FicWad

"Why is our school having a stupid dance this Friday?" Sora asked his friends as he looked at the flyer. Riku and Kairi shrugged.
"Because they want to demoralize us?" Riku suggested.
"Hey Kairi, will you go with me?" Sora asked.
"Why wouldn't I?" Kairi replied. "But, Riku, who would you go with?" Riku shrugged.
"I didn't plan on going," he said. Sora and Kairi's jaws dropped.
"But you have to!" Kairi said.
"Come on, you might have a good time," Sora said.
"But I don't have a date," Riku said. "So I will see you guys tomorrow. Bye." He walked towards the parking lot to his car. Sora and Kairi started plotting on how to get Riku a date. Kairi was suddenly struck with an idea.
"I know! Let's have our own private dating service! We can call all of our friends from Radiant Garden. The gateways aren't closed, so they could get here just fine!" she said. Sora smiled and nodded.
"Yeah! You know, I think that would work. We could also get a few girls from here, too. You know they're all dying to get a date with Riku. Kairi, this is your most brilliant idea yet," he said. Kairi smiled.
"Thanks. We'll tell everyone to come tomorrow."

The next day after school, Sora stopped Riku as he was about to go to his car.
"Wait, take this," he said, digging in his backpack for the note Kairi had said to give Riku. He finally found it and handed it to Riku. Riku opened it and read:
"Riku, come directly to my house after school. You're coming to the dance. Count on it."
Riku stared at the note, then looked suspiciously at Sora.
"If this is one of your hair-brained schemes, just like the time you and Kairi tried to get rid of my fear of heights by pushing me off the paopu fruit tree, I swear you will pay," he said, putting the note in his pocket. He walked away to his car, having a bad feeling about what was to come.


When he got to Kairi's house, Kairi grabbed his arm and pulled him inside. Then she started running a comb through his hair.
"My GOSH, Riku, what do you do after school?" she asked as she started attacking a knot.
"I play-OW!-basketball. Is that a sin?" he asked dryly.
"It is on your hair," she said. Riku quietly endured Kairi's fifteen minute hair combing. He let out a sigh when she was finished.
"I suppose you're going to cut it now?" he asked. Kairi shook her head.
"Of course not," she said. She walked to the bathroom and came back with a little glass bottle in her hand. She held it up to Riku's face and sprayed. Riku let out a yelp of pain as it got into his eyes. Kairi gasped.
"OMIGOSH!!!! I'msosorryweneedtogettothebathroom!!!!" she said in a panicked, high-pitched voice as she pushed him to the bathroom. Riku quickly turned on the water and threw it onto his eyes. When he dried his face off, he turned to Kairi.
"Kairi, you suck at putting on cologne," he said. The door opened and Sora came in. He noticed Riku's eyes still full of tears from the cologne and Kairi's scared expression.
"Geez, Kairi, what'd you say to him to make him cry?" he asked. Riku glared at him.
"You wanna know what she did?" he asked.
"Duh," Sora said. Riku walked back to the bathroom and got the cologne. He held it to Sora's face.
"She did this." He sprayed it into Sora's face.
"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! OH CRAP, THAT HURTS!!!" Sora screamed. He ran to the bathroom and started splashing water onto his eyes. Riku held at towel out for Sora. Sora dried his face and turned to Kairi.
"Kairi, men know how to put on cologne. Let me or Riku do it next time," he said. There was a knock at the door. Kairi let out a little squeal of delight.
"Riku, you go sit out there," she said. Riku obliged, having a terrible feeling about what was going to come. Kairi opened the door, and she and Sora tried to keep their jaws from dropping. Only three girls were standing in front of them: Selphie, a younger, nervous-looking girl with orange hair, scared green eyes, and freckles, and a tall, blonde girl in a pink dress looking none too happy. Kairi looked oddly at the girl in pink.
"I've never seen you before," she said. The girl bent down and whispered into Kairi's ear. Kairi's eyes widened. "I see," she said. "We'll send you last, don't worry." Sora looked at them curiously.
"What's wrong?" he asked. Kairi whispered into his ear, and Sora's eyes grew very wide. "Ah," he said. Kairi looked at the three girls, then pointed to the orange-haired girl.
"What's your name?" she asked.
"K-Kyoko," she said. "I-I came because my friends said that I would have a chance with R-Riku..." She nearly swooned, as if saying his name was sacred. Sora and Kairi looked at each other.
"Is Riku really a big deal in your grade?" he asked. Kyoko nodded.
"Y-yes. Almost all of us have our lockers decorated with whatever pictures we c-can get of h-him." Sora laughed.
"So Riku is close to being a god with the girls. How interesting," he mused, then grinned evilly. "Just think of all the blackmail..." Kairi whacked him.
"Be nice. I know you and Riku have been rivals for years, but he's our friend, and we need to be nice. Do you know all the times we could have blackmailed you?" she asked. Sora blushed and was quiet.
"Y-you'd blackmail S-Sora?" Kyoko asked. "H-he's nearly as popular as R-Riku..." Sora raised his eyebrows in surprise. "But n-not as much, because we know that y-you two are an item," she added. Sora and Kairi looked at each other and blushed.
"Oh my GOSH! You two should TOTALLY share a paopu fruit!!! It'd be SOOOO romantic!!!" Selphie gushed. Sora rolled his eyes.
"That's your answer to everything. What if I said I liked Riku?" he asked. Selphie shrieked in surprise.
"Oh my GOSH!! Really?! Oh, that's SOOO romantic!!! You can confess your love to him, and he can hold you in his arms and tell you that he's always loved you and you could--"
"It was an example, Selphie," Sora interrupted. "Just an example."
"Oh..." Selphie said, sounding a little disappointed.
"Why are you here, Selphie?" Kairi asked.
"Well, I thought that it'd be--"
" 'SOOOO romantic,' if he took you to the dance," Sora finished.
"How'd you know?" Selphie asked.
"I'm psychic," Sora said sarcastically.
"Oh my GOSH!! Really?! Will it work between us?" Selphie asked. Sora rubbed his head.
"That was called 'sarcasm', Selphie..."
"Oh..." Selphie said, sounding disappointed again. Sora sighed.
"Why don't you go in first, Selphie?" he asked

Riku was sitting at Kairi's kitchen table, where she told him to wait. Becoming bored, he had started playing with his uniform tie. Hearing the door open, though, he quickly fixed the tie. Selphie came in and sat across from him. Riku held back a groan.
"Hello, Selphie," he said.
"Hi, Riku! Listen, I really want to go to the dance with you because I think we could make a great pair and afterwards we could go down to the island and sit on the beach and share a paopu fruit and we could kiss romantically in the moonlight then stare into the stars overhead!!" she gushed. Riku stared.
"You've been planning this, haven't you, Selphie?"
"Yep! For the past three years! Of course I never really knew what guy would be there but I still thought it would be SOOOOOO romantic and, oh my GOSH, I would absolutely love it if I was lucky enough to have you as the one who I share a paopu fruit with then kiss then stare into the stars!!!!" Riku sighed.
"But what if I said I liked, say, Sora?" he asked.
"Oh my GOSH!! You do?! That's SOOOO romantic!!!! He was saying how he loved you out there and--" She was cut off by Sora poking his head in and scowling at Selphie. He noticed Riku's surprised and rather disturbed look.
"IT WAS A FREAKIN' EXAMPLE SO SHE'D FREAKIN' SHUT UP!!!!!" Sora shouted, and went back out the door.
"Selphie, mine was an example, too. Me and Sora are straight," Riku said.
"Oh," Selphie said.
"I think you should go with Tidus," Riku said.
"Oh my GOSH!! I think you're right! I'm sure he'd want to do all the stuff I just said. Oh my GOSH!! That'd be SOOOO romantic!!! Thanks, Riku!" And with that Selphie bounced out the door.
"Poor Tidus..." Riku muttered.

The next girl to walk in was Kyoko. Riku smiled at her.
"Hi," he said. Kyoko's trembling got worse.
"H-h-hello, s-s-s-s-s-senpai...." she stuttered. Riku couldn't help but feel a bit of pity for this girl. She seemed scared out of her wits. He got up and pulled out the chair for her.
"Sit down," he said, still smiling. She sat down.
"Th-th-thank you, s-s-s-s-s-senpai..." she said, sitting down.
"You can call me Riku, you know," he said, pushing her seat in.
"Thank you, R-R-R-R-R-Rik-k-k-k-k-ku." She suddenly had a spasm and passed out. Riku touched her shoulder.
"Umm...are you okay? Umm...hello?" He checked to hear her breathing and feel her pulse, then picked her up and walked to the door.
"Could you guys open the door?" he asked.
"Open it yourself," Sora said from the other side.
"My hands are full."
"Put the stuff down and open the door."
"It's not stuff I'm carrying. It's the girl you sent in." Sora opened the door. His eyes widened.
"What'd you do to Kyoko?" he asked.
"Nothing. She had a spasm and passed out." Kairi came over.
"Oh no. I don't think we should've sent her in. She passed out from talking to you," she said. Riku stared.
"What did you say she passed out from?"
"You talking to her. Oh, she was so nervous. I'm sure if she was conscious she'd have a heart attack from you holding her." Kairi bit her lip. "Sora, could you and Riku take her home?" Sora nodded.
"Sure. Come on, lady-killer," he said to Riku.

When everything had been set straight with Kyoko's parents and Riku had left a note to her, Kairi sent him back to the kitchen so he could meet the last girl. She came in, and Riku thought she was actually rather pretty. Her slightly curled blonde hair framed her fair face, her blue eyes looked even larger by the mascara and eye shadow. A touch of blush and lipstick made her look very nice. But all the make-up in the world couldn't lighten the dark expression on her face. Riku opened his mouth but was stopped by the girl.
"You say one word, and you will hate the day you were born."
A threat like this seemed rather familiar, as did the girl's surprisingly deep voice. Riku leaned forward curiously. The girl had dropped her head onto her crossed arms on the table. Riku pulled on her hair and saw that it came off with ease. Underneath the wig was spiky blond hair. This was unbelieveable.
"Cloud? Cloud Strife?" he asked. Cloud nodded his head, not bringing it up off his arms. Riku was speechless. If someone like Sora had done it, he would have laughed his head off and taken as many pictures as possible. But with Cloud... Man, this was just /wrong/.
"Why?" was all Riku asked.
"Because of friggin' Aerith and Yuffie. They said, 'But Cloud, you looked so pretty last time. And you even fooled Reno.'"
"Wait," Riku said. "You've done this before/? Cloud, cross-dressing is /not a good habit to develop."
"When you get older, you'll learn that there are some people you can't say friggin' no to..."
"Dude, you're like, what, twenty-five, twenty-six? That's only nine to ten years older than me, not that long!" Riku sat down and held his head. Looking at the ground, he noticed the tiny high heels on Cloud's feet.
"Dude, you have really tiny feet," he said.
"I FRIGGIN' KNOW THAT!! AND SO DO FRIGGIN' AERITH AND YUFFIE!!!! But do Cid or Leon help? No. They laugh while I'm being FRIGGIN' TORTURED!!!" Riku went and got a paper towel, then soaked it and handed it to Cloud.
"Take the make-up off. It'll make you feel better," he said. Cloud thoroughly washed his face with the towel. Riku noticed Cloud's nails.
"They painted your nails?! Pink?! Dude, you seriously gotta learn how to say no."

"So, how was the dance?" Riku asked at the island on Saturday.
"A freakin' waste of time," Sora said. "I wore a suit for nothing."
"Nobody danced, so we didn't either," Kairi said. "Everyone just sort of awkwardly sat around the gym."
"Gee, that sounds like a lot of fun. I'm really sorry I didn't go," Riku said, feigning disappointment.
"Shut it," Sora said angrily.
"You know, if Cloud was a girl, he would look really nice," Kairi mused.
"But cross-dressing isn't a good habit," Riku pointed out.
"True..."
"But..." Riku said, an evil grin spreading across his face. "If Sora ever got in a dress, then I might have to take a few pictures..."
"WHAT?! You look more like a girl than I do!" Sora shouted.
"Excuse me? Then why do almost all the girls I meet try to rip off my shirt?" Riku shouted back.
"Stop rubbing it in!"
"You brought up the subject!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
Kairi sighed as she watched them fight. There's no hope for either of them, she thought.