.

Landing on the ground again, Sora utilized one of his best techniques yet: the taunt. "C'mon, Jafar. Are you even trying anymore?"

"With every boast you hasten your demise at my hands, boy!" Jafar retorted, panting heavily.

"If my demise is falling asleep, then point taken," Sora quipped.

"Grrr…AAAAAH! TAKE THIS!" Jafar started raining Genie-sized punches.

Pretending like he was playing a deadly game of Whack-a-Mole, Sora swung and deflected each eager fist, keeping up with Jafar's nonsensical fighting tactics. With a final mighty swing, Sora slashed Jafar's hand so hard he wound up literally shattering the giant foe's right arm; breaking away like glass, Jafar's entire limb disintegrated into red smoke, leaving him clutching a smoking stump in agony.

Appearing to be on the brink of tears, Jafar sputtered, "You…you…you're a devil! You carry a Keyblade, but you do the work of demons!"

Cue the Keyblade on the shoulder. "It's all relative."

The next thing Jafar knew, a beam of light pierced his skull, putting him down for good via explosion.

Sora checked his radar. "Ten minutes to go."

The air around Sora became colder. Then, a familiar and totally villainous voice said from behind Sora:

"Now, pardon my interruption, but I really gotta say that that was completely unfair of ole Big Red to call you a devil like that. I mean, where does he get off being the judge of somebody's humanity? That's actually my job, for Athens' sake!"

Sora sighed. "Somehow I knew I wouldn't be getting a breather." Turning around, Sora spotted the flame-headed deity standing an unusually safe distance away. He asked, "Will I be treated to a fight with you as well?"

Throwing up his spindly hands defensively, the God of the Underworld stated candidly, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm just here to give you your props, kiddo! Of course, I have been watching your plight through total darkness, and so far, I've found myself impressed and even a little frightened by all this violence, hence the reason I'm standing waaay over here."

"You? Frightened? Get real," Sora dismissed.

Dropping the act, Hades chuckled and said, "Okay, so obviously I'm polishing a few figs here, but I really mean it when I say I do NOT want to mess with you, Spike. At least not now, but hey I'm not one to make matters worse for people."

Waiting patiently for the catch, Sora paused and asked, "And…?"

"And nothing. I'll be out of your hair."

"Hmph. And what about the giant three-headed dog you're about to summon?"

"Nope. I'm only here to bother you with my single head. Wow…that came out wrong."

Sora didn't let his guard down.

"Anyway, I'll see ya around kid. Remember, I'm just a scream and a holler away."

Hades took his leave via godly teleportation.

Alone again, Sora rolled his eyes. "Just what I need. Some paranoia to keep me company."

-X-

A/N: Oh, man. I just can't wait to drop the fan art on my deviant page. Since I'm making it in a comic book style, I might just end up dropping twenty-two or so pages at once. As of right now, I've finished a comic page detailing Sora and Aqua's ordeal in the shower, as well as some of Sora's conversation with Xemnas. And believe me, I can't wait to start the illustrations for the next chapter, Kairi's Secret Place! Stay tuned!
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